Deep Listening - Impact beyond words - Oscar Trimboli

Allan Parker is a Behavioural Scientist and the Managing Director of Peak Performance Development Pty Ltd, a Sydney based consultancy company. His areas of expertise include negotiation, organisational change, and dispute Management. His clients have included Microsoft, AMP, BNP Paribas, Macquarie Bank, NSW Bar Association, the OECD and United Nations. He is the co-author of the best-selling book 'Switch on Your Brain' and author of 'The Negotiator's Toolkit', among others. Allan Parker shares his insights on listening from his unique perspective of behavioural science. He speaks not only about listening with your ears but with your brain, with your gut, your breathing, nervous system and more. When you are listening, Allan suggests ‘hitting the pause button’ on the conversation, and taking the time to check with the speaker that what you have heard is correct. It is easy to misinterpret what someone is saying, perhaps due to context or words with multiple meanings. Do you need to ask the speaker to repeat what they have said? Listening for meaning, and not just to the words is so important. The consequences of not listening are serious, says Allan, and our own chatter inside our brain needs to be quietened in order to listen correctly. He explains how focusing on our peripheral vision can turn down the volume of this internal chatter. How can we show a speaker that we’re listening? Nodding is a confirmation that we’re tuned in. Facial expressions such as eyebrow raises, and eye movement shows that we’re truly thinking about what we’re hearing. Undisturbed features, on the other hand, may indicate that we’re not actually taking much onboard, engaging in ‘pretend listening’. Tune in to Learn The different ways we process information while listening - are you an audial or visual thinker? How we bring our own bias to the conversation by 'feeling' too early Why to wait for one full breath before you ask a question Why the fewer words the better, to eliminate bias How to be present, in 'this three seconds' Listen For Free

The Honourable Michael Kirby is an international jurist, educator and former judge on the High Court of Australia. He has undertaken many international activities for the United Nations, the OECD and the Global Fund Against AIDS, Tuberculosis and Malaria. His recent international activities have included chairing the UN Commission of Inquiry on DPRK (North Korea). He is an Honorary Professor at 12 Australian and overseas universities and has been awarded prizes such as the Australian Human Rights Medal. Very few people have formal training in listening, despite its importance. Michael Kirby is no exception, speaking with Oscar for the podcast is the very first time he has ever discussed the role of listening in his work as a judge on the High Court of Australia. Michael Kirby begins by speaking about the value of his early family conversations and the gifts of communication that. he gained at that young age. His mother specifically modeled good listening skills. His father read to him often, he remembers specifically Grimm’s Fairy Tales, with moral lessons such as not being greedy or too big for your boots. Michael Kirby inherited his father’s storytelling voice from eagerly listening to him. Success in student politics at university was due in part to Michael Kirby’s ability to listen to others’ concerns and desires and to act on them. He gained their respect and support by listening intently in order to respond. He posits that perhaps politics is left wanting because people are not listening. Michael Kirby devised a form of note taking in tree diagrams, with the major and minor points displayed hierarchically. In this way, the whole picture can be gleaned from a glance, and the context isn’t overlooked. He makes clear that context is crucial for meaning. A day in the courts for a judge requires sustained attention to detail. Concentration is key for the whole day, listening and processing the case. Tune in to Learn Why to start your day early, before distractions begin Why being 'present' isn't enough to listen well How to focus the mind to listen for long periods of time How to make decisions after listening About Michael Kirby's work with the United Nations and North Korean refugees Listen For Free

Lise Barry is an expert meditator and helps to resolve complex and frustrating disputes in society and in the workplace. You will learn how to create a listening process that is neutral and productive for all those involved in a dispute where they feel no one is listening to them. Lise is a Senior Lecturer and Director of Learning and Teaching at Macquarie Law School and came to the law from a background working in mediation and Youth Justice Conferencing. As a nationally accredited mediator working with the NSW Attorney General’s Department, Lise mediates disputes ranging from neighborhood and family law disputes through to commercial and workplace disputes. Lise is also a member of the NSW Guardian Ad Litem panel, representing people who lack the capacity to instruct a solicitor or to represent themselves in NSW Courts and Tribunals. Lise currently teaches courses in Legal Ethics and Alternative Dispute Resolution. As a foundational co-convenor of the Australian Research Network on Law and Ageing (ARNLA),Lise collaborates with colleagues around Australia contributing to research on legal issues of concern to older Australians. Lise is also a member of EMAN – ‘Elder Mediation Australasian Network’. Lise stresses the importance of creating a neutral, listening environment for every mediation session for conflict resolution. Lise is not the judge and does not make decisions for the two parties, but moderates the conflict. She allows for them to break down their rehearsed stories and built up anger and work something out between themselves. Lise is process focussed, not outcome focussed. A lawyer’s client may have already decided what resolution they want and it may mean they go to court unnecessarily. Lise explains how a lawyer needs to listen to the client, to get to know the problem first, before just coming up with a solution. Tune in to Learn Why you may need to feel listened to, before you can listen to someone else How to uncover the underlying issue, not just deal with the present conflict The importance of preparation to listen for long periods of time How to prepare a space that is conducive to listening How listening can bring release from entrenched conflict Listen For Free

Frank Schneider is the CEO of artificial intelligence listening company, Speakeasy AI, whose mission and technology is based upon the premise of listening to understand, not merely respond. He was born and raised in Philadelphia, a city where listening is equal parts human empathy and survival, Frank spent the bulk of his 22 professional years in roles where active listening is of paramount importance. Frank has taught elementary, middle and high school and worked with adult 'English as a second language' students fleeing war-torn countries, and teens who were court adjudicated. He has coached basketball players and sales reps, counselled convicted felons, teachers and corporate teams in conflict resolution and peer mediation. Frank explains the history of listening software, in typed conversations between humans and chatbots. Now we’re speaking vocally to artificial intelligence, famously to assistants like Alexa and Google Home. However, your voice is still transcribed word for word and sent into very similar algorithms to those that powered chatbots. This is listening to transcribe, not listening for meaning or understanding. Advanced listening AI, that Frank works with, attempts to understand what we're saying from the moment we say hello. Real listening examines the type of language that's being used and also incorporates context. In this way, it should be accurate, helpful and effective at large scale. Frank also talks about why listening is pivotal to being a basketball coach. No matter how you coach, you’re not playing the game, so you need to listen to your team to get on-the-field knowledge about what’s happening. The players have something to say, so in order to give the best advice, guidance and direction, you need to have their input onboard. Tune in to Learn How software listens differently to humans, but what we can learn ourselves Why listening is important for serving others Why groups can solve their own problems when they are in a listening environment How comedic impressions can provide valuable insight The power of software to listen to thousands of conversations simultaneously Listen For Free

Graham Bodie is a listening educator and consultant. He teaches on the topic of listening at university, conducts research and writes publications. Graham is also a coach and consultant in listening to the business world. He co-authored ‘The Sourcebook of Listening Research’. Graham’s credits his father for some of his listening skills. In conversations, he might not say a lot, but in his silent listening drank everything in and then said something insightful. He points out that we interrupt more than we think we do. It’s understandable, as we want to get what we have to say heard. It means, however, that we end up listening to respond rather than to understand. We should be aiming to listen 80% of the time whilst speaking only 20%. We need to practice not interrupting, as well as practicing listening. Allay the fear in your mind that someone is going to speak all day and waste your time - they won’t! Tune in to Learn The six questions you need to ask and answer before you interrupt someone How you think about your listening is like you think about your driving Listening for 'relational meaning' and the intent of the speaker Admit and acknowledge how you feel and move on to what you should be doing Behavioural and verbal cues to help a speaker feel listened to Why we need to change our attitude toward silence The value of asking prompting question such as 'What else?' Links and Resources: Graham Bodie's website Graham Twitter Graham LinkedIn Book: The Sourcebook of Listening Research   Quotes: "Listen 80% of the time, speak only 20% - Graham "A speaker won't speak for very long unless a listener indicates interest, attention and permission to continue. - Graham"   Listen For Free

Improv is about listening and responding. It’s paying attention to what’s going on around you and responding to it. Improv focuses on affirmation and elevation. Jen Brown is a world-class improv performer and teacher. Being in theatre and improv, Jen was trained to listen. Being a good actor is being a good listener. She teaches improv to professionals to improve their listening, communication, connection, and creative skills. Jen shares what she thinks are the four points needed to be present to move forward with everyday listening: Who you are Where you are How you feel What you want If something is not moving forward in improv, or life, then you are probably missing one of these four things. Listening is a skill we underestimate. Choose to be present and listen actively, don’t be thinking about your next move. Tune in to Learn Jen’s role models and how they were able to zone in on conversations Jen’s stories about her first improv audition and teaching session Tips and techniques to clear your mind and be present with what’s in front of you Admit and acknowledge how you feel and move on to what you should be doing Stories about trying something different and how there’s no success or failure Listening for progress and gifts Listening for the “want” has a big impact, but paying attention to feelings and emotions is just as vital Every way we positively and negatively interact is tapped into listening Links and Resources: Jen's TedXTalk Jen on Twitter Jen on LinkedIn The Engaging Educator Book: Improv(e): Using Improv to Find Your Voice, Style, and Self Oscar Trimboli’s books   Quotes: I want to strive to be so intentional and connective when I am listening and attending to people. - Jen Hearing happens. Listening is a choice. - Jen Want to create a big impact? Subscribe to the Deep Listening podcast and never miss an episode. If you have any suggestions, questions or recommendations for people to interview for podcast please email podcast@oscartrimboli.com. Listen For Free

Leaders’ operating rhythms or schedules rarely make time to just sit and listen to their employees. By listening, it aligns leaders with employees to increase the bottom line. It makes all the difference in the world. A team listening environment correlates with financial performance and employee satisfaction, productivity, and retention. Michelle K. Johnston, a university professor in the United States, is an expert in leadership communication. She makes the connection between leaders listening and the positive impact on financial performance. She describes the importance of pausing and silence to understand what you are thinking, and the continuous effort to learn from and listen to your staff. People want to know they are being heard and that their thoughts become part of the leadership team’s action plan.Michelle explains the role of engagement surveys and the differences between qualitative and quantitative feedback. Tune in to Learn Educational role models who influenced and taught Michelle how to listen How your teammates make you feel matters Become comfortable with silence and pauses; be patient and reassuring Team Listening Environment (TLE) Scale and financial performance Employees who felt listened to, valued, and understood had higher financial performance Tell Me/Listening Tour: Learn what’s keeping employees from high performance, making money, etc. Listen to employees and make meaningful connections, have someone else take notes and collect data Employees feeling heard in the moment and subsequently Go back to the beginning to be self-aware and know how to listen and tell stories Provide opportunities and exercises to find and create meaningful connections Elephant in the Room: What’s not being said; create a safe environment and make a difference Quantitative Feedback: Been there, done that. Nothing changes. Qualitative feedback should be utilized and makes a difference. Links and Resources: Michelle Johnston Larry Barker Quotes: What I have found, it’s the qualitative feedback that makes all the difference in the world. - Michelle It’s ok to pause and to be comfortable with silence and collecting your thoughts. -  Michelle Want to create a big impact? Subscribe to the Deep Listening podcast and never miss an episode. If you have any suggestions, questions or recommendations for people to interview for podcast please email podcast@oscartrimboli.com. Listen For Free

Listening is a like a muscle that needs to get flexed. Otherwise, it loses power and is no longer a habit. Slow down, and take the time to listen. Listen to people, and let them be who they are. Listen as a form of respect, and ask questions to know someone’s motivations and who they are.Learning to listen changed how Kathy LeMay handles fundraising to fulfill missions that create social change. Rather than pitching and asking for money, she embraces radical listening. For over 25 years, Kathy has been an internationally-recognized public speaker, philanthropic advisor, global social change fundraiser and published author whose purpose-driven life centers on lifting up the voices, stories, leadership and influence of the world's unseen social change warriors and freedom fighters. Listening and not speaking has helped Kathy to raise about $175 million for causes she represents. Tune in to Learn Kathy’s stepfather’s role as a listener and how he helped others by showing up Kathy went to rape genocide camps in Bosnia to listen and do social change Money raised is the outcome of passion Everyone has a story different than what they appear to be Learn to listen to people’s stories and respect where they are coming from Success is seeking to understand When was the last time someone really listened to you? Establish trust and have someone’s best interests at heart Listening can be awkward and uncomfortable; interrupting is enthusiasm The more successful you are, the more you should be talking - not true Less anxiety makes you a better listener; have less stress in business leadership Put others first and create something that serves their needs Redefining what success looks like Don’t make assumptions: Kathy’s first visit to the Four Seasons for fundraising Getting glimpses of lives in worlds that you don’t understand Listen for what is unsaid and grief What you do makes a difference and changes lives Talking about vulnerabilities is not a liability, but shows you care There’s a reason why people support something and why it is meaningful to them Links and Resources: Kathy LeMay Chris Grumm Quotes: “Listening is a muscle the needs to get flexed.”-  Kathy “Less anxiety makes you a better listener.” - Kathy   Want to create a big impact? Subscribe to the Deep Listening podcast and never miss an episode.   If you have any suggestions, questions or recommendations for people to interview for podcast please email podcast@oscartrimboli.com. Listen For Free

Did you vote in the last presidential election? Did your candidate of choice win or lose? Were you surprised? Rather than listening to people, the media listened to the polls. The cost of not listening can make you become very disconnected from things that affect you and others on a daily basis. Not listening has an impact on lives because people feel unheard. Today’s guest is Hillary Frey, director of editorial strategy at HuffPost. She is challenging you to talk to someone and ask them a question, then actually take a moment and listen to their answer. It’s easy to make a gesture toward listening and caring. So, slow down and get past checking the box by asking a question, just to be considerate. It takes effort and practice, but becomes easier. Hear what is being said. Listening offers inspiration and bonding. Tune in to Learn Huffington Post did a Listen to America tour to interview people about the last presidential election and to teach young journalists how to listen deeply and without judgement to stories. Hillary shares her journey to becoming a news editor. She enjoys listening to her reporters report stories. The best reporters ask the fewest questions, but they ask the right questions. Hillary’s passion is listening because everybody has a story. You can find yourself moved and engaged by a story you didn’t know existed. On the tour, HuffPost did not go in with an idea about what to ask, but made interviews as open-ended as possible to get people to share their stories. The bus tour was an opportunity that would help HuffPost talk directly to people and approach journalism differently than it had been done in the past. People wanted to talk about serious topics and issues that are deeply personal to them, such as education and health care. People were eager to share their stories and opinions. They had something to say. The tour was open to the public, but HuffPost also wanted to meet with specific communities, including the deaf and poor. HuffPost workers approached interviews in their own way. Some would ask, “What’s on your mind today?” Or, “Why are you here?” Interviews were brief to be able to talk to as many people as possible. About 1,500 recorded interviews were conducted. Consistent patterns from the interviews were people’s gratitude for being heard. Where you go is critical to listen to specific people and communities. Experiencing empathy and understanding makes for better journalists and reporters, and being a better person. As a result of the tour, HuffPost gave young journalists with little experience in the field to do reporting and look for great stories. HuffPost wants to make sure to continue interviewing and getting stories from various communities to cover the country better and differently. There are stories happening across the country that are of national importance but are missed because of the way media works. Our interactions with each other, especially at work, are usually superficial and a formality. Pull the threads of the conversation for it to be meaningful. Create a daily life where your force yourself to listen to people. It changes from being work to being a privilege. Links and Resources: Hillary Frey Huffington Post Quotes: “It’s so easy to make the gesture towards listening and caring.” Hillary Frey “The best reporters ask the fewest questions, but they ask the right questions.” Hillary Frey “You can find yourself just so moved and engaged by a story you didn’t even know existed.” Hillary Frey Want to create a big impact? Subscribe to the Deep Listening podcast and never miss an episode.   If you have any suggestions, questions or recommendations for people to interview for podcast please email podcast@oscartrimboli.com. Listen For Free

When you are told that “you have cancer,” your mind just goes blank. Vanessa Oshima had this experience when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. Vanessa’s doctor started to systematically go through what she needed to communicate. She had moved on to fixing things, but Vanessa was still stuck on the word “cancer” and not believing it, so she stopped listening. Vanessa, president and founder of Heart Data, describes what it was like to be diagnosed with cancer and what that meant for her as a patient. Having cancer is a physical, emotional, and social journey that affects not only the patient, but  their family, friends, colleagues - a whole community.Also, from living in Japan, Vanessa explains how the Japanese listen differently than Westerners. She found that Westerners are too quick to rush and not listen to what is said and what is not said. The Japanese culture focuses on judgement and filters that impede great listening.Market research lets companies listen to customers every day. But do they choose to listen? Tune in to Learn Vanessa describes the aspects of her physical, emotional, and social journey. Not being able to do what she used to do. She was holding on too tight to pre-cancer life and not understanding that life would be different now. While Vanessa was stunned at the news of having cancer, luckily her husband was with her and was able to take notes on what her doctor was saying about it. Vanessa learned that when delivering tough news, rather than being very dry, it should be done in a very thoughtful and empathetic way. When you need to communicate something but don’t stop to make sure the listener (person or audience) is hearing you, then that becomes ineffective communication. You’re talking, but they are not listening. To do things differently and prepare a listener for tough news is first asking them about their mindset. Find out what’s important to the listener. Give them time to grasp what is happening and how they want to proceed. Gauge what is said but also what is not said to help someone deal with difficult news. In market research, it’s important to acknowledge patterns and people’s comments to let the listener know that they have been heard. React to a reaction. Communication is not just words. But how often are we actually watching and listening? Not enough. The Japanese culture is very zen and considerate. With the Japanese, you need to listen to what is unsaid and pick up information through actions, such as when they take in a breath of air. They are aware of their surroundings and details, which allows them to listen. Westerners who travel to Japan should not take everything at face value. In Japan, there is much more context and meaning. Take time to learn and listen to the cultural context. Avoid judging others. Vanessa had her own definition of equality and thought Japanese women were not being treated equally and that was discrimination. However, after conducting research, she discovered that was not true. The Japanese define equality differently. You can fail to listen because you have biases. Companies often invest a lot of money into listening consumers. But how well do they listen? Companies track what they want to know about, but not necessarily what the consumer wants to tell them. Also, too much data is tracked, so not all of it is used. The market research industry is evolving to understand what companies need to listen for. Consumers are making information available to companies every day - if they choose to listen to it. Listen to every complaint to figure out what you need to do - that is market research. Everybody should be a researcher and use data. There are techniques to listen for the right things and find the signal, not the noise. Market research is listening to your consumers, creating data around your consumers, and understanding your consumers. There is so much data available. We need to understand how to use and listen to it. While at Coca-Cola, Vanessa taught people how to listen and ask questions to make sure they were good listeners. She used the stream of consciousness technique - just letting a person talk. They remember things that were important, and you ask them about what they said.   Don’t ask “Why” because it makes people have to defend their point of view. It is more inviting to say, “I want to understand” rather than “I don’t understand.” Make market research inviting and engaging. Sometimes, consumers cannot communicate what they want to say. Links and Resources: Vanessa Oshima on LinkedIn Quotes: When you are giving tough news, that level of conversation has to be very thoughtful. - Vanessa Everybody says communication is not just words, and they are so right. - Vanessa Want to create a big impact? Subscribe to the Deep Listening podcast and never miss an episode. If you have any suggestions, questions or recommendations for people to interview for podcast please email podcast@oscartrimboli.com. Listen For Free