The Overwhelmed Brain

When obsessive and intrusive thoughts won't go away, what can you do? You might feel better knowing that won't mean a thing in a 100 years, but if resolving them isn't that easy for you, then let me take you through a series of steps that break them apart and repackage them in a way that might just help you deal with yours. In this segment, I'll ask you what's wrong with having obsessive thoughts, why are they a problem, and if there's anything you can do about what you're obsessing over. I'll also talk about your resistance to them and how it causes you to suffer. If you have been suffering over that negative internal dialogue, listen to this episode. In segment 2, a woman asks me what happens when you remove all the toxic people in your life and you end up with no friends or romantic partner? She wants to know if that's all she has to look forward to when she grows and heals herself. Is everyone toxic? The personal growth journey does involve filtering out toxic people, but it also involves focus on yourself. When you start focusing on what you need for you, the right people show up in your life. You recognize toxic people right away and are able to steer clear. But better than that, healthy people show up when you're healthy, so that is the focus on this segment. During the close of this episode, I read another letter from a listener whose wife cheated on him. He decided to forgive and take her back, but now she's giving him the silent treatment and making excuses about why the marriage won't work. Is there more going on here than meets the eye? I give a frank opinion on the subject. Today's episode is brought to you by getoutofthemess.com - Access to quality attorneys for $20+ per month. Stop paying hundreds per hour just to ask simple questions! This is a great service that I use myself. Check it out!

When is a bad thing a good thing? When is a good thing bad? How attached are you to outcomes? I tell a quick Zen Buddhist parable that might make you think twice about the stressors in the world today, especially with the heated political climate and growing fears of what might happen next. Not everything is as it appears. When you think there's no way out - life opens a door. The door is good fortune and luck. Then when everything is going well, life throws you into a pit. Does it ever end? I get into the ebb and flow of life itself in this segment. In segment two, I answer the question: "What do you do if there's no way out of a situation?" A young man wants to know what he can do living with a toxic family that he can't (or chooses not to) leave. Is it better to stay in a toxic situation because you don't want to abandon those you love? Or is there a better way than "no way out"? You might have to resort to tactics that are against your values just to get into alignment with your best outcome. It's a controversial subject I'm sure you'll find interesting. In segment three, he knows there's something wrong in the marriage, and she won't go to marriage counseling because she thinks it might as well be the end of the marriage. That's quite a jump to a conclusion that seems more made up and grounded in some sort of passive message that something else might be going on. What is your definition of marriage? Does it involve one person wanting to help the relationship and the other sitting around in denial of both their own happiness and their spouse's unhappiness? It might be time to ask the hard questions you don't want to know the answers to just so you'll have some idea of what's going on. Don't not communicate… be honest and clear. You may have to be firm in asking what the real problem is, otherwise it will continue to go downhill until one of you experiences a meltdown! At the end of this episode, I read a message from a very astute listener of TOB. She shares her four steps to a better life - even in the midst of dealing with her husband's infidelity. Cheating and betrayal didn't stop her from healing herself. She's on a good ride that has a lot of ups and downs but will be smarter and healthier in the end. It's an inspiring letter and a great way to end the show. Enjoy!

Judging others is a sign of something you're struggling with or haven't healed from internally. It is anger, sadness, or some other bad feeling that you haven't yet processed that is coming out and being directed at other people. You can say, "What they're doing is wrong!" but how is it wrong to you? Is it a belief or value you hold to be true, or is it something deeper like some other emotional wound that you haven't yet released? Also, how do you deal with judgmental people? If your significant other or a friend or family member is putting someone else down, what do you say or do? It's a great topic to talk about and I share a way you can work with it and maybe even reach a more peaceful place inside yourself. In segment 2, I talk about how to release your hold on guilt. I read a letter from a woman who feels terrible about how she treated her ex-husband. In fact, she feels so bad that her current marriage is suffering. I offer a perspective and a way out of guilt that may just allow you to let go of what you've been regretting for far too long now. Guilt can lead to a place of compassion and it's this one possibility that can lead you out of a dark place and into the light. It's time to release the guilt. It doesn't mean you suddenly feel good, but it's a great start. Today's episode is brought to you by getoutofthemess.com, legal insurance that you can use anytime you have a question or need advice.

Is love enough? Will it overcome anything that happens in your life? Financial struggles, family problems, arguments, abuse and more... will your faith in love be enough to get you through the tough times? I read a letter from a young man who wonders if love is enough to get through anything. To add a bit of challenge on top of that, what if that love is only one-sided? In the second segment, I read a letter from a woman who's partner has cheated on her multiple times.Her partner knows he has a problem but "can't help it." He believes that marriage will resolve the problem and cure him of this addiction. How long will you accept bad behavior, increasing your toleration for abuse? If there are problems in the relationship today, they will only get worse when you get married. You must create a solid, healthy, loving and supportive foundation before you get married. Marriage amplifies problems - it does not solve them. In segment 3, someone has a battle in their mind about the difference between honoring personal boundaries and being selfish. They are almost crippled in their behavior because they are afraid to honor themselves for fear that it might be selfish. I clear this up right away in today's episode. One thing I go over is that it's so important to define who you are in the world so that the world doesn't define you for you. When they do, you can't be yourself easily, and you will tend to let others violate your boundaries. During the closing of the show, I talk to those who are loving, kind, compassionate and generous. Often, people like this will let bad and abusive people in their life simply because they have a big heart. Not only that, they'll keep them in their life too. I highlight the wonderful aspects of this type of personality and also the dangers. Do you want a meal kit delivery service to make dinner easier? Visit hellofresh.com and make sure to use promo code "brain" when checking out so you can get $35 off your first week!

Racial sensitivity is prevalent in the first segment of the show as I read a letter from a woman who was slightly offended at my use of stereotypical language in the last episode. Lots to discuss here. I go over that and more on ways to communicate with people that help develop and keep rapport. In segment two, I talk about how separating in your relationship can be highly beneficial and can lead to strengthening the bond between the two of you, but it can also lead to a hard truth that maybe the relationship wasn't destined to be in the first place. Do you take the 50/50 chance knowing that love will blossom better than ever, or come to terms that maybe it never had a chance to begin with. Either way leads to happiness, but you may or may not be together in the end. In an extra segment, I read a message from someone who wants to know about birth order and how it plays a role in your life. I tackle it from the perspective of who your primary role models were. Finally, what are the standards of a good relationship? Also, can sociopathic people can make good friends? They often seem to make terrible lovers, at least if you want an honest, monogamous relationship. All this in more in this packed episode. Enjoy! Get your free audiobook and 30 day trial membership today by visiting audible.com/brain

What's in a dream? Are there literal interpretations or is there deeper meaning that isn't often explored? As always on this show, I go where others rarely do and look at dreams as a representation of emotions. What emotions are present in your dream? Are they revealing ones that might not yet be resolved? Dreams can be a great way to not only discover what they are, but even resolve them if you're persistent enough. This segment is a journey into dreams, including lucid dreaming. In segment 2, I read a letter from someone who is thinking about dating a guy with four different children from four different partners and has a history of bad behavior that landed him in jail, but she wants to know 'if he's turned his life around, should she pursue a relationship with him?' Some say "run", others say, "well, if he's turned his life around, then maybe...". I give my thoughts on the subject which involves taking the blinders of possible love off and considering both the emotional and physical baggage he might still be carrying. One's history does not necessarily reveal who they are today, but it can be a good indicator sometimes. In the closing segment, I talk about what you're contributing or taking away to and from people, the world and even yourself. It's a philosophy that you may or may not agree with, but I use it to determine my path in life and it may work for you too. Today's episode is brought to you by Audible. Get your free book and 30 day trial by visiting audible.com/brain

Friendships are created and can last a lifetime, but they can also disintegrate, never to be rekindled. What makes a friendship? How do you know if your friends are truly the ones that will be there with you and for you through all the good and bad times? In segment 2, I talk about the warning signs and paying attention to patterns of your suspicions about your partner's behavior, especially if they've betrayed you or lied to you in the past. During the conclusion of the show, I talk a little about trust and how the innocent and naive of us can get scammed or "duped" over and over again in relationships.

Tune in to every other New Year's podcast if you want to hear about resolutions. I'd rather talk about something you can think about the entire year when it comes to improving your life. Today's episode is all about compatibility and how you can look at any problem in life and narrow it down to a compatibility issue. Sometimes taking out the emotional part of the equation can be helpful if you want to follow the life you want to create for yourself. I realize emotions are what drive us and motivate us and make us whole, but what if your emotions are also what keep you exactly where you are? Are you fighting against the current to try and make things better? Are you stuck? Is your partner compatible with you? Does he or she complimentary or quite the opposite? What about your job? What about that car you drive around, is that compatible? Today's episode is all about the philosophy for living life this whole next year. Follow it and maybe you'll find yourself taking steps that support you instead of ones that hold you back. Today's episode is brought to you by getoutofthemess.com - Real attorneys ready to help you for only $20 a month!

Jealousy is a multi-faceted beast that can motivate you to say or do things that you may not normally say or do. It involves many emotions and can run (and ruin) your life if you don't address the real reasons you get jealous. Sometimes a fantasy is created in your head and you become jealous based on what may not even exist. Other times, there is hard data to prove that what you're jealous about is real and should be investigated further (or acted upon). Is there a good reason to get jealous? Is there a way to heal from this feeling? I drill into jealousy quite a bit in this episode. In segment two, I read a letter from someone who asks why the holidays bring out the worst in people. So many families get together and so many of those gettogethers can be quite dysfunctional. Is there that one person in your family that just seems to ruin the moment? It can be hard to honor yourself in front of people who've known a version of you all their life, especially when you've done a lot of inner work. Can you be in integrity with yourself even in front of your toughest crowd: Family? During the conclusion of the show, I talk about a letter that I received from someone who takes responsibility for his father's debt because he believes that if he hadn't been born, his father wouldn't be in debt. So he now holds the guild of being a burden to his father. That sounds like something we need to heal right away! Today's episode of TOB is brought to you by getoutofthemess.com. Real attorneys at established law firms for around $20 a month. You can't beat that!

The emotional healing journey consists of many ups and downs. A listener asks me how I managed to get through my journey and what I can share with others on what to expect. Whether you're starting your healing journey from scratch or still on a hot path of learning, healing and growing, there's always more to learn. I talk about what it takes to honor your boundaries in a healthy way (instead of waiting until you blow up), and recognizing patterns in yourself that may point back to emotional wounds from the past. What are your results over and over again? Are you succeeding in life or failing miserably? I think it's important to look at where you were, where you're going and what you keep ending up with to determine your level of emotional health. When you start succeeding, however you define it, it is most likely because you've processed and released some old negativity that's been around a long time. I also talk about depression and how it is devoid of emotions. When I was depressed, it was like having no feelings at all. Though, I did feel something because I didn't like how I felt! It was like I was a sponge of negative emotions but I couldn't squeeze them out. Healing can begin the day you start observing your own behavior asking yourself why you do the things you do. It soon feels like you are two different people: The one experiencing the emotion and the other observing your behavior. This is when true healing can begin. Awareness is a major step forward because you are no long on autopilot. You will still have challenges, but you'll also have your observation of how you handle those challenges. And it's not always comfortable. In segment two, I talk about the need to express something to someone but being afraid it will ruin the relationship or ruin their life somehow. Sometimes you walk around holding on to unfinished business and feel like it's important to share how someone else made you feel by something they did a long time ago (or even yesterday). Forgiving and moving on is a step you can take, or perhaps healing within you (self-forgiveness) which doesn't even involve the other person. Either way, you can carry it with you or you choose to process and hopefully release whatever it is. If you are carrying the burden of upset from something someone did to you, it's time to address it in some way. You may have to express to them what you're feeling. Or, maybe it's better to keep to yourself. I kept a family secret for many years and chose to bear the burden of it instead of spill the beans and tell the people I really wanted to tell. I was sworn to secrecy so I had to come to a place of acceptance of that burden in myself. It wasn't easy, but it is possible - and sometimes the best choice considering what might happen if you chose to share what you were told not to. During the conclusion of the show, I read a paragraph from The Overwhelmed Brain book and talk about focusing on yourself for healing and not others, unless they want you too. When I was married, I used to focus on what my wife needed to do to change so that I would be happier. Turns out after seven years of focusing on her, I did little healing in myself. Not only that, I used to be terribly judgmental. She didn't ask for me to "fix" her, but I tried. And the marriage ended. Focusing on others without their consent or desire, even if your intentions are good, can sometimes be what causes them to want to be away from you. Good intentions aren't always motivated by noble thoughts. Sometimes good intentions derive from selfish needs. Healing begins within you, even when it appears that others need to change. Trying to help someone change who didn't ask for it is not honoring their happiness or supporting their path. Keep your focus on yourself and as you grow through your challenges and you might just be able to grow with those you love instead of away from them. Today's episode of TOB is brought to you by getoutofthemess.com. Real attorneys at established law firms for only $20 a month.