Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't

A long, disjointed rant about using and writing Dichotomous Keys and why it's sometimes a process of grasping for straws or throwing a bunch of stuff to a wall to see what sticks, what an ideal floral key might look like if it were written by a neurotic, rambling schmuck fixated on ecology and biogeography. Other subjects include the gradation between ecotypes and species in Fremontodendron as well as the mycorrhizal associations found with Ornithostaphylos oppositifolia (Ericaceae, Arbutoideae) in the chaparral of Baja California, Mexico.

More Deranged Rants, this time about Javelina Management, Getting City Approval for Cactus Restoration and Street Trees, growing endangered plants from seed, Eocene Sandstone, growing xeric ferns from spore, working the Ozol Local and running freight trains along San Francisco Bay and much more

Rants about Montezuma Cypress on the Rio Grande, Cool Desert Ferns in West Texas and the Subfamily Cheilanthoideae of the fern family Pteridaceae, DEA permits for Peyote, Mountain Lions vs. Auodads, kind Caucasian Birders behaving at the Mexican border, funding the research station in South Texas with the nice bathroom, and more.

Rants about South Texas Geology, Geologic Timeline Apps for your D@mn phone, why its better to water before a freeze, being dragged by a freight train leaving Ft. Worth Texas, how much self-hate someone must have in order to lower themselves to the point of patronizing Subway Sandwich shops, and more.

Rants about freezing while trying to sleep in the back of a truck in Lordsburg, New Mexico, why Agaves are monocarpic, the importance of having a "target list" should you ever get diagnosed with a terminal illness, fruit dispersal in Frankenia johnstonii, how rhyolite is just like Satan's play-doh, the biogeography of peyote gourds (Lagenaria sp.), microdosing LSD in the arboretum, and moreThumbnail pic is Pellaea truncata (Pteridaceae)

A roughly 77 minute rant about how an Australian plant in the legume Family named Crotalaria cunninghamii "looks a like a bird" but only to humans who have smoked copious amounts of weed and certainly not as a product of natural selection, how glyphosate works and why it's the lesser of two evils when used for restoration and invasive plant management, and how dwarf ponies dressed in Hawaiian shirts could be used for the eradication of invasive grasses in desert habitats.

Michelle Cloud-Hughes is a Cactus researcher, botanist and Desert Rat who specializes in one of my favorite cactus genera - Cylindropuntia: the genus of the dreaded Chollas. She has described a new species of Cholla, Cylindropuntia chuckwallensis, and spent 2 decades trudging up mountains and rockscapes of the Mojave, Sonoran and Baja Desert. In this podcast we talk about how Chollas bang, why deserts are some of the best places to study plant evolution, and why the sh*t they can't put solar panels on top of the parking lots of any of America's vast and expansive shopping and automobile culture slums.

Jim Mauseth is a wizard with a microscope and a retired professor of plant anatomy at UT Austin, where he taught for 30+ years. Jim is an expert in Plant Anatomy with an emphasis on Cacti. In this podcast we talk about anatomical adaptations of cacti and why palms are not true trees.

Dr. Peter Breslin is a Botanist out of Tucson Arizona specializing in Cacti, and recently did time in Brewster County Jail for "trespassing" to photograph some rare endemics that only grow on Novaculite (ancient biogenic silica) soils in West Texas. He also helped elucidate some of the evolutionary relationships between species that were formerly classified in the genus Mammilaria but are actually more closely related to the Baja genus Cochemiea, which specializes in hummingbird pollination. This conversation was fun as hell, and we talk about why nomenclatural change-ups and classifications of this sort are important, and how they tell a story about how organisms (including humans) move and migrate across continents and landscapes, and how the environment (which consists of geology, climate, presence of certain animals, etc) SELECTS for various traits in plants.We also talk about DNA and transcriptome analysis, and how it clears up some of the evolutionary relationships between plants and how transcriptomes can actually change depending on what habitat conditions an individual plant is in. We talk about the remarkable genus Pediocactus, a genus of the frigidly-cold high desert in the American Southwest and the radiation that it has had there, as well its ability to pull itself into the ground during the dormant season, effectively "hiding".LAstly, we clear up some of the confusion around the extremely bizarre and endangered Mexican genus Pelecyphora and how it's related to plants in the genus Escobaria that grow all over North America, including in some very cold climates.

A discussion about Peyote conservation being done by Morningstar Conservancy in Tucson, Arizona and the ethnobotany of the Peyote Meeting, as well as what it means to "listen to the plant".