Elis James and John Robins

2026 is a big year for Johnny JR as he sets his sights on winning the London Marathon. And with Dave lacing up his cheating shoes to pound the P of London’s streets as well, the team have quezzies.Luckily today’s episode features a man who is more than capable of answering said quezzies: friend of the show and running guru Ben Parkes. It’s his job to help John hack the London Marathon. Godspeed Ben.But fear not, it’s not all running chat. Elis has been on the TV, John is (like Meatloaf) out of hell, and there’s a cornucopia of call centre celeb stories to read.Keep your ears peeled for some fine Mad Daddery featuring ancient ONS maps, and the team imagine how John would fare on I’m A Celebrity.Reader of this description, send us an email! The address is elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk and the WhatsApp is 07974 293 022.

The hosts discuss transformative New Year resolutions, including potential cosmetic surgery and a wild 28-point plan for world domination. They dive into curious anecdotes about eye surgery fears and praise for Warwick services snacks. John shares multiple running personal bests and they comically riff on PBs in religious tales. A nostalgic look at Christmas mishaps leads to debates on films versus books. The duo wraps up with a lively quiz and some humorous attempts at celebrity impressions!

It may be a new year, but it’s an old John we find on today’s podcast. An attempted new year’s resolution meant the odd tear was shed, and now he’s in hell. But it’s not all bad, because he does have the cleanest crotch in show business thanks to a hand sanitiser mishap.Spirits get lifted by a visit from our in-house statistician, our very own Andy Zaltzman, Statman Ross. He reveals that John’s Made Up Game stats are akin to those of Roger Federer, and there’s confirmation that Elis can certainly go down as one of the big 4 MUG winners of his generation. An aural heat map is drawn up of Elis’s connecting hotspots, and some geographical blind spots present themselves.Elsewhere there are celeb call centre tales, and Dave sheds light on his brief stint as a professional Mario Kart racer.Do you have some correspondence to lift John out of hell? Send them to elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk or WhatsApp 07974 293 022.

2025 brought memorable car mishaps and heartfelt farewells, especially for a beloved Volkswagen Golf. Tim Key's film premiere created awkward moments, while Producer Dave faced alarm chaos that led to a hilarious meltdown. The thrilling Made Up Game had everyone racing against time, and James Acaster's cheeky take on hotel spending added spice. Elis's Cymru Connection shone brightly, despite comedic rants, and a listener's cringe-worthy tale about oil turned into a show classic. The trio reminisced warmly about their tour, setting the stage for future antics in 2026.

Put the wrapping paper down, turn off Home Alone and stop stressing about a glorified Sunday roast… the true meaning of Christmas has finally been revealed to us, and would you believe it, it’s Elis and John! Yes, everything in this festive period has been leading up to Elis and John’s Christmas Cracker, and boy does it deliver on festive cheer. Because what’s more Christmassy than a debate about TVs in hotel rooms, or a 45-year-old man getting lost in pictures of the 1950s footballer Tom Finney, (aka The Preston Plumber)?Unwrapping this podcast with your ears will also reveal a not-so-secret secret Santa, some yuletide Mad Daddery, and a chat with a very busy Mother Christmas. But festive cheer is not the only thing on today’s agenda because we’re also celebrating 500 episodes of the BBC era! Elis and John relive some moments from their very first show and the ghosts of Christmas Past Simon Mayo and Mark Kermode stop by to play a Made Up Game and chat Christmas flicks. Thanks for all your tip-top correspondence this year, and may 2026 bring even better emails and WhatsApps about oils, guffs and inappropriate school trips. Send everything into elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk or WhatsApp 07974 293 022.

John's eaten two helpings of pancakes and we’re in a race against time. Can this bantercast cram in enough badinage before one of its hosts succumbs to a sugar crash? It’s a question that’s been asked many times before, and one that will no doubt be asked again, but it’s a critical question nonetheless.Elis has spent the week telling his wife Isy that he ‘must be alone’ in order to finish John’s book. He successfully wrangled enough solo time to do so and delivers his verdict. It’s praise all round, but Dave appears to come out of it badly.Elsewhere it’s peak Christmas. Listener gifts are opened, Elis is dreading his drive to Cardiff, and John doesn’t want to talk about his Christmas lest the show turn into another mental health podcast.And we end on the question: how do you inject digital oil into a podcast to make it rise to the top? Answers on a postcard.All Elis and John want for Christmas is your correspondence, so send it to: elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk, or WhatsApp the show on 07974 293 022.

You might detect a slight difference in Elis’s demeanour this week; a bolstered confidence, an increased self-worth, a man with a purpose. Elis has tasted power, and he ain’t looking back. This is the new Elis, Elis 2.0, Elis ‘You’ll Do What I Say’ James. Because Elis has looked after 4 children on a school trip to The Monument. This feels significant.Meanwhile John thinks we’re molly-coddling the next generation and has gone rogue. He’s chucking things into the Thames left, right and centre. Step on the wrong side of Robins in this mood and you’ll be swimming with the London fishes before you know it. Oh, and he's suffered the consequences of chilli rice…There’s also a Cymru Connection which leaves Elis with mixed feelings, a festive Made Up Game classic, and some advice for young would-be stand up comedians.Send in your festive missives, Shames, and Mad Dads to elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk or WhatsApp the show on 07974 293 022.

Today we ask the question: what would a world without Dave look like? A Daveless world. Imagine a sliding doors moment where a sterner producer was given the reins in 2014. Fast forward to late 2025 and in the studio, almost certainly, Elis would still be eating or have forgotten to come in. John would have vape hot boxed himself into a coma. Do not underestimate his impact.No Dave and no wise words of “Be careful Elis” after one presenter has deployed a “Is that it?!” to John’s detailing his once every six months busy day.Around such questioning, John also unveils Craig Bellamy’s autobiography (inc. typos) and a senior writer at Rolling Stone gets in touch. Elsewhere, there’s news of more Noel Edmonds hysteria, quite significant gunge chat and a dead silly mad dad. Oh what are those dads like!Points of contact: elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk (Electronic mail) 07974 293 022 (WhatsApp)

What does an already packed show need to make it feel complete? That’s right, it’s an 8 minute intro (or just under a 5th of an Edinburgh show...) and an 8 minute Noel Edmonds apologia. This show is nothing if not disciplined.Once we’re all intro’ed and up-to-date on the elements of Edmonds, it’s content content content. John does some winning and losing, Elis does some Cymru Connecting, and everyone plays a great Made Up Game that has John declaring God is real.Send in your knick-knacks to elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk or WhatsApp the show on 07974 293 022.

Oil rises to the top of the content liquid again, primarily because of its lower density. It’s hard to remove as we know, so there’s a slick across the episode clogging our feathers.So what are your oils? More importantly, what are Adrian’s oils? And will John insist on going through all the smoke points of all the oils? Questions that are all answered within.Plus, Elis has got deep into a karaoke hell cubicle, Producer Dave’s left his bags at a sex shop and John once again stays in touch with the cultural zeitgeist.“Unless they set cryptic crosswords for The Times, are in Geese or are Brian Eno I don’t know who they are.”The Bureau is of course available on Saturday only on the universe-leading BBC Sounds.Got something of note? Then elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk and 07974 293 022 on WhatsApp are your primary nodes of correspondence.