What We Really Want: Conversations About Connection

"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)"It can be scary to examine spiritual messages we've heard all our lives, but it sometimes can also be the path to experiencing God more truly, deeply, and biblically. Steve Cuss is an author, speaker, and pastor who has a passion for understanding what drives Christians to feel anxiety, fear, and exhaustion about their faith & relationship with God. He has written books that examine the role anxiety plays in leadership (Managing Leadership Anxiety), and the troubling gaps we notice in our spirituality (The Expectation Gap).In an illuminating conversation, Steve talks about the importance of...Leaders and caregivers being spiritually and emotionally healthy.Realization that not every dramatic spiritual story is meant to be an exact template for exactly how all Christians should react.Understanding that self-condemnation about lack of spiritual progress actually keeps us stuck and frozen.Discovering gentle steps we can take to increase resilience and move in the directions we desire.#stevecuss #expectationgap #managingleadershipanxiety #humansized #spirituality #growth #change #curiosity #kindness #selftalk #spiritualpractices #therapy #healing #trauma #vulnerability #recovery #grace #gospel #transformationSteveCussWords (Steve's website)Steve's books (Amazon)Five Steps to Christmas Sanity PDF (signup download) Support the showAwaken websiteRoots Retreat Men's IntensiveRoots Retreat Women's WorkshopAwaken Men & Women's support meeting info (including virtual)

"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)"It's December, and just like last year, we're giving you something extra for the holidays. Each week in December we'll release a new episode for you to enjoy! Please remember to follow/subscribe to the show, write a positive review, and share us with others. ALSO, if the show means something to you, please consider a financial gift to help us continue! (Link to give below)For the first December episode, we caught up with a friend who is both a therapist and a lover of Christmas! Thaddeus Heffner lives in Franklin TN, and has been practicing therapy there since 2009. Many of Thaddeus' clients are people who have also connected with Awaken.In addition to helping people, Thaddeus loves Christmas and he loves his community. A few years ago he and a friend started a Christmas tradition connected to the lighting of the Franklin Christmas tree. It has grown into something the people of Franklin look forward to each year. Thaddeus has even written a children's book about the tradition.We talk about Christmas, we talk about therapy, we talk about walking with people as they heal, grow, and begin to take agency and ownership over their own process. It's a rich conversation and we hope you'll be encouraged by it.Merry Christmas!#thaddeusheffner #franklinchristmastree #christmastraditions #beersandcheers #therapy #agency #trauma #healing #addiction #vulnerability #recovery #grace #gospel #transformationFranklin Christmas Tree Facebook pageThe First Franklin Christmas Tree book (Amazon)Thaddeus Heffner’s therapist website Make a donation to Awaken (Thank you!) Support the showAwaken websiteRoots Retreat Men's IntensiveRoots Retreat Women's WorkshopAwaken Men & Women's support meeting info (including virtual)

"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)"It's critical for ministry leaders to understand their responsibility and opportunity to help people in their churches who are sexually struggling. That was a key theme in our rich conversation with Sam Black, Director of Recovery Education at Covenant Eyes. Sam explained that empathy plus action breaks porn’s grip, and how churches can become truly safe communities for strugglers and spouses. We talked about practical tools, trauma-informed insights, and a clear path toward allyship, healing, and prevention.Some of the themes from our conversation included...• Early exposure + repetition + pain = a common pathway into pornography.• Allyship and accessibility work better than traditional accountability.• How mind-body-spirit healing helps interrupt the addiction cycle.• What constitutes safe people in safe places with a safe process.• How church leaders often unintentionally add harm to betrayed spouses.• Sex (or more sex) is not the solution to porn use.• How to find available, practical, ready-to-use tools for pastors and leaders.• How healing it is when leaders  admit mistakes & repair ruptures.#samblack #covenanteyes #thehealingchurch #pornographyaddiction #therapy #healing #addiction #trauma #vulnerability #recovery #grace #gospel #transformationCovenant Eyes websiteFive Stones pastor kit (FREE from Covenant Eyes)The Healing Church book (Amazon) Support the showAwaken websiteRoots Retreat Men's IntensiveRoots Retreat Women's WorkshopAwaken Men & Women's support meeting info (including virtual)

"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)"What if sadness isn’t the problem—what if the real drain is the energy we spend trying to avoid it? To celebrate our 50th episode, Greg & Stacey talk with therapist and author ADAM YOUNG (host of The Place We Find Ourselves podcast) for a frank, tender, and deeply practical conversation about story work, lament, and the courage to feel. Adam unpacks why facing your past can enlarge your heart, expand your capacity for joy and grief, and finally quiet the buzzing smallness that comes from numbing out. Adam shares his own journey into therapy and the frameworks that helped his symptoms make sense. We explore the Psalms as a living handbook for honest prayer, including the lines that complain to God about God. Adam even shares a simple way to write your own psalm. No spiritual shortcuts—just truth told in the presence of love and trust.We also dive into idolatry as a compassionate diagnosis; how story work reveals the holy desires beneath compulsions & addictions: to be seen, soothes, safe, and secure. When those desires are honored, we gain the expulsive power of a new affection and reconnect to real freedom. We're so grateful to Adam for making our 50th episode so special. We hope you'll subscribe, share this episode with a friend who needs it, and leave a review to help others find the show.#adamyoung #adamyoungcounseling #theplacewefindourselves #makesenseofyourstory #thebigsix #storywork #therapy #healing #addiction #trauma #vulnerability #recovery #grace #gospel #transformationAdamYoungCounseling.com (many resources available here!) Support the showAwaken websiteRoots Retreat Men's IntensiveRoots Retreat Women's WorkshopAwaken Men & Women's support meeting info (including virtual)

"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)"It's always fun and encouraging to talk with other people who work in the same spaces. NICK LIBERTO is the executive director at Proven Ministries, an organization committed to "seeing a revival of sexual integrity throughout the entire Bride of Christ." They provide support and resources for men, women, and ministry leaders. Proven has created many resources to support sexual integrity, including TheSexTalk.com, an online course for parents who want to effectively provide sexual education and discipleship for their kids.Nick is also the co-host of the I'm Telling God About This podcast, and recently published his first book, a satirical how-to guide called "How to Remain Humble When You've Never Been Wrong in Your Life: A Self-Help Book for the Man Who's Never Needed One."But while topic of humility is approached satirically in his book, Nick understands true humility is no laughing matter: it's a critical part of healing and recovering from unwanted sexual behaviors, porn addiction, etc. We get into a great discussion on the role of humility in living healthy and free. Nick lives in Lynchburg, VA with his wife and three children.#nickliberto #provenministries #provenmen #sexualintegrity #pornaddiction #sexaddiction #thesextalkdotcom #healing #recovery #grace #gospel #transformationProven Ministries (website)TheSexTalk.com (online parents’ course)I’m Telling God About This (Spotify) (Apple Podcasts) Support the showAwaken websiteRoots Retreat Men's IntensiveRoots Retreat Women's WorkshopAwaken Men & Women's support meeting info (including virtual)

"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)"In the category of sexual addiction recovery, there are a few people who deserve to be called pioneers. BARBARA STEFFENS is definitely one of them. Over the last quarter century she has begun and advanced invaluable philosophy and resources related to partner betrayal trauma. Previous sex addiction conventional wisdom referred to the addict's partner as a "co-addict," used phraseology that ignored the post-traumatic stress partners undergo, and suggested they may bear some responsibility for their partner's addiction.Barb, and many others since, have introduced a more compassionate and helpful approach, acknowledging betrayal trauma for the actual traumatic experience it is, and offering help and resources for partners seeking to heal from the extensive wounds of being betrayed. Barb is the founder of APSATS, the Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists; an organization that trains therapists to more compassionately and effectively work with partners of sex addicts.#barbarasteffens #apsats #betrayaltrauma #betrayaltraumarecovery #pornaddiction #sexaddiction #healing #recovery #grace #gospel #transformationDrBarbaraSteffens.com (Barb's website)APSATS (Assn. of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists) website Support the showAwaken websiteRoots Retreat Men's IntensiveRoots Retreat Women's WorkshopAwaken Men & Women's support meeting info (including virtual)

"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)"Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.RE-RELEASE. This episode originally released June 3, 2024.What is a recovery intensive? How is it different from weekly therapy or extended inpatient treatment? How could it help my recovery process? To address these important questions, Greg enlists the help of three friends, therapists who consistently staff the Roots Retreat Men's Recovery Intensive from Awaken.Adam Calvert, James Horne, and Jason McNaughton are all counselors who are specifically and extensively trained to work with clients around areas of trauma and addiction. They all have been part of staffing and developing the Roots Retreat since its inception in 2016.Adam, James, Jason and Greg talk about why recovery intensives are valuable, how their impact is different than (and complimentary of) ongoing individual therapy, and why men recovering from unwanted behaviors might want to consider attending.If you think the Roots Retreat might be right for you, please reach out to us with any questions. We'd love to help you find the right resources to support your recovery! Our next Roots Retreat Men's Intensive is November 6-9, 2025. Click the link below to fine out more and register.#AdamCalvert #JamesBuddyHorne #JamesHorne #JasonMcNaughton #therapy #counseling #gospel #recovery #sexaddiction #pornaddiction #sexualaddiction #awaken #awakenrecovery #awakenpodcast #whatwereallywant #wwrw #grace #connection #conversation Support the showAwaken websiteRoots Retreat Men's IntensiveRoots Retreat Women's WorkshopAwaken Men & Women's support meeting info (including virtual)

"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)"Suffering. We don't like it. Most of us probably don't even like the word. Suffering brings to mind experiences of abuse, neglect, rejection, abandonment... traumatic events that lodged themselves into our lives as long-term traumas. How do we get away from suffering?Our guest CATHY LOERZEL gives an answer many won't like. We don't get away from suffering. It is inevitable and unavoidable in this life. We are made for perfect care, yet none of us receives care perfectly or completely. But the fact that suffering is going to be part of life doesn't have to be defeating or depressing.As a speaker, coach, co-founder of The Allender Center, and co-author (with Dan Allender) of Redeeming Heartache: How Past Suffering Reveals our True Calling," Cathy has given us a gift as she helps us understand what it's like to "make friends with the reality of suffering." Our conversation visits how to "be with" the suffering we face, and to see how God meets us, heals us, and changes us as we walk through whatever kind of suffering we encounter.Cathy's websiteRedeeming Heartache (on Amazon)Retreats & Workshops offered by The Allender Center#cathyloerzel #storywork #storyworkcoach #redeemingheartache #suffering #trauma #addiction #healing #recovery #grace #gospel #transformation #awaken #awakenrecovery #awakenpodcast #whatwereallywant #wwrw  #connection #conversation  Support the showAwaken websiteRoots Retreat Men's IntensiveRoots Retreat Women's WorkshopAwaken Men & Women's support meeting info (including virtual)

"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)"The Bible presents many topics that elicit passionate and polarizing opinions. One of these is how unmarried Christians should evaluate their calling and purpose as it relates to marriage.Our guest, PIETER VALK, has a lot to say on the subject. As a Christian who for most of his life has experienced same-sex attraction and a commitment to honor a traditional Biblical sexual ethic, Pieter has embraced a life of vocational singleness. But he doesn't think it's something only gay or same-sex attracted people should consider.Pieter believes the calling to remain single has deep, meaningful purpose for those who would embrace it. He believes single people have a responsibility to own their lives and to pursue deep relationships outside of marriage, AND he believes the Church has a responsibility to provide real family to those who remain unmarried.Pieter is the founder and executive director of Equip, a premier consulting and training solution for churches aspiring to be places where LGBT+ people are embraced and thrive according to historic sexual ethics. Since their inception in 2014 they have trained over 35,000 individuals on how to better love and care for LGBT+ people in their churches and communities. EQUIP's web sitePieter on InstagramSome of Pieter's writingsPieter's article on vocational singleness#pietervalk #equip #equipyourcommunity #vocationalsingleness #christiansingleness #lgbt #gaychristian #pornaddiction #sexaddiction #healing #recovery #grace #gospel #transformation Support the showAwaken websiteRoots Retreat Men's IntensiveRoots Retreat Women's WorkshopAwaken Men & Women's support meeting info (including virtual)

"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)"People  addicted to pornography often experience lots of shame and self-contempt ("What's wrong with me?!"). They often see their sexual desire, and the fact that they go to porn to try and satisfy it, as THE problem.Our guest, DREW BOA, disagrees. In his new book Outgrow Porn: Find Lasting Freedom Without Fighting an Exhausting Battle, Drew says, "Your sexuality is not the problem, and the urge to watch porn is not bad either. It's a symptom of unprocessed pain. When you understand this, your journey will dramatically change."In this great conversation with our first returning guest, we talk with Drew about how compassion and curiosity are far more helpful in outgrowing porn struggles than shame, self-condemnation, and strategies limited only to behavior management. We discuss how evangelicalism's history of unhelpful messages about sex have negatively contributed to people's struggles. And we talk about how committing to a path of healing and recovery can help us find what we've been looking for all along.Drew is the founder of Husband Material, an online community where men can find friends, coaching, and resources to support them in their path to living as mature, healthy men. Some of the items we discussed in the episode:Drew's previous episode of What We Really WantSheila & Keith Gregoire's episode of What We Really WantJohan Hari's famous TED TalkHow to connect with Drew:Husband Material websiteHusband Material podcastOutgrow Porn book from Drew's website (discount + bonus materials)Outgrow Porn book on Amazon#drewboa #husbandmaterial #outgrowporn #healtheboytofreetheman #purityculture #pornography #pornaddiction #sexaddiction #healing #recovery #grace #gospel #transformation #awaken #awakenrecovery #awakenpodcast #whatwereallywant #wwrw  #connection #conversation Support the showAwaken websiteRoots Retreat Men's IntensiveRoots Retreat Women's WorkshopAwaken Men & Women's support meeting info (including virtual)