Winsome Conviction

Conflict in relationships is unavoidable. Healthy and successful relationships know how to counteract unhealthy communication styles and adopt alternative forms of discourse to work through the conflict. On this episode, Tim and Rick discuss John Gottman’s famous metaphor for unhealthy communication styles that lead to failure in relationships, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. They unpack each horseman - complaints vs criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling, and they discuss diagnostic questions and ways to be diligent in addressing the horsemen when they crop up in our relationships and faith communities.Show notes and a full transcript are available.

American psychologist John Gottman has a knack for discerning healthy arguments from unhealthy ones, and he is known for identifying pattern markers that spell doom for a relationship. On this episode, Tim and Rick draw key insights from Gottman’s body of research on disagreement in relationships and patterns of healthy communication and discuss application for civility and unity in disagreement, with special consideration for relationships in the Church.Show notes and a full transcript are available.

Culture changes, and rapid shifts in culture generate challenges in communication. Although the truth of the Gospel is timeless, Christians should do their homework on changes in culture and figure out how to shape the Good News so that it is hearable. On today’s episode, Tim and Rick are joined by Tim Down, author, cartoonist and communication theorist. They discuss both timeless and changing methods of communication, and Tim provides insights he has learned on the value of indirect communication from his work as a writer and cartoonist.Show notes and a full transcript are available.

Jim Davis, pastor and co-author of the recent book, The Great Dechurching: Who’s Leaving, Why Are They Going, and What Will It Take to Bring Them Back, comes on the podcast to talk about the current and fastest religious shift going on in America. Tim and Rick speak with Jim about a comprehensive study he help conduct looking at people who are leaving churches and the reasons why they are leaving. They discuss characteristics of people who are “dechurching,” including misconceptions on why people are leaving, as well as cultural factors and hinge points which have contributed to this phenomenon. Show notes and a full transcript are available.

We’re revisiting a question we frequently get: “Why bother talking to somebody if you aren’t going to change their mind?” Especially in the argument culture, conversing with someone who won’t change their mind can seem pointless, an exercise in futility. While persuading someone to change their mind is a good and worthy goal in a conversation, and sometimes people’s opinions need to be changed, it’s also worth recognizing goods that often come about even if the other party isn’t budging on their views. On today’s episode, Tim and Rick spend time spotlighting signs of change that aren’t immediately evident and points of unobvious agreement, and they also identify some of the benefits we often miss in our disagreements with others.Show notes and a full transcript are available.

Tim Keller was a pastor in New York City who had enormous influence far beyond the city limits. He died of pancreatic cancer in May 2023. One of his many influences that is sure to endure will be on how engage public life with faithful Christian witness. On this episode, Tim and Rick share lessons they have learned from Tim Keller on representing the Christian faith and Christian convictions with remarkable civility, especially during difficult times and in hard places. They discuss Keller’s habits of civility, his ability to disagree without being overly critical, and the effects of being confident in Christianity.Show notes and a full transcript are available.

Why bother having a discussion if the other party isn’t going to change their mind? Fair question, and it’s one we get a lot. So, let’s consider what makes the struggle of sticking with it worth it. On this episode, Tim and Rick discuss what to keep in mind when a disagreement appears pointless and going nowhere, and they highlight that appearances of futility oftentimes yield fruitful learning and a deeper relationship with the other party.Show notes and a full transcript are available.

It can get messy when you seek to have a faithful presence in your community and love your neighbors while holding to your theological convictions. Greg Stump, pastor at Redeemer Church in La Mirada, CA, is back on the podcast to talk through how he navigated having faithful presence when presented with a great ministry opportunity in his neighborhood. Greg, Tim and Rick then shift gears and have a theological disagreement on hell. Yes, you read that right - Tim and Rick have a disagreement with Greg on this episode and model how to disagree in a respectful and civil manner on a major Christian doctrine. They outline some of the differing views on hell and then highlight the importance of both the content and the relational aspects of disagreement. Show notes and a full transcript are available.

“Can we love our neighbors if we don’t even know them?” This question helped to kickstart a summertime series on interfaith conversations at Redeemer Church in La Mirada, CA, to engage people and leaders of different faiths in the community. On this segment of Reports From The Front, Greg Stump, executive pastor at Redeemer Church discusses these Redeemer Conversations with Tim and Rick. Greg shares stories and insights on how they host these conversations. This episode highlights the importance of the virtue of intellectual curiosity, the rule of reciprocation, and practical ideas you can do to converse with others who hold different core beliefs and values.Show notes and a full transcript are available.

There are a handful of bedrock principles and practices that inform having a winsome conviction, and a big one is perspective-taking. Tim digs into his graduate education in communication studies and draws out the difference between listening to evaluate and listening to understand. Usually, we jump right to evaluation before seeking to understand, and this often results in communication gridlock. So, they explore practices for listening to understand, ways to embody perspective-taking and whether perspective-taking is biblically-based. Show notes and a full transcript are available.