Emsolation

Let's talk about the new video clip for Harry Styles single ‘Watermelon Sugar’ shall we...? Mostly because Em has come to a realisation that it’s got very little to do with adding sucrose to fruit, seems it’s more about when a lady is getting her lower garden attended to orally. It’s an ode to touching, and even though Harry is rocking a variety of groovy nana outfits throughout, and all the models in the clip aren’t social distancing AT ALL, Em and Michael are totally here for it. From there it’s a gentle segue to casually ask if Ellen is Satan? Seems a lot of people are convinced she might be, then there’s that new Netflix show ‘The Great’ to talk about, and we’re left asking, is the new trend of jazzing up historical events the new norm? Naturally that ends as you’d assume...with a saucy reading of some erotic Bill and Hillary Clinton fan fiction, so we’re really covering a bunch of pleasure zones with this podcast. We’ll wrap it all up with a visit from the amazing singer, dancer and actor, Christie Whelan-Browne as she reveals how life in iso is going for her too. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Okay be honest...you know how you’ve got this wild, crazy dream where you settle in for a podcast squished full of maximum Em and Michael just having at it, mostly about Masterchef, and not much else? Well prepare to have your wild, crazy and bizarrely coincidental dream fulfilled, because that’s what we’ve just gone and done. Press play now and indulge in a deep dive into all things Masterchef, taking in everything from everyone’s best mate Hayden Quinn’s recent departure, even though he’s a great friend of Em’s, she’s not afraid to be harsh over some of Hayden’s choices and is even asking should he even be in the Masterchef kitchen this time around? Then it’s on to Em and Michael’s covert mission to befriend Masterchef judges, Melissa and Jock, by dressing up as them, so they’d slide into their DM’s, job done. Now they’re asking, is dressing up as someone and forcing them to notice you on socials, really a good way to initiate a friendship? To round things out, Michael drops a heap of great tips for a listener with writers block and anyone who’s feeling that they’ve been “wasting” isolation time. We promise it doesn’t involve writing a death for one of your favourite characters. Why are you still here, go listen, NOW!  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Em’s eldest daughter Marchella has joined a criminal bikie gang, or at least that’s what it felt like for Em, when Chella asked if she could go to a friends house last night. She let her go, she had to, even Em’s best Italian mother guilt tripping couldn’t make her change her mind. Michael returns to detail the backlash from last weeks reveal that he’s responsible for killing off Patrick from Offspring, he’s being called a serial killer now, so there’s that to unpack, plus he’s totes keen on a Republic, whereas Em is all about the monarchy, the Royals and Queen Lizzie and she will not stand for any besmirching of her name. Basically someone gets accused of being a Tony Abbott, so a ‘not happy Jan’ reaction follows as well as a conversation about that guy John Wayne Bobbitt, who was separated from his wang and became a porn star after it was reattached. Scotty helps a listener who’s returning to studying as a mature age student, and needs help with staying focussed and getting motivated, plus Janelle Koenig drops in to reveal how she got all dolled up for a visit...to K-Mart, it’s an utter rollercoaster of ear candy awaiting your listening, so please jump in. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This edition of Emsolation has wheels, in that it was made on the side of the road in Em’s car, because her neighbours are recreating the wood chipper scene from Fargo, but using trees instead of people, anyway, they flagged they were gonna do this, but they only told Scott, who of course, promptly forgot about it. Hence this episode involved multiple trips home, 3 arguments with Scott and a bunch of hecticness, but we got there in the end. Michael and Em reflect on the sleep she’s been losing over the backlash, to the backlash, to the backlash of Adele’s transformation, but Em’s been sleep deprived lately anyway because Elio’s new teeth have decided they all wanna arrive at once. Em’s also been labelled a bad feminist for just casually posting her Top Ten Disney song countdown on Instagram. You’ll find out which song proved as controversial as Adele’s weight loss and what Em’s and Michael have to say about it within, plus you can get the hot tip on how to go for that promotion you’ve been eyeing off when Super Coach Scott returns to help listener Liz do just that and totally redeems himself for his wood chipping amnesia. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Emsolator cult has arrived and to celebrate the arrival of this totes non creepy situation, we’ve got a bumper edition of Emsolation on offer. Bonus: No sacrificial first born offerings are needed to join! Aside from setting up the cult, Em’s made a return to breakfast radio for a brief cameo and fun fact...she didn’t turn into a pumpkin. Which is probably a good thing because Michael has finally had an iso-meltdown moment and finds himself getting into a confrontation, 7 years in the making, when Em finally takes him to task over his part in writing the on screen death of Dr Patrick for the TV series Offspring. Peter Helliar drops by with a rundown on his life in iso and Scott is back to help a woman who’s worried her husband is losing his spark. Then to wrap things up, Em sings Kate Cebrano’s Brave with Kate online as her background hype woman...because of course she is. It’s been called “the show of the year” by Em’s podcast editor Matt, so perhaps he should get out some more...but also...maybe it’s the truth and you HAVE TO LISTEN TO THIS EPISODE RIGHT NOW! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Can you miss iso BEFORE it’s even over? Em fears she’ll miss lockdown life, but on the flipside, she’s also excited to reveal how much an industrial laundromat can change your life. Then Michael returns and we’ll step into the sparkling glow of Em’s Twilight obsession, with news of a new book on it’s way, she’s ready to sink her fangs into all of the Twilight everything, plus they’ll breakdown their Top 5 Celebrities in Iso with special appearances from Britney, Cardi B, Fergie, Oprah and more. Scott is back with help for anyone who takes on their partners bad moods, with tips on how to let them have their moment, but not have it affect yours as well. Finally in a Special Sealed Section at the end of the podcast, Em and Michael will tear off the perforated edge and dish up a spoiler filled deep dive into the new TV series Normal People, keep listening if you dare...but maybe avoid it if you haven’t seen the show yet. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Across the land right now, a world of angst is brewing in teenagers and Em’s been wondering if there’s even enough Barcardi Breezers or Double Blacks available to quell them, when they’re finally able to hit the town...once they finally get the G.O., it could be terrifying. Michael’s back to talk everything “Normal People”, the new series on Stan, especially the sex scenes, which are stunning, so stunning that Em and Michael talk about them at length. It also triggered a bunch of high school trauma for both of them. Then it’s onto Em’s unhealthy obsession around the impending arrival of Gigi Hadid and Zayn Malik’s new bubba, “Fleabag” star Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s plaster of paris penis wall, then comedian Nikki Britton drops in to have a rant about penises, or at least her lack of access to them whilst in lockdown, there’s a LOT of wang chat kids. Ironically that becomes even more obvious when Scott drops by to help a listener with setting boundaries. Get ready to wrap your ears around the Quaranpeen edition of Emsolation.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are Iso-tantrums a thing? You better believe they are...and to prove it, Em’s had one. The inspiration? The amount of washing she’s doing, even though no-one in the family is going anywhere! Find out how a washing basket can inspire a very short, but angry drive soon. Michael Lucas reveals he too has been crying for no apparent reason and that he’s been experimenting with various moustaches, or top lip fringes. He’s also developed an unhealthy obsession with the new Masterchef judges, and together they realise, one of those judges has perfected the art of eating on camera. Plus Em chats with Scott (for the first time in 24 hours because of iso-fights) so that he can help an Emsolation listener deal with her fear of rejection. We’re calling it Cry-fest 2020, so strap in and enjoy the pandemonium.. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Iso life seems like it will NEVER end, but when it does, how do you make sure you remain slow and hold the space, so you’re not all super busy and hectic again? Get some advice on how to achieve that when Em chats with her friend, comedian Wil Anderson. Once that’s all sorted, Em’s bestie Michael returns to help celebrate the new Netflix reality show  they’ve just binged called “Too Hot To Handle”, which started out as 14 randy singles on an island being spied on by an air defused and then somehow turned into a feminist masterpiece. We also got to see the star of Baby Driver, Ansel Elgort, share a masterpiece of himself butt naked in the shower for charity, cut to Em and Michael arguing over who has the more appropriate sharing rights to pass something that saucy on to Em’s daughter Marchella. Sam Mac from Sunrise reveals he’s now got a girlfriend and he’s been learning to cook in iso and is no longer eating steaks off newspaper #PanPositives. Plus Scott helps a lady who has imposter syndrome which makes her believe she isn’t qualified for the job she’s currently applying for. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

As lIfe in iso continues, this episode will see Em come to the conclusion that her spiritual guide is her PMS, fun fact, when Em is hormonally balanced, she runs a tight ship, but when PMS takes the wheel, she runs that tight ship into the rocks and floods every level with an extensive list of things Em hasn’t addressed or even thought of yet. Then, if you’ve been wondering who’s gonna pick apart Lady Gaga’s recent “One World: Together At Home” concert, or “Rona The Musical” as Em and Michael have re-titled it, you’re in for a treat, as Em’s eldest daughter Chella joins them to breakdown everything from the footage of what the front line responders are dealing with day to day, to the celebs dealing with pretty much bugger all in the surrounds of their luxurious mansions. You’ll also get a lesson FROM THE WIGGLES on how to behave when relationships implode, but you still have to work together, and we try and make Poh understand that she is being reckless with our hearts on Masterchef Allstars and that she’s carrying the weight of Australia on her tiny pixie like shoulders. Finally, Scotty returns with advice for Laura about how to have a tough convo about her wedding and avoid a meltdown or storm out. It’s basically your inside word on how to have critical conversations in self isolation and make them matter, when we’re all living on top of one another in the confines of our own homes. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices