We Hate Movies

In this week's episode, the gang calls an audible in order to tackle the wretched video game adaptation, Double Dragon! Why in the world would you put Scott Wolf in this role? What is with that fat monster? And is Robert Patrick's villain a racist? PLUS: The mystery of which Bruce Steve was thinking of! Double Dragon stars Scott Wolf, Mark Dacascos, Robert Patrick, Alyssa Milano and Julia Nickson; directed by James Yukich. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

On this week's episode, the gang finally works up the courage to tackle the incredibly stupid Stephen King adaptation, Secret Window! Why did they think casting John Turturro as a menacing Mississippian was a good idea? What's with all the Dorita-chips and Mountain Dew? And did we really need to see that dead dog puppet? PLUS: This fall on TNT, from the minds of Lunch Room comes, Hutton & Dutton! Secret Window stars Johnny Depp, John Turturro, Maria Bello, Timothy Hutton and Charles S. Dutton; directed by David Koepp. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

On this episode, the gang celebrates the 20th anniversary of the legendary Timecop! Why did they need those rocket cars to time travel? Why is Ron Silver carrying out this ridiculous time robbery scheme? And how are they not recognizing their one-decade-older selves? PLUS: A twenty year mystery is solved. Timecop stars Jean-Claude Van Damme, Ron Silver, Mia Sara, Bruce McGill and Gloria Reuben; directed by Peter Hyams. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

On the season premiere of We Hate Movies, the gang heads back to school with Tom Berenger and Marc Anthony in The Substitute! Why does this movie spend so much time on the botched Cuba mission? Why did Berenger's resume need to be that padded? And what on Earth is up with that bathing suit? PLUS: I'mgonnakillherI'mgonnakillherI'mgonnakillher! The Substitute stars Tom Berenger, Ernie Hudson, Raymond Cruz, William Forsythe, Luis Guzmán and Diane Venora; directed by Robert Mandel. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

Original Air Date: A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. On the final WHM Summer Rerun of 2014, the guys look back at one of the all-time fan favorite episodes on Ewoks: The Battle for Endor! This show marks the first appearance of Wilford Brimley on WHM and is the second of three times the guys have ventured into the Star Wars universe. Brimley hates that rabbit. The rabbit hates Brimley. The guys don't entirely hate the movie. Ewoks: The Battle for Endor stars Wilford Brimley, Warwick Davis, Aubree Miller, Siân Phillips, Carel Struycken and Paul Gleason; directed by Jim & Ken Wheat. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

On this WHM Summer Rerun, the gang looks back at the time they got in the ring with Rocky IV! Everyone agrees that Paulie is Cinema's Greatest Loser. Rocky is out of control arrogant in this movie. And the stones on Stallone to have his titular pugilist essentially end the Cold War by giving a sappy end-of-match speech! Rocky IV stars Sylvester Stallone, Dolph Lundgren, Talia Shire, Carl Weathers, Burt Young, Tony Burton, Brigitte Nielsen; directed by Sylvester Stallone. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

Original Air Date: 2/12/13 On this WHM Summer Rerun, the gang reminisces about one of their absolute favorite films from the WHM catalog, Tuff Turf! Steve wonders how James Spader's possible Back to the Future audition went. Andrew impersonates Jim Carroll delivering dialog on heroin. And Chris butchers up the "80s Teen Dramedy" cow. PLUS: Two words - Jack. Mack. Tuff Turf stars James Spader, Kim Richards, Paul Mones, Robert Downey Jr., Matt Clark, Jim Carroll and Jack Mack & the Heart Attack; directed by Fritz Kiersch. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

Original Air Date: 9/4/12 On the first WHM Summer Rerun, the gang looks back at the batshit classic, Invisible Child! Andrew explains how he'd handle someone thinking they had an invisible child, Steve rags on the secret society of English nannies and Eric guesses why Victor Garber would make a whole pizza in the middle of the night. His theory? To curb horny behavior! Fan Favorite Line: "I mean, you're in a hot tub, baby, you're either getting physical therapy or you're fucking!" Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

On the WHM Summer Finale, the #SBE2014 comes to an end when the gang chats about the incredibly annoying and sadly family friendly Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze! Why didn't they put Bebop and Rocksteady in this movie? Is Splinter chasing the dragon through this whole thing? And what is with no one at the Vanilla Ice warehouse concert being terrified by a group of fighting monsters? PLUS: They're BABIES! Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze stars Paige Turco, David Warner, Ernie Reyes Jr., François Chau and Kevin Nash; directed by Michael Pressman. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

On this week's episode, the gang rides the rails with Steven Seagal and Eric Bogosian in the train hijacking sequel, Under Siege 2: Dark Territory! Why do we need Seagal microwaving a cake? Did Bogosian have to do that Rod Serling impression? And is Seagal really getting foiled by a Newton and a clogged fax line? PLUS: We all better go talk to the Captain. Under Siege 2: Dark Territory stars Steven Seagal, Eric Bogosian, Everett McGill, Morris Chestnut, Peter Greene and Katherine Heigl; directed by Geoff Murphy. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies