We Hate Movies

This is an audio-only preview of our video show, Scaredy Cats. You can watch the whole show (and get the full podcast cut as well) by clicking through and subscribing to the Craven Tier of our Patreon!“He is opening up this world to way more possibilities...” - Andrew on Danny Boyle On the second installment of our contemporary horror film chat show, Scaredy Cats, we’re talking about last year’s legacy sequel that brought a beloved franchise back from the dead, 28 Years Later! How incredible of a return is this for Mr. Danny Boyle?! Has Aaron Taylor-Johnson been better in a movie? Did this movie have the best trailer of the last quarter century? When was the last time a horror film had such a fantastically successful dramatic arc? Could anyone but Ralph Fiennes have pulled off Dr. Kelson? And how old is too old to be buying Power Ranger toys? PLUS: Just a note, we taped this show before The Bone Temple came out, so keep that in mind as we spend this episode wondering what might come of that movie! And remember, look for the poll for the next Scaredy Cats selection in the coming days so you can vote on the next film we cover on the show! 28 Years Later stars Alfie Williams, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Jodie Comer, Chi Lewis-Parry, Jack O’Connell, and Ralph Fiennes as Dr. Kelson; directed by Danny Boyle.Scaredy Cats is a quarterly (four times per year) video show where we break down a horror flick from the modern age (only films 10 years old or newer) that YOU the Patreon supporter helps curate! Be sure to keep your eyes peeled for the poll on Patreon where you can vote to help pick the next film we cover on the show!We know you have a lot of options for stuff to watch and listen to and we’re so stoked you took some time to work us into the rotation. As always, thanks so much for being the kick-ass, TOP TIER supporter that you are! Art by Felipe Sobreiro.

A snarky breakdown of a 2025 romantic drama’s awkward romantic beats and recurring Jolly Rancher motif. They roast casting choices and Dave Franco’s weird mannerisms. There’s sustained disbelief at Scott Eastwood’s familiar car-actor vibe and applause for Clancy Brown’s Gramps. The conversation skewers strange tonal shifts, funeral and grief handling, and several cringe movie tropes.

“It’s all melted together into one chocolate bar of horrible…” - Chris on the Jurassic World sequelsOn this week’s episode, the gang’s heading down to the equator to take a dangerous boat ride with Scarlett Johansson and Mahershala Ali in the latest dino-centric sequel, Jurassic World: Rebirth! Is this the most half-baked movie of last year? Why couldn’t ScarJo be a grown up version of Clone Girl from Fallen Kingdom? Why are we so obsessed with referencing the first movie? Why is the story engine just a lame video game plot? Did they have any idea what to do with this mutated dinosaur idea? And were they kidding with that Snickers product placement? PLUS: The Skeleton League touches down on the island to collect Dino-skeletons. Jurassic World: Rebirth stars Scarlett Johansson, Mahershala Ali, Jonathan Bailey, Manuel Garcia-Rulfo, Luna Blaise, David Iacono, Audrina Miranda, Philippine Velge, Bechir Sylvain, Ed Skrein, and Rupert Friend as Martin Krebs; directed by Gareth Edwards.This episode is brought to you by Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at RocketMoney dot com slash WHM.Grab your tickets now for the first leg of the 2026 tour! We’ll be in Los Angeles on 2/22, Minneapolis on 3/20 and Chicago on 3/22—don’t wait, snag those tix now!Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro.

This is an extended preview for our We ❤️ Movies episode on OBAA. To access the full show, click through here to sign up for our Patreon!“I’ve seen this six times…” - Andrew On this month’s We ❤️ Movies episode, we’re chatting about Paul Thomas Anderson’s latest cinematic achievement, One Battle After Another! How absolutely fantastic is Teyana Taylor in this movie? Can we confirm that audiences love it when Leo plays low-status guys? What a year for the legendary Jim Downey, huh? Has there been a better Steely Dan needle drop? And could Sean Penn take his fake nose from this movie and use it to star in a Jimmy Durante biopic? PLUS: Coming next summer, Paul Thomas Anderson’s American Pie featuring the Seann William Scott as Steve Lockjaw! One Battle After Another stars Teyana Taylor, Chase Infinity, Leonardo DiCaprio, Regina Hall, Wood Harris, Alana Haim, Shayna McHayle, Paul Grimstad, Dijon Duenas, Brooklyn Demme, Sean Penn, Eric Schweig, Tony Goldwyn, James Downey, John Hoogenakker, Kevin Tighe, James Raterman, April Grace, and Benicio Del Toro as Sensei Sergio St. Carlos; directed by Paul Thomas Anderson.Grab your tickets now for the first leg of the 2026 tour! We’ll be in Los Angeles on 2/22, Minneapolis on 3/20 and Chicago on 3/22—don’t wait, snag those tix now!Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro.

“I love the music though…” - EricOn this week’s episode, we’re chatting about the sequel nobody had a hankering for, Tron: Ares! Why do we keep giving Jared Leto chances? Couldn’t they have gone a few more rounds with that script? Why on Earth did we need that ghostly cameo? Is it worth watching these movies sober? Can an amazing soundtrack carry a film all on its own? And how do you not get Bruce Boxleitner a check for this somehow? PLUS: Josh Gad playing the Grid’s seedy porn program guy? Why not?  Tron: Ares stars Jared Leto, Greta Lee, Evan Peters, Jodie Turner-Smith, Gillian Anderson, Hasan Minhaj, Arturo Castro, Cameron Monaghan, Sarah Desjardins, and Jeff Bridges as Ghost Flynn or something; directed by Joachim Rønning.Grab your tickets now for the first leg of the 2026 tour! We’ll be in Los Angeles on 2/22, Minneapolis on 3/20 and Chicago on 3/22—don’t wait, snag those tix now!Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro.

“These movies are not made for audiences.” - Steve, on DTS titles like thisOn our first episode of 2026 we’re chatting about the direct-to-streaming, holiday-set sequel, The Family Plan 2! Why can’t Wahlberg be icing dudes in this movie? Beyond that great Michael Bay doc that hasn’t come out yet, are we still doing parkour in movies? Should Mark just start doing PVOD Secret Movies? How much of a boost does the on-location shooting give you? Does Kit Harington’s character have an actual plan beyond the vague “power” dream? Why are we cramming Christmas into this film? And doesn’t Michelle Monaghan deserve better than this? PLUS: The Transformers get down with some parkour too! The Family Plan 2 stars Mark Wahlberg, Michelle Monaghan, Zoe Colletti, Van Crosby, Reda Elazouar, Sidse Babett Knudsen, Sanjeev Baskar, and Kit Harington as Finn Clarke; directed by Simon Cellan Jones.This episode is sponsored by Lumi Gummies! Lumi Gummies are available nationwide! Go to LumiGummies.com and use code WHM for 30% off your order!Grab your tickets now for the first leg of the 2026 tour! We’ll be in Los Angeles on 2/22, Minneapolis on 3/20 and Chicago on 3/22—don’t wait, snag those tix now!Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro.

“All I can think of, is this movie doesn’t know what it’s doing…” - Eric On our final episode of the year, we’re joining Jamie Lee Curtis and David Copperfield aboard the… Terror Train! Is this one of the better New Year’s Eve-set horror movies or… not so much? How incredible is Jamie Lee, even in this level of horror dreck? Is Hart Bochner’s character diddling dead bodies? Is renting a party train a feasible means of entertainment these days? And why are they dressed up for Halloween on New Year’s Eve? PLUS: Way, way too much close-up magic here, folks!  Terror Train stars Jamie Lee Curtis, Ben Johnson, Hart Bochner, Derek McKinnon, Sandee Currie, Timothy Webber, Anthony Sherwood, Vanity, Joy Boushel, and David Copperfield as The Magician; directed by Roger Spottiswoode. Don’t miss us next year on the road when we hit Los Angeles (2/22), Minneapolis (3/20) and Chicago (3/22) this winter. Click through to get your 🎟️ now! Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro.

“The Grinch has a FUPA!” - Andrew On this holiday unlock episode from seven Christmases ago, the gang travels to Whoville to chat about the outrageous live-action Dr. Seuss adaptation, How the Grinch Stole Christmas! Get in the holiday spirit as you watch the Grinch do all the beloved gags you remember him doing, like shove stuff up his ass, swear in front of children, murder a yodeler, and motorboat a random woman he went to high school with! PLUS: Donald Sutherland starring as the Grinch in the 1970s? Sign us up!  How the Grinch Stole Christmas stars Jim Carrey, Taylor Momsen, Christine Baranski, Bill Irwin, Molly Shannon, Kelly the Dog, and Clint Howard; directed by Ron Howard. This episode is brought to you by Sonos! This holiday season, give the gift of Sonos sound! Looking for the perfect last-minute gift? Sonos is offering up to 25% off now through December 28, 2025 at sonos dot com. Throughout 2025, we’ll be donating 100% of our earnings from our merch shop to the Center for Reproductive Rights. So head over and check out all these masterful designs and see what tickles your fancy! Shirts? Phone cases? Canvas prints? We got all that and more! Check it out and kick in for a good cause! Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro.

On the final On-Screen Live of 2025, we reviewed Rian Johnson's new Knives Out entry, Wake Up Dead Man, reacted to the teaser for the new Street Fighter flick, and even gave some capsule reviews of a few holiday films you may (or may not!) want to take in during this festive season, both from the Hallmark Channel and Netflix! We also announced the titles for the first three shows of our 2026 tour and even played a surprise round of the VHS Trailer Game! On-Screen Live will return in 2026... Throughout 2025, we’ll be donating 100% of our earnings from our merch shop to the Center for Reproductive Rights. So head over and check out all these masterful designs and see what tickles your fancy! Shirts? Phone cases? Canvas prints? We got all that and more! Check it out and kick in for a good cause! Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro.

“It’s always a weird drifter with a dubious backstory” - Eric on mall SantasOn this week’s episode, we finally welcome film critic/author/podcaster/great dude, Alonso Duralde on the show to chat about the totally outrageous Christmas horror schlocker, Silent Night, Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker! How hilarious is this face-hugger Santa toy in the cold open? Was that really the best name Mickey Rooney’s character could’ve gone with for his toy store? How hilarious is it that this robot actually has a bump? Is this lady too casual about her husband dying in a horrific household freak accident? And was that Clint Howard we spied back there? PLUS: What do you call a bunch of fans of the classic literary character, Geppetto? We break it down. Silent Night, Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker stars William Thorne, Jane Higginson, Van Quattro, Tracy Fraim, Neith Hunter, Conan Yuzna, Brian Bremer, Clint Howard, and Mickey Rooney as Joe Petto; directed by Martin Kitrosser.Also, be sure to pick up the updated & expanded edition of Alonso’s kick-ass book, “Have Yourself a Movie Little Christmas,” which is a totally essential guide for your holiday viewing and is guaranteed to make a killer stocking stuffer for the cinephile in your life. Click through here to pick it up on Bookshop!This episode is brought to you by Sonos! Looking for the perfect last-minute gift? Sonos is offering up to 25% off now through December 28, 2025 at sonos dot com.Throughout 2025, we’ll be donating 100% of our earnings from our merch shop to the Center for Reproductive Rights. So head over and check out all these masterful designs and see what tickles your fancy! Shirts? Phone cases? Canvas prints? We got all that and more! Check it out and kick in for a good cause!Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro.