CALLING HOME with Whitney Goodman, LMFT

Whitney dives into the pitfalls of using therapy language with emotionally immature parents, revealing how it often backfires. She analyzes a pivotal scene from the show 'All Her Fault,' discussing sibling dynamics and how childhood roles can create lasting effects. Listener questions elicit fascinating insights about estrangement among siblings and the complexities of a competitive mother-daughter relationship. Whitney's expertise sheds light on navigating these challenging family dynamics.

Feeling guilty is one of the most common struggles for people stepping away from a dysfunctional family. Whitney explores how guilt is a learned response, not necessarily an evidence of wrongdoing, and why you were trained to believe that meeting your own needs harms others. She discusses the difference between guilt and grief, how family members use guilt to pull you back in, and offers practical tools for moving forward and coming to terms with these feelings.  Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles. Have a question for Whitney? Send a voice memo or email to whitney@callinghome.co Join the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠ Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhit Follow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft ⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic Positivity Learn more about ad choices. Visit podcast.choices.com/adchoices This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice. 1:19 Why guilt shows up when you start doing life differently 03:04 Guilt is a learned response, not evidence of wrongdoing 12:22 Decentering 20:33 Statements for feelings of guilt 26:17 Building a life where you feel safe and supported Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Whether you're skipping the family gathering, still debating about whether to show up, locked in for a chair-arm-gripping dinner, or spending the day alone, Whitney has a few tips for getting through the next 24 hours.  Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles. Have a question for Whitney? Send a voice memo or email to whitney@callinghome.co Join the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠ Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhit Follow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft ⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic Positivity Learn more about ad choices. Visit podcast.choices.com/adchoices This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice. 02:44 Shut the door on social media that will only make it worse 05:40 Practice radical acceptance of your situation 07:08 Expect people to be who they've always been 08:00 Protect your peace by only engaging where you need to 10:54 You're allowed to have a good time Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Samantha Dalton, a group facilitator at Calling Home and host of the Nuance Needed podcast, shares her journey of deconstructing Mormonism, highlighting how deeply it permeates personal and communal life. She discusses the emotional immaturity fostered by early marriage norms, the challenges of gender roles, and the dynamics of accountability among men. The conversation also explores reality TV's complex role in destigmatizing trauma and the necessity of brave storytelling to reduce shame. Samantha's insights shed light on the interplay of religion, culture, and identity.

Whitney answers two listener questions that explore complex family dynamics and different responses to dysfunction. The first question comes from someone navigating estrangement from in-laws who rejected their adopted teenager. The second is about what happens when siblings respond differently to the same dysfunctional family system. Whitney also discusses a moment from the show Special Forces where Kody Brown, a TV personality known from the show Sister Wives, takes accountability for his mistakes as a parent. Whitney also reacts to a recent post from Chad and Haley Kultgen from The Necessary Conversation podcast. Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles. Have a question for Whitney? Send a voice memo or email to whitney@callinghome.coJoin the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠ Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhit Follow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft ⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic Positivity Learn more about ad choices. Visit podcast.choices.com/adchoices This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice. 00:00 Introduction and episode overview 01:40 Special Forces and Sister Wives analysis 08:28 The Necessary Conversation analysis 17:43 Caller question #1 25:07 Caller question #2 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Whitney shares an interview with Harriet Shearsmith, author of "Unfollowing Mum: Break Unhealthy Patterns and be the Parent You Wish You’d Had" and host of the Unfollowing Mum podcast. Harriet opens up about her journey from being completely enmeshed with her mother who lived with Harriet, her husband and three children to eventually becoming estranged after asking her mom to find her own home. They discuss the challenges of recognizing abuse in your own family system, the societal guilt of cutting contact with a parent, cycle breaking with your own children, and how to repair when you make mistakes with your own children. Harriet's new book: https://amzn.to/43vKLFO Harriet's website: https://harrietshearsmith.com/ Harriet's Instagram: @harrietshearsmith  Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles. Have a question for Whitney? Send a voice memo or email to whitney@callinghome.co Join the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠ Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhit Follow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft ⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic Positivity Learn more about ad choices. Visit podcast.choices.com/adchoices This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice. 00:00 Introduction to Harriet Shearsmith and her work 01:43 Harriet's story 15:19 The societal guilt of questioning your parent's behavior 26:07 The difficulty of defining abuse 44:14 Raising children who know their worth Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Whitney unpacks a recent article from New York Magazine: “The Therapy That Can Break You” about Internal Family Systems (IFS) and what can go wrong when trauma treatment crosses ethical lines. She discusses the dangers of working with fragile populations without proper training, and what to watch for when working with different therapeutic modalities. She then answers two listener questions about navigating estrangement as the family scapegoat and balancing support for a depressed parent without losing yourself. Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles. Have a question for Whitney? Call in and leave a voicemail for the show at 866-225-5466 Join the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠ Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhitFollow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft ⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic Positivity Learn more about ad choices. Visit podcast.choices.com/adchoices This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice. 01:06 Introduction to IFS therapy and The Cut article 02:49 What went wrong at Castlewood Treatment Center 09:52 Believing victims and the reality of false memories 18:08 The need for stabilization when working with trauma 25:51 Listener question 1: Navigating estrangement as the family scapegoat 31:32 Listener question 2: Supporting a depressed parent without losing yourself Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Whitney launches a new series exploring family dynamics in pop culture, starting with Netflix's "Nobody Wants This." Joined by Meg Josephson, author of the New York Times bestseller "Are You Mad at Me?", she breaks down the clash between Noah's enmeshed, guilt-driven Jewish family led by his controlling mother Bina, and Joanne's emotionally distant family that hides behind humor. They discuss what happens when parents fuse their identity with their children, the difference between closeness and enmeshment, how cultural expectations complicate boundaries, and whether you'd actually want to sit down at this family's dinner table. Connect with Meg:https://megjosephson.com/ Order Meg’s new book:https://amzn.to/47tyvIi Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles. Have a question for Whitney? Call in and leave a voicemail for the show at 866-225-5466 Join the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠ Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhit Follow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft ⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic Positivity Learn more about ad choices. Visit podcast.choices.com/adchoices This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice. 00:00 Introducing Whitney’s new series 03:49 Character overview 09:07 When Bina’s identity gets fused with her son 14:39 Closeness and enmeshment 27:51 Bina confronts Joanne 34:15 Joanne at Shabbat scene 50:55 The dinner table scale Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Whitney answers two listener questions that share a theme: how do you protect your peace while staying connected to difficult family relationships? The first question explores reconnecting with in-laws after a year and a half of no contact—when is it safe to reopen that door, and how do you move forward without reopening old wounds? The second addresses hosting family in your new home when one relative consistently disrespects boundaries and your independence. Both questions wrestle with the tension between honoring your growth and navigating relationships with people who haven't changed. Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles. Have a question for Whitney? Call in and leave a voicemail for the show at 866-225-5466 Join the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠ Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhit Follow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft ⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic Positivity Learn more about ad choices. Visit podcast.choices.com/adchoices This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice. 01:14 Question 1: Reconnecting with in-laws after no contact 09:06 A few possibilities of what might happen here 11:59 Question 2: Hosting family when one relative disrespects boundaries 14:07 Potential outcomes of setting boundaries with the problem relative 17:56 Connect with the Family Cycle Breakers Club Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Whitney explores parentification—what happens when children become caregivers, mediators, and "responsible ones" long before they're ready. Whitney shares research on how early caregiving shapes us, when it becomes harmful versus adaptive, and how to transform childhood survival skills into adult strengths without carrying the weight of obligation. She also breaks down the scene between Brittany and her estranged daughter on The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles. Have a question for Whitney? Call in and leave a voicemail for the show at 866-225-5466 Join the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠ Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhit Follow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft ⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic Positivity Learn more about ad choices. Visit podcast.choices.com/adchoices This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice. 00:16 Breaking down the estrangement scene on Real Housewives of Salt Lake City 13:27 What is parentification and why does it happen? 17:19 The adaptive strengths of parentification 22:11 The maladaptive consequences of early caregiving 25:48 Transforming survival skills into strengths you choose Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices