Best Life Best Death

Dr. Qwynn Galloway-Salazar brings her experience as a veteran and spouse of a combat veteran straight into her work as a death doula and educator. She sees the value of a multi-layered approach, believing that: 1) we can best companion veterans who are dying by understanding their unique end-of-life needs; 2) we can better support the caregivers of veterans through education and practical resources; and 3) we can offer insights to the medical team that is supporting an individual, to help them understand the unique facets of a veteran's life experience and how those may play out at the end. Qwynn and I dive into these questions and more, but at the heart of this conversation is the question: What would it look like to truly honor veterans as they come to the end of their lives? Facebook.com/qwynn.galloway

This week I have a conversation with none other than an old family friend. And while I love talking to the experts out there, there’s something just kinda basic about about chatting with a friend who’s “been through it” with his parents and in-laws. What are the lessons he gleaned? What went well in their family situation? What are the pitfalls he has seen, personally and through his work? We talk about both the personal and the big picture of eldercare — how do we approach this stage, why is it so complicated, what do families need to know, and how can they prepare themselves for the later stages of people’s lives?

Amy Nofziger is the Director of Victim Support for the AARP Fraud Watch Network and has nearly two decades of experience in fraud prevention and victim support. Listen to this BLBD episode to get the scoop on scams and fraud. What is it? How does it happen? Could I be a victim? What do I do if I am? As Amy says, “Know the red flags: asking for money or your personal information. End of story.” What does this have to do with my "Best Death," you are asking? File this in the "Best Life" department!

What would it mean to you to “Always go to Ohio”? In this episode, author Jennifer Graham and I ponder the question: why show up?  Whether for a next door neighbor, or for a family member or friend across the country, how do we show up for one another? Jennifer says, “That’s one of the lessons that I’ve taken from all of this: That there’s absolutely nothing you can do that has more value than physically showing up for people.” Maybe this is what humans need — to show up for each other. But how, and when, and in what way? Together we tackle some of the obvious questions and also mull over some of the nuances. https://jennifergrahamtoday.com/

In this episode, learn about “wind phones” — what are they, where are they, who is making them, and why? Created to share a continuing relationship with someone who has died, wind phones are in our communities in some surprising places. As Amy Dawson, curator of the website mywindphone.com, says, “The concept of sending messages on the wind isn’t new… It goes back to Greek mythology, and beyond. Gods sent messages on the wind.” Find out how you can send messages on the wind through this creative and widespread phenomenon. http://mywindphone.com https://www.instagram.com/mywindphone/

Allison Applebaum, Ph.D. sees caregiving through both a personal and professional lens, giving her a unique take on the logistics of individual situations as well as the broad view. She talks about the “three buckets of responsibilities” that are common for carepartners; offers ways to create support both internally (think: breathing) and externally (think: build a team of support); and asks two big questions: 1) “How can our healthcare system better prepare caregivers for the tasks they face?” and 2) “What does it mean to find meaning in caregiving?” https://allisonapplebaum.com/ https://www.instagram.com/drallisonapplebaum/ https://twitter.com/DocApplebaum

Dr Matthew Tyler is a palliative doctor and champion via social media for having the hard conversations when necessary. He knows that doctors are doing their best, and some excel at breaking difficult news to patients. But communication skills have to be developed over time and with experience, and every patient is unique in their desire for “That Conversation.” So – you have to train your doctor in knowing you! What is a “goals of care conversation”? How do you know what success looks like for you as an individual? How do we begin these conversations with our doctors? I hope that this podcast episode helps you take steps to ensure that you and your doctor are aligned on the important subject of your care. https://howtotrainyourdoctor.com/ https://www.instagram.com/howtotrainyourdoctor/ https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCj8dh2NwtsW2B1d9SyGhXSg https://www.linkedin.com/in/matthew-tyler-4848b8206/

This conversation with Dr Aditi Sethi is a heart-felt discussion of a film, a doctor’s experience of an unusual patient, and the idea that “death has value.” Dr Sethi is the type of palliative care and hospice doctor who brings full presence and full heart to everything she does, and together we reflect on the film, her friendship and doula work with Ethan Sisser, and what it means to die in community. Whether or not you are able to see the movie, our conversation describes the film so you can imagine it, explains Dr Sethi's involvement and views, and asks the question: what would it be like to be surrounded by a loving community when we die? To learn more... Visit the film's website: www.thelastecstaticdaysmovie.com Subscribe to THE LAST ECSTATIC DAYS on YouTube:  http://tiny.cc/TheLastEcstaticDaysSub Follow THE LAST ECSTATIC DAYS on Instagram: https://bit.ly/TheLastEcstaticDays-IG Like THE LAST ECSTATIC DAYS on Facebook: https://bit.ly/TheLastEcstaticDays-FB

Willow End of Life Education and Planning is all about changing the conversation around death and dying to include living. As Reena Lazar says, “All that matters in the end, matters now.” We talk about how the finiteness of life is profoundly motivating; how thinking about the end and working backwards makes a difference in how we live; the impact of a quick love letter exercise; and how conversations are key. We even dive into five concrete steps that can help guide you in having more successful end-of-life conversations with someone you love. https://www.willoweol.com/ Follow on socials: Facebook Instagram Twitter LinkedIn

Caring for someone who is dying takes a different approach, and family members may not always remember that or see that it is no longer time to "seek a cure." Katie Duncan and I discuss some of the challenges that family caregivers face when someone is dying: realizing the time to "fix" is at an end; stepping into a role with little or no training; adjusting to this new role, often from a geographic distance; acknowledging and adjusting to the constantly changing needs of the loved one; and figuring out who to turn to for guidance and resources. As educator Barbara Karnes says, “Dying is not a medical event, but a community event.” Listen in to learn more. Follow her on socials: ⁠https://www.facebook.com/death.care.coach⁠ ⁠https://www.instagram.com/death.care.coach⁠ ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCkE5aFVFxWT46nNar91cLXw⁠⁠