Best Life Best Death

This week’s podcast is especially close to my heart. In the spring of 2025, my family said goodbye to our beloved 16-year-old dog, Kaya. Sarah and I explore the many complex decisions that arise around the death of our cherished animal companions. With her years of experience and compassionate perspective, Sarah and I talk through the importance of acknowledging pet loss and holding the both/and. As she says, “There is beauty available, even in the heartbreak… Paradox is the only basket large enough to hold the truth.”https://sacreddeathcare.com/

Director Scott Kirschenbaum joins me to discuss the powerful documentary, The Last Ecstatic Days, and the transformative journey of making this film. Drawn by a long-standing connection to Dr. Aditi Sethi and the story of Ethan Sisser, Scott traveled from California to North Carolina to document Ethan’s final days. The result is a deeply moving, life-affirming film that honors Ethan’s wish to share his experience with the world. Scott finds himself deeply moved by the way in which Ethan was cared for, and he tells me, “We need to see community death care be a part of the fabric of how we engage with our neighbors. It’s imperative now.” What does that mean? How did Ethan’s experience shape that thinking? And where can you see this film? Coming on PBS in August 2025 and available on streaming platforms everywhere.

To sum up this episode, I’d say: listen to learn all about Death Cafés from a seasoned facilitator! How does it work? Who attends? What sorts of things are discussed? And how can I find one near me? Pull up a chair at this conversation about Death Cafés – where talking about the end is just the beginning of a really lively conversation.

Rachel has her MDA – Master of Death Administration! Her personal experience settling estates led her to create a business as an After Loss Professional. So what does that actually mean? In this episode, we talk about “legacy organization” before death, and the management of everything that follows after. What do we need to know now? What blind spots might we be leaving behind? Why do so many of us avoid getting organized in advance? Often, our excuses are rooted in denial, dread – or just plain defiance. Tune in for Rachel’s signature mix of humor and wisdom as we explore what it means to get truly prepared and handle the aftermath. How do you choreograph a well-planned exit?https://myafterlight.com/https://www.instagram.com/myafterlighthttps://www.facebook.com/myafterlight

Words straight from her website: “As a death doula, educator, and public speaker, Erin Merelli guides individuals, families, and communities to meet mortality with intention, courage, and love. Her message is simple but not easy: We are all going to die, and to manage that well, we need to talk about it.” Oh yes indeed! Erin’s clarity and ability to articulate why these conversations matter shines through in this surprisingly upbeat chat. Most intriguingly of all, we explore this question: is it our human responsibility to carry one another through death?

Description: On BLBD episode #145, one year ago, Kate and I talked extensively about VSED, Voluntarily Stopping Eating and Drinking. Her mother chose VSED to hasten her death, and we discussed her family’s experience in detail. Well, Kate is back with an update — and beautifully, remarkably, it’s about her father’s experience with VSED. After witnessing his wife choose VSED to bring her life to a close on her own terms, he ultimately made the same choice for himself. As I say to Kate in our conversation, “Hearing someone’s story about VSED makes such a difference in our understanding.” I think you’ll find that to be true. [Note that BLBD episodes #145, #146 and #201 are each about VSED if you’d like to learn more.] vsedresources.com

Now this is a subject that I really enjoy covering: books. In this episode I chat with a teenager who is a voracious reader — and does she ever know death-themed books! She gives us the run-down on her six favorite books about death, and by the end of it, I challenge you to choose one to read. From settings of fantasy worlds, to cemetery plots; from characters who are the Son of Death, to terminally ill people falling in love… these books are exploring this theme in all kinds of innovative ways. Listen as we discuss: They Both Die at the End by Adam Silvera, Cemetery Boys by Aiden Thomas, You’ve Reached Sam by Dustin Thao, I Fell in Love with Hope by Lancali, Masters of Death by Olivie Blake, The Ghosts We Keep by Mason Deaver.

If you already heard Part I, then you know that this is an episode you do not want to miss! Personal and professional, we dive into what matters most. What are the values and models we hold in caring for the aging? Is there an opportunity to turn towards this often-avoided topic? Rather than jumping over the hard parts and romanticizing about “a good death,” can we instead stick with the mundane, vulnerable realities of aging? https://getaging.comhttps://courtneyemartin.com

This is a topic, a duo, and a two-part podcast that you do not want to miss! I love it when BLBD is both personal and professional, and these two episodes land in that deep space. It all started because I read Courtney Martin’s article “Lack of Eldercare Is Unconscionable” – how’s that for a title? – and when I reached out to Courtney, she suggested we include her father’s gerontologist in the conversation. Together we explore the big topic of aging. As Carla says, “Think about this in the context of the billion dollar industry of anti-aging, where suddenly - unless you live to 100 healthfully - you fail. We are doing a disservice to all of us.” https://getaging.comhttps://courtneyemartin.com

Dr. Holly Everett’s work helps us better understand roadside memorials and other public expressions of remembrance. Her 1998 master’s thesis, “Crossroads: Roadside Accident Memorials in and around Austin, Texas,” examines 35 memorials, exploring how they’re constructed and the cultural meanings they convey. What is the intent of a roadside memorial? Is it meant to be temporary or permanent? Are these markers legal? Who builds them, and what does that process look like? How do roadside memorials compare to spontaneous large-scale public commemorations of grief? Dr. Everett offers insight into these everyday and deeply meaningful spaces of mourning. After learning more about them, you’ll never look at them the same.