Best Life Best Death

Words straight from her website: “As a death doula, educator, and public speaker, Erin Merelli guides individuals, families, and communities to meet mortality with intention, courage, and love. Her message is simple but not easy: We are all going to die, and to manage that well, we need to talk about it.” Oh yes indeed! Erin’s clarity and ability to articulate why these conversations matter shines through in this surprisingly upbeat chat. Most intriguingly of all, we explore this question: is it our human responsibility to carry one another through death?

Description: On BLBD episode #145, one year ago, Kate and I talked extensively about VSED, Voluntarily Stopping Eating and Drinking. Her mother chose VSED to hasten her death, and we discussed her family’s experience in detail. Well, Kate is back with an update — and beautifully, remarkably, it’s about her father’s experience with VSED. After witnessing his wife choose VSED to bring her life to a close on her own terms, he ultimately made the same choice for himself. As I say to Kate in our conversation, “Hearing someone’s story about VSED makes such a difference in our understanding.” I think you’ll find that to be true. [Note that BLBD episodes #145, #146 and #201 are each about VSED if you’d like to learn more.] vsedresources.com

Now this is a subject that I really enjoy covering: books. In this episode I chat with a teenager who is a voracious reader — and does she ever know death-themed books! She gives us the run-down on her six favorite books about death, and by the end of it, I challenge you to choose one to read. From settings of fantasy worlds, to cemetery plots; from characters who are the Son of Death, to terminally ill people falling in love… these books are exploring this theme in all kinds of innovative ways. Listen as we discuss: They Both Die at the End by Adam Silvera, Cemetery Boys by Aiden Thomas, You’ve Reached Sam by Dustin Thao, I Fell in Love with Hope by Lancali, Masters of Death by Olivie Blake, The Ghosts We Keep by Mason Deaver.

If you already heard Part I, then you know that this is an episode you do not want to miss! Personal and professional, we dive into what matters most. What are the values and models we hold in caring for the aging? Is there an opportunity to turn towards this often-avoided topic? Rather than jumping over the hard parts and romanticizing about “a good death,” can we instead stick with the mundane, vulnerable realities of aging? https://getaging.comhttps://courtneyemartin.com

This is a topic, a duo, and a two-part podcast that you do not want to miss! I love it when BLBD is both personal and professional, and these two episodes land in that deep space. It all started because I read Courtney Martin’s article “Lack of Eldercare Is Unconscionable” – how’s that for a title? – and when I reached out to Courtney, she suggested we include her father’s gerontologist in the conversation. Together we explore the big topic of aging. As Carla says, “Think about this in the context of the billion dollar industry of anti-aging, where suddenly - unless you live to 100 healthfully - you fail. We are doing a disservice to all of us.” https://getaging.comhttps://courtneyemartin.com

Dr. Holly Everett’s work helps us better understand roadside memorials and other public expressions of remembrance. Her 1998 master’s thesis, “Crossroads: Roadside Accident Memorials in and around Austin, Texas,” examines 35 memorials, exploring how they’re constructed and the cultural meanings they convey. What is the intent of a roadside memorial? Is it meant to be temporary or permanent? Are these markers legal? Who builds them, and what does that process look like? How do roadside memorials compare to spontaneous large-scale public commemorations of grief? Dr. Everett offers insight into these everyday and deeply meaningful spaces of mourning. After learning more about them, you’ll never look at them the same.

Laura Cleminson believes that we could all use more preparation before the people we are close to are dying. How can we get that? Through conversation! Based north of Boston, Laura founded the Pre-Dead Social Club as a way to get her community talking. She creates structured — and fun — social events that bring strangers together to discuss an end-of-life topic, share information, and even touch on some major feelings. Organized but loose, structured but casual, the Pre-Dead Social Club is the happening-est club in town. And the only prerequisite for membership is to be alive, aka pre-dead. Let’s get this going wherever we live!https://www.predeadsocialclub.com/https://www.facebook.com/predeadsocialclubhttps://www.instagram.com/predeadsocialclub/

In this BLBD episode, author Kristina Amelong joins me to share the deeply personal journey behind her memoir What My Brother Knew. Through honest conversations and reflection, Kristina explores the life and death of her brother, who died at the age of 13 in a bicycle accident – which he knew would happen. How did he know? How did the family deal with this? How did exploring this family trauma over many years become a path of healing for his sister? What does it mean to carry a sibling’s story forward with care and courage? This episode offers a poignant look at grief, memory, and the power of telling our truths.https://www.kristinaamelong.com/facebook.com/kristina.amelonginstagram.com/optimalhealthnetwork

What does “code status” really mean — and how does it affect the care we receive at the end of life? In this episode, Dr. Matthew Tyler returns to clarify common misunderstandings about CPR, DNR, and medical interventions during serious illness and the frailty of old age. We explore when full code makes sense, when it probably doesn’t, and how patients and families can make informed, values-based decisions. We also discuss Dr. Tyler’s new caregiver coaching services, through which he offers personalized support when palliative care isn’t available locally. I think everyone should explore these issues and have someone like Dr Tyler on their team to talk things through!⁠https://howtotrainyourdoctor.com/⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/people/How-to-Train-Your-Doctor/100095193314200/?sk=reels_tab⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/howtotrainyourdoctor/⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/@howtotrainyourdoctor⁠

Dr. Matthew Tyler returns to explore the layers of palliative care — what it is, what it isn’t, and how it differs from hospice. We discuss everything from managing physical and existential pain to the role of family dynamics and coping skills in end-of-life care. Is pain at the end of life inevitable, and how can it be managed? What role can patients and families play in guiding medical decisions at the end of life? How can families and caregivers better cope with the complexities of serious illness? Whether you’re supporting a loved one or navigating illness yourself, this conversation offers practical insight and hope. Dr. Tyler also introduces his new caregiver coaching services, designed to help families find clarity and confidence in uncertain times, especially when local palliative care is not available.https://howtotrainyourdoctor.com/https://www.facebook.com/people/How-to-Train-Your-Doctor/100095193314200/?sk=reels_tabhttps://www.instagram.com/howtotrainyourdoctor/https://www.youtube.com/@howtotrainyourdoctor