Seanbaby contractually traps Brockway and guest, author Jason Pargin, into doing an entire podcast about how sad Corey Feldman is. Don't worry! You won't feel bad for him by the time we get to the sex cult, the forced starvations, and Jingle Bell Rock.

Brockway drafts Seanbaby and fantasy author Django Wexler to talk about his favorite fantasy movie of all time: a 15-minute football promo. In 1986, the Cleveland Browns made and starred in a short Conan ripoff called Masters of the Gridiron, guest starring The Michael Stanley Band, Tiny Tim, and a loose bear. On to the planet of battle!

Seanbaby is your Sexmaster for Dr. Ruth's The Game of Good Sex! The only and perfect cohost on this journey through the world of 1980s fucking? Brockway! The only and perfect guest to shatter every single terrible rule in here? Hana Michels! Oh no, we landed on premature ejaculation!

Brockway recruits Seanbaby and guests Zak Koonce and Vanessa Guerrero into the nerdiest kumite: This is the movie Bloodsport but Dungeons and Dragons. This is episode 2. This is the one with "OK USA!" in it!

Seanbaby builds a janky burning obstacle course of buckets and fish, then invites Brockway and guest Lydia Bugg to chop through it with hobo-made knives! It's Knife or Death! The reality show about knife lunatics! Knife! Or Death!

Brockway shrinks Seanbaby and horror author Max Booth's heads, then commands them to do his dark bidding: Talk about the 1994 movie Shrunken Heads! They refuse! They turn on him and fucking eat him on air, it takes over an hour.

Seanbaby needs his brothers in power, Brockway and Todd in the Shadows, to believe in Christ extra hard so he'll have the strength to smash through the Power Team Rock Album! Christian strongmen recording a rock album together, it's gotta be good!

Brockway challenges Seanbaby and guests Drew Toothpaste and Natalie Dee to an old-fashioned fish fry, claim dig, and Bigfoot Shootout! It's the sasquatch blastin' barbecue event of the season, so put on your ape assault apron and get ready to gun duel bigfeet!

Seanbaby tasks Brockway and guest Dirk Marshall with the impossible: Come up with a more ragtag team than the Eliminators, the raggiest, taggiest motherfuckers to ever dethrone a cybernetic time god.

Seanbaby invited Brockway and guest, author Jason Pargin, to get unreasonably angry at the ridiculous 1980s rock 'n roll backwards messaging panic. They said "no, thank you." Then he invited them three times backwards and they had to comply -- that's how podcasts work!