Jack Kornfield trained as a Buddhist monk in the monasteries of Thailand, India, and Burma. He has taught meditation internationally since 1974 and is one of the key teachers to introduce Buddhist mindfulness practice to the West. After graduating from Dartmouth College in Asian Studies in 1967 he joined the Peace Corps and worked on tropical medicine teams in the Mekong River valley. He met and studied as a monk under the Buddhist master Ven. Ajahn Chah, as well as the Ven. Mahasi Sayadaw of Burma. Returning to the United States, Jack co-founded the Insight Meditation Society in Barre, Massachusetts, with fellow meditation teachers Sharon Salzberg and Joseph Goldstein and the Spirit Rock Center in Woodacre, California. Over the years, Jack has taught in centers and universities worldwide, led International Buddhist Teacher meetings, and worked with many of the great teachers of our time. He holds a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and is a father, husband, and activist. His books have been translated into 20 languages and sold more than a million copies including his most recent book, No Time Like the Present: Finding Freedom, Love, and Joy Right Where You Are.

If you hate yourself and hate your life...it doesn't have to stay this way.  In today's podcast, I'm going to walk you through the exact steps you must take to rebuild yourself from the ground up and create a life you LOVE 

Mo Gawdat is the Chief Business Officer for Google [X], a serial entrepreneur and author of “Solve for Happy: Engineer Your Path to Joy” Mo has an impressive combined career of 27 years, starting at IBM Egypt as a Systems Engineer before moving to a sales role in the government sector. Venturing into the UAE, Mo joined NCR Abu Dhabi to cover the non-finance sector. He then became acquainted with the consumer goods industry as Regional Manager of BAT. At Microsoft, he assumed various roles over a span of seven and a half years, in his last role at Microsoft he headed the Communications Sector across Emerging Markets worldwide. Favorite Success Quote “The gravity of the battle means nothing to those at peace” Key Points 1. The Equation for Happiness is Simple  Happiness is not complicated. While you might not come to this conclusion by scrolling through your social media feed, watching the latest advertisements, or even reading some of the more popular personal growth and self-help books, when you truly sit down and think objectively, you will realize that happiness is simple. Despite marketer’s best attempts to prove otherwise, happiness isn’t contingent upon some wild, complex, equation. In fact, the equation for happiness is almost too simple. Happiness is equal to or greater than the events of your life minus the expectations you have for those events. That’s it. The equation isn’t “Happiness = Fancy Clothes + A 6-Figure Salary + An Italian Sports Car and a French Bikini Model” It’s simply events – expectations.  But what does this really mean? At the most basic level, it means that your happiness in any given situation, and thus your happiness in life, is entirely dependent on the difference between what you expect from a situation and how that situation actually turns out. So, for example, let’s say that the event in question is coming home to your wife after a long day of work. Let’s look at how your expectations of the event will determine your happiness. On one hand, your expectation might be that when you come home after a long day of work, your wife should be preparing dinner, opening you a cold beer, and wearing a sexy outfit that tells you she’s “in the mood”. On the other, your expectation might simply be that your wife should be relaxing and unwinding after her long day of work and that the two of you should prepare dinner and unwind together. While neither of these expectations are right or wrong, they can have a tremendous effect on your happiness and well being. If you come home with the first set of expectations and your wife has already prepared dinner but left it in the oven and is now relaxing on the couch… You are going to be unhappy and angry because your expectations were not met. However, if you come home to the exact same situation with the second set of expectations, you will not only be happy, but you will feel an abundance of love for your wife because she went above and beyond and exceeded your expectations. So now, you might be wondering, “If the secret to happiness is to have lower expectations, shouldn’t I just stop expecting anything so that I will never be disappointed?” Well, yes and no. While eliminating your expectations would certainly make you happier in the short run, it proves detrimental to your well being and success in the long term. If you have no expectations of yourself or others, then you will mistreat yourself and allow other people to walk all over you. Therefore, the key to happiness is to first become conscious of your expectations and then consciously and intentionally craft a new set of expectations that serve you and your purpose in life. 2. We Are All Born Happy  An often forgotten truth of life is that we were all born happy. All of us. We are born carefree and loving, without any hate, anger, or animosity in our hearts. It is our society that teaches us to be unhappy, to compare ourselves to others, to hate our fellow man, and to be unfulfilled. And once you become aware of this reality, it is your job to undo the programming that society has instilled into your brain. Luckily, the process for “deprogramming” all of the crap in your brain is simple, however, this doesn’t mean it’s easy. The best way to start is to pick up some sort of daily mindfulness practice whether it’s meditation, prayer, long walks in nature, or even just some sort of conscious movements like yoga or Tai Chi. These practices allow you to detach yourself from the human experience and the brain’s programming and become more aware of how you or your “superconscious” are meant to function. Let’s use the analogy of a new computer so that you can understand what I mean. Whenever you get a new computer, everything runs smoothly. It functions exactly as it was designed, quickly opening applications, seamlessly running commands, and doing its job without a problem. But over time, things start to slow down and problems start to arise. You begin downloading new programs and applications, visiting questionable websites, and demanding more of your computer than the software and hardware were designed to handle. And as you execute increasingly demanding operations, your computer starts to slow and malfunction and what once took 2 seconds now takes 2 minutes. When this happens (and it almost always happen) the only way to restore its original performance is to return it to default settings and execute a complete factory reset. In much the same way as a computer’s default setting is speed and efficiency, our brain’s default setting is happiness and contentment. But when we start installing (willingly or unwillingly) societal, religious, and familial expectations into our “operating system”, we start to get bogged down, and experience unhappiness. And when this happens, the only way to return to our original state is a “Factory reset” which typically takes the form of meditation, affirmations, journaling, and other consciousness practices. These practices are kind of like our brain’s “CTRL + ALT + DELETE” function and the more you can integrate them into your daily life, the smoother and faster you you will operate. 3. Your Emotional State is Determined by Your Thoughts, Not Events One of the simplest, but most impactful, formulas that you can understand to achieve a happy life is this: E + R = O Or Event + Response = Outcome In other words, your emotional outcome (happy, sad, angry, loving) is not determined by the events in your life, but rather by your response to the events in your life. For example, let’s say that you are going out to meet up with a friend. You agreed to meet at the local coffee shop around 8 a.m., but when you show up he is nowhere to be found. You order your drink, a few minutes go by, and your friend is still absent. At this point, you can respond in one of two ways. First, you can assume that your friend does not respect you, get angry, and allow his tardiness to dampen your mood. Or, you can simply assume that your friend had some sort of extenuating circumstance that stopped him from showing up on time and reframe his lateness by saying, “Great! This gives me a few minutes to read that new book I bought“, resulting in a happier and more fulfilling morning. In these two examples, the event was exactly the same, but by changing the response to the event, you achieved two wildly different outcomes. When you understand the far reaching applications of this formula, your life will begin to change in ways that you could never expect. Mastering your emotional response to any circumstance gives you power over the events in your life instead of allowing those events to have power over you. And when your internal world remains unaffected by the chaos of the outside world, you will have true power in your life, business, and relationships. 4. Learn to Differentiate Between Incessant and Effective Thoughts As it pertains to our happiness, there are only two kinds of thoughts. Effective thoughts and incessant thoughts. Effective thoughts are the thoughts that move the needle forward in your life, thoughts that solve problems, achieve goals, and give you a deeper understanding of your place in the cosmos. Incessant thoughts are the negative thoughts that do nothing to improve the quality of your life or happiness even when they are true. In the interview, Mo shared a powerful example detailing the difference between these two thoughts during a tragic situation. At the age of 21 years old, Mo’s son Ali died on the operating table during a routine surgery that should have been quick and simple. Shocked and in pain, Mo was overwhelmed with a wave of thoughts and feelings that can only be comprehended by people who have experienced a similar tragedy in his life. Over the coming weeks and months, Mo was faced with a single, pervasive and incessant thought, “I will never get to hug my son Ali again.” However, as he continued grieving for his son, he realized something. This thought would not bring Ali back, it would not change reality, and it would not benefit humanity. So he made a very conscious decision to change his thinking. Instead of thinking “I will never hug my son again”, he reframed the tragedy and said, “My son is dead, now it is my duty to remember his legacy by living my life as he would have wanted and impacting the world in honor of his memory.” And while this new thought didn’t take away the pain of losing his child, it allowed him to cope with the loss and make sense of the heart break. Each of us is faced with the same thoughts day in and day out. Even if we haven’t lost a loved one, we are all faced with our own “Incessant thought demons” that seek to cripple us and hold us back from living a happy life. Whether we are constantly thinking about a mistake that we regret, a relationship that we ruined, or an opportunity that we lost, we all have incessant loops of unhelpful thoughts playing in the back of our mind. And the biggest problem with these thoughts is that 99% of the time… They are true! But just because something is true, does not mean that it is advantageous. For example, if you lost the woman of your dreams because you were too focused on your work and not focused on the relationship, you might be faced with the incessant thought “I will never have her in my life again”. Chances are, this thought is true. But does it serve you in any way!? No! Instead, you can choose to reframe this thought by saying “I will never have this woman in my life again, so now it is my duty to learn from my mistakes and move forward so that I can find love once more… Only this time, I will make it work.” The moment that you can learn to eradicate incessant thoughts and replace them with intentional and effective thoughts is the moment that your life will be irrevocably changed for the better. 5. Money Doesn’t Make You Happier… Unless Countless studies have been conducted on the correlation between money and happiness, and what they found was rather interesting. Money only affects your happiness up to a certain point. If you are living below the poverty line, increasing your income to a stable and livable level will drastically improve your happiness. However, going from $100,000 a year to $100,000 a month will only have a marginal impact on your happiness and mental well being. However, once you have passed roughly $7,000 a month, increasing your income will only result in a nominal increase in your happiness. So, for example, if you go from $100,000 a year to $250,000 a year, your happiness will not increase by any appreciable amount. If this is true, then why is it that so many rich people seem to live better and happier lives? Because they give so much of their money away! Studies have found that one of the only ways money can make you happier after you have passed the $70,000/year threshold is if you are giving more of your money to charitable causes, family, friends, and organizations that you support. For example, if you earn an extra $20,000 bonus this year and then use it to put a down payment on a new sports car, your happiness will only increase marginally and temporarily. However, if you took that same $20,000 and paid for a vacation with some of your closest friends, your happiness would increase dramatically and the effects would last much longer. So yes, money is important for your happiness. If you cannot afford to put food on the table, increasing your income is one of the quickest ways to increase your happiness. But after your basic living expenses are covered, giving your wealth away and spending it on the people you care about is the only way to leverage your money to increase your happiness. 6. Life is a Video Game and Challenges Make the Game Fun  Life is not fair, it is not perfect, and it is not easy. But I’ll let you in on a little secret… That’s what makes life fun! I want you to imagine that the new Call of Duty just came out, and after months of anxiously anticipating the game’s release, you take it home and start playing. You go through the tutorial, launch the first level, and then get ready to kill some virtual bad guys. But there’s a problem… There are no bad guys to kill and no challenges to overcome. Every level is simply a linear progression where you run from the beginning to the end as quickly as you can, avoiding all signs of danger or adversity. Does that sound like a fun game? Probably not. And guess what? Life is nothing more than a very intense and large scale video game. So why in the world would you want it to be easy? Why would you want a challenge and problem free life? Just think about it for a moment. Imagine that I came to your house tomorrow and gave you an Olympic Gold Medal. How would you feel? If you are anything like me, you would probably think that the medal was pretty cool, but after a few minutes of looking at it, you would quickly feel disenchanted and bored because you did nothing to earn the medal. You’d probably sell it or leave it in your sock drawer because it has no significance in your life. But imagine that you have been training for the Olympics since you were 12 years old. You worked every single day for the past ten years of your life, and when you finally had the opportunity, you competed and won. How would that medal make you feel? I would chance a guess that the medal would have more meaning and significance to you than darn near anything else that you owned. Why? Because you worked for it, you suffered for it, and you endured more pain than most people are willing to endure in order to call that medal your own. In much the same way, we gain meaning in our lives by overcoming challenges, by enduring pain, and by beating adversity. Life isn’t meant to be easy. It’s meant to be a challenge. A challenge that you enjoy and have fun with, yes. But a challenge nonetheless. 7. You Don’t Find Your Purpose… It Finds You So many people in the modern world are concerned with finding their purpose. But they fail to realize that you don’t find your purpose, your purpose finds you. People don’t just wake up one day and say “Hmm, I know exactly what I am meant to do and how I am going to do it”. Instead, they find the intersection of their passions and talents and they work for years honing their skills, setting and conquering goals, and becoming better and better. Then, when they have mastered their craft, an opportunity presents itself, often in the most unlikely manner, and all of the hard work they put in begins to make sense. If you want to live a life of purpose, then you must first start by building your skills and growing yourself until you are ready to handle your purpose. Typically, this means working on rather mundane skills and projects so that you can grow your capacity as a human being. Think about the classic Karate kid movie where Mr. Miyagi had his student wax the car and paint the fence. These tasks seemed dull, monotonous, and frustrating. But, when the time came, and the first punch was thrown, these dull tasks that the Karate Kid had practiced suddenly made sense and he realized that he had been practicing for the purpose of learning a new skill. Steve Jobs summarized this truth when he said You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.

Mark Divine served 9 years on active duty and 11 years on reserve as a US Navy SEAL before retiring as a commander in 2011. After his decorated career in the special forces, Mark went on the found Navyseals.com, launch US Tactical, and develop a revolutionary workout program known as SEAL Fit. He has also written multiple New York Times, Wall Street Journal, and Amazon best-selling books. Favorite Success Quote “Undisturbed calmness of mind is attained by cultivating friendliness toward the happy, compassion for the unhappy, delight in the virtuous, and indifference toward the wicked.” ~Patanjali Key Points 1. Focus On People’s Character Not their Acumen  If you ever have the opportunity to sit down with any older businessmen or entrepreneurs and ask them the question “What was your biggest mistake”, nine times out of ten they will tell you that their biggest regret in business was trusting someone who they shouldn’t have trusted. You see, even outside of the realm of business, it’s easy to overlook people’s character flaws because of their other resources. I see many men fall into this trap in business, dating, and friendship. It’s easy to ignore the obvious red flags with your new employee because they are a monster salesman and you know that they will make you a lot of money (until they end up stealing it back). It’s easy to ignore a woman’s blatant character flaws because she’s wildly attractive and great in bed. It’s easy to ignore your friend’s unscrupulous behavior because he’s funny, rich, and always makes sure you have a good time. But if you want to mitigate risk and succeed at life, you must adopt a more cautious approach. Learn to focus on people’s character and their virtues, not just their raw talent. Because at the end of the day, it’s easier to train a virtuous man to become a good salesperson than it is to train a great salesperson to become a virtuous man. 2. Win the Morning Win the Day  Mark attributes much of his success to the powerful morning rituals that he follows in order to get himself grounded and ready for the day. Something that surprised me is that Mark’s routine doesn’t take several hours, one hour, or even 30-minutes. He told me that he can complete his routine in 15-minutes on average and 5 if he’s really pressed for time. Each morning he spends a few minutes in silent meditation, then he will focus his intentions on his life vision and the daily tasks he needs to achieve to move closer to that vision, and finally, he will review the elements of his “ethos” or the guiding principles upon which he operates his life. And that’s it. Whatever your goals in life, you need to start your day in a powerful state to set yourself up to win the day and achieve your dreams. Personally, I try and start most mornings by watching something inspirational, reading a few pages of a classic book, journaling, focusing on gratitude, and incorporating some sort of physical exercise. How you develop your own morning routine will be unique to your dreams and vision, but what is important is that you have a morning routine and that it helps you get grounded and ready to go out and achieve your dreams. 3. Turn Failure Into Your Greatest Asset  Many people believe that failure is a problem, that it’s a liability. But it’s not. Failure is actually one of your greatest assets and closest friends… When you use it properly and learn from it. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that failure is fun or that you should try and fail. Failure sucks, there’s nothing fun about it, and nobody wants to see their dreams and ambitions fail. But when you fail and trust me, you will fail, you have one of two options. You can whine and bitch and complain. Or you can dust yourself off, look at your failure objectively, and ask yourself “Ok, how can I do better next time?” Failure is only failure if you don’t learn from it, if you don’t grow from it, and if you don’t reframe it so that you see each failure as a valuable teacher, educating you about how to achieve your dreams. 4. Realize that Your Growth is Limited by Your Shadow  There is an old saying that “A chain is only as strong as its weakest link”. And in the realm of personal growth, you are only as strong as your darkest parts. I see so many men today who walk through their lives trying to elicit personal growth by constantly pushing forward, suppressing the pain of the past, and ignoring the emotional trauma that has held them back. But the harsh reality of life is that you can only grow to the extent that you are willing to address your darkness or your shadow self. We all have a dark side, we’ve all been hurt, we all have deep wounds and pain whether we want to address them or not. And most men choose to ignore this dark side. They try and move on with their lives and pretend that everything is ok when, subconsciously, the pain and hurt of the past is holding them back from living the lives of their dreams. If you want to move forward in your life, if you want to truly succeed, if you want to open up to true intimacy and love and connection, then you must face your shadow. You must address the pain, you must conquer your darkness and learn to use it for good. Because if you don’t, you will constantly be haunted (consciously or subconsciously) by the parts of you that you dare not bring into the light. 5. Detach from the Details of the Outcome & Focus on the Vision  One of the biggest mistakes that many men make is that they are more concerned with the details of the outcome than the outcome itself. For example, in the interview, Mark discussed his goal of impacting 100,000,000 lives. He told me that, while he is rigid in his vision, he has learned to be flexible in the details of achieving this outcome. For Mark, it doesn’t matter whether he impacts 10 people who go and change a million lives or whether he impacts a million people who go on to change 10 lives. He is adamant in his vision, but he is flexible in the approach. In your life and with your goals, you must adopt the same mentality. Yes, you should have a strong, crystal clear vision and end game, but you must be flexible about how you achieve that vision.

Tom Bilyeu is the co-founder and President of Quest Nutrition, the second fastest growing privately owned company in the United States (currently valued at over $1 billion). He is also the founder of Impact Theory, a show dedicated to helping you achieve your limitless potential. Favorite Success Quote “Do and believe that which moves you towards your goals” Never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never—in nothing, great or small, large or petty—never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense. Key Points 1. Find That Thing That Makes You Feel Alive  We live in an age of unprecedented freedom. Never before in the history of the human race have there been so many options available to so many members of the general populace. In the 21st century, our options and opportunities, like our potential, are nearly limitless. Traveling across the globe is easier than it’s ever been, growing your brand and authority has never been so scalable, and the ability to build a wildly successful business is now open to anybody with access to the internet. And yet… Despite the tremendous number of resources and the almost limitless amount of opportunity circulating the modern economy, recent polls still indicate that nearly 70% of the American workforce is disengaged with their career! How can this be? In an era of unparalleled choices and opportunity more than two-thirds of the entire nation spends 40+ hours of their week doing something they hate! While every individual is different and each circumstance is unique, I personally believe that the primary reason for this disconnect is simple. People are scared. They are scared that pursuing their dreams will be hard, they are scared that following their passions will be too difficult, and they are scared that they will fail. But guess what? Regardless of the path you choose to pursue, there will be challenges, there will obstacles, and there will be hardships. The struggle is an inevitable part of the human condition. No matter what path you choose to pursue, you will face challenges and trials, you will fail, and you will probably want to quit more than just once. But, if you decide to pursue that thing that makes you come alive, the thing that lights a fire inside of you, the thing that you are willing to devote the rest of your life to… Nothing will stop you. 2.  Tailor Your Activities to Achieve Cognitive Optimization  Since Tom founded one of the fastest growing health and nutrition companies in the world, it should come as little surprise that one of his “Secrets to success” is methodically optimizing his cognitive performance. No matter what goal you are pursuing, you will need to be operating at full blast in order to effectively make decisions, execute on ideas, and move the needle forward. And the quickest way to improve your own performance is to optimize the performance of the gray matter in between your ears. But how does one actually do this? How do you totally optimize your mind without spending thousands of dollars on supplementation, smart drugs, and crazy bio-hacking equipment? The truth is surprisingly unsexy. For Tom, it all starts with sleep. He is in bed every night by 9 p.m. and only wakes up whenever he feels rested and ready to attack the day. This is crucial to ensuring optimal brain performance since the majority of memory, association, and cellular repair happens while we are asleep. After optimizing his sleep, Tom will then head to the gym every single morning, flooding his brain and body with dopamine, endorphins, and endocannabinoids and getting his mind and body into a peak state. With his workout concluded, Tom will sit in silence to spend time “Thinkitating” which is, as Tom puts it, “Applying the afterglow of meditation to solve the greatest challenges in your life.” Basically, after concluding a short meditation session using Mark Divine’s box breathing technique, he will sit back and consciously contemplate the greatest challenges he’s facing in his life allowing his mind and subconscious to search for an answer to the problem. Then, with his exercise and thinkitation done, Tom hits the books and will consciously spend an hour or more each morning filling his mind with ideas from the best and brightest individuals on the planet. Tom attributes much of his success to this “Cognitive optimization morning routine”. It’s not complicated, it doesn’t require much equipment, and it can be done from anywhere in the world. If you want a more detailed description of the Impact Theory Morning Routine, you can check out this article for more info. 3. Always Focus on Delivering More Value than Expected  Imagine for a moment that you are purchasing a product and deciding between two different companies. For the sake of the argument (and since Tom is the founder of a fitness nutrition company) let’s assume that the companies in question are selling a muscle gain supplement. After years of research company A found a formula that helps their clients get results and they decided to follow the age-old advice “If it ain’t broke don’t fix it”. Company B, however, is never satisfied and they continue dumping thousands of dollars a month into sourcing higher quality ingredients, finding new ways to improve their formula, and delivering more value to the end customer. Who do you think will win? Even though Company A has a “good” product that provides real value to their customers, Company B is unwilling to settle for “good enough”. And let me tell you, one of the biggest traps that entrepreneurs fall into is the trap of “Good enough”. Because the second that you stop improving your product, service, or experience somebody else who is hungrier, more motivated, and more driven than you are will steal your customers and leave you in the dust. You must constantly improve the value that you bring to the marketplace and look for new and unique ways to expand your services to help more people. Because at the end of the day, you will be paid in direct proportion to the amount of value that you give. And if you do more than you are paid for now, you will be paid for more than you do later. 4. Email is the Greatest Thief of Productivity While it might seem a little bit superfluous to devote an entire key point of this interview to the topic of email, I want you to consider for a moment that the average American is estimated to spend a total of 3.2 hours per day just checking work related emails (this doesn’t include personal correspondence). That’s almost half of their work day devoted entirely to the largely pointless act of reaching inbox zero. During our interview, Tom admitted to having over 6,000 unopened emails sitting in his inbox and told us that he will typically look at his emails only twice a week for a few minutes. According to conventional wisdom, there’s no way that he could effectively run a successful company spending so little time devoted to email, and yet he’s the Co-founder of one of the nation’s fastest growing companies. If you want to become truly successful at the game of business, then you must learn to focus only on profit-producing activities. Email is not one of those. 5. You Will Never Eliminate Pride, So Use It  While many philosophers and teachers preach the importance of eliminating pride, anyone with a basic understanding of the human condition knows that pride is an inherent part of our existence and will never be removed. So if we cannot eliminate our pride, then what are we supposed to do? The simple answer? Use it. Pride and ego can actually be a phenomenal tool if they are focused on the right things. Specifically, learning to develop immense pride around your focus on the processes, not your outcomes.  What do I mean by this? Well, instead of priding yourself on how smart you are (which will likely lead to careless mistakes) develop immense pride in your commitment to your education. Instead of priding yourself on your physique, strength, or endurance (all of which can be taken away with one injury) develop immense pride in your physical work ethic and desire to improve your body. Learn to take pride in who you are instead of what you are and you will find that pride becomes an asset instead of a liability.

Ryan Nicodemus (and his partner Joshua Fields Milburn) help over 20 million people live meaningful lives with less through their website, books, podcast, and documentary. The Minimalists have been featured in the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Boston Globe, Forbes, TIME, ABC, CBS, NBC, BBC, CBC, and NPR. You can connect with him and learn more at www.theminimalists.com/start/ Favorite Success Quote “It’s not a matter of being busy, so are the ants. The question is: What are you busy about?” ~Henry David Thoreau “Love people and use things because the opposite never works.” Key Points 1. Embrace the Drudgery  Conventional wisdom states that “If you do something you love, you will never work a day in your life”. Unfortunately, as nice as the sentiment sounds, the reality is quite different. If you want to succeed at anything in life, you are going to have to work and let me tell you, there will be times that, no matter how much you love what you do, the work will feel like endless drudgery. I believe that a more accurate statement is, “If you love what you do, you will be able to stomach the hard work.” Ryan loves sharing his message with millions of people across the world, but he doesn’t always love the daily grind of writing, marketing, and speaking. I love empowering men all over the world to achieve their full potential, but I don’t always love managing employees, testing marketing campaigns, or putting out fires. Because we love what we do, we are able to handle the drudgery. That doesn’t make the work any more pleasant or any easier, but it does give those difficult tasks a greater sense of meaning and purpose. This extends beyond the realm of business too. Think about dating and relationships. Just because you are madly in love with someone doesn’t mean that the relationship will not take hard work. There will be fights, there will be disagreements, there will be times when your partner is struggling and you need to stand by and support them. And guess what? It’s hard. But if you truly love that person, it’s also worth it. So embrace the drudgery, realize that you will have to work and you will have to work hard. But remember that if you are working on something you love, the drudgery will be worth every second of pain. 2. Get Clear on the Massive Action You Need to Take  The first step to success in any endeavor is gaining clarity on what you want to achieve. The second step is gaining clarity on the actions you must take in order to manifest that dream and bring it into reality. Knowing what you want is not enough, you must have a very clear blueprint for the specific actions you are going to take in order to achieve your end game. Do you want to be financially independent? Great! Now, what specific actions are you willing to take in order to achieve that goal? Will you work 10-12 hours a day for the next five years? Will you devote all of your free time to your side hustle? Will you break off friendships that are dragging you down and keeping you mediocre? What are you going to do to make it happen? Do you want to be the healthiest man possible? Great! Now, what are you going to do to bring that goal to fruition? Will you give up drinking, smoking, and drugs? Will you commit to training 5 times a week? Will you cut out sugar, gluten, and processed foods? What are you going to do to make it happen? You see, it’s great to set goals, but most people forget that every worthwhile goal requires massive action. And before you set out to achieve a goal, you need to have a very clear picture of what it is that you are willing to sacrifice and what actions you are willing to take in order to achieve your dreams. 3. Giving is Living  While this might sound cliche and overplayed, the secret to living truly is giving. Don’t get me wrong, it’s fun to live for yourself. It’s fun to focus on your own happiness. It’s fun to do your own thing and give a single finger salute to the world. But how long will it fulfill you? When you stumble home drunk for the fourth night this week, a random girl from the bar on your arm, and unlock the door to your penthouse apartment, you’re having fun. But after a while, you will find that the endless cycle of living for yourself and your needs becomes tiring, and the very things that once brought you immense joy and happiness now leave you with a profound emptiness and a voice in your head asking “Is this it?” Life isn’t meant to be lived for yourself. It’s meant to be a shared journey. And if you are struggling to find fulfillment in your current life, then I want to challenge you to refocus your intentions and desires on giving back. It doesn’t have to be a huge gesture either. Commit to giving away $5 a day in a creative way. Do one random act of kindness a week. Volunteer at a soup kitchen a few hours each month. Do something that gets you out of your bubble and allows you to give back. Because not only will you be contributing to the greater good, but you will also be reminding yourself of just how good your life really is. It will help you remember what is truly important and it will reframe your current struggles and put your problems into perspective. And what’s more? It will give you a profound sense of inner peace and fulfillment. The secret to living truly is giving. So the only question I want to ask you is this… What are you going to give? 4. You Must Know Your Values and Beliefs  In life, you will often be presented with difficult decisions. You will find yourself at a crossroads where both paths seem appealing and you are unable to determine exactly which route to take. During these times of decision, it is imperative that you have a deep understanding of what it is you truly value and what brings you the most fulfillment and joy. To use a classic example, imagine that you are offered a promotion at work. The promotion will more than double your salary but it will also take you away from your family and children and will require you to travel 3 weeks out of the month. What should you do? The answer depends on your values. Do you value financial independence and leaving a legacy? If so, then the best course of action might be to take the promotion, be more intentional about the time that you get to spend with your family, and use the influx of cash to create a better quality of life (and guarantee a better future) for the people you love. Do you value your relationships and your influence over your children’s development? If so, then forget the promotion and spend your time pouring into your children and shaping their future. There are no right or wrong answers with these types of decisions. But every big decision is predicated on your unique value system and beliefs. So you’d better be damn sure that you take some time to define exactly what those are before you go making life altering moves. 5. Happiness Isn’t the Purpose of Life  Many people believe that happiness is the purpose of life. But, as we alluded to in a previous point, this is far from the truth. If happiness is all that we are here for, then 99% of the population should say “Fuck it!” and become a heroin addict. Afterall, it’ll make you happy right? I mean it will make you really happy for every waking hour of your day. But I think you and I both know that there is more to life than just feeling good. While I don’t pretend to know what the meaning of life is, I can tell you with 100% certainty that it is not manic levels of happiness. Life is about the journey, it’s about contribution, and it’s about living in accordance with your own unique values and beliefs. And even though I cannot tell you what you should do in your own specific situation, I can tell you that you must have a much higher purpose and calling than happiness. Because if happiness is your end game, then you should expect to live the majority of your life in an unfulfilling and unproductive way.

JP Sears is an emotional healing coach, YouTuber, author, international teacher, speaker at events, world traveler, and curious student of life.  His work empowers people to live more meaningful lives. JP is the author of “How To Be Ultra Spiritual,” (Sounds True Publishing, release date of March 7th, 2017). He is very active with his online videos where he encourages healing and growth through his humorous and entertainingly informative videos, including his hit Ultra Spiritual comedy series, which has accumulated over 100 million views.  You can learn more about JP and his work at AwakenWithJP.com. Favorite Success Quote “Nothing is as it seems.” Key Points 1. If Nothing is as It Seems, Then What Does this Mean? While the above line might sound like something out of an esoteric spiritual text or a children’s poetry book, its implications are profound. As human beings, we are all incredibly delusional whether we want to admit it or not. The very chair (or whatever inanimate object is currently supporting your weight) that you sit on is comprised of 99% empty space! And yet to us, it seems solid. And when you stop to think about it, you will begin to realize that this concept of “Nothing as it seems” is applicable in all areas of life. Take, for example, a common goal among many men… To date a “Perfect 10”. While most people would agree that this is a fine goal and that every man should seek to find a woman who is his own “10”, when you dive deeper into the nuances of your motivation, you might begin to realize that reality is quite different from what you thought. For the man desiring a perfect 10, his motivations might be rooted in an early childhood trauma or feelings of deep inadequacy. He may feel that he is a “1” or a “2” and that a perfect “10” would increase his value and worth. If this is true, then he is faced with one of three options. He can ignore this new information and uncomfortable way of viewing his desires and continue living his life as he was before. He can relinquish his desires and move onto more “noble” pursuits. Or he can do the deep internal work needed to elicit change in his own sense of worth and esteem so that his desire for that perfect woman comes from a place of love, wholeness, and a desire to share a life. But remember, this is not a judgment, this is not a call to abandon all of your self-serving goals, it’s not even a statement of absolute truth (if nothing is as it seems, then perhaps this isn’t as it seems either). Rather it is an invitation. An invitation to go deeper in your life, your health, and your relationships. An invitation to figure out what is really driving you, to see situations for what they really are (or at least what you perceive they really are), and an invitation to go beyond your current level of consciousness. You owe it to yourself to dive into your life and take a more objective look at who you are and what you want. And you might be surprised by what you find. 2. Break Out of the Comparison Trap  One of the greatest single distractions in our modern world is the comparison trap. And how couldn’t it be? Each and every day, we are bombarded with images of private jets, exotic cars, scantily clad women, and juiced up “Natty’s” who make us feel inadequate and completely overwhelmed. Is it any wonder why most of us look at our own lives and feel incredibly unfulfilled? You see, our society does its absolute best to keep us distracted, to stop us from looking inward, and to keep us contributing to the system by setting goals that aren’t our own, buying things we don’t need, living lifestyles we can’t afford. Because whenever we are focused on keeping up with our neighbors or looking like “That Guy” on Instagram, we will never realize that we don’t need to spend thousands of dollars on clothes, cars, and supplements to be happy. In fact, almost all true fulfillment comes from within. So I want to challenge you to stop wasting your time looking at others and start spending more time looking at yourself. Cut out the social media, stop looking at other people’s lives, and focus on yourself. Spend time alone asking yourself what you really want and what would make you truly fulfilled. Cut yourself off from the herd that mindlessly follows whatever new fad is trending on Facebook. Build a life that is designed by you, with you, and for you. 3. The Mess Strengthens You  Whenever we are in the midst of adversity, it’s easy to become disheartened and lose hope, to feel like there is no end in sight. And once the adversity has passed, it’s even easier to feel shameful about the struggle that we endured. But your messy story is what strengthens you and brings power into your life. Think about it this way. If someone walked down the road and said “Hey, here’s a gold 1st place Medal”, would you really want it? Maybe, but if you’re anything like me, that medal would end up in a trash can by the side of the road. Now I want you to imagine that you are preparing to compete in the Olympics. You’ve been training for the better part of a decade, you’ve lost sleep, injured yourself countless times, given up your social life, and all but devoted your entire life to becoming one of the best. After a brutal and strenuous competition, you cross the finish line first, achieving victory and winning that gold medal. How would you feel about that?  Would you carelessly discard it in one of the city’s waste bins? I doubt it. When you have bled and suffered for something so much, you cherish the journey, you treasure the medal, and you revel in the victory. And this same principle is true in life. If you aren’t struggling to achieve your goals, if you don’t have to bleed a little bit, if you don’t have any scars, then how valuable will it really feel? The mess that you are going through, the proverbial “River of Shit” that you must swim through, that’s what makes it worthwhile, and that’s what makes your story worth telling. So learn to feed off the mess, feel strengthened by the struggle, and revel in the pain… Because these are the things that make success worth it. 4. Feel Your Freaking Feelings As men, we are good at thinking about things. We think about problems, we think about solutions, we think about the future, we think about the past, and, unfortunately, we think about our feelings. But by their very nature, our feelings are meant to be felt not analyzed and thought about. Society has spent so much time trying to drill the dogmas that “Real men don’t cry” and “Tough guys don’t show emotion” into our head, that, as men, we have lost touch with our feelings. We are no longer able to just feel things without assigning judgment or coming up with some sort of action plan to remedy or enhance the feeling. And because of this disconnection, we have also become disconnected with ourselves. We no longer know how to feel fully, we no longer remember how to simply sit in our emotions and allow the feelings of the moment to wash over us. In order to help you reconnect with your feelings, JP recommends that you follow what he calls the “Feel Your F*cking Feelings” meditation. During this meditation, you simply pick one sensation in your body, whether it is positive or negative, and just feel it. Don’t think about it, don’t analyze it, don’t try and fix it… Just feel it. If you sit down and immediately feel a cramp in your back, then just feel that sensation. If you sit down and feel a build up of energy in your stomach, just feel it. If you want to become “Ultra Spiritual” then you must reconnect with yourself and learn how to feel again. 5. Success is About Being Ok with Who You Are Success, true success, doesn’t come from the amount of money in your bank account or single digit body fat or dating a Victoria’s Secret model. True success comes from your ability to be yourself fully, completely, and unapologetically. When you are totally comfortable with who you are, and you don’t feel the need to apologize for being you, then you are a success. But this is easier said than done. Because we are our own worst critics, and oftentimes, the person who want to be gets in the way of the person we were born to be. There’s really no wisdom JP or myself can impart to make this journey easier. Success is simple. It’s about learning to love yourself and be ok with who you are. Getting to that point will be hard, but I promise you that it will be worth it.

Ryan Blair is a serial entrepreneur who established his first company at age twenty-one and has since created and actively invested in multiple start-ups. As the CEO of ViSalus, he took the company from start-up to more than $1.6 billion in cumulative sales and was named Ernst & Young’s 2012 Entrepreneur of the Year. His first book, Nothing to Lose, Everything to Gain, was a number one New York Times bestseller. He lives in Los Angeles. Key Points 1. The First Step to Transforming Your Life is Transforming your Environment If you are really ready to change your life, accelerate your results, and achieve your dreams, then the first step that you must take is to radically transform your environment. There is an old saying that environment is stronger than willpower, and I believe it to be true. If you are constantly around low ambition individuals who spend their weekends getting hammered, stoned, and watching Netflix, then how can you really expect to rise above your environment and excel at a high level? The first step on your journey to success is to change your environment. If your friends are bringing you down, get new friends. If you’ve never lived outside of your small town where everyone knows one another and success is frowned upon, move the hell out of there. Change your environment as quickly as possible, put in the work, and you will find yourself achieving at levels you previously thought impossible. 2. Go Give Back to Someone Who Has it Worse than You Do  If you are reading this article right now, then you are blessed. If you woke up this morning and didn’t have to wonder where your next meal would come from, then you are blessed. If you even have the eyesight and cognitive function to comprehend this interview, then you are blessed. And yet, despite the abundance in our everyday lives, many of us take our blessings for granted. And as a result, we whine and moan about the most trivial things, never taking responsibility and never stepping up to the plate. It’s time to step up and step out of your own circumstances. Go volunteer with Habitat for Humanity or some other cause that will get you around people who are less fortunate than you are. Save up for a few months and go do a volunteer trip to Haiti, then come back and complain to me about how slow your iPhone 6 is. In our Western society, we don’t suffer from a lack of resources or a lack of opportunity. We suffer from a lack of perspective. And the only way to get a better perspective is to get out of your current environment and go serve other people who are suffering more than you are. So I want to challenge you to find somewhere that you can volunteer this week. Go serve food at a soup kitchen, go build homes for low-income families, go serve the homeless in downtown. Go do something that will remind you just how lucky you are. When you return to your daily life, I would bet my last dollar that you will do so with a better attitude and a sense of gratitude. 3. Base Your Goals on the Value you Want to Offer Something that you will find on your journey to success is that the universe has an odd habit of conspiring to help those who conspire to help others. If you find that you are constantly unable to meet your financial goals, then chances are, your focus is almost entirely on yourself. You think “God, I want to make $100,000 so that I can enjoy a better quality of life, nicer things, and fancier dinners.” And yet for the fourth year in a row, your company is stuck at $60,000. I want to challenge you to think about your goals differently. Instead of saying “How much money can I make?” Ask yourself the question “How much money do I want to give away? And who do I want to help?” I don’t know what it is, but when you change your goal from “I want to earn $100,000 to so I can buy my new Jaguar F-Type” to “I want to earn $200,000 so that I can give away $70,000 to build schools in Guatemala” the universe will come to your aid and present you with opportunities that seem inexplicable. So I want to challenge you to start focusing on others. Begin to look at money as a flow of energy that enables you to help other people and improve their quality of life. Yes, you should have more than enough for yourself and enjoy a great quality of life. But you should also seek to give away 10X the value of what you have earned. Adopt this attitude for 18 months, and I can promise that your life will never be the same. 4. Constantly Level Up Your Social Circle  Jim Rohn, the father of personal development said it best “You are the average of the five people whom you associate with most.” And while this axiom of success has likely been repeated more times than any of us care to recount, so few of you reading this will actually internalize the message. Right now, I want you to pull out a pen and paper and take stock of your current circumstances. Everything, from your health, your finances, your fulfillment, and your relationships. Now, I want you to pull out a separate sheet of paper and write down that same list of circumstances for your five closest friends. If I was a gambling man, I would bet that the lists look pretty similar. Proximity is power, and if you are serious about achieving your dreams and reaching the levels of success that you desire, then you need to constantly level up your social circle and spend time around people who are smarter, better, and more successful than you. 5. Ask for Help As men, it’s easy to let our pride stand in the way of our fulfillment and growth. It’s easy to say “I’m fine” and block out the outside world. What’s difficult is to be real. It’s difficult to be honest with the important people in your life and tell them the truth. The truth that you aren’t alright, that everything isn’t ok, and that you are feeling pretty messed up right now It’s difficult to ask for help. But until you are willing to hang up your ego and talk with someone else, you will never overcome the challenges standing in your way. You must be willing to let go of your pride and speak the truth. Because when you do, the universe will come to your aid and the people who truly care about you will help lift you up and raise you to new levels.

Guest MJ DeMarco, founder of Viperion Publishing Corp. and The Fastlane Forum, shares insights on breaking free from societal norms, creating value in entrepreneurship, embracing feedback loops, and challenging traditional views on wealth creation. The episode explores the importance of prioritizing health and living an unscripted life for personal growth and success.

Brett McKay is the founder and editor-in-chief of The Art of Manliness, the largest independent men’s lifestyle magazine on the web with over 10 million monthly page views. Brett earned a degree in Letters (with a focus on Classics) from the University of Oklahoma and graduated from the University of Tulsa College of Law. He lives with Kate, his wife and AoM’s Executive Editor, and their two children in Tulsa, OK. When he’s not talking or writing about manliness, Brett enjoys barbell training and spending time outdoors. Favorite Success Quote “Be useful, not important.” Key Points 1. Focus on Being a Man of Value  We live in a society where everybody wants to be “Somebody.” And while there is nothing inherently wrong with ambition or a drive to become successful, in our modern, ego-driven culture, this desire for fame and recognition has begun to supersede our desire to provide real value as men. We are more worried about our status on Facebook and the number of fans we have on Instagram than the quality of the work that we are producing on a daily basis. And it’s gotta stop. Success is the result of doing your work and doing it with excellence. It’s the result of trying to find ways to serve others, instead of constantly serving yourself. And the sooner that we can embrace this axiomatic truth, the sooner we will be able to live richer, healthier, and more abundant lives. It’s not about you. It’s about the impact you have on others and the legacy that you leave. 2. The Worst Rarely Happens  Mark Twain is often quoted as saying I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened. And while the quote itself might have been uttered tongue in cheek, it’s relevance to our modern lives cannot be understated. Yes, you are going to face challenges in your life, you will face difficulty, adversity, pain, and suffering. It’s an inevitability. But the vast majority of your internal worries will never come to fruition. As a society, we spend time locked inside of our heads, mentally plugging through the “What if’s” and “Oh no’s” until our blood pressure is through the roof and our anxiety levels critical. To be an effective risk taker and leader, you must learn to discern between genuinely possible worst-case outcomes and unlikely disasters. Yes, if you quit your job to go full time with your side hustle, it is possible that you might lose everything, go bankrupt, become homeless, and eat out of garbage cans until Elon Musk saves humanity. But it’s not very likely. Chances are, even the worst failure would simply require you to find a new corporate job, live at home for a while, and rebuild yourself from the ground up. There is an element of risk in everything worth pursuing. And as a man, you must learn to cull your fear and worries and realize that despite the perceived risk, the big, scary, life-altering disaster of an outcome that you fear is unlikely at the least and downright laughable at most. 3. Toughen Your “Mental Hide”  With the wide reach of the internet, it is all but impossible to do anything of worth without attracting negative criticism and denigration. Keyboard warriors and airsoft commandos abound, each of them offering a different (and graphically detailed) opinion about why you suck and should immediately quit at your current endeavors. It doesn’t matter whether you are creating products, offering information, or detailing your journey through life… If you do anything for long enough, you are going to have to haters. So what is a man to do? While it might be uncomfortable and difficult, there is certainly merit in accepting and responding to constructive criticism that offers genuine value to you and your brand. However, the vast majority of the emails, comments, and posts that you will find littering your inbox and social platforms are not constructive, they are simply the result of disgruntled individuals with an abundance of time and a lack of common sense. In these situations, you must simply learn to toughen your mental hide. Not everyone will like you. In fact, if you do anything well enough, some people will hate you. And that is ok. You must learn to ignore the haters and stay focused on your dreams and mission. When others try and knock you off course, or make wild accusations, you should learn to take it as a sign that you are doing something right. Because it is a rare occurrence for a man offering little value to attract much attention (positive or negative). So build your mental resilience and learn to be ok with the haters. 4. Focus on Adaptability Not Effectiveness One of the greatest struggles for men of a high caliber is learning to embrace adaptability over effectiveness. Yes, you should have routines and rituals built into your daily life that allow you to create and contribute at a high level, but you must remember one simple truth… Life happens. Things don’t always go according to plan. People get sick, cars break down, the weather changes, you get food poisoning, and your kids get into fights at school. When events like this happen, learning to go with the flow and adapt is paramount not only for success but also for mental well-being and stability. You will not always be able to stick to your morning routine, you will occasionally have to sacrifice your hour of uninterrupted work time to tend to a family emergency, you won’t always be able to get to the gym… And that’s ok. Learn to be like water. Flow from one task and “tragedy” to the next without missing a beat and your quality of life will increase ten-fold. 5. Just Do Something  If you are struggling in life right now, if you are on the fence if you have been wanting to get started on a dream for years but you don’t know where to start… start by doing something. Anything! One of the immutable laws of the universe is that a body in motion will tend to stay in motion, and once you get yourself in gear and begin taking action, you will find that the remaining pieces will begin to fall into place. Want to get in shape but you feel lost in the sea of diets, fads, and “scientifically proven” workouts? Go for a run and do 20 pushups and figure the rest out from there. Want to start a business but don’t know how? Buy a website, write a short ebook, and start creating content and figure the rest out from there. When you start walking, the path will be revealed. But you must start by getting up, lacing your shoes, and taking that first step.