Parenting teenagers untangled. 🏆 The audio hug for parents of teens and tweens.

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?The stress of parenting doesn’t go away when they’re teenagers, it just changes. We may have more physical space, but finding mental space can often feel impossible.In this episode we talk about the tools we can use to manage parenting stress, and why paying attention to our own health should be at the top of our list, not the bottom.Links to resources used:Window of tolerance:https://neurodivergentinsights.com/blog/hypoarousal-hyperarousalhttps://www.ted.com/talks/helen_pearson_lessons_from_the_longest_study_on_human_development?language=enA free app to help with breathing to relax: breathe2relaxhttps://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/family-dynamics/Pages/Feeling-Overwhelmed-with-Parenting-Demands.aspxhttps://www.inc.com/jessica-stillman/scientists-followed-thousands-of-kids-for-70-years-this-is-biggest-takeaway-for-parents.htmlhttps://visionsteen.com/nature-vs-nurture-affect-teenage-brain-development/https://parentingscience.com/parenting-stress-evidence-based-tips/Support the showThank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?Nicotine is considered highly addictive, and sales of vapes to teens are illegal, but the numbers of teens vaping nicotine in countries around the world are causing great concern.In America, the FDA called it an epidemic and is cracking down on the marketing and illegal sales of e-cigarettes to minors.  France’s anti-tobacco lobby called for the immediate ban of a brand of flavoured, disposable e-cigarettes - that are cheap and look like highlighters - which have become a hit with teenagers who’re drawn to neon colours and fun flavours.A recent study in affluent SA schools showed one in four students are vaping. In England, even the big supermarkets have been caught selling vapes that are above regulated nicotine strength. So what's actually going on and - as parents - what can we do?Blog post:https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/vaping-and-what-i-would-do-if-i-discovered-my-teen-was-using/WATCH WITH YOUR TEEN:Big Vape - Broken Series on Netflix https://www.imdb.com/title/tt14081634/McCall Mirabella - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IluaaGVtJFURESEARCH SOURCES:https://utswmed.org/cancer/community-outreach/join-a-conversation/beating-nicotine-together/how-to-quit-vaping-teen/https://teen.smokefree.gov/quit-vapinghttps://www.childline.org.uk/get-support/ask-sam/school-college-and-work-asksam/is-it-ok-to-vape-under-age-/https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/nicotine-vaping-in-england-2022-evidence-update/nicotine-vaping-in-england-2022-evidence-update-summaryhttps://digital.nhs.uk/news/2022/decrease-in-smoking-and-drug-use-among-school-children-but-increase-in-vaping-new-report-showshttps://ash.org.uk/uploads/Ongoing-research-on-youth-vaping-and-gap-analysis-_15-August-22_FINAL.pdf?v=1663860791https://parade.com/1093720/julia-savacool/vaping-vs-smoking/Support the showThank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?The 'social contract' between families and schools has been broken during the pandemic, and ongoing absence of kids is a 'deep and concerning problem' according to Amanda Spielman, chief of the UK schools watchdog. Rates of school refusal and truanting are a huge problem in other countries too. Finding the right approach for dealing with it is crucial, because whatever the reason for missing school it takes a lot of fixing and is a symptom of something else that needs to be unpicked. RESOURCES:The printable anxiety iceberg sheet: https://phecanada.ca/sites/default/files/content/docs/teach-resiliency/Iceberg.jpgHow to make a self-soothe box:https://www.youngminds.org.uk/young-person/blog/how-to-make-a-self-soothe-box/A really good blog that works through steps you can take:https://medium.com/@ArthurCWoods/help-my-teenager-wont-return-to-school-d770203fcbacBook: The Ultimate Guide to Working with your School: The School Avoidance Masterclass for Parents,” Jane DemskyCan’t Not Won’t - Eliza Fricker, helping and understanding children who are unable to go to school.https://naomi-fisher.mykajabi.com/notfineatschoolRESEARCH AND LINKS TO HELP:www.schoolrefusal.co.ukParenting Tips 26: How to help your teen with friendship skills.Parenting Tips 19: What if you don't like your teen's friends?Parenting Tips 17: The lying teenager.Parenting Tips 16: Boy friendships.Parenting Tips 14: Anxiety.Parenting Tips 12: Bullying.Parenting Tips 10: Girls navigating friendship groups.Parenting Tips 5: The academic struggler.https://raisingchildren.net.au/pre-teens/school-education/truancy-other-school-problems/truancy-9-15-yearshttps://www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/parents-a-z-mental-health-guide/school-anxiety-and-refusal/#:~:text=About%20the%20term%20'school%20refusal,other%20professionals%20using%20this%20term.https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK534195/https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article/143/2/e20183648/37326/The-Link-Between-School-Attendance-and-Good-Health?searchresult=1?autologincheck=redirectedhttps://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/when-your-adult-child-breaks-your-heart/201709/understanding-school-refusal#:~:text=School%20refusal%20is%20different%20from%20truancy&text=Children%20who%20are%20truant%20from,can%20happen%20at%20any%20age.https://impactparents.com/blog/adhd/child-really-doesnt-care-school/Support the showThank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?We've been asked by a listener to discuss how we talk to our boys about influential online figures like Andrew Tate, who act both as an inspiration to achieve great things, and a lightning rod for disgruntled men who blame feminism for their ills and cheer on his particular form of aggressive misogyny. If you have a son who spends time online  he's highly likely to have come across the concepts being bandied around - simply as a result of the algorithms used in social media. Whether the words red pill, matrix, and manosphere have any particular meaning for you, they are having an increasing impact on the environment our boys are growing up in. It's up to us as parents to help our boys unpack what they're hearing and sift the diamonds from the dirt. My research into the topic has highlighted an urgent need to be talking with our sons about their dreams, and how we can support them in discovering role models who show what it is to be a successful man, without needing to humiliate and destroy other people.   Top tips:Avoid silencing your teen, even if you disagree with what they say. It's vital that they are given the chance to talk about what they're thinking so that you can have proper discussions about it. Telling them they are wrong won't help them think about the issues.Focus the discussion on what is really attractive to them about the messages they are hearing, and help them to differentiate between the positive and the dangerously negative.Unpick the words the boys use and be clear about anything that is sexist, racist, etc and why that's an issue. Remember, they are building their identity and they're allowed to make mistakes along the way.  Don't shame them.Arm yourself with real facts. If they tell you something that they've heard online help them to go to real sources, rather than simply listening to someone who has an agenda and wants to get lots of clicks.Don't just focus on Tate, he's only one of the people espousing this thinking.Great role models:Mark Lewis: https://www.marklewis.co.uk/Novak Djokovic https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=867mtHTsaDoStephen Bartlett - Diary of a CEO (Business) His podcast has lots of successful men being interviewed.KSI, Beta Squad, Sidemen, Mr Beast, Chris MD. Bear Grylls - Chief Scout and outdoor adventurer.Lebron James - BasketballDwayne Johnson - former wrestler now actor - a top earning Insta celeb.Christiano Ronaldo - footballer, family man, top earning Insta celeb.Justin Baldoni - Actor Chris Evans - Captain America actorTerry Crews - Former NFL and actorSupport the showThank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?Having kids can seem like a non-stop obstacle/crash course in how you get another living being to do things, whether for their own good or our own sanity.Some of us are lucky enough to have grown up in a family structure which helps us figure out incentives and boundaries that work. Some equate love with giving them what they want, others are so exhausted it's more a matter of giving in.It can feel like we have it figured out, then the teenage years hit and everything changes again. The trick seems to be getting the right balance between love and discipline, but how do we know what that is?It’s very easy to overreact, and when that happens our relationship with our teen can suffer. The foundation we want to build on is a strong relationship in which they feel heard and understood.So what do the experts say about it? What works, and what about the teenager who doesn't seem to care?If you want more detail about how to mend your relationship so consequences will work, then you'll find my blog really helpful. https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/whats-going-on-when-our-boundaries-and-consequences-dont-seem-to-work/RESOURCES USED:https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/family/effective-vs-counterproductive-methods-of-teen-punishment/?utm_source=AdWords&utm_medium=Search_PPC_m&utm_term=PerformanceMax&utm_content=&network=x&placement=&target=&matchtype=&utm_campaign=16929735023&ad_type=responsive_pmax&adposition=&kwd_id=&gclid=Cj0KCQiAnsqdBhCGARIsAAyjYjQ7VuP6YXy_xN5VEyj-jTeNIwj1LDUhiSEaegaxw4NeK4zBWoI1GVMaArsTEALw_wcBParenting style as a moderator of the effect of temperament on adolescent externalising and internalising behaviour problems: https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/educational-and-developmental-psychologist/article/abs/parenting-style-as-a-moderator-of-the-effect-of-temperament-on-adolescent-externalising-and-internalising-behaviour-problems/78AC30E10887EC321057BF1E1C8CA349https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/why-dont-consequences-work-for-my-teen-heres-whyand-how-to-fix-it/Support the showThank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?We've all done it; new year, new me. By January the 11th the lustre has rubbed off our shiny resolutions and we're back to our old habits. The reality is that making resolutions and getting them to stick is harder than we'd like it to be. So how do we make changes in our parenting and our family in a way that will continue to work after the fireworks and fun?In this podcast:We talk about uncovering the intention behind the resolution. How to unpack those big problems to find a smaller goal to guide you.How to use small habits in your day to make those big changes more easy.And how using positivity can keep us going.Some ideas:Ask your teen what key change they would like to see and don't react badly to the answerFind one on one time with each childDon't text and driveCreate a tech contractCreate a chores contractYell lessListen moreSort out sleep routinesEnd your work dayFind space for youDon't judge out loudLet your teen cook once a weekDon't judge people out loudLet your teen make their mistakes so they learn from themDemonstrate the behaviour you want to seePractice gratitudeBuild a parent tribe of others who're in a similar situationMake time for your partnerGet outside moreSit down to family meals more oftenFind games or activities you can all enjoy togetherResources:Small Move Big Change by Caroline Arnold.https://beenke.com/parenting/parenting-resolutions-you-can-actually-keep/https://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/980167/new-years-resolutions-for-parents-of-teens/https://www.rootsofaction.com/resolutions-that-can-change-your-teens-life/https://hms.harvard.edu/news/uncontrollable-anger-prevalent-among-youthSupport the showThank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?Having your own child can feel like an overwhelming responsibility at times,but when you become a step-parent it's even more complicated. The child may feel resentful because they didn't ask for a new parent, their biological parents are likely to have issues with each other, and then there's our own needs in a new relationship. Ultimately, step-parents can offer a really wonderful addition to the lives of our bonus children. How we go about it can make all the difference.Given that both of us are step-parents, it seemed like a great topic to discuss after Kathryn reached out to us to ask if we'd help with the situation in her home.In this episode we cover the critical importance of: Bonding with the step-child. Forming a stable and united front with your new partner. Taking care not to take on the role of disciplining your bonus child but providing solid back-up for their biological parent. Making sure that your own needs are understood and met. RESOURCES:https://www.parents.com/parenting/dynamics/how-to-discipline-child-step-parent/ https://psychcentral.com/blog/6-ways-to-bond-with-your-stepchildren#1 https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/my-blended-family-wont-blend-part-ii-what-to-do-when-your-stepkids-disrespect-you/ https://www.care.com/c/bonding-with-stepchildren-7-tips-for-buildin/ https://www.moms.com/stepparents-advise-20-ways-to-bond-with-stepchildren/ https://www.parents.com/parenting/dynamics/how-to-discipline-child-step-parent/ BOOKS: Jenna Korf, Skirts At War: Beyond Divorced Mom/Stepmom Conflict. Support the showThank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?Parties can be life-enhancing, joyous, and a wonderful chance to meet new people, but when it's for a teenager it can have a touch of the wild west about it. For parents who understand the risks it can feel easier to say no, but if we think through all of the issues - and discuss them with our teens - there's far less chance things will go horribly wrong.Our website has a free checklist of things to cover when planning your party. RESOURCES USED:https://raisingchildren.net.au/teens/behaviour/peers-friends-trends/teen-partieshttps://www.whosthemummy.co.uk/teenage-house-parties-survival-tips-for-parents/Wellington College UK document 'Alcohol and Parties.'Support the showThank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?Christmas is marketed as a time of magic and joy, but when it comes to your teenagers does it feel more like pressure - to deliver expensive gifts - and disappointment? One of our regular listeners has asked us to research and discuss  how to deal better with their lack of gratitude when things don't live up to their expectations. RESOURCES:https://ggsc.berkeley.edu/images/uploads/GGSC-JTF_White_Paper-Gratitude-FINAL.pdfhttps://www.parentingforbrain.com/how-to-deal-with-an-ungrateful-teenager/https://yourteenmag.com/family-life/communication/holiday-disappointment/amphttps://admin.bridesblush.com/trends/ungrateful-christmas-tb/https://www.netmums.com/coffeehouse/being-mum-794/tweens-teens-61/1596349-ungrateful-teen-tween.htmlhttps://slate.com/human-interest/2012/12/ungrateful-teens-on-christmas-it-s-time-to-stop-the-generational-internet-shaming.htmlhttps://mamamanages.com/ungrateful-child-problem-solving/https://www.blinkist.com/en/shortcasts/the-happiness-lab/309https://www.blinkist.com/en/app/books/leading-with-gratitude-enSupport the showThank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?Our teens have been dubbed Generation Isolation by the UK charity OnSide. It follows a poll which showed that 77% of young people spend most of their free time at home and 73%  spend most of their free time on screens.The charity says that while online communication is important and has some benefits, its dominance means young people are missing out on the face-to-face interactions that build social skills, confidence, self-esteem, resilience and empathy.   Whilst it's normal for teens to spend a lot of time alone in their rooms there seems to have been a general change in the amount of physical time that teens are spending socialising. We'll talk another time about parties, and managing them, but this time we discuss those all-important social skills and what we, as parents, can do to hep our teens develop them.RESOURCES:https://parents.au.reachout.com/skills-to-build/wellbeing/things-to-try-friendshipshttps://news.virginia.edu/content/peers-or-parents-study-shows-strong-friendships-set-teens-success-later-lifeBOOKS:How to Win Friends and Influence People for Girls, by Donna Dale Carnegie.How to Win Friends and Influence People in the Digital Age, Dale Carnegie Training.The Social Survival Guide for Teens on the Autism Spectrum: How to Make Friends and Navigate Your Emotions by Lindsey SterlingSupport the showThank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk