Real Relationships Real Revenue - Audio Edition | Invest in Relationships to Build Your Business and Your Career

Mo shares his insights from the habits of Vanessa Van Edwards. Charisma can be learned, just like business development skills. Just like anything complex, it is both learned and earned. One of the deciding factors in Mo’s father’s restaurant when he was growing up was his ability to tell a good story, and that skill rubbed off. People weren’t coming in for the prices since it is impossible to compete with the farmers, but because there was a story and connection available. The first step to learning something is the awareness that you can learn, and then putting yourself on the path to learn it. For the people that are high in Openness, you should emphasize the high level concept and the newness of your pitch. For people who are more systems and detail focused, the key thing to emphasize is the lack of change and how your pitch will streamline what they are already doing. In the Herrmann Brain Dominance model, the other opposing pair is Facts vs. Feelings. For someone who is focused on the facts you should emphasize that you are high value and worth the price you charge. It’s about being efficient with their time hitting the most important points. For Feelings, you want to emphasize trust and the relationship with the prospect. Good rainmakers shift their communication to emphasize what the other side finds important. Great rainmakers emphasize a little bit on all four quadrants and wait for the prospect to lean in on something in particular. If we are going to be efficient and effective, we are by nature, always climbing and finding better uses for our time. You should always be trying to level up what you are working on, and by definition, that means eliminating the lower value activities. The world has a status quo bias, so we need a mechanism for reevaluating things you should take off your plate and things you should begin doing. Commit some time each month to do the Start, Stop, Continue exercise that Vanessa recommended in the previous episode. If you don’t have a system for that right now, that should be your first step. If you don’t have time for this exercise, that’s an indication that you definitely need it. Eliminating even small tasks can result in hundreds of hours each year to start doing new things which could change the game for your business development efforts.     Mentioned in this Episode: GrowBIGPlaybook.com scienceofpeople.com/pschool scienceofpeople.com/captivate

Mo asks Vanessa Van Edwards: How can we hack our habits and stay focused on deepening our long-term relationships? How we manage our people and our work is just as important as how we implement the work. Vanessa’s company uses an exercise called Start, Stop, Continue. You should always be evaluating what you are starting, stopping, and continuing. Every month Vanessa’s team has an opportunity to list new ideas for things that can move the needle, identifying which tasks are working well, and perhaps most importantly, which activities need to make way for something else. Having a not-to-do list is crucial. You need to be able to say no to anything that is hampering your productivity or your success. Personally, this exercise should be done once a month. As a team, once per quarter and before jumping into it you should explain what the purpose of the exercise is. Give them a chance to think about it and then set aside two to three hours to go over everything. If you don’t think you’ll have enough time to commit to this, take the social media apps off your phone and take your time back.     Mentioned in this Episode: GrowBIGPlaybook.com scienceofpeople.com/pschool scienceofpeople.com/captivate

Mo asks Vanessa Van Edwards: How can people deepen their relationships? Vanessa had a lot of surface relationships in her life but she found some research that completely changed the way she interacts with people. There are three different levels of intimacy in a relationship. The first level is called general traits. At this stage, we are just trying to understand their basic personality traits. Level two is personal concerns. This level involves additional questions revolving around a person’s origin and emotions. The third level is called self-narrative and for many people, they don’t have any relationships at this stage. The self-narrative is the story someone tells themselves about themselves. Unlocking someone’s self-narrative is the most critical part of understanding someone’s motivations and why they act the way they do. If you want to deepen your relationship you have to structure your interactions around these levels of intimacy. If you’re curious about the third level, you have to start by identifying your own self-narrative. Do you see yourself as a martyr or a hero? Unlucky or lucky? A powerful yet risky question to ask if you want to dive deeper into a level 3 relationship is “So what’s your story?” If you’re going to ask it, make sure that you have a good answer yourself. Radical transparency is key. If you want to get to know someone, tell them that’s what you want to do and get them to buy in first.     Mentioned in this Episode: GrowBIGPlaybook.com scienceofpeople.com/pschool scienceofpeople.com/captivate

Mo asks Vanessa Van Edwards: What can people do to create more opportunities and build their book of business? Vanessa was raised on the Golden Rule but that rule actually started getting her in trouble. When she switched over to the Platinum Rule “Treat others as they would like to be treated” the game changed completely. Of the big five personality traits, Openness and Conscientiousness are the two biggest blocks to closing more deals and bonding with clients. When you’re high in Openness you like new ideas and new things. When you’re low in Openness you like things the way they are and prefer habit and routine. The thing to keep in mind in pitching situations, if you use the Golden Rule and you’re high in Openness and speaking to a prospect that is low in Openness, you’re going to completely scare them away. An easy way to figure out what sort of person you’re dealing with, ask them out to lunch. Whether they try something new or prefer their tried and true favorite will give you a hint. The Openness of your prospect should dictate your pitch. For a low Openness person, minimize the change and emphasize what isn’t changing and the proof. Conscientiousness has to do with how someone approaches details. Low Conscientiousness people are more about big ideas whereas high Conscientiousness people feel more secure knowing all the details. Openness is important for pitching, Conscientiousness is for planning. Honoring someone’s personality is one of the deepest ways we can respect our fellow human beings.     Mentioned in this Episode: GrowBIGPlaybook.com scienceofpeople.com/pschool scienceofpeople.com/captivate

Mo asks Vanessa Van Edwards: What’s your big idea on how people can grow their book of business, deepen their relationships, and enhance their career? Vanessa likes to joke that she’s a recovering awkward person. She used to believe that charisma was something you were born with, but the truth is that charisma can be taught. The research indicates that most charismatic people have honed their charisma and learned very specific interpersonal skills that help them create relationships. You don’t have to fake it until you make it to be charismatic. The most practical way to develop your own charisma Highly charismatic ranked off the charts compared to their peers in two very specific traits: warmth and competence. They need to be combined to be effective. Many professionals put too much emphasis on competence, which can actually make you intimidating, cold, or hard to talk to. Warmth alone can make you a pushover and encourage people to take advantage of you. The number thing to consider is where you fall on the balance between warmth and confidence. Over the next few weeks and months, pay attention to where you fall and if you need more of one trait or the other, that is your first step towards becoming more charismatic.     Mentioned in this Episode: GrowBIGPlaybook.com scienceofpeople.com/pschool scienceofpeople.com/captivate

Glen Jackson shares his extensive expertise and experience in relationship building and business development. Learn why doing the unexpected can create outsized results when it comes to your relationships with other people, how to sustainably and genuinely build trust with key clients and prospects, and why relationship building is the exact opposite of networking.   Mo asks Glen Jackson: What is your big idea on how we can grow our book of business and enhance our career? Glen’s big idea is the acronym DTU (Do The Unexpected) which is the exact opposite of an IOU. DTU’s are about motivation instead of obligation and when done sincerely and genuinely can be incredibly powerful in creating relationships. They come in all shapes and sizes. A smaller DTU could be writing a handwritten note to someone you interacted with recently. Everyone wants to feel noteworthy, and writing a note is a great example of how to make that happen. When you refresh others, you refresh yourself. Glen tells the story of how he got caught in the rain and was rescued by a cab driver that went out of his way to help Glen, and how Glen paid the cab driver back. One of the easiest ways to show that you care is listening well. In a conversation with someone, you may discover a topic that you can help them learn more about, and pointing them in the right direction is a simple way to do that. The best way to create influence with individuals is through empathy and showing that you care. Always tie the DTU to something meaningful to the other person because personalization is where the meaning is going to be. Everything you do is a brand ambassador. Everything you do is seen and everything you say is heard by someone.   Mo asks Glen Jackson: What is your best advice for an expert that wants to create and close more opportunities? The most important five-letter word in business is trust. Trust is the glue of life. Trust resides on the inside and that makes it extremely powerful. Trust is a mix of character and competency. Your character is your credibility as a human being and your competency is your reliability as a professional. When you combine both the end result is trust. You can’t force trust. Influence is freely accepted, it’s never forcefully delivered. Trust is a peculiar resource. The more you have it and use it, the more you get. It reduces the time and cost of making decisions. When you use the trust you have and don’t abuse it, it snowballs and accumulates over time. Most experts want to start off by doing all the talking, but knowing when to actually say something is key to building trust in a relationship. You should be listening more than speaking and asking thoughtful questions. Look for points of connection between you and the other person. Glen looks for the moment when he can encapsulate the problem they’ve been talking about during the meeting and then relay it back to them to show that he’s understood what they are trying to solve. From there he offers a possible solution to their problem. As a trusted advisor, a lot of people want to know you understand the problem. Don’t rush into trying to offer a solution before that first step. You should be able to recap the problem with clarity, and then provide ideas for moving forward.   Mo asks Glen Jackson: What is your best advice for experts to deepen their relationships? Relationship building is a commitment to establishing and investing in relationships that genuinely matter to you. Many businesses are great at establishing the relationship but fall short on the investing part. Relationship building is the exact opposite of networking. Networking is a task and relationship building is a commitment. Building relationships is more about transformation than a transaction. We live and work in a relational economy. Be more interested than interesting. Cultivate curiosity in what other people are doing and that will help you invest more deeply in that relationship. Great leaders that are preeminent impress at a distance and impact up close. To show your interest in someone, you have to be intentional and disciplined about it. There are four types of relationship builders and each type has a different mindset. You can be an Investor, Connector, Personalizer, or Observer. Play to your strengths and invest in the way the other person would also appreciate it.   Mo asks Glen Jackson: How can we stay on top of relationship building when so much is vying for our attention every day? Have a fresh ice mindset. Glen tells the story of the owner of Home Depot who wanted to discover the secret behind the success of his best performing store. Treating every day as if you had just opened your doors is the mindset you need to succeed in business and relationships. Remind yourself what your values are as an organization and live them out every day. You can’t be perfect but you can aim high. Just like external client-facing relationships, you have to invest in the relationships within the team as well. Just calling someone who would be delighted in hearing from you can make a massive cumulative impact over time. Your voice is something that can’t be replicated by a text or an email.   Mo shares his insights from the habits of Glen Jackson. Do the unexpected. Many business developers find themselves in a sea of sameness. From a positioning and marketing standpoint, everything tends to blend in and look the same. If you’re in that situation the more power you have as an individual human and the more important you are in the decision-making process. The good news about being in an industry that is commoditized is that you are the brand and the differentiator. You are the number one thing that separates you from the competition. You can interact with clients and prospects differently in ways that they aren’t expecting. There are no traffic jams along the extra mile. The more commoditized the industry is, the more that human interaction matters. Trust is vital to relationships and it’s one of the few resources in the world where the more you have and use it, the more you gain. If you’re in a meeting and all you are doing is focusing on building trust it takes the pressure off, speeds up the decision making process, and you are more likely to be chosen the next time. When we focus on building trust first and foremost, the right thing happens for the client and the right thing happens for you. Trust results in more purchases, more referrals, and more word of mouth. Be more interested than interesting. It’s very rare that people are interested more in other people than in speaking about themselves, but tons of research backs up this approach. If you can keep the spotlight on the other person, likeability is formed while you’re asking them questions. If you keep sending it back to them, once the conversation does swing back to you they will be much more curious and interested in you. 80% of the focus should be on the other person.     Mentioned in this Episode: GrowBIGPlaybook.com pathtopreeminence.com

Mo shares his insights from the habits of Glen Jackson. Do the unexpected. Many business developers find themselves in a sea of sameness. From a positioning and marketing standpoint, everything tends to blend in and look the same. If you’re in that situation the more power you have as an individual human and the more important you are in the decision-making process. The good news about being in an industry that is commoditized is that you are the brand and the differentiator. You are the number one thing that separates you from the competition. You can interact with clients and prospects differently in ways that they aren’t expecting. There are no traffic jams along the extra mile. The more commoditized the industry is, the more that human interaction matters. Trust is vital to relationships and it’s one of the few resources in the world where the more you have and use it, the more you gain. If you’re in a meeting and all you are doing is focusing on building trust it takes the pressure off, speeds up the decision making process, and you are more likely to be chosen the next time. When we focus on building trust first and foremost, the right thing happens for the client and the right thing happens for you. Trust results in more purchases, more referrals, and more word of mouth. Be more interested than interesting. It’s very rare that people are interested more in other people than in speaking about themselves, but tons of research backs up this approach. If you can keep the spotlight on the other person, likeability is formed while you’re asking them questions. If you keep sending it back to them, once the conversation does swing back to you they will be much more curious and interested in you. 80% of the focus should be on the other person.     Mentioned in this Episode: GrowBIGPlaybook.com pathtopreeminence.com

Mo asks Glen Jackson: How can we stay on top of relationship building when so much is vying for our attention every day? Have a fresh ice mindset. Glen tells the story of the owner of Home Depot who wanted to discover the secret behind the success of his best performing store. Treating every day as if you had just opened your doors is the mindset you need to succeed in business and relationships. Remind yourself what your values are as an organization and live them out every day. You can’t be perfect but you can aim high. Just like external client-facing relationships, you have to invest in the relationships within the team as well. Just calling someone who would be delighted in hearing from you can make a massive cumulative impact over time. Your voice is something that can’t be replicated by a text or an email.     Mentioned in this Episode: GrowBIGPlaybook.com pathtopreeminence.com

Mo asks Glen Jackson: What is your best advice for experts to deepen their relationships? Relationship building is a commitment to establishing and investing in relationships that genuinely matter to you. Many businesses are great at establishing the relationship but fall short on the investing part. Relationship building is the exact opposite of networking. Networking is a task and relationship building is a commitment. Building relationships is more about transformation than a transaction. We live and work in a relational economy. Be more interested than interesting. Cultivate curiosity in what other people are doing and that will help you invest more deeply in that relationship. Great leaders that are preeminent impress at a distance and impact up close. To show your interest in someone, you have to be intentional and disciplined about it. There are four types of relationship builders and each type has a different mindset. You can be an Investor, Connector, Personalizer, or Observer. Play to your strengths and invest in the way the other person would also appreciate it.     Mentioned in this Episode: GrowBIGPlaybook.com pathtopreeminence.com

Mo asks Glen Jackson: What is your best advice for an expert that wants to create and close more opportunities? The most important five-letter word in business is trust. Trust is the glue of life. Trust resides on the inside and that makes it extremely powerful. Trust is a mix of character and competency. Your character is your credibility as a human being and your competency is your reliability as a professional. When you combine both the end result is trust. You can’t force trust. Influence is freely accepted, it’s never forcefully delivered. Trust is a peculiar resource. The more you have it and use it, the more you get. It reduces the time and cost of making decisions. When you use the trust you have and don’t abuse it, it snowballs and accumulates over time. Most experts want to start off by doing all the talking, but knowing when to actually say something is key to building trust in a relationship. You should be listening more than speaking and asking thoughtful questions. Look for points of connection between you and the other person. Glen looks for the moment when he can encapsulate the problem they’ve been talking about during the meeting and then relay it back to them to show that he’s understood what they are trying to solve. From there he offers a possible solution to their problem. As a trusted advisor, a lot of people want to know you understand the problem. Don’t rush into trying to offer a solution before that first step. You should be able to recap the problem with clarity, and then provide ideas for moving forward.     Mentioned in this Episode: GrowBIGPlaybook.com pathtopreeminence.com