The Simple Sophisticate - Intelligent Living Paired with Signature Style

"A true love story isn't a fairy tale. It takes vulnerability and effort." Contentment versus misery. Peace versus malcontentment. Joy versus heartache. What separates a life of the former from the life of the latter in each of these side-by-sides is knowing when to leave life up to chance and when to choose to invest purposely, intentionally and regularly. To successfully reach the result we desire, as with any process, there is a particular order in which certain ingredients must be welcomed into the recipe. Just as with making an awakening cup of espresso, not only do the beans need to be of high quality, but the proper tools must be at-hand and the knowledge of how to use them properly understood. Equally important, the water used that filters through the ground beans must be of high quality, and then, after the necessary process has been tended to, then, the results we wished to see and experience with our own eyes and tastebuds will materialize and savored. Understanding relationships, from the one we will have our entire lives - the one with ourselves, to the relationships we have with others, either platonic or romantic, and how healthy relationships work, and what they require of each of us is life-changing knowledge to possess. The "Before" "There are no directions. There are no checklists. There's no "to do" when it comes to love, there's only "to feel" and feeling cannot be predetermined, it cannot be forced. It arises when we move from our heads into our hearts, stay present, and let go; when we drop our typical millennial, achievement-driven style and instead, remember, the only thing truly in our control is our ability to surrender." —Dr. Jordana Jacobs, in a recent article for We Are Doré I recently received a question from a TSLL reader in her mid-to-late twenties, and I appreciated her candid and sincere question about relationships in which she inquired about how to not be envious of those already in relationships when she is not in one and would like to be. The question inquired about my approach most specifically as she had previously shared she appreciated the celebration and contentment I express of being single (for readers who may not know, I am 40) and enjoying my life. I have shared my response below. "Great question. I honestly, after thoughtful observation of what I needed in my own life to flourish, have not been envious [of close friends who "get into" wonderful relationships]. But I do think my temperament is suited to my lifestyle. I think, especially if you wish to be in a relationship, that if you remain open, but do not focus on finding one, it will happen when you are living a life you love no matter what that involves. The universe can surprise you in the most amazing ways." I want to thank the TSLL reader who reached out with her question (I will keep her name private as this was a DM conversation) because I know she is not alone in her quandary. As good timing would have it, after reading this article regarding how currently the culture is approaching dating incorrectly, I found myself nodding in agreement profusely. What I have realized upon reflection as to part of the reason my twenties were unnecessarily exhausting was the energy expended on doing what I thought I "had to do". In this case, the idea that I was supposed to be dating or seeing or getting close to finding my life partner. My experience was less about being inspired by other couples and more a response of not wanting to feel like an outsider. However, it was in my thirties that I finally, as I shared in my books, fully invested my time (outside of my daily teaching job) into getting to know myself and invest in opportunities that my curiosities led me toward. More contentment had and has never been before experienced, and in my case, it all happened without a partner and solely due to my investment in the relationshp I have with myself. Our life's journey, as much as we would like them to be made clear, especially regarding our relationships with others, but vitally as important as the relationship we have with ourselves and where this knowledge will lead, cannot be made known before the opportunities cross our path. When said opportunities cross our path, whether they hint where our passion could lead us or a person who we could not have described until we met them and spent time with them, if we are in tune with themselves, so thereby grounded, but also open to the unknown, that is when our lives begin to blossom. ~Related Posts/Episodes You Might Enjoy: Why Not . . . Get to Know Yourself? 3-part series episode #179, Choosing a Partner — Part Deux: The Importance of Knowing Yourself & The Crucial Must-Have A Wise Investment: Understanding Yourself by Taking Off the Blindfold The "During" "Successful long-term relationships are created through small words, small gestures, and small acts. A lifetime of love is created every single day you are together." —Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, co-authors of Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love As much as our lives depends upon chance when it comes to relationships (with ourselves or with others), once chance has introduced us to the career that speaks our language in a way to offer the vehicle to express our talents and passions with the world or to the person who we mesh with more than we ever thought would be humanly possible, this is where chance steps aside (after all, it has put forth an immense amount of effort) and choice steps forward. Even though the adage "If you do what you love, you'll never work a day in your life" has been stated as fact quite frequently, the fact of the matter is, the idea of "work" must be put into context. If "work" is seen as a having a negative connotation, then perhaps the quote is true as you are doing something you love doing, but if we look at "work" through its benign, literal definition, it involves effort, dedication, diligence and regular maintenance to ensure the career we so love having the opportunity to be a part of our lives keeps humming forward successfully. When it comes to the latter interpretation of work, the same must be said, according to the co-authors, husband and wife, Dr. John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman, of the new book Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love , for loving, healthy romantic relationships as well. Too often, when a couple or a desired career path fails beyond the initial success or wedding day, it is because the choice and chance were flipped. In other words, the idea that technology and endless "dating" as a "to do" item in our planners would suggest we cannot leave our love lives to chance. But as scary as it might sound, if we wish to find a partner that sees us for who we are, respects us for what we do and desires to get to know us because of this truth, we must strengthen our relationshp with ourselves first and thus fall in love with our lives with or without a partner. In doing so, we are leaving our "finding" of a partner largely up to chance. It doesn't mean we don't put ourselves out there, but it does mean putting our phones and all of the seemingly amazingly helpful apps down. Further, once chance has led us, no matter how long it has taken, to what we patiently hoped we would one day discover, we must then regularly make the choice to continue to invest. Both with our emotional vulnerability and our time. If we want our relationship to grow, deepen, strengthen and endure whether it be our relationship with ourselves or with another, we must choose to put the energy forward of our time, our priority and our courage of belief in what seemingly magically introduced itself into our lives and we bravely recognized it to be something that aligned with ourselves. ~Related Posts/Episodes You Might Enjoy: 16 Tools to Ensure You Are Ready for Real Love episode #11, 7 Components to Healthy, Strong Relationships episode #252, The Characteristis of Being a Late Bloomer and How Embracing This Gift Could Change the World for Everyone At this moment, each of us are at a different point along our journeys whether in our career, or I would argue calling or the pursuit of our calling as well along the journey regarding relationships. Once we recognize where we are, we can discover the clarity of understanding how to proceed. With the right balance of being open to chance and embracing the responsiblity of choosing to invest, the discovery of unexpectedly awesome abundance and contentment will dance into and throughout our everyday lives. Petit Plaisir: ~Trader Joe's Sea Salt & Turbinado Sugar and Dark Chocolate Covered Almonds ~A big thank you to TSLL reader Sarah for finding a recipe to make your own: click here. https://www.instagram.com/p/B30O3MhABGA/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link ~Sponsor of Today's Episode: Click here for the SHOPTAGR App and to be entered automatically for a giveaway to win $250 $500. The winner will be announced Friday November 22nd. ~via affiliate links, some commissions are earned by TSLL. View Full Disclosures at the bottom of this page.

"Elegance is not something that adds stress or difficulty to our lives — quite the contrary. True elegance . . . means confidence in who you are and what you love, grace in how you handle yourself, and openness to the best in others." —interior designer Timothy Corrigan in his new book The New Elegance: Stylish, Comfortable Rooms for Today In many ways, Timothy Corrigan's defition of elegance is a cousin to simply luxurious living. An understanding of what speaks to you, what you need to live your best life and how to dance with the world in which you are a citizen, partner, friend and community member, is a skill and a gift that we can all welcome into our lives. And when it comes to our decor, Corrigan describes in his new book succinctly and vividly how to welcome your own unique elegance into your sanctuary. Today I would like to share with you Corrigan's insights into cultivating an elegant home accompanied by a handful of decor images found in his new book. Having had the opportunity to peruse and read his new book which along with home tours also includes his expertise delineated clearly and specifically for Scale & Proportion, Symmetry, Architectural Details, Impactful Surfaces, The Layered Look, Art & Mirrors, The Power of Color, Mixing Elements and more tips and ideas for becoming your own interior designer, I hope you find a guiding compass of confidence to step into your own home and make the changes or updates that would align with your unique exemplification of elegance. ~Note: Upon reading Corrigan's latest decor book, it was brought to my attention that his previous book was An Invitation to Chateau du Grand-Lucé: Decorating a Great French Country House (2013), and I must say, as a Francophile who loves French country homes, I quickly put it on my wish list. That one looks to be a lovely read full of inspirational decor ideas as well. Why Add Elegance to Your Home? "Elegance adds immense pleasure to life. To seek elegance — in your behavior, in what you wear and surround yourself with —is a treat you give to yourself and, almost inadvertently, share with those around you." Depending upon how you most enjoy spending time in your home, you will invest in different ways. If you are someone who enjoys cooking and sharing your meals with others as a way to bring them together, then investing in a kitchen that is best suited to how you cook enabling you to do so effectively will not only bring pleasure to your life, but provide the opportunity to share with those you invite into your home. In this way, elegance is a reflection of your true self to the world that you invite to cross the threshold of your home. It is not about one-upping or showing off, but rather cultivating a space that dances with you and the life you love living, a home that supports you through your journey and also enables you to soar. In other words, you are not burdened by your home when you choose to cultivate elegance, but rather nurtured. Can Comfort and Elegance Exist Together? "Comfort is not antithetical to elegance, but rather its support and backbone. No one can feel truly elegant (at least not for long) if he or she doesn't feel at ease." When we talk about comfort, there is an underlying presence of security, thus enabling the inhabitants to fully relax and breathe deeply in their own space. Corrigan speaks to this need for security being at the underlying roots of all of his designs, "The notion of feeling cocooned, protected and pampered . . . is the one effect I consistently try to accomplish . . . an innate feeling of safety." Each one of us will define a sense of security slightly or significantly different depending upon how we most enjoy living our lives, but either way, knowing what that definition is for ourselves is a crucial key to decorating a home that is our place of refuge. If books nurture you, then make sure you welcome them into your home in a way that pays them reverence. In other words, let them be seen, let them be scattered if that works best for you so that you have a book wherever you may sit down to relax, let them be orderly if simply seeing them brings you a deep sigh of relief, but either way, welcome books into your home. The same can be said for any pasttime, lifeline or hobby that brings you joy and comfort - musical instruments, photos from your travels, flowers from the garden, I think you get the idea. Go forth and bring your world into your home, and then the elegance begins to flourish. How to Live with Beautiful Items in an Elegant Home "The secret to avoiding polishing silver is not to put it away, but to use it everyday — then you won't have to polish it . . . " [in other words] "use what you have. Use it all. Use it now. Few things are sadder than piles of exquisite porcelain and china hidden away in a cupboard, or a large house in which many of the rooms go unused." From the porcelain teacups picked up along our travels to the china set handed down from your parents from your grandparents, use these beautiful, story-telling items regularly and often. I will ease your mind right now and say, yes, you will break one at some time and be heartbroken, but it was being used and loved and appreciated and that how memories remain with us - the repetition of their story dancing about in our minds. And each time we use the item, the memory becomes more vivid and less likely to be forgotten if we wish it to be remembered. We cannot strengthen such a memory if we do not use the items. Case in point, I purchased a teacup and saucer on my trip to Devon two years ago. I only have one, and if I break it, well, it's gone. There is nothing that will replace it, but because I have used it so much (see it here), not only do I have pictures of it in use, but I have used it so frequently, I can describe in detail that mug and all of those wonderful memories come rushing back. How to Use Each Room in an Elegant Home "Each room has a specific purpose, guaranteeing it will be used. And if something you own doesn't work for you, give it away. If a room doesn't function for the way you live, change it to make it work for you." Similar to letting go of limiting beliefs and ways of life, so too can assuming a room must be the room the architect or previous owners planned it be and used it for. Case in point, when I when through my-now-home the first time with my real estate agent, he noted that the small room close the rear entrance would make a great office, as it was wired to be so (internet cables, etc.). Immediately, in my mind, I said, nope. This will be a mudroom. Well, and here again, I would make it a mudroom that would serve my lifestyle and be in many ways, a rear foyer to the home as I will enter it each and everyday from the garage. "Too often, we succumb to visions of how we want to live —in a sleek, white space, a country cottage, or a grand manse — then we feel bad when we can't live to those fantasies . . . Never buy into a trend." As we go through our lives and if we are paying attention to when we are soaring and what helps it to feel this way, we come to realize what we need in our life's routine to feel not only grounded and secure, but comforted and strengthened. Such knowledge guides us through the decorating and appointing of each room's purpose as well. Budget and Elegance "Great design is not about the size of your space or the budget you spend. It is a reflection of knowing who you are and what makes you comfortable, and living confidently and happily with the objects you choose to assemble." My apologies for using my own journey for my examples, but quickly, many readers may remember that my previously own home was 2600 sq feet. Since then I moved into a rental four years ago that was under 1500 sq feet, and it was through living in nearly half of the space that I realized what fit me and my life the best. Now, I will also share that during my first year of teaching, I rented a cottage that was 500 sq feet in Minden, Nevada. That, while thoughtfully designed to make for a cozy and safe home, was too small for my life. But again, we learn as we go. My new home is just under 1600 square feet, perfectly tailored to my life and the life my boys need with a small, but not large yard. There will be times in our lives when we have a choice and other times when we do not, just as we may be making less money than we would like to live the life that would be more comfortable. However, along the way, we can live with elegance. I have found that my time living in rentals — NW Portland, Nevada, NW Bend and even in college — has given me time to experiment, but also explore new ideas (remember that red wall I talked about in my first book? yep, that was a rental, and while I loved it for one year, one year was long enough). Each time, wherever I call home, I have been determined and in a variety of expected and many unexpected ways successful in creating a sanctuary that let me relax and unwind no matter no how much or how little money I earned each month. ~POST TO READ: 7 Simple Ways to Create a Sanctuary Invest in Quality for a Home of Elegance, But Mix and Match Price Points as Well "You should always buy the best-quality items you can afford, but not everything in a room needs to be expensive. A mix of items of different prices, different eras, and differing qualities is far more appealing." From mixing antiques with yard sale finds, custom furniture with shabby chic family hand-me-downs that you will never want to let go, knowing how to marry these two ideas is a skill that becomes easier with time. Much like wearing a quality pair of shoes with a simple pair of jeans and a tee, finished with a tailored blazer, the balance needs to be struck to work well and exude the elegance you seek. Not everything needs to be new or antique, but it needs to speak to the function you require in your life as well as be perceived by you, the inhabitant of the home, as beautiful. Maybe it tells a story that you never want to forget - a framed photo for example or playbill from a play you saw with your grandmother when you were young - or maybe it was an item you saved up for over months, even years, and serves as a reminder of your journey. Whatever you choose to welcome into your space, never forget that quality will last and memories can provide a comfort of confidence when you look about your home. The Gift of Cultivating a Home of True Elegance "I can assure you that spending each day in beautiful rooms, rooms full of personal items and objects you love, will bring meaning and solace to your life, satisfaction, and even joy." Wanting to spend time in your home is the goal. Weekends need not be for escape from our home and everyday life when we create a space that we love spending time in whether we are with others or alone. The decoration of our homes will take time, but with a map of what to look for, a reason for why you want to bring items into your sanctuary and what you want (and need) your sanctuary to do each time you return home, will make the puzzle you are working on bringing together much easier to complete. ~Learn more about Timothy Corrigan's book The New Elegance: Stylish, Comfortable Rooms for Today ~SIMILAR POSTS/EPISODES YOU MIGHT ENJOY: ~22 Tips for Creating a Grown-Ups Living Space ~Why Not . . . Shop Consignment Decor? ~episode #260, 10 Simple, Significant Decor Ideas to Add Luxurious Touches to the Home, Part Une Petit Plaisir ~Derry Girls, Season 1 & Season 2, on Netflix https://youtu.be/UFmFuXH0IRY

"When we learn how to spot the narratives that get in the way of our happiness, we improve our chances of taking control of the stories that have for so long controlled us." —Paul Dolan, author of Happy Ever After: Escaping the Myth of the Perfect Life "There are countless stories about how we ought to live our lives . . . as such, many of these stories end up creating a kind of social dissonance whereby, perversely, they cause more harm than good. They become . . . narrative traps, which together form the myth of the perfect life." NOTE: Be sure to tune into the audio version of this episode as a detailed introduction and other conversation is shared. 1. Understand the difference between having wealth and being rich. Wealth is defined as accumulated assets in the form of savings, investment and property and is more difficult to measure. Rich is often understood to be a numerical amount of cash earned in income. Looking at one's wealth is a better reflection of a person's purchasing power. In other words, simply because someone "looks rich", does not mean they are rich. "Getting richer does not necessarily bring more happiness, partly becasue we upwardly adjust the people we compare ourselves to." 2. A happy life doesn't require you to have children "Happy and fulfilled lives are often supported by, but certainly do not require children. There are good reasons not to have children, both at the micro and macro level. It is not helpful, therefore, to push the 'have your own kids' narrative on everyone. Finding a way to celebrate rather than undermine people's decisions to remain childfree by loosening our hold on the social narrative can have a positive societal impact." 3. Stop comparing yourself to others and putting yourself in a position to be tempted to compare. Dolan suggests, if you are going to make comparisons, to make a comparison to any one of the other 7 billion people on our planet. Most likely you are doing very well financially. Not only will this provide perspective but also humility. 4. Let go of the pursuit for more money Once you have a enough money to live a life in which you are not struggling for the basic necessities, Dolan suggests taking the path to "just enough". Why? When we become aware of what we truly need, we are demonstrating we are cognizant of the social comparisons and status markers that may have pushed us to pursue more in the past. Understanding why we are pursuing what we are pursuing, to truly get to the core of the urge, is to make sure we are indeed thinking for ourselevs and not being unconsciously led around by the nose due to the narrative traps we are unaware surround us constantly. Once you stop pursuing more money, "you can stop constantly worrying". And what a gift to give yourself as your everydays will elevate immediately. 5. Reexamine what your success looks like, and let go of the pursuit for status Conscious living is at the heart of what we're talking about today, and becoming clear about what we are pursuiting and what is pushing us to achieve it is crucial to live a more contented life. If at the core of why you are pursuing a particular career is because of the status it will bring, applause you imagine will happen, then you are being led around by a narrative trap; however, if you are instead pursuing a field of study that ignites you, allows you to come to life and aligns with talents that naturally are easy to share, then you are on the right path for the success that will be unique to you. 6. Pursue a career in which many skills are utilized and your contributions are valued Dolan found that those individuals who work on a job that uses a variety of skills are happier. As well, if your work is valued, that too cultivates a work environment of enjoyment. Not only is a job that asks our minds and sometimes bodies to work different skill sets and tasks healthy regular exercise for our brains and beings, but it leads to a feeling of productivity at the end of the day which is very satisfying. Add the knowledge that what we are doing is contributing something of value that we are proud of that the pair is the perfect natural medicine for a sound and peaceful night of rest. 7. Women and girls and education Dolan found that receiving a basic education for girls had a significant effect on the overall happiness of their lives. In other words, making sure all people, but especially girls enables them to have agency over their own lives. Largely because the world is dominated by patriarchies, educating women to understand the world they live in and how to advocate for their own rights as well as navigate in the world that may not, depending upon where they live, want them to think for themselves, is crucial for the individual's happiness. 8. Understand the difference between passionate and companionate love "Given the way that love is portrayed in literature, film and the media, the prevailing narrative clearly places a high premium on its passionate aspect, most often in manipulatively uplifing ways." As shared previously on TSLL, being married is not the causation of happiness, but rather, if the happiness lasts beyond the short-term (as it does bring a feeling of euphoria to have met society's standard or expectation), it is due to two happy people finding each other. In other words, they knew how to be happy on their own and the happiness together, being happy in their choice to come together, likely increased their feelings of contentment. Dolan points these findings out as well. When it comes to falling for the trap of passionate love and trying to mold it into happily ever after, I have fallen into that narrative trap as well. The narrative of intense chemistry swirls around us constantly in the media, and it is up to us to be aware of what it is and what would be best for a long-lasting, healthy, loving relationship. 9. Be married, be single, it does not matter when it comes to happiness More and more studies are revealing that those who are married and happy are no more happy than any other group - single, widowed, divorced. The social narrative of promoting marriage as the goal is prevalent in our society and has been for decades in our modern lives (in previous centuries, due to lack of equality laws, it was often a necessity). When we can recognize the narrative trap, and be clear about what is speaking to us for how we wish to live our lives, we set ourselves free to live our best lives - whether that is with or without someone. Dolan books continues on to explore many other topics such as health, volition, monogamy and altruism. I encourage you to read it as it provides an exercise for the brain regarding the narrative traps we may have stepped into and did not realize it. To make a blanket statement and say that all social narratives are bad is not wise, but all should be explored, and likely, at least for me, you may find that most should be challenged. That is the difficult part as you are going against the grain of what society expects. Dolan reminds that any narrative that is predominant "always serves the interests of those in power, the groups they serve best will depend on the context". What he is suggesting we keep in mind whenever we talk about or consider and examine any narrative is to closely look at the narrative to understand all of the nuances and not make sweeping assumptions or statements. Fundamentally, when we let go of what no longer serves us, we set ourselves free, and much like fall and the as the quote below reminds, it is a lovely revealing of what we have the opportunity to experience as we go about living a life that will bring us far more contentment than we ever thought possible. "Trees are about ready to show us how lovely it is to let things go." —Emily Ley, A Simplified Life SIMILAR POSTS/EPISODES YOU MIGHT ENJOY: 5 Things to Stop Romanticizing Being Single is Luxurious Living, episode #170 7 Components of Healthy, Strong Relationships, episode #11 Why Not . . . Live Consciously? Petit Plaisir: ~Play with the pumpkins ~Downton Abbey, the film https://youtu.be/tu3mP0c51hE ~Sponsors of today's episode: Candid Co – candidco.com/simple Save $75 off your order with the following promo code – SIMPLE

"A home should reveal the personalities of its inhabitants. At its best it should be a portrait of who you are . . . Look at your house as an artist would and have fun creating vignettes as a painter would a still life." —Kristin Perers, author of A Home for All Seasons Fall will arrive next week on the 23rd and spring for the southern hemispheren on the same date. The changing of the seasons, as I recently shared in an interview on the Synced Life podcast, is a consistent and dependable way to be present in our everyday lives. By choosing to be present during each season we are acknowledging that its presence in our lives is evanescent, fleeting and in three months' time will transition into something different. Waiting nine more months is necessary to experience the gifts of each season. Simply knowing the reality, we have all the more motivation to revel in the gifts of each season. Last month TSLL reader Tracy emailed me and introduced me to Kristin Perers' book, A Home for All Seasons which was released quite a few years ago. But as one might imagine, since we have the same seasons each year, it is a classic of a book to refer to every three months - if nothing else, to serve a reminder for ample inspiration. Perers suggests that when we decorate with the seasons, revolving with them, we make our home feel much more alive and dynamic, but at the same time, reflective of the home's inhabitants. And in so doing, we improve the quality of our days as our moods due to our emotions are elevated with each day we spend in our sanctuary. Below are a handful of ways to decorate and adorn seasonally as inspired by Perers' book. 1.Let the seasonal blooms make their statement Whether you pick up your blooms at the farmers' market or from your yard and garden, appreciating the daffodils in early spring, the peonies in late spring, mums in fall and dahlias in late summer, remind us to savor until the blooms are no more. 2. Textiles - slipcovers, curtains, table linens, bed linens, pillows Depending upon what you have in your home that is upholstered, if you have slipcovers, changing the type of fabric if not the color as well is a way to eagerly begin a new season as well as care properly for the linens you have. 3. Determine the focal points of each community room (living room, dining, kitchen, etc.), and change or decorate it differently for the seasons. For example, if your fireplace is the focal point, adorn the mantle with seasonal details. If your dining table is the focal point, either with table linens or blooms, choose what you place on top of it to align with the seasons. 4. Create space to contemplate the beauty of nature I love this suggestion that Perers makes, and while she suggestions physically bringing things in from outside and placing them about the home to prompt us to ponder nature's beauty, I think as well it would be delightful to create somewhere in the home where you can look outside and be cognizant of what season it is. For example, my parents have a sun room in their country home, and with each season my mom will rearrange the furniture: spring - space is made for young seedlings in preparation for planting in the coming months; in summer, ample seating is the preference as it serves as a wonderful place to soak up the sun when stepping outside due to work projects inside is not possible; autumn and the arrangements and bouquets change; and in the winter, the holiday tree is adorned for the festive, wintery season. All the while, we can see outside to observe and celebrate the beauty of the outdoors. 5. Give the bedroom special attention While making sure to attend to all four of the previous items above for our bedrooms — different blankets, duvet covers and pillow covers for the bed; seasonal blooms for the side table, etc. — always keep in mind the power of a space we inhabit, especially in such an intimate fashion as our bedrooms. Here are a few ways to welcome the changing of the seasons in our most intimate room of our sanctuary: Different candle scents for each season Intentional framed photos or artwork to inspire your most current dream. Linen curtains in the summer, and while selecting the same hue, choose a heavier fabric for late fall and winter to add warmth. Different robes and sleepwear for each season. ~Discover and learn more about Kristin Perers' book A Home for All Seasons SIMILAR POSTS/EPISODES from the Archives You Might Enjoy: ~Why Not . . . Prep for a Great Fall? ~10 Ways to Welcome Spring: An Opportunity to Start Fresh ~Why Not . . . Savor the Reason for the Seasons? Petit Plaisir: ~Papier hardback customized notebooks (UK site; French site; Australian site; German site) ~TSLL post: Why Not . . . Make Lists? 20 Lists to Keep in Your Everyday Life? ~Check out the second season of The Simply Luxurious Kitchen, the cooking show! ~ ~The Simple Sophisticate, episode #261 ~Subscribe to The Simple Sophisticate: iTunes | Stitcher | iHeartRadio | YouTube | Spotify

Over the next couple of months I look forward to sharing many different decor ideas. I have titled today's episode/post as part une because there will be more to come. I am not sure how many at this point, but with many wonderful decor books being released this fall, I am enjoying perusing through them all, and want to share what I have discovered. The first book that inspired today's episode is Cathy Kincaid's The Well Adorned Home: Making Luxury Livable. There may be a second post/episode inspired by her book as she shares an abundance of inspiration, but these are the first ten takeaways that captured my attention. Advice from Cathy Kincaid: "Everyone wants to have nice things, but houses are meant to be lived in and I'm insistent they feel cozy and appropriate for clients and their lifestyle." Buy the best you can afford - furniture, design elements or accessories - not for investment or resale projections, but rather for quality and timelessness. Lighting sets the tone and determines if there will be a cultivated inviting ambiance - mirrors and chandliers are included in lighting as they cast their own light in their unique way. Edit, edit, edit "Take time, relax and enjoy the work" Create some tension with color and discover how to match colors imperfectly, creating some tension. Let's take a look at 10 decor ideas discovered in Cathy Kincaid's new book. I have included a handful of images from the pages, and I have a feeling there will be another episode including even more of her expertise. Be sure to tune into the podcast episode for more conversation on each of the following ten ideas for simple, yet significant decor ideas to add luxurious touches to the home. 1.Add classic moldings to the room to raise the ceiling (so to speak) and incorporate a regal touch 2.Expand a small space by using one pattern throughout "Most people think that pattern will overwhelm a room. That can happen if a pattern is used piecemeal, but the opposite is true when there's continuity." — Cathy Kincaid 3. The Power of pairs Especially in small spaces, to avoid the cluttered look that can happen with too much eclectic charm, include pairs of chairs, nightstands, etc. 4. Balance pattern and solids If the walls have a statement patterned wallpaper, choose solid upholstered furniture and visa versa. 5. Choose comfortable dining room chairs (i.e. upholstered ;)) to encourage your dinner party guests to linger. 6. Select bespoke lampshades to add a signature touch. 7. Include a luggage rack in your guest room Often our guests room is smaller than other rooms, or the closet is already being utilized. Adding a standing, foldable luggage rack conveys a warm welcome in a functional way. 8. Include some open shelves in the kitchen to provide ease of access for frequently used dishes, oils and spices. 9. Convert a beloved table into a kitchen island or work space by adding either a cutting board top or marble top to the surface. 10. Layer rugs on top of one another to make the room feel larger Place a neutral rug on the bottom, which will be the largest, and then a print or pattern that is smaller on top. As I go about examining and considering how to add my own signature to my new home, as well as follow Cathy Kincaid's advice to make sure it creates a cozy home that fits with my lifestyle, I look forward to sharing what I discover. Click here for Part Deux - 7 Décor Ideas to Add Signature Simply Luxurious Touches to Your Sanctuary ~ The Well Adorned Home: Making Luxury Livable by Cathy Kincaid ~SIMILAR POSTS FROM THE ARCHIVES YOU MIGHT ENJOY: 8 Unique Small Décor Ideas that Make a SIgnature Difference in Your Sanctuary Why Not . . . Add A Touch of France to Your Decor? Why Not . . . Design a Cozy French Living Room? Petit Plaisir: ~The Great British Baking Show, Season 10 (Netflix!) https://youtu.be/E3nYjJ_aa2o

In today's premiere of Season 6 of The Simple Sophisticate podcast, personal stylist Tiffani from Shop NYC joins me to talk about the fall season fashions worth investing in, her work with clients, bridal trends, her new and updated Shop NYC digital guide and three books she highly recommends reading. Links to designers, brands and books discussed during the episode: Khaite — Fall 2019 collection Gabriella Hearst — Fall 2019 collection The RealReal — online designer clothing at consignment prices Maje — a mid-range French clothing site Books Tiffani recommends: City of Girls: A Novel by Elizabeth Gilbert Atomic Habits by James Clear Digital Minimalism: Choosing a Focused Life in a Noisy World by Cal Newport https://www.instagram.com/p/BwbuNBCn1Gs/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link Learn more about Tiffani and her stylist and concierge services as well as purchase her SHOP NYC guide 2019/2020 on her website: shopnycinfo.co and stylebytiffani.com. Social media: Instagram - @shopnycinfo Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/shopnycinfo/ ~SHOP TSLL's Fall 2019 Shopping Guide (released yesterday!)

Season 5 of the podcast has wrapped up, and I cannot quite believe The Simple Sophisticate has been producing episodes for five years (debuting in September 2014). But it indeed has, and I am very grateful for listeners and their continued interest, positive reviews and sharing what you love with friends and family. Today, the full schedule of Season 6 is available (see above). As you can see, it is very similar to Season five's schedule with at least three new episodes for every month through March. While there may be a few more new episodes shared than scheduled, what you see above are the dates on which new episodes are guaranteed to be shared. If you are new to the podcast, let me explain why I am taking the weeks off in the particular months you see above: April was taken off entirely last year, and it worked out very well for my teaching schedule. As an AP teacher, this is the month we call crunch time as the exam is just a few weeks away. In May, there is only one new episode, but it will be during the second annual British Week which is held during the third full week of May. July was also taken off this fifth season to make time for the production and taping of The Simply Luxurious Kitchen vodcast. Thank you for all listeners for being understanding of this needed month off from the podcast as it was put to good use. I cannot wait for Season 2 to premiere on Saturday September 7th. With that said, next year, I will be including this time to focus on the cooking show again. August: The only new episode in August will be shared during the annual French Week, but as I hope was listeners experience this year, I promise I will make it a knock out episode. :) Looking forward to the Season 6 kicking off with a new episode on Monday September 2nd! Thank you for tuning in and have a wonderful week. ~View all episodes of The Simple Sophisticate here.

"Parisian women . . . want above all to become the best possible version of themselves, outside and in, at any age." —Anne Berest, Audry Diwan, Caroline de Maigret and Sophie Mas, How to be Parisian Wherever You Are Each time I have finished reading a beauty book that offers advice I welcome into my regular routine, I think there will be no need to read another book. But the truth is, as we know, as we grow older, so too does are skin; consequently, our need to understand how to best take care of the skin at the age we are become necessary. Since the publication of Ageless Beauty: The French Way by Clémence von Mueffling, TSLL readers continued to recommend it, and it wasn't until this summer that I purchased it and read it in one afternoon and evening. I highly recommend it if you are looking for specific beauty product recommendations for your skin at every stage of aging - jeunesse (20-35) to maturité (55-older). Sharing not only specific beauty routine ideas but also offering detailed explanations so that readers can understand why they are doing what they are doing to justify the investment, the book will be a resource I return to in the future as well when I begin to step from plénitude, as she describes 35-55. But beauty when it comes to products for skincare and makeup are not all that is covered. She writes about food, exercise and carriage, as well as hair and perfume. Today, what I'd like to share with you are 22 beauty secrets that caught my attention and that I either have found to be high advantageous or are new ideas I am now incorporating into my routine. Let's get started. ~Be sure to tune into the audio version of this episode as much more detail is shared than what is shared below. 1.Regularly and properly hydrate your skin A skin's quality determines the aesthetic beauty of one's exterior appearance. "Well-hydrated skin that is dewy and glowing optimally reflects light in a flattering way that makes it look almost like silk." 2. Attention to one's skin must be a regular routine to see the difference you are seeking "One of the most important components of any French woman's beauty routine is just that — it's routine." —Clémence von Mueffling 3. Attend to proper posture 4. Adopt a cleansing routine that properly cleans and cares for your skin Mueffling advocates for washing your face twice (the first time to rid your face of impurities, pollution and makeup - preferrably with a creamy product; the second, to clean the topmost layer which "optimizes the skin's natural protection and regeneration which primarily takes place while you're sleeping"). And while I have only been washing my face once each time I wash my face - in the morning and evening, I have now begun to wash my face twice in the evening as she has suggested. However, as she reminds, the goal is not squeaky, clean skin as that would be counter to what the desired goal is. Rather, it is about cleansing and caring for our skin so that the serums, oils and moisturizes we then apply will be able to properly penetrate enabling the investment we have made in these products to work as they are intended. Depending upon your skin type, she delineates the different types of cleansers to consider in chapter 2: milk cleanser, foaming cleanser, cleansing gel, cleansing oil, micellar water and toner. ~NOTE 8/16/2019: In the audio version, I incorrectly pronounced "micellar". The "c" should be pronounced softly, like an "s" in "cell", not a hard c as in "crunch". Thank you for the gentle constructive feedback from listeners. ~read about micellar water and why I added this beauty essential to my cleansing routine a couple of years ago and continue to love it. 5. Apply a toner after cleansing with a cotton ball. What is the purpose of a toner? As she shares, toners have received a bad rap for being "unnecessarily or overly harsh". Case in point, for the past 10 years, I haven't used one, but did during my 20s. She explains that toners when made properly as the more modern, natural toners are that are available, "use plant essences to deliver targeted ingredients deep into the skin". The reason for using a toner after cleansing and before you apply your serums and moisturizers is to make sure that what follows will be absorbed effectively. ~I recently began using Clarins Camomile toner per her recommendation and find it be soothing, as well as affordable. 6. Make sure your skin is pat dry after cleansing and toning and before applying any serums or moisturizers 7. Start early and be consistent "French women know that the earlier you start a comprehensive skincare regimen, the more youthful your skin will remain." 8. Find a quality hydrating moisturizer as it is essential to your skincare routine I finally found a moisturizer that works well, especially in the arid climate that I live in - La Mer. However, she recommends many moisturizers at varying price points, some below and some above what La Mer is priced. 9. Apply any oils or serums on BEFORE applying your moisturizers I have read conflicting commentary on which should come first, but I am trusting Clémence on this one. Whether you apply a serum or an oil after your toner, apply it after your toner and before your moisturizers (face and eyes). Why? For the same reason the toner and the second cleansing is used to ensure that the moisturizers can properly penetrate and do their intended job. 10. Consider welcoming a humidifier into your home Living in an arid climate, for some reason it took me four years to follow this sage recommendation. However, if you live in a tropical or humid climate, there is no need as the moisture that the humidifier provides is already done naturally in the environment in which you live. Why a humidifier? Remember, the goal is to regularly and adequately hydrate your skin, and especially during your sleep, by keeping your skin hydrated you enable the products to not have to be asked to do more than they are capable of, but your body retains more moisture offering that healthy glow you are looking for. ~1st recommendation (what I use in my home) Honeywell Germ-Free Humidifier (the previous link a model no longer found, this new model is its equivalent and comes highly recommended - Honeywell Cool Moisture Humidifier) ~2nd recommendation Pure Enrichment Mistair humidifier 11. Apply a spritz of thermal spring water After finishing your evening beauty cleansing and moisturizing routine, spritz a bit of thermal spring water on your face. As well, after cleansing in the morning, apply for a a bit more hydrating and extra dewy glow. Blot off gently after letting it sit on your skin for about one minute. ~I am not using after her recommendation Avène's Thermal Spring Water, and based on the size of the bottle, I will have it for some time. 12. Find and use a hydrating and healing lip balm It has taken me a long time to find a lip balm that does just these two things, and it was found after reading this book. Bioderma's lip balm stick will cost you $4.90 at the most and is soothing and exactly what I was looking for. Apply throughout the day and especially just before going to bed. 13. High SPFs are a good idea, let me explain AND consider reducing your time in the sun even when you are wearing sunscreen Perhaps you have heard it as well when you share with others that you are wearing SPF 50 or higher, "beyond [insert number], the SPF doesn't matter". First all, that is incorrect, and second of all, it's absolutely incorrect! Okay, now that I've gotten that off my chest. Mueffling explains that SPF is a measure of a sunscreen's ability to prevent UVB from damaging the skin and can be used to approximately how many minutes you can remain in the sun without burning. So yes, wearing SPF 60 as I do, especially on your face, it will save you money and time. But let's back-up what is the difference between UVA (which sunscreens do not protect against) and UVB (which sunscreens do protect against). Understanding the difference has motivated me to stay out of the sun as much as possible during the highest and most direct sun exposure times of the day. UVA (the long waves responsible for aging) are the most harmful because they can cause "the most injury to our cells' they are able to reach inside cells and damage the genetic code, impacting the cells' ability to produce good-quality collagen, hyaluronic acid, and the other proteins needed for proper functioning". UVB rays (the short waves responsible for burning, redness, pigmentation and the superficial damage that occurs immediately after sun exposure) can be protected against with sunscreen (when applied regularly). So, consider limiting your sun exposure and consider increasing the SPF. 14. Help your skin out while you are traveling, especially on the plane, and refrain from drinking alcohol while in flight 15. Avoid spritzing your face while traveling (plane) as it actually will dry your skin out even more 16. Moisturize your hands regularly Hand creams to try: Clarins Hand and Nail Treatment Cream (recommended by Heidi Wynne) L'Occitane Shea Butter Hand Cream 17. Add a facial massage to your weekly beauty routine Something that you can do at home, she provides three basic techniques for massaging your face with a moisturizer you already use. As our facial muscles need to not be contracted all of the time, so when we give them a massage we are asking them to relax. A facial massage will help your facial muscles retain elasticity and remain firm. 18. Visit a facialist regularly Depending upon your age, von Mueffling recommends jeunesse receive a professional facial every season (every three months), plénitude every two months and maturité every month. By visiting a reputable esthetician you can keep your skin in its best shape, combat problems that may arise quickly and accurately without doing more damage and improve the quality of your everyday skincare routine. 19. Eat skin-friendly foods Sharing a long list of best foods to eat, at the core of such a food regimen is eating food that is sufficient in healthy fats, low in caffeine and very spicy foods, regularly include citrus and offering diversity and brilliant colors. ~Why Not . . . Feed Your Body Well? 20. Your Décolleté Needs Extra Care and Attention From cleansing to moisturizing, remember to not only tend to your face and neck but the area between and just above your breasts. 21. Exercise Regularly and Well ~Why Not . . . Get and Stay in Shape? 22. Prioritize Quality Sleep ~Why Not . . . Get A Good Night's Sleep? ~Ageless Beauty the French Way: Secrets from three generations of French beauty editors by Clémence von Mueffling ~SIMILAR POSTS YOU MIGHT ENJOY: Why Not . . . Create a Beauty Capsule Shopping Routine? The Beauty & Make-up Products I Love and Use Daily 8 of My Favorite Beauty Products Why Not . . . Look and Feel Radiant? 8 Ways to Create Glowing Skin, episode #13 Petit Plaisir: ~Le Mystère Henri Pick (2019) https://youtu.be/kbyBzbTYw5s TSLL's 4th Annual French Week posts thus far . . . SUNDAY August 11th Welcome to TSLL's 4th Annual French Week! 7 French Candles I Love & A Giveaway! – giveaway Visiting Musée d'Orsay and Impressionist Berthe Morisot's Exhibit MONDAY August 12th NEW podcast episode – #257: An American Being Everyday French – My Interview with author & writer John von Sothen The World, Large & Small, Illustrated for Your Home, Kitchen and Life: A Modvin Paris Illustrated Giveaway – giveaway 5 New-in-2019 French Lifestyle Books I Have Enjoyed TUESDAY August 13th Q & A with Heidi Wynne on Scarves, Effortless Style and Classic Films 11 Helpful Tips for Visiting and Shopping at Marché aux Puces de Saint-Ouen in Paris A Simple Everyday Luxury: A Gien Mug, giveaway, — giveaway WEDNESDAY August 14th Attending Susan Hermann Loomis' Cooking Class in Louviers, Normandy 9 Places in Paris I Recommend for Dining, Sleeping, Exploring and Finding the Perfect Croissant

If you take an American man and place him in Paris, asking him to fit in, it will take a good sense of humor and a sincere love of France, but this man will be calling Paris his home, his sincere home, in due time. Such a man, or should we say, monsieur, is author and writer John von Sothen. I had the opportunity to meet up with John in the arrondisement he has called home for nearly 20 years - the 10th - and join him for what I like to describe as a "walk and talk". For more than two hours (which felt like minutes as I had the good fortune of being on a one-on-one guided tour of a city I too love, but have so much to learn), he showed me his everyday life from the fish monger where he picks up his poisson, the boulangerie where he walks down to pick up his faily's baquette (or two) in the morning and the restaurant where the neighborhood parents meet up after dropping their children off at school in the morning. His new book, released this past May - Monsieur Mediocre: One American Learns the High Art of Being Everyday French - shares the reality of being an expat from America living in Paris all the while being newly married, newly a parent and new to everyday living in France. Needless to say, with a dose of humor, an insatiable curiosity and deep affection for France, and being raised to "contribute" as his mother would also encourage him to do at dinner parties his parents would host in Georgetown in his youth, he has found France to be his home in more ways than he ever intended, but sincerely appreciates. In today's episode, I have divided it into three parts (all included in this one episode). As our conversation begins, we are seated outdoors on a terrasse in the 18th arrondisements bordering the 10th. I hope that you will appreciate the real-time acoustics of the city of Paris' background music as you will hear it all - French conversation, the traffic, and a city that is alive. With my trusty, but small hand-held recorded we chatted about everything, much of what I learned by reading his book and much more. There are a few instances in which the wind is heard, and while I have edited out most parts of our conversation in which the wind was present and obstructive, the instances in which I have not is intentional as what we are talking about is worth hearing, and I did not have the heart to cut it out. Thank you for your patience in these rare moments because the rest is a dance of insights about Parisian and French living from the inside that we don't often learn or hear about. From talking about the famed French vacances that foreign onlookers love to dream about, what being an aristocrat really means in France (psst - his wife is an aristocrat and from an aristocratic family, so he has the inside scoop), the truth about raising children in the city of Paris, how his mother influenced his love and interest in France, why he was raised unintentionally to be someone who could step into a new culture and not be intimidated, what escaping to the country in France is like for someone who loves the city life, the film Amelie, American politics as perceived by the Parisians, and his now quickly-becoming-famous rescue pup made it into a French film. ~John von Sothen's family dog Bogart at home when I met in him July in Paris (left); the French film Yves in which Bogart stars. The film premiered on July 26th of this year.~ Now, a quick note about that last point. Of course, I was drawn to our entire conversation and intrigued about the realities, but when we started talking about his family's dog Bogart, I couldn't help but be intrigued. And perhaps John noticed this because he gave me the opportunity to meet his dog, and so, below I captured a picture of him after I had the chance to say hello. He is the sweetest pup, truly a kind soul and no wonder he is a star on screen because he is a star period. (view the trailer for the film - Yves - here - Bogart appears in the first seen sleeping on the sofa) I do hope you enjoy our conversation. John von Sothen's book is available now, and you can find him writing for Esquire, French Vanity Fair, GQ, and AirMail, as well as other French and American publications (and even sometimes on French television as his book describes in hilarious detail). ~Learn more about John von Sothen and read more of his writing at johnvonsothen.com ~Purchase a copy of Monsieur Mediocre: One American Learns the High Art of Being Everyday French (May 2019) https://www.instagram.com/p/BybapiHAsit/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link ~John entertained graciously my attempts at a photo together, but I wanted to included especially the photo on the lower right as in the background is a piece of art created by his mother of which wsa talked about at the beginning of today's episode.~ ~Subscribe to The Simple Sophisticate: iTunes | Stitcher | iHeartRadio | YouTube | Spotify ~Find more episodes of The Simple Sophisticate podcast. ~Find all of the French-Inspired episodes of The Simple Sophisticate podcast here. https://www.instagram.com/p/B1EFxuqg-Zt/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link TSLL's 4th Annual French Week posts thus far . . . SUNDAY August 11th Welcome to TSLL's 4th Annual French Week! 7 French Candles I Love & A Giveaway! – giveaway Visiting Musée d'Orsay and Impressionist Berthe Morisot's Exhibit ~Sponsors of today's episode: Candid Co - candidco.com/simple Save $75 off your order with the following promo code - SIMPLE

Cultivating our signature style takes time because it involves understanding ourselves and bringing our truest selves forth. In other words, our signature style is more than what we see on the surface. When we discover what our signature style is, it will become a classic for us uniquely because it is a timeless revelation that will not subside with time. It may ebb and flow to adjust with the offerings of sartorial collections of the zeitgeist, but at the core, who you are, remains the same. What you value - characteristics of importance - i.e. integrity and warmth; what brings forth your most beautiful and best self - a particular silhouette and a particular fit so you feel most comfortable as well as stunning; each of these and more are small, but significant parts of your classic, and thus signature style. In today's episode of the podcast, a readers' favorite from last season, discover 18 ways to define your very own classic style. With each point, there will be great discussion and examples, so be sure to tune in to the audio version. ~View the show notes for episode #159 here ~Images 2 & 3 - previous posts shared on IG of Shannon's style over the years