The Fifth Column

A few weeks ago, with Matt Welch bleeding out of his ears and supposedly forbidden from flying, Kmele and Moynihan hopped a plane to a post-apocalyptic hellscape called “San Francisco” to kibizt with their new benevolent overlords at Substack. Unlike the boring prigs at Patreon (whose “Trust and Safety” commissars never even returned our calls), Substack rather generously hosted the Fifth crew for drinks, drinks, some more drinks, and a live show at company HQ. In Matt’s stead, the lads called up FOTF (Friend of the Fifth - ed.) Lara “Che” Bazelon, a local law professor and communist revolutionary, and Substack co-founder* Hamish McKenzie, a reactionary publisher of fake news. They discuss San Francisco, the state of the media, the future of free speech, and much, much more. Enjoy.*Note: We previously referred to Hamish as CEO of Substack. He is, we are reliably informed, the "chief writing officer," which sounds to us like a fake job. As such, we now have significant doubts he even works at Substack and suspect he's never even been to New Zealand (which he told us “is the country where Kyle Minogue and Yahoo Serious are from”). This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.wethefifth.com/subscribe

Many urgent matters loom large in this dispatch.How did boxes full of TOP SECRET documents turn up a Trump’s Mar-a-lago compound?!Could be an honest mistake… Few moving labels get mixed up; nuclear secrets turn up in a Florida man’s safe. Maybe a box full of Melania’s bawdiest intimates gets serendipitously misdirected to the National Archives.Could America be so lucky?Could Trump be selling state secrets to the highest bidder?Could the “Deep State” be up to no good?Is there a clearance sale at the Banana Republic?We’ve got margaritas, Sativa, a burning desire to sort this 💩 out — and Eli Lake is a responsible adult whose laptop definitely won’t run out of power mid-podcast.Recorded: Aug 11, 2022Published: NOW This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.wethefifth.com/subscribe

It's among the most unusual and noteworthy congressional primary races of 2022. For a surprisingly long stretch, Michigan's third district has been home to a uniquely independent brand of republican congresspersons. But after Peter Meijer (R) narrowly lost his primary race this week, MI-3's respectability streak is no more.Congressman Meijer's party largely abandoned him. The former President still really hates him. And Democrats spent $435,000 to help boost his MAGA-loving opponent's sparse media profile. Meijer joined us to break down the race, spill a little tea about his soon-to-be-former-colleagues, and share some high/lowlights from his all-too-brief time in office.Recorded: Aug 3, 2022Published: Aug 4, 2022 This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.wethefifth.com/subscribe

w/ John McWhorter and Glenn Loury- No Moynihan, No Welch- Progress or Pesmissim- Campus Culture- Culture Warriors- Gaslighting + Reactionaries- DEI Obstacles- Overstatement and Bravery- Dignity + Individualism- Race as Ethnicity- All in Bounds- Pride, Honor, Shame- “Tolstoy is Mine. Dickens is Mine.”- Everything is permissible to meRecorded: 6/14/22Published: 7/24/22 This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.wethefifth.com/subscribe

with David French contributing writer @ The Atlantic and senior editor @ The Dispatch.James GD WebbCleaning Your RoomPlaying to the CrowdThe Great CRT Ban KurfufflReconsidering that Roe decisionThe Capacity for PregnancyCorroboration, Prosecution, and RestraintTrump v DeSantisWorld Level ExpertsDarker Woods BeyondAnarchapulco This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.wethefifth.com/subscribe

* Matt breaks an eardrum* Boris breaks British politics (Ed note: Boris renounced his American citizenship in 2017. We sort of regret the error)* Would Putin free LeBron?* Remember Macy Gray? Well, whoever she is, she’s very sorry* Tim Hardaway, self-proclaimed homophobe* The end of interventionism* Former Japanese PM Shinzo Abe is shot* Andrew Schultz goes the way of Louis CK* 2022 Freedom Bowl: California v. Florida* Gavin Newsom: Slightly Better than Beto* Covid and culture wars: What will matter in 2024We love all of our freeloading listeners. But we’d love you a whole lot more if you subscribed and reaped all the benefits of being a dues-paying member of the Fifdom. So click the button below. Now. It would make us very happy. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.wethefifth.com/subscribe

“Tear it down. Start over again. We can make a brand new start.” - Blue Mafic * A Bad Omen* Judicial Superfluity* Beyond Roe* unenumerated, natural, ipse dixit * Carry Concealed* Conservative Excesss, Judicial Restraint* Europe is Always Better* “Sand in every damn gear…”* Antidemocratic AF* Release the TranscriptsRecorded: June 25th, 2022Published: June 26th, 2022 This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.wethefifth.com/subscribe

* You Got a Friend* Restrictive Covenant* #MJInnocent* Beefin with TSA* Blockchain Nostradamus* A Very Bad Thing/The Worst Possible Thing* What Barr Knew* Clear and Present Danger* Google: maps of Capitol tunnels* The Blame Game* Can’t White a Book* Quietest Jazz Solo* Great Replacement Theory (But It’s Fine)* The Al Sharpton This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.wethefifth.com/subscribe

* Kmele is flying* Dude has four parents. Not one isn’t a terrorist* The decline and fall of San Francisco, Part I * Fiona Dourif’s piece on how California fails the mentally ill* A sexy retweet* Ilya Shapiro quits Georgetown. He stops by to tell us why* Ilya apologized. Should he have?* He mentioned it, we’ll link to it: the paperback edition of Supreme Disorder * Shapiro: Cato abandoned me* Dave Weigel gets suspended because of his colleague and “close friend,” Sammy “the Bull” Sonmez,” rats him out* Another editors note re: the TikTok lady* A St. Louis Cardinal tweeted bad words when he was 14* Everything is dumb* CNN retools, but all the tools still work there* If you ask the question “should I have kids on account of climate change,” you probably shouldn’t have kids* A primetime January 6th hearing, produced by Busby Berkeley* Breaking: Chesa the Chavista needs a new job* The decline and fall of San Francisco, Part II This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.wethefifth.com/subscribe

* Imperfect Introduction* Queerest story ever told* The heart-pounding conclusion of Depp v Heard * Birdwatching for Karens* A firearms "clarification"* The other 99% (and the warmth of simple narratives)* Incitement for “journalists”* Half Junky / Half Wonk* The absurd hilarity of historical injustice* Believe All Jedi* Fixing CNN+ (“Toobin After Dark” Edition)* Star Wars is for racists* Chief Colt 45* Total Recall, Certain Guilt* You always need more gays* Professional crybabies* The Pride of Prejudice This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.wethefifth.com/subscribe