Life Coaching with Christine Hassler

This episode is about standing up for yourself in a relationship. Today’s caller, Marc, feels a shift in his 20-year marriage. He is willing to work on the relationship but his wife is avoiding it. This episode is relatable to many people because we discuss why he doesn’t take a stand for himself and how it takes two people to make a relationship work.   [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode360]   Many midlife crises happen because people find themselves in a place where they can’t suppress anymore. Often, their kids are older, they are set in their careers, and their life is a bit more predictable, then all of a sudden they find it difficult to suppress what they feel they have missed out on.   When an individual feels they’ve sacrificed a lot of their life in parenthood or the like, a sense of selfishness or entitlement bubbles up and they go in the opposite direction of where they have been. And, a person who is more reactive and triggered shouldn’t be leading a relationship because they will lead the relationship to a dead end.   Sometimes our less obvious wounds are more impactful. A lot of time the person who holds the more feminine pole in a relationship often wants the masculine pole to lead, to come to us and let us know when things are off.   I’m happy to announce that my next Women’s Retreat will be held in Austin from October 7‒9, 2022. Go to ChristineHassler.com/signatureretreat to get more information about this life-changing opportunity.   Consider/Ask Yourself: Are you in a relationship and you feel you are pulling more of the weight and are doing more of the work but your partner isn’t? Are you unclear about where you stand in a relationship? Are you in limbo waiting for someone to tell you if the relationship is moving forward? Do you avoid standing up for yourself and what you want? Did you have a parent you couldn’t afford to lose so you tiptoed around them and the wound is impacting your adult relationships?    Marc’s Question: Marc noticed a shift in his 20-year marriage. He feels as if he is in limbo. He is asking for guidance on what his next steps should be.   Marc’s Key Insights and Ahas: He has been married for 20 years and has two teenage kids. He feels a shift in attitude from his wife. He is going to therapy but his wife isn’t. He is putting a lot of work into what steps to take next. He is not sure he wants to stay in the marriage. His wife may be premenopausal. He and his wife put the kids first over each other. His father abandoned his family when he was young. He doesn’t want to continue being in limbo. He has questions to ask his wife but is afraid of what the answers may be. His wife hasn’t been there for him during some difficult times. He recognizes he has some blind spots but thinks he has been a good husband. He feels unappreciated. His mother wound is affecting his relationship with his wife.   How to Get Over It and On With It: Realize he is a constant reminder of the things his wife isn’t facing. He deserves clarity from his wife. Stand up for himself and the marriage. Work with his inner child and let him know that he will be okay, no matter what happens.   Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Control is something we all struggle with. We think we have 100% control over life, but we don’t. We do have choices and dominion but we don’t have total control. Our egos like to have certainty and to have a plan, which is rooted in fear. It is scary not to know what is coming next. If we try to control every aspect of our lives, we often miss out on all the beautiful opportunities the universe has for us. Sometimes the opportunities come in the form of challenges, which are not to punish or test us but to help us grow. During these times it is important that we do not go into victim mode. It is also important that when we go through uncertainty we don’t try to immediately fill up that space with something new. Sometimes we just have to sit in the discomfort of uncertainty to see what it is there for to teach us. If we don’t deal with our Expectation Hangovers they will keep repeating and the same types of disappointments will keep coming up. It’s OK if you don’t have it all figured out. A quarter-life crisis is normal. It is the time when many of us step into our personal life journey. Challenges are what build our grit and character. I invite you to join me for my retreat in magical Bali which includes meditation, yoga, one-on-one coaching and the opportunity to meet soul friends. There are only 3 reservations left. E-mail Jill@ChristineHassler.com for information on how to join any of my events or business programs. Subscribe in iTunes | Stitcher | SoundCloud | Android | Google Consider/Ask Yourself: Are you having a quarter-life crisis or an Expectation Hangover? Are things not going according to plan? Do you relate to living off a checklist? If things don’t get checked off are you hard on yourself? Is external achievement and validation important to you? Are there things you say you are surrendered about but you’re not? Are you still trying to make things happen or have you just resigned? Frankie’s Question: Frankie would like to know how to move into a place of acceptance about where she is in her life. Frankie’s Key Insights and Aha’s: She has a should list and a checklist in her head She has a deep strength within her Her identity comes from what she can achieve She is hard on herself more than she is compassionate Love for her is connected to validation and praise How to get over it and on with it: She should consider who she would be at 49 if her life had no struggles She can pray without asking for something Her self-talk needs to move towards love and acceptance She can delve deeper in her spiritual practice She should update her story about who she is supposed to be Assignments and Takeaways: Listen to my story in my very first Over It and On With It Process your emotions through release writing and the temper tantrum technique in Expectation Hangover. Do not pray for things but pray to be shown the way. Be nice to yourself. Ditch your checklist. Resources: Christine Hassler Christine Hassler Podcasts Christine Hassler Free E–book Expectation Hangover 20 Something 20 Everything @christinhassler on Twitter @christinehassler on Instagram Christine@christinehassler.com Jill@christinehassler.com

This episode is about making a big decision. Today’s caller, Catherine, is considering moving in with her boyfriend but isn’t sure whether or not she is ready. She would like guidance on how to make a big decision. We discuss how she can use the intuitive decision-making process to become clear about what she wants and the learning opportunities of relationships.   [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode359]   When we feel that we have to make every decision on our own, it can keep us from speaking our needs in relationships. To break the pattern of feeling like you have to do everything on your own requires speaking your needs and asking for help and support. In the masculine-feminine dynamic when we are doing things on our own, not in collaboration, we can lean a bit too much into our masculine energy.   It is important to stretch ourselves, but not stretch ourselves so much that we snap. If we want continued progress in our life we stretch ourselves just enough where we feel the stretch but we don’t snap.   An issue-based relationship is where the chemistry is really hot and heavy early on but what is really attracting the partners is unresolved issues. You may find yourself attracted to someone who is like your mother or father or who triggers your insecurities or biggest wounds. We tend to draw in relationships that have tons of red flags but the passion and chemistry keep us going back for more.   The learning opportunity of issue-based relationships is to heal the wound that attracts us to a person in the first place.   I’m happy to announce that my next Women’s Retreat will be held in Austin from October 7‒9, 2022. Go to ChristineHassler.com/signatureretreat to get more information about this life-changing opportunity.   Consider/Ask Yourself: Is there a big decision you are considering making? Do you want to make a change but you don’t know if it’s too extreme or a great challenge? Are you someone who likes to have certainty in your life? In a relationship, have you tried to change the other person rather than taking full responsibility for how you are showing up?   Catherine’s Question: Catherine would like guidance about her relationship and about whether or not she should move in with her partner.   Catherine’s Key Insights and Ahas: She has been dating her partner for five months. She is concerned about the stability of the relationship. Her intuition is nudging her to take an adventure. She and her partner live hours apart. The relationship has been a bit rocky. She changed her expectations of men after research. She is unsure about how to lean into her femininity. She is afraid to trust. There is a lot of change presenting itself to her. She is learning things during her decision-making process. She tends to make all-or-nothing decisions. She is looking to take responsibility for her part in the relationship. She is ready to receive love.   How to Get Over It and On With It: Do the intuitive decision-making process and listen to her body. Make agreements with her partner about how they will live together. Clean up her end of the relationship.   Sponsor: Cured — Would you like to feel plugged in without an extra cup of coffee or two? RISE is formulated by an in-house herbalist and is all about getting an extra boost of energy. To help you stay laser-focused on your goals and reduce your caffeine intake, RISE includes Lion’s Mane & Cordyceps mushrooms, ginseng, broad-spectrum CBD, and more. Go to Curednutrition.com/OVERIT and use the promo code OVERIT at check out for 20% off.   Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Do you exhibit a type of behavior or personality trait you don’t necessarily love about yourself? It could be moodiness or it could be being extremely judgmental or it could be an emotional state you have a tendency to default to like sadness, worry, anger or fear. Women often have a difficult time dealing with anger because we have not been encouraged to express it. We may default to sadness which limits us from reaching our passion and our fire. We suppress our emotions and any big emotion we suppress will eventually leak. Anger becomes irritability, sadness becomes depression and shame comes out as insecurity. Suppressed emotions can also lead to physical ailments. It is not healthy to suppress our emotions.    Today’s caller Monica acknowledges her own moodiness and is wondering if it is something she can change or if it’s a fixed personality trait. She suppresses her anger and doesn’t speak her truth. If there is something about you that does not feel good to you, like moodiness, you can change it. You just need to uncover why it’s there in the first place. Moodiness can be a messenger that you may be suppressing pent up anger and frustration. It is liberating to express your anger and be free of the moodiness. I invite all of you to join me for my retreat in magical Bali which will include meditation, yoga, one-on-one coaching and the opportunity to meet soul friends. E-mail Jill@ChristineHassler.com for information on how to join the festivities or to join me in Los Angeles in July for my signature retreat.      Consider/Ask Yourself:    ● Is there something about you that you would like to change? Is it an inherent part of your personality or do you believe you can change it? Are you willing to do the work to change it?    ● Do you experience times when you are irritable or snap at someone? How do you express your anger?    ● Do you feel self-expressed? Do you fully feel your feelings?      Monica’s Question:  Monica recognizes she is a moody person and would like to know if she is able to shift out of it or if it is part of her personality.      Monica’s Key Insights and Aha’s: ● Her moodiness stems from suppressing her anger     ● When she speaks her truth she feels shut down    ● She has trouble expressing herself     ● She doesn’t like conflict    ● She becomes the victim, as a coping strategy      How to get over it and on with it:  ● Realize her irritability and bluntness are actually inner anger leaking out  ● She should do the Temper Tantrum technique and 32 days of the Release Writing technique, which are in her copy of Expectation Hangover  ● She should step away from the conversation and get her anger out, on her own      Tools and Takeaways:  ● Identify the ways you may be leaking. Know where you are suppressing and how you may be expressing it in other ways.       ● If you sense you may have anger you have yet to acknowledge, start Release Writing.    ● Work through the emotional section of Expectation Hangover, in particular, the Adult Temper Tantrum and Release Writing techniques.    ● Speak your truth and process your raw feelings to eliminate suppression.       Resources: Christine Hassler Expectation Hangover @christinhassler on Twitter@christinehassler on Instagram Christine@christinehassler.com Jill@christinehassler.com

This episode is about understanding why we do the things we do and how to heal. Today’s caller, Donna, endured traumatic experiences as a child. She eats for comfort because she was not nurtured or prioritized as a child. People don’t start emotionally eating if they grew up in a family where they felt safe to express their emotions. We talk about two great actionable tools you can use if you struggle with emotional or binge eating, or not feeling like you have worth.   [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode358]   Every little child needs to feel nurtured and soothed when they have feelings. When we have a super-traumatized part of ourselves we need to figure out a way to flood the system with a sensory experience. Some people choose drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, and some choose food. Food offers a flood of sensory experiences so it helps to keep the trauma hidden.   It is amazing how much we judge ourselves for the challenges we have. We often don’t understand why it is not easy to change or do things differently when what we are doing is completely reasonable based on our trauma. It’s not that it is okay to use trauma as a scapegoat for the rest of our lives, however, we must acknowledge our story and understand that, of course, we are dealing with things the way we do.   We must have compassion for ourselves before we can change. No one has ever healed in the energy of judgment. No one has ever healed by beating the crap out of themselves. No one has ever healed believing they are still broken. We want to honor and acknowledge our past and understand that it makes sense that it is difficult or harder for us to change.   The only way to break out of the pattern of not feeling like we are a priority is to find the source, then perform the daily practice of looking in the mirror, being present with ourselves, and saying I love you.   The Inner Child workshop is a tool that helps us reconnect with our little one and facilitates healing. Find the recorded version of the Inner Child workshop here.   Consider/Ask Yourself: Did you grow up in a household where you could express your feelings or did you have to swallow your feelings? Do you struggle with binge or emotional eating? Do you use food to comfort or soothe? Is it hard for you to make yourself a priority? Are you there for everyone else but not there for yourself? Were you truly mothered?   Donna’s Question: Donna would like guidance on how to make herself a priority.   Donna’s Key Insights and Ahas: She has difficulty prioritizing herself because she never felt she was a priority. She uses food to manage her emotions. Her mother attempted suicide when she was young. She was physically abused at a daycare facility. She lost her brother when she was thirteen. She has very few conscious memories of her youth. Her memories have manifested as nightmares. She leaned on her sister to make her feel safe. She is searching for comfort. Food has been her mother in many ways. Her mother passed away last year. She missed out on nurture. She is a people-pleaser. She mothers herself by giving herself pep talks. She doesn’t nurture herself. Her mother never told her she loved her. She has everything she needs within. She is not broken.   How to Get Over It and On With It: Rephrase how she describes her eating for comfort. When she becomes aware she is eating for comfort, grab her cuddle bear and imagine herself as a child. Tell herself every day that she is loved.   Sponsor: Cured — Would you like to feel plugged in without an extra cup of coffee, or two? RISE is formulated by an in-house herbalist and is all about getting an extra boost of energy. To help you stay laser-focused on your goals and reduce your caffeine intake, RISE includes Lion’s Mane & Cordyceps mushrooms, ginseng, broad-spectrum CBD, and more. Go to Curednutrition.com/OVERIT and use the promo code OVERIT at check out for 20% off.   Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This episode is about asking for what you need in relationships. Today’s caller, Megan, feels overwhelmed when faced with too many choices and is afraid to be truly seen. She doesn’t want her pattern of uncertainty to sabotage her new relationship. Like in many coaching sessions, her initial question isn’t exactly what we focus on. This is for anyone who has trouble making decisions, doubts themselves, or is in sabotaging patterns. For empaths, love can feel overwhelming because we love so deeply. When we are in a relationship it can feel smothering and overwhelming. Instead of communicating that we need boundaries and space with love we are often afraid of confrontation or don’t want to make the other person upset. So, we unconsciously push them away by either judging them internally, nitpicking, or acting out in other ways. Empaths need to know what they need — especially at the beginning of the relationship. When you are first dating someone you need to be vocal and ask for what you need. Boundaries in a relationship and asking for what you need is important. That way you don’t have to build walls. You can have a door and that door can be open most of the time but sometimes you need to shut it and put on the do not disturb sign. The people in your life that love you will understand. It will allow them to spend time with themselves. When our heart is broken either through a breakup or the death of someone, we want to love again but we are scared because it feels risky. Fear of making the wrong decision will keep you from making the decision. Basically, fear complicates everything in your life. The more you can drop into love and your inner knowing and move out of the energy of fear the more clarity you will have in all aspects of your life. I am a proud sponsor of B-school which is an online training program for modern entrepreneurs taught by Marie Forleo. When you register through my link you will receive special bonuses from me. I include four group coaching calls of 90 min each, four custom meditations for entrepreneurs, access to my Facebook group, a one day retreat, plus free access to my master class for coaches. Go to ChristineHassler.com/bschool or email Jill@ChristineHassler.com for more information. For free training videos from Marie go to ChristineHassler.com/training.  

This episode is about taking the action steps to get out of a toxic relationship. Today’s caller, Sara, grew up in a traumatic home and recently broke up from a severely toxic relationship. She has such a high tolerance for trauma and toxicity, she hesitates to take the logistical action steps needed to remove herself and her daughter from the toxic environment. It may be difficult to listen to but you will also hear her strength, heart, and resilience.   [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode357]   It can be hard to see how unhealthy a relationship is when we have a high tolerance for abusive behavior. When we are in situations that trigger trauma, it is tricky because oftentimes, there are action steps we need to take to change the real-world reality of things. We have to put our deeper healing aside for the moment and take immediate action.   It is hard to make rational decisions when we are emotionally triggered.   Allowing other people to tell us we are damaged or to tell us what our issues are is toxic behavior. We don’t need someone else to tell us that we are not healed or are broken. Whatever someone projects onto us is a reflection of their issues. This behavior is abusive and gaslighting. It is a massive red flag! Don't let them take your power away. No one has the authority to evaluate your wholeness or issues. If there is someone in your life who is doing that to you, RUN!   Coaches — When someone is in a breakup situation that involves legal stuff and needs protection, it is not the time to do deep somatic trauma work on their childhood. When someone doesn’t feel safe in their immediate situation their nervous system isn’t regulated, there is a fine line between guiding people towards their own answers and getting a strong feeling to give direct feedback. A coach’s job is to do a little bit of both.   Consider/Ask Yourself: Are you shoulda/coulda/woulding all over yourself? Is there something that happened in your past you wish could be different now? Are you beating yourself up with “What Ifs”? Did you have a traumatic childhood and are you repeating it in your adult life? Do you think you may be in a toxic or unhealthy relationship? Do you see yourself as broken or allow yourself to be told who you are?   Sara’s Question: Sara is going through a brutal breakup after three years together with an unhealthy, controlling person. She would like guidance on how to move forward in her life.   Sara’s Key Insights and Ahas: This is her first serious relationship. She believed her ex to be her forever relationship. They have a child together. She feels she brought toxicity into the relationship based on her past. Her ex is 20 years older than she is. Her ex is very controlling and expects perfection. She had mental breakdowns during the relationship. She doesn’t have much support because maintains distance from her family. She doesn’t have a history of mental breakdowns. She had postpartum depression. There is gaslighting and narcissism in the relationship. She has lost herself in this relationship. She feels stuck and doesn’t have many resources at her disposal. She has wounds that create low-self worth. She allows other people to degrade her. She had spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical abuse in her childhood. She has PTSD when it comes to transitions. She feels like a hopeless prisoner in her relationship. She has an opportunity to live with a friend.   How to Get Over It and On With It: Change the way she sees the breakup to consider it a relief that she is getting out of a toxic relationship. Acknowledge her strength and know she is not broken. Realize there is nothing she could have done to change the situation. Stop wasting time ruminating over what could be and start thinking about what she will do for herself and her baby. Reach out to her friend for logistical support. Play offensively, take charge, and have her boundaries up. Continue to work with a therapist and advocates who can help her make sound decisions when she is emotionally triggered.   Sponsor: Cured — Would you like to feel plugged in without an extra cup of coffee, or two? RISE is formulated by an in-house herbalist and is all about getting an extra boost of energy. To help you stay laser-focused on your goals and reduce your caffeine intake, RISE includes Lion’s Mane & Cordyceps mushrooms, ginseng, broad-spectrum CBD, and more. Go to Curednutrition.com/OVERIT and use the promo code OVERIT at check out for 20% off.   Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This episode is about never feeling good enough and always looking for what could go wrong. Today’s caller, Dana, didn’t have her needs met as a child and built a protective pattern to help her cope with her abandonment wound. We work through ways to calm her nervous system and feel safe when asking for what she needs.   [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode356]   Whether or not you grew up in a house where you felt like your needs were not met, all of us can relate to feeling not good enough, or the feeling that things in our lives are not good enough. Or, we can be either incredibly critical of ourselves or other people. We get ourselves into a vicious cycle.   When we have unmet needs, especially if we were raised in a way where we couldn’t have an outburst, had to be the good kid, or had to keep it together, it caused us to keep stuff inside. Those of us who had to withhold a lot as children can be mean to people internally but when it comes to saying something externally, we cower.   When we have awareness about one of our protective patterns, we don’t want to expect that we are immediately going to change it. That would just set us up for an Expectation Hangover and offer us more opportunities to beat ourselves up.   The purpose of personal development is not an overnight transformation. As evolving human beings, personal transformation is more about gaining awareness. We can spot the patterns we fall into and then work with ourselves while we are in the pattern.   True transformation comes when we find ourselves in the trigger, habit, or reaction and we become aware we are in it then, we choose differently.   My next Women’s Retreat will be held in Austin on October 7‒9, 2022. I will post the website and open enrollment soon!   Consider/Ask Yourself: Do you have the feeling of never feeling good enough? Do you constantly look for what is wrong in a situation, or what could go wrong, and have a hard time finding peace and joy in what is? Did you grow up in a house where your needs were not met and you have a hard time communicating your needs now? Do you have a hard time being present and slowing down? Are you always thinking of what you have to do next?   Dana’s Question: Dana would like to understand why no matter what she does or achieves it never feels enough.   Dana’s Key Insights and Ahas: She is an achiever and is viewed as blessed. She finds fault with her husband in almost everything he does. She is always thinking about what comes next. She has an abandonment wound from her alcoholic father. Her mother was very young and always working. She over-achieves as a protective pattern. As a child, she always wanted to be accepted, heard, and understood. She looks for what is wrong so she can prepare for it. She has never had her needs met and is a bit angry because of it. She is afraid to trust the good things in her life. She is waiting for her partner to disappoint her. There is an intimacy-affection need that is not being met in her relationship. She needs a strong circle of friends around her. She doesn’t feel worthy of friendship and connectedness. She craves intimacy. She doesn’t know how to celebrate success. She holds a lot of tension and is often on edge.   How to Get Over It and On With It: Work with her protective pattern and know it is safe to trust the good in her life. Practice opening her heart and being less judgmental of herself. Focus on contentment and allow herself a moment to relax and feel relief in the moment. Breathe love into her heart and belly and tell herself she is safe. Bring conscious awareness to what she needs.   Sponsor: Cured — If you feel anxiety or that it is hard to go to sleep, you may want to give Zen a try. Zen is formulated by an in-house herbalist and is all about being calm and relaxed. To help you sleep and regulate your nervous system, Zen includes Reishi mushrooms, magnesium, CBD, and more. Go to Curednutrition.com/OVERIT and use the promo code OVERIT at check out for 20% off.   Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

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