Grief is a Sneaky Bitch

ABOUT THIS EPISODE:I’ve been a fan of today’s guest for a long time so I’m thrilled to share my conversation with Dr. BJ Miller with you today. BJ is a longtime hospice and palliative medicine physician and educator. He has worked in all settings of care: hospital, clinic, residential facility, and home. Led by his own experiences as a patient, BJ advocates for the roles of our senses, community, and presence in designing a better ending. We began our conversation with the story of how he came to be a patient after a catastrophic injury in his 20’s. Together we explored the challenges of acknowledging grief and humanity in traditional systems of care and why it’s important to grapple with the truth that suffering, illness, and dying are fundamental and intrinsic aspects of life. His warmth and wisdom and insight taught me so much throughout our conversation and I know you’re going to learn so much too. EPISODE RESOURCES:Mettle HealthBJ's Ted Talk JUMP STRAIGHT INTO:(03:52) - BJ’s earliest memory of loss (11:07) - BJ’s injury and loss: How it lead him into palliative medicine(17:46) - What did palliative care look like when BJ entered that field (and how is it different from hospice)(25:44) - Notions of enthusiasm and resistance among patient population and fellow doctors(36:26) - Primary palliative care: How is the pandemic changing the perception around the palliative field?  (40:06) - How BJ explores suffering to his patients(49:23) - How did Mettle Health come into existence and how is it helping people? EPISODE SPONSOR:Thanks to our sponsor Vida Health. Vida – healthcare designed for the body and mind! Visit Vida.com/bcbsil to learn more. ABOUT THE SHOW:If you love deep, honest, authentic conversations, get ready to love Grief is a Sneaky Bitch. From CEOs and social workers to best-selling authors, educators, filmmakers, and stay-at-home moms, her guests open up about the complexity, confusion, and even confidence they have gained by navigating a grief journey of their own. To learn more about the show and how host Lisa Keefauver is reimagining grief, sign up for her not-so-regular newsletter follow on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn or visit www.lisakeefauver.com today!  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

ABOUT THIS EPISODE:In today’s episode, my guest Dr. Lizzie Cleary is bright and warm and engaging and her training in psychology and work in the fields of oncology meant we spent some time exploring the professional borne wisdom on the topics of grief and loss and post traumatic growth. She currently serves as a Senior Psychologist and Clinical supervisor at the Simms/Mann UCLA Center for Integrative Oncology. But our conversation begins with a much more personal experience of loss that happened at the time Lizzie was studying to be a psychologist.Lizzie’s Mom Sylvia sounds like she was a trailblazer! And just as Lizzie was launching her own career, in psychology, Sylvia died while out on her kayak in one of her favorite places to be. That was 2005. Lizzie and her family began grieving this as an accidental death only to discover nearly 4 years later, based on the finally completed autopsy report, that she had died by suicide. While Lizzie doesn’t go into details about her death, I appreciated the way she illuminated the unique aspects of grieving this type of death and the added layer of complexity this new information brought forth. Lizzie’s warmth and wisdom and insight taught me so much throughout our conversation and I know you’re going to learn so much too. Episode ResourcesDr. Lizzie Cleary is a licensed clinical psychologist who specializes in oncology, grief, and making meaning out of life’s most challenging experiences. She is a senior psychologist at the Simms/Mann UCLA Center for Integrative Oncology, where she teaches and supervises graduate students in psychology, social work, medicine, and chaplaincy. She can be found at drlizziecleary.com and on IG @drlizziecleary Growth After Trauma by Richard G. TedeschiEpisode SponsorThanks to our sponsor Vida Health. Vida – healthcare designed for the body and mind! Visit Vida.com/bcbsil to learn more. About The ShowIf you love deep, honest, authentic conversations, get ready to love Grief is a Sneaky Bitch. From CEOs and social workers to best-selling authors, educators, filmmakers, and stay-at-home moms, her guests open up about the complexity, confusion, and even confidence they have gained by navigating a grief journey of their own. To learn more about the show and how host Lisa Keefauver is reimagining grief, sign up for her not-so-regular newsletter follow on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn or visit www.lisakeefauver.com today! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

ABOUT THIS EPISODE:My conversation with widower Wesley Bain is truly one of the most profound and important conversations I've had on this show, and in my life. In October 2020 I had the honor of interviewing his late wife, Christina Bain who at the time had been experiencing chronic Stage 4 Colon Cancer at age 36. On February 8, 2021Christina died. Eight months later I got a note from Wesley. Wesley’s note began a conversation that blossomed into the interview we recorded on February 9, 2022. In this episode, we explored their love, what it was like to be by her side as the cancer wreaked havoc on her, how inspired he was by her commitment to helping other cancer patients, the conversations he had and continues to have with their daughter Marlowe, the complexity of navigating her death amid the pandemic and so much more. All I can tell you is that I felt Christina in the room with us. EPISODE RESOURCES: What to Make When You’re Dying by Christina BainGSB Podcast Episode: Bearing the Wait with Christina Bain EPISODE SPONSOR:Today’s episode is brought to you by Eterneva. Eterneva created a way to help you remember your loved ones remarkably, by turning their ashes into diamonds. Visit www.eterneva.com to learn more. You can also check them out on Tik Tok too. JUMP STRAIGHT INTO:(08:38) - United by improv: How did Wesley andChristina meet(12:33) - Making sense of incomprehensible news: What did Wesley experience whenChristina got diagnosed? (17:46) - ‘Get back to normal’: Wesley’s process of recognizing anticipatory grief andhaving time for himself(26:19) - On Christina’s legacy and the gifts she crafted before passingaway (33:43) - Christina’s work as a patient advocate for the Livestrong Cancer Institutes(38:36) - How did Wesley spend his last days with Christina? (46:40) - On Christina’s farewell ceremony and the snowstorm that followed(01:00:16) What has Wesley learned about himself through all of this?  ABOUT THE SHOW:If you love deep, honest, authentic conversations, get ready to love Grief is a Sneaky Bitch. From CEOs and social workers to best-selling authors, educators, filmmakers, and stay-at-home moms, her guests open up about the complexity, confusion, and even confidence they have gained by navigating a grief journey of their own. To learn more about the show and how host Lisa Keefauver is reimagining grief, sign up for her not-so-regular newsletter follow on Instagram or visit www.lisakeefauver.com today! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

ABOUT THIS EPISODE:I’ve been desperately wanting to include climate and ecological grief in this show for such a long time and I’m thrilled to begin it with today’s guest, Ashlee Cunsolo. Ashlee is the Founding Dean, School of Arctic and Subarctic Studies at Labrador Institute of Memorial University. She is a Researcher, Educator, and Environmental Advocate Ashlee offers so much wisdom today born of her lifelong personal passion for the environment and because of the deep and extensive qualitative and quantitative research she has been doing in Northern Labrador in Canada with indigenous Inuit people. She shares the wisdom she has learned from Elders, explores the deep grief scientists are facing as the the populations they love, and study are disappearing before their eyes, and helps us connect to the need for a kind of gritty hope necessary to stay active in saving this ecosystem that we are a part of, that we are in relationship with. She invites us to see more fully that we are part of a collective that is a much bigger WE than we often imagine. EPISODE RESOURCES:You can learn more about Ashlee Cunsolo and her research by visiting www.ashleecunsolo.ca EPISODE SPONSOR:Today’s episode is brought to you by Vida Health. Vida Health, now in-network with Blue Cross and Blue Shield of Illinois, lets people get the mental healthcare they need when, where, and how they need it. Visit Vida.com to learn more. Vida – healthcare designed for the body and mind! JUMP STRAIGHT INTO:(04:10) - Ashlee Cunsolo, a health Geographer. What is her first grief memory (15:26) - Understanding ecological and climate grief (27:53) - How is intergenerational storytelling around ecological grief being expressed in this current era (33:39) - How to handle ecological grief from the scientific perspective (44:41) - How has the relationship between emotional intelligence and science progressed in the academic field? (52:43) - Monuments, memorials and other manifestations for people to honor their ecological grief ABOUT THE SHOW:If you love deep, honest, authentic conversations, get ready to love Grief is a Sneaky Bitch. Host Lisa Keefauver, holds an extensive grief resume herself, as a social worker, narrative therapist, grief guide, and widow. From CEOs, scientists and social workers to best-selling authors, educators, filmmakers, and stay-at-home moms, her guests open up about the complexity, confusion, and even confidence they have gained by navigating a grief journey of their own. To learn more about the show and how Lisa Keefauver is reimagining grief, sign up for her not-so-regular newsletter follow on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn or visit www.lisakeefauver.com today! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

ABOUT THIS EPISODE: I’m so thrilled to bring you a conversation with my new friend, Marisa Renee Lee. Marisa shares what it was like to be a teenager and young woman caring for her mother who was ill with MS and breast cancer in the most formative years of her young life, with her mother dying just a few years after she graduated from Harvard. Marisa and I explore how her CEO personality was helpful in keeping her family together and getting things done and yet likely delayed her inevitable need to face her grief. Marisa also shares some of the surprising experiences she had with workplace culture around grief from Wall Street to the 4 years she spent in the Obama White House. EPISODE RESOURCES: You can learn more about Marisa Renee Lee and her forthcoming book, Grief is Love by visiting www.marisareneelee.com  SPONSORThe team at Eterneva is on a mission to help you remember your loved one remarkably. They’ve created a way for us to celebrate our remarkable loved ones by turning their ashes into a diamond.You can learn more about them by visiting www.eterneva.com. Oh, and don’t forget to check them out @eterneva on TikTok too. JUMP STRAIGHT INTO:(04:49) - Marisa’s first childhood encounter with grief (12:07) - Marisa’s journey being a caretaker for her mom (18:40) - Anticipatory grief: Conversations on how to spend the last moments with someone with a terminal disease (27:05) - What Marisa learned about herself when founding The Pink Agenda (30:38) - Lisa reads a passage from an article about a museum exhibition on grief (36:22) - The experience of grief in the workplace when working on Wall Street and then in Obama’s administration (42:43) - On perinatal losses, trauma, and support circles ABOUT THE SHOW: If you love deep, honest, authentic conversations, get ready to love Grief is a Sneaky Bitch. Host Lisa Keefauver, is a grief and empathy activist who holds an extensive grief resume herself, as a social worker, narrative therapist, grief guide, and widow. From CEOs and social workers to best-selling authors, educators, filmmakers, and stay-at-home moms, her guests open up about the complexity, confusion, and even confidence they have gained by navigating a grief journey of their own. To learn more about the show and how Lisa Keefauver is reimagining grief, sign up for her not-so-regular newsletter follow on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn or visit www.lisakeefauver.com today! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

ABOUT THIS EPISODE: In 2012, Beth’s partner went mountain biking and that was the day their lives changed forever. In Accidental Grief, guest Beth Erlander explores what it was like to process the news that her life partner was quadriplegic, the grief that accompanied that news, how her personal, professional, and spiritual practices helped her healing process and how she’s using all that she’s learned to tend to those of us who tend for others. I really can’t wait for you to meet her. EPISODE RESOURCES:Beth Erlander, MA, LPC, is a Licensed Professional Counselor (in the state of Colorado), an Art Therapist, a Creative Grief Support Practitioner, and an EMDR practitioner. She recently became a Cowry Shell Diviner taught by blessed memory Elder Malidoma Patrice Somé. She’s also an unofficial nurse or CNA for her partner with quadriplegia. She’s passionate about helping others navigate loss from having apprenticed to her own grief process when her partner broke his neck in 2012.Beth is currently writing her memoir about the trauma and grief of losing her able bodied partner to quadriplegia. She currently runs an online support group for therapists called Tending the Tenders where she provides grief support and teaches about how to do grief better. She strives to live in a world where grief is as normal as eating, peeing and sleeping. Learn more at https://betherlander.com/ JUMP STRAIGHT INTO:(01:48) - Beth’s first encounter with grief: Wearing Great Aunt Abba's hat (06:21) - Life upside down: Dealing with her partner’s life-changing moment (14:18) - Assumptions and first steps when seeking help after a tragic event (19:07) - Beth’s findings doing a grief ritual from the Dagara African tribe (24:53) - On guilt associated with feeling anger during grief and how to handle it (31:49) Why is EMDR so helpful for processing trauma? (36:40) - Grief is forever: How have those different practices evolved and melted together ABOUT THE SHOW: If you love deep, honest, authentic conversations, get ready to love Grief is a Sneaky Bitch. Host Lisa Keefauver, is a grief and empathy activist who holds an extensive grief resume herself, as a social worker, narrative therapist, grief guide, and widow. From CEOs and social workers to best-selling authors, educators, filmmakers, and stay-at-home moms, her guests open up about the complexity, confusion, and even confidence they have gained by navigating a grief journey of their own. To learn more about the show and how Lisa Keefauver is reimagining grief, sign up for her not-so-regular newsletter follow on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn or visit www.lisakeefauver.com today! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

ABOUT THIS EPISODE:My guest Ilyse Kennedy of Moving Parts Psychotherapy is a trauma-informed therapist who has a passion for supporting and educating her clients, the general population, and fellow clinicians like myself about the myths and realities of what it means to experience trauma. In this episode, she helps us understand what trauma is and isn’t, the relationship between grief and trauma, the importance of understanding our physiology, getting the right kind of trauma-informed support and so much more. Ilyse Kennedy, LPC, LMFT, PMH-C, PSEP is a trauma therapist, educator, and author located in Austin, TX. She owns a group practice, Moving Parts Psychotherapy, where she leads a team of clinicians in offering comprehensive trauma treatment to children through adults. As a trauma survivor herself, her mission is to create a more trauma informed world. This includes advocacy work on Instagram, education through courses, consultation work for other clinicians, and a forthcoming book. EPISODE RESOURCES:Visit her website Moving Parts Psychotherapy or follow her on Instagram and TikTok. Also,here is the kids' book Ilyse talked about during the episode: Death is Stupid by Anastasia HigginbothamJUMP STRAIGHT INTO:(02:13) - llyse’s remembrances of grief as a child and how she talks about death with her kids(11:28) - Approaching grief and trauma from a physiological perspective(18:04) - Understanding EMDR therapy and the different layers of memory within traumatic events(23:26) - Differences between normative response to grief versus a traumatic trigger(28:09) - Internal Family Systems therapy as a way to comprehend how the mind splits when processing trauma(39:43) - On shame and why it’s such a powerful emotion(46:56) - The slow process of therapy and digging up past grief while dealing with a current loss ABOUT THE SHOW:If you love deep, honest, authentic conversations, get ready to love Grief is a Sneaky Bitch. Host Lisa Keefauver, is a grief and empathy activist who holds an extensive grief resume herself, as a social worker, narrative therapist, grief guide, and widow.From CEOs and social workers to best-selling authors, educators, filmmakers, and stay-at-home moms, her guests open up about the complexity, confusion, and even confidence they have gained by navigating a grief journey of their own. To learn more about the show and how Lisa Keefauver is reimagining grief, sign up for her not-so-regular newsletter follow on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

About this Episode:In this episode, my guest Barbara Jones and I explore a wide range of topics from grief in the adolescent oncology population, the innovations she is seeing in cancer care to help address the WHOLE person (not just the disease), the very real and frightening moral distress and empathetic strain our health care professionals are under today and so much more. I can’t wait for you to meet her! Dr. Barbara Jones is Associate Dean for Health Affairs at UT Austin Steve Hicks School of Social Work. At Dell Medical School, she is Chair of the Department of Health Social Work, Associate Director of Social Sciences and Community-Based Research in the Livestrong Cancer Institutes, and Distinguished professor of social work, oncology, population health, and psychiatry. She was a Founding Board Member of the Social Work Hospice and Palliative Care Network and served as Secretary. She is past president of the Association of Pediatric Oncology Social Workers. Dr. Jones is a Founding Steering Committee Member of UT Center for Health Interprofessional Practice and Education. Episode Resources:If you’d like to dig in The CaLm Model, you can download it here: Cancer Life reiMagined: The CaLM Model of Whole-PersonCancer Care Jump straight into:(05:43) - Barbara’s early vision of hospice and social work as her life project(11:28) - CaLM model: Growing empathy and compassion to reimagine cancer treatment(18:20) - Addressing the structural issues within young adults facing complex medical diagnosis(25:54) - Channeling self-compassion to young cancer patients and their parents(33:34) - How are adolescents grieving?(43:38) - Grief, loss, and moral injury that's happening among health providers(55:20) - Dignifying the social workers’ labor at healthcare centers Episode Sponsor:Thanks to Mir Care Consultants, whose licensed clinicians and social workers help navigate and provide solutions for care management and provide support during what can be a difficult and challenging time. You can learn more at www.mircareconsultants.com.About The Show:If you love deep, honest, authentic conversations, get ready to love Grief is a Sneaky Bitch. Host Lisa Keefauver, the founder of Reimagining Grief, holds an extensive grief resume herself, as a social worker, narrative therapist, grief guide, and widow. From CEOs and social workers to best-selling authors, educators, filmmakers, and stay-at-home moms, her guests open up about the complexity, confusion, and even confidence they have gained by navigating a grief journey of their own. To learn more sign up for her newsletter or follow on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

My conversation with today’s guest, Allan Cole, was such a powerful reminder that loss comes from so many places, not just death and that even those of us trained to help others need help sometimes too. He offers up so much warmth and wisdom as he shares the story of his diagnosis of early-onset Parkinson’s disease at the age of 48. The layers of loss he unpacks for an individual with a progressive illness like Parkinson’s and the road to mean-making he shares is shaped not just by his personal experiences but also by the decades his spent as a social work educator, clinician, author and more. Episode Resources: If you’d like to buy Allan’s beautiful book you can find it here: Counseling Persons with Parkinson's Disease. In the Care of Plenty (Poems) is now available too!Jump straight into: (04:21) - Allan’s earliest memory of grief: Losing a beloved(11:12) - Uncertainty and fear: Getting diagnosed with Parkinson’s at 48(22:05) - Fighting a lonely battle: When do we experience ambiguous loss?(28:03) - Help for the helpers? How to seek support even as a professional(33:27) - A new life: How illness can be a transformative and constructive(46:06) - Allan’s daughter’s experience with the diagnosis(50:17) - Allan’s approach to loss-based counseling Episode Sponsor –We all need help sometimes. That is a universal truth. Mir’s dedicated and compassionate staff of Life Care Managers support their clients, their families, friends and caregivers through their care journeys. Their licensed clinicians and social workers help navigate and provide solutions for care management and provide support during what can be a difficult and challenging time. You can learn more at www.mircareconsultants.com. They even offer a free 30-minute consultation by contacting info@mircareconsultants. About The Show: If you love deep, honest, authentic conversations, get ready to love Grief is a Sneaky Bitch. Host Lisa Keefauver, is a grief and empathy activist who holds an extensive grief resume herself, as a social worker, narrative therapist, grief guide, and widow. From CEOs and social workers to best-selling authors, educators, filmmakers, and stay-at-home moms, her guests open up about the complexity, confusion, and even confidence they have gained by navigating a grief journey of their own. To learn more about the show and how Lisa Keefauver is reimagining grief, sign up for her not-so-regular newsletter follow on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn or visit www.lisakeefauver.com today! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Widowhood is obviously a topic very close to host Lisa Keefauver’s heart, and it’s also an experience no one is prepared to go through as her guest Melissa Gould shares in her best-selling book Widowish and in their conversation in this episode. Jump straight into - (05:18) - On Melissa’s first experience with loss and the importance of exploring grief without judgement(10:27) - A love story: The value of friendship and the importance of memory keeping(20:13) - Managing anticipatory grief and the cruelty of ambiguous loss(29:42) - Imagining the unimaginable: How Melissa and Joel navigated his last year of life(39:13) - Widowish: On the double standard expectations around widowhood(45:26) - Finding love after death: A conscious and empathic approach to “moving on”  Episode Resources -You can find out more about Melissa Gould, buy her best-selling book Widowish, and learn more about the other work she does as a writer and writing coach by visiting www.widowish.com Episode Sponsor –While there are a lot of simple everyday ways we can memorialize our loved-ones, Eterneva, our sponsor for today’s episode, can help you do it, well remarkably. They’ve created a way to transform memorial ashes into a diamond, and along the way they help you carry their memory forward. Visit www.eterneva.com to learn more about how you can remember remarkable. Don’t forget to check them out on @tiktok too About The Show -If you love deep, honest, authentic conversations, get ready to love Grief is a Sneaky Bitch. Host Lisa Keefauver, is a grief and empathy activist who holds an extensive grief resume herself, as a social worker, narrative therapist, grief guide, and widow. From CEOs and social workers to best-selling authors, educators, filmmakers, and stay-at-home moms, her guests open up about the complexity, confusion, and even confidence they have gained by navigating a grief journey of their own. To learn more about the show and how Lisa Keefauver is reimagining grief, sign up for her not-so-regular newsletter follow on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn or visit www.lisakeefauver.com today! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.