Wizard of Ads Monday Morning Memo

I scribbled my original “Twelve Most Common Mistakes in Marketing” on a hotel bar napkin in Portland, Oregon in 1997 and then presented those mistakes in a seminar the next day to 800 people.The following year it became an important chapter in my first book, The Wizard of Ads. Happily, that book went on to become Business Book of the Year in 1998 and it launched a trilogy of New York Times and Wall Street Journal bestsellers for me.Even though plenty of people still make the original 12 mistakes, I believe it’s time for an update since a new group has emerged to become the 10 Most Common.Inappropriate Use of Social MediaThe whole world is on FaceBook, but is that the right place for your product or service to be advertised? To get a clear idea of the kinds of offers that are working well on FaceBook, go to the Success Stories page at FaceBook.com. Judging from this list of success stories, it would appear that FaceBook works extremely well for getting people together socially, not so well for hard goods and services. (HINT: I think there may be a reason they call it “social” media.)Overconfidence in the Value of TargetingJeffrey Eisenberg insightfully points out that, “online customers are exactly the same people as offline customers, yet advertisers tend to think of them as an entirely different species.” For the same amount of money it costs you to reach 5 tightly targeted customers online, you can reach 5 customers who have that same profile PLUS 127 of their friends by using broadcast TV or radio. Do you want your brand to be the one people think of immediately and feel the best about when they finally need what you sell?The Assumption that Every Message is RelevantWhy does every advertiser believe their product or service category to be intrinsically interesting? More than information, entertainment is the currency with which you can happily buy your prospective customer’s time and attention. But most ads have zero entertainment value.Fear of CriticismMost ads aren’t written to persuade. They’re written not to offend. But any message that has the power to move people will always move some of them in the wrong direction. When you’ve written a good ad, you must brace yourself for the negative backlash you’ll receive from people who are anxious to be offended. The only alternative is to forever settle for ads that are mushy, mundane and mediocre. Please don’t.Measuring Ad Effectiveness Too QuicklyIts claim to “instantly and accurately measure every ad’s effectiveness” is part of what makes digital marketing so appealing to advertisers. But didn’t you say you want your brand to be the one people think of immediately and feel the best about when they finally need what you sell? This requires ongoing advertising and longer measurement cycles. You cannot hold every ad immediately accountable and expect to build relationship with your customer.Unsubstantiated ClaimsAdjectives are the marks of an ad filled with empty rhetoric.Verbs are the marks of an ad that demonstrates its claims.Verbs – action words – “show” your customer what your product can do. Fluffy adjectives simply “tell” them. In the words of Christopher J. Maddock, “Show, don’t tell.”Believing that “Old” Media No Longer WorksIt is true that you need a website and that most customers are going to visit your website before making first contact with you. Therefore, it’s vital that your website be a good one. But if you believe that online marketing is the most efficient way to drive traffic to your website, you need to go back and read Most Common Mistake #2. Do you want to see a massive jump in the effectiveness of your online ads? Begin advertising on radio or television. But Take Note: your elevated metrics will make it appear as though your online efforts are working magically well when, in fact, the credit should be attributed to mass media.Assuming “The Decision Maker” Is The Only Person You Need to ReachDecisions aren’t made in a vacuum. You must also win the influencers if you want to create a successful brand. If you don’t value the opinions of influencers you’ll evolve into a direct-response marketer. But does your business category lend itself to direct response?Believing that “Millennials” Aren’t Like the Rest of UsMillennials aren’t a tribe, they are a collection of tribes. They do not behave as a single, cohesive birth cohort. Google “Millennials” and the dictionary definition that will pop up will show the word “millennial” most commonly used in this sentence: “The industry brims with theories on what makes millennials tick.” But when you look at a list of what millennials supposedly want, it’s exactly what the rest of us want. Yes, they’re not like we “50-somethings” used to be, but then we’re not like we used to be, either.AdSpeakPeople don’t hate advertising; they hate boring advertising; they hate predictable advertising. They hate the time-wasting, life-sucking sound of too many words wrapped around too small an idea. They hate AdSpeak. But they love entertainment. Learn to purchase your customer’s time and attention and goodwill with delightful, interesting, entertaining ads.Come to Wizard Academy and we’ll teach you how.Roy H. Williams

Indiana Beagle is the spirit of curiosity, exploration and adventure. His twin sister Intuition is the beagle of my Destinae trilogy and the mother of Faith and Hope.Intuition is wordless but Indy can speak.Intuition came to life in June, 2001, during some early morning laughter with Princess Pennie.There is a beagle in our brain,” I shouted in mock rage, “and it must be unleashed to go where it will!” With my fist raised in defiance to anyone who would keep their beagle tethered, I shouted, “Free the Beagle! Free the Beagle! Aroooo! Arooooo! Aroooooo!”The subject of our laughter became a Monday Morning Memo, “The Beagle in Your Brain,” the following week. Two months later it was chapter 54 in Magical Worlds of the Wizard of Ads, which quickly became a Wall Street Journal bestseller.It was only when I was writing the Destinae trilogy that I realized Intuition has a mischievous brother, Indy, who can walk into any work of art and instantly be in that place, at that time. For Indy, photos and paintings are portals, giving him entrance into other worlds.But isn’t that what photos and paintings do for all of us?Indiana doesn’t appear in the Destinae trilogy because that’s the story of his sister. Likewise, you’ll find no photo or painting of Indy on the campus of Wizard Academy in Austin. When he isn’t guiding guests through a rabbit hole, Indy lives in the art collection you’ll find in the 12 buildings, 18 courtyards, parks and gardens, and 98 uniquely decorated rooms of that place.When you’re here and a work of art intrigues you, ask Indy what it means.There’s a scene at the end of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989) that tells us where Indiana Jones got his name.SALLAH: “Please, what does it always mean, this, this ‘Junior?'”HENRY JONES: “That’s his name. ‘Henry Jones, Junior.'”INDIANA JONES: “I like Indiana.”HENRY JONES: “We named the dog Indiana.”SALLAH: “The dog? (heh-heh) You are named after the dog?” (Laughter)INDIANA JONES: (Irritated) “I’ve got a lot of fond memories of that dog.”Like I said, Indiana Beagle is the spirit of curiosity, exploration and adventure. This is why he’s the guiding spirit of the Worldwide Worthless Bastards.“You know, Lydia, I used to be a rationalist.”“What is that?”“Well, it’s sort of believing only in what you see, or hear, or feel. But lately, I’ve begun to suspect that there are more things in heaven and earth than I ever dreamed in my philosophy.”“You learn much when you learn that.”– Colonel Ralph Denistoun to the gypsy woman, Lydia, in Paramount’s 1947 Movie, Golden EarringsIndy and I have enjoyed the conversations we’ve had with prospective members of the Worthless Bastards during the past several weeks.Here’s what those conversations sound like:“You should join us at the Toad and Ostrich Pub on Friday afternoons at four.”“What do you do there?”“We just talk, mostly. But you’re not allowed to discuss business, or work, or politics or sports. And you can’t complain about anything or talk about your problems.”“What is there to talk about, then?”“We sip water and tea and wine and whisky and talk about music we love or movies we’ve seen or restaurants we’ve tried or sometimes someone will do a magic trick or tell a funny story about growing up or a colorful person they used to know. It’s really amazing how interesting people can be when business and politics and sports are off the table.”Worthless Bastards are people who have discovered that life’s nonproductive moments are often the most life affirming of all.There is a time for goal setting and grit, struggle and striving, determination and defiance. There is a time for vision and valor and timelines and tenacity.But it isn’t all the time.Roy H. Williams

When I was a boy, I wanted an older brother.Not just a year or two older, but six or eight or ten years older. I wanted to be able to ask him things and trust the motives behind his answers.Over the years, I’ve been lucky enough to accumulate seven older brothers who speak wisdom into my life. These brothers give me the benefit of all their experiences – their successes and their mistakes – and help me remember who I am.I’ve never told you this, but I like to think of myself as your older brother. I try to give you the benefit of my experiences, if indeed there is any benefit to be found.Today your brother needs a favor. Will you indulge me?I’ve always been proud and ashamed that I never went to college. So when a group of scholars – department heads of major universities, mostly – asked me to contribute a chapter to their book about what Don Quixote means to the average person in the 21st century, well, I jumped at the chance.And then I put off getting started.And now I need to get it done.That’s where you come in.Will you write me a sentence or two or twenty about what Don Quixote represents to you?It doesn’t matter whether or not you’ve read the book. Your thoughts and feelings will come from wherever they come from. That’s the beauty of this project. You don’t have to defend your opinion, you only have to have one.Every generation for the past 400 years has seen Don Quixote differently. How do you see him today? What do you take from the story? Who is Sancho Panza and why does he matter? Who is Dulcinea and what does she mean to you? And if you are familiar with any of the other characters and elements of the story, I’d love to hear your thoughts and interpretations of those as well.How do you see Don Quixote? Your response can be as brief or as in-depth as you choose.Twenty different Cervantes scholars will each contribute a chapter to the book. I was the nineteenth person to receive an invitation, but at least I got invited.It means a lot to me.My chapter is supposed to be 5,000 words, so I need to hear from a lot of you. And please remember to give me your first and last name and your permission to publish what you send me. Also, tell me what you do for a living.Indy has volunteered to help me by collecting your emails at IndyBeagle@WizardOfAds.comTwo of my older brothers, Ray Bard and Don Kuhl, have already contributed their thoughts and will definitely be represented in my chapter.I’d love to see your name alongside theirs.Roy H. Williams

“Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.” The wit of these 7 words is rooted in the fact that the second sentence is an anomaly – an unexpected intrusion into the oft-repeated idea that silence is golden. The anomaly is then brought to closure and resolved in the mind of the listener. Duct tape is, in fact, silver. You smile a little.Bad ads leave no gaps and have no anomalies. Everything is stated clearly. No questions form in the mind of the customer.Good ads intrigue the customer and arouse their curiosity. Online marketers call this “engagement.”Novelists, screenwriters and storytellers have been intriguing us for decades, yet few people in advertising ever bother to study how they do it.Good news: I am one of those few people.Good storytellers use gaps and anomalies to trick the reader/listener/viewer into supplying the information they intentionally left out.Result: engagement.But… it’s up to your reader/listener/viewer to find resolution and bring closure to your mystery. Will he or she be able to piece it together and figure it out?Here’s an example of an effective ad that uses gaps and anomalies to elevate the interest of the listener:Guy2: You heard about John and Elisabeth?Guy1: Never thought he’d do it.Guy2: I never thought she’d say YES. [both laugh]Guy1: She definitely could’ve done better.Guy2: Yeah. I think John knows that, too.Guy1: Did he go to Ramsey’s?Guy2: Yeah, he got that part right, but he was about to mess it all up.Guy1: How?Guy2: He was just gonna hand it to her like it was a box of cookies.Guy1: Who saved him?Guy2: His ring consultant at Ramsey’s asked him how he planned to propose.Guy1: Yeah, mine asked me, too.Guy2: John didn’t have a plan, so his consultant said, “Hey, you’re giving her a ring from the Heart of New Orleans collection. Why not give it to her in the Heart of New Orleans?”Guy1: Please tell me he’s gonna follow through on that.Guy2: Yeah, he’s putting together a big master plan.Guy 1: Every town should have a Ramsey’s.Guy 2: Definitely.ROY: Rrrramsey’s Diamond Jewelers, on Veterans at I-10 in Metairie and on the West Bank in Fountain Park Centre on Manhattan.Caroline: and at Ramseys dot com.How long did it take you to figure out that John had asked Elisabeth to marry him? Yet the characters never say marry, marriage, engaged, engagement or proposed. Likewise, the fact that Ramsey’s is a jewelry store was left unsaid until the announcer finally mentions it in his closing tag.Here’s another ad – written on the same day – that leaves out a different kind of information. This ad features two characters that have been in this radio campaign together 52 weeks a year for more than a dozen years.Sarah: Shopping for an engagement ring at Spence is different from every other jewelry store on earth.Sean: [doubtful.] That’s a pretty big statement. You’re going to need to back that up with some evidence.Sarah: Number One: We have virtually every style of engagement ring that has ever been designed.Sean: [speaking as though judging.] Yes, that’s true.Sarah: Number Two: All our rings are out in the open where you can pick them up and try them on and read the price tags.Sean:  Yes, I’ve got to give you that one, too.Sarah: Number Three: A truly fanTAStic diamond is included in the price and you get to CHOOSE the diamond for yourself.Sean: Also true.Sarah: That means I’m winning three-to-nothing, right?Sean: Sarah, it’s not a contest.Sarah: [a little bit defiantly] No, it became a contest the moment you challenged what I said.Sean: [quietly. realizing his mistake.] I think you’re still mad that I told everyone you weren’t born in Canada.Sarah: [a little bit angry.] Canadian engagement rings are the BEST engagement rings in the world.Sean: I agree.Sarah: [still angry.] And Hockey is better than football.Sean: [Conciliatory.] And YOU are very Canadian.Sarah: Thank you.LOCATION TAG: Spence [SFX – scream of joy] plus LocationsSean’s rejection of Sarah’s opening statement is interesting because characters in ads rarely – if ever –  challenge the credibility of positive statements about the advertiser. Later, Sarah’s “three-to-nothing” comment communicates an undercurrent of emotion because it is likewise unexpected, another anomaly. You raise an eyebrow and wonder, “When did this become a contest?”Sean has done something wrong that he isn’t aware of. But you are required to figure this out for yourself.When Sarah blurts out that “Canadian engagement rings are the BEST engagement rings in the world,” you wonder, “What the hell is a Canadian engagement ring?” Because there is no such category. This is followed by an even weirder anomaly, the non sequitur* “And hockey is better than football.” But then you realize that Sarah is trying to prove her Canadian-ness. Finally, you have closure.Traditionalists would argue that all of this is a waste of time and does nothing to help us convert the listener into a customer.But they are wrong.People will remember stories long after they have forgotten your bullet points.”– Laurie Beth JonesAnd people remember people long after they have forgotten facts.Any idiot knows what to include if you have the customer’s attention. But most ads fail to win the customer’s attention. Most advertising is just white noise.There can be no conversion until first you have engagement.Carefully chosen gaps and anomalies are the signature of skillful storytellers.It isn’t what you include that makes you a great writer.It’s what you exclude.Roy H. Williams

If the pendulum of the West continues as it has for 3,000 years, our current “We” generation will zenith in 2023.Frankly, I’m looking forward to getting past that zenith and heading back the other way. The early part of a “Me” generation is a beautiful thing. But then again, so is the early part of a “We.”It’s as we approach a zenith that everything goes out of control.If you want to understand today’s crazy American politics, you need only to look at the pendulum.A generation – for the purposes of today’s discussion – is not a group of birth cohorts, but life cohorts, everyone who is alive at a particular moment. We’re not talking about Millennials, Gen-Xers and Baby Boomers. We’re talking about the personality-shaping values that enchanted each of these groups during their adolescence. Those same ideas and values then altered the worldview of their mothers and fathers, the birth cohorts that preceded them.I was 5 years old in 1963, the year the most recent “Me” generation began its upswing toward the zenith of 1983, when Ronald Reagan stood at the Berlin Wall and shouted, “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall.” The president at the zenith of the previous “Me” (1903) was Teddy “San Juan Hill” Roosevelt and during the “Me” prior to him (1823) it was James Monroe, the president who notified European powers that America would no longer tolerate colonial expansion in our hemisphere. The Monroe Doctrine effectively said to all the powers of Europe, “Step back or we’ll kick your ass.”A “Me” Generation is about individuality and self-expression, marching to the beat of a different drummer. It’s when one-of-a-kind is king, so do your own thing. A “Me” is the time of heroes.“Me” the individual, possessing unlimited potential,1. …demands freedom of expression.2. …applauds personal liberty.3. …believes one man is wiser than a million men,“A camel is a racehorse designed by a committee.”4. …wants to create a better life.5. …is about big dreams.6. …desires to be Number One. “I came, I saw, I conquered.”7. …admires confidence and is attracted to decisive persons.8. …leadership is, “Look at me. Admire me. Emulate me if you can.”9. …strengthens a society’s sense of identity as it elevates attractive heroes.10. …produces individuality and differentiation, one-of-a-kind heroes.Both “We” and “Me” are built on beautiful ideas, but we always take a good thing too far and then crave what we left behind. So we turn and face the opposite direction and do it all over again.And we’ve been doing it for 3,000 years.I was 45 at the beginning of the upswing of our current “We” generation (2003.)The driving force behind a “We” is “working together for the common good.”“We,” the group, the team, the tribe:1. …demands conformity for the common good.2. …applauds personal responsibility.3. …believes a million men are wiser than one man,“Two heads are better than one.”4. …wants to create a better world.5. …is about small actions.6. …desires to be a team member. “I came, I saw, I concurred.”7. …admires humility and is attracted to thoughtful persons.8. …leadership is, “Here’s the problem. Let’s work together to solve it.”9. …strengthens a society’s sense of purpose as it considers all its problems.10. produces efficiency, compliance, mass-production and consolidation, “best practices” and peer groups.As I said, the first half of a “We” upswing is a beautiful thing (2003 – 2013.) But we always take a good thing too far. What begins as an inclusive “we,” ends as an exclusive “we.”Inclusive: “We are all in this together.”Exclusive: “We, unlike you, are good and wise and right and true.”During the 10 years approaching the zenith (2013-2023,) a “We” is shaped by the group that controls the definition of “the common good.” This is why every “We” ends in a witch-hunt. The president at the zenith of our previous “We” (1943) was FDR, who pulled the nation together following the Great Depression. At the zenith before him (1863,) it was Abraham Lincoln, who held the nation together during the Civil War.But you should remember that FDR was also the president that put 127,000 Japanese-Americans into prison camps during World War II. And 62 percent of those were American citizens. Not our proudest moment. During this same “We” zenith Senator Joseph McCarthy ruined other American lives by pointing his finger and falsely shouting, “Communist! He’s a Communist!” and the infamous blacklists began. Adolph Hitler was defining “the common good” in Germany. Likewise, Joseph Stalin’s idea of “the common good” in Russia included pogroms and purges that murdered millions of his own people. Everyone was on a witch-hunt.Throughout the 3,000-year history of western civilization, any time we have burned people at the stake or guillotined them, we’ve been at, or near, the zenith of a “We.”Our next zenith occurs in less than 7 years (2023.) The political climate is starting to make a little more sense, isn’t it?But the pendulum isn’t really about politics. It’s about values and core beliefs, the kinds of things that make ads produce results or not.Advertising copy that works during a “Me” will falter and fail during a “We.”I began teaching advertising professionals about the “We” generation in 2004. That first session was in Stockholm, Sweden and it was attended by most of the advertising agencies of Europe. Then it was off to Melbourne and Sydney and Townsville, Australia. Then Canada. Then the United States.When I was asked to put all that information into a book, I said, “Now’s not the right time. What’s ahead of us isn’t pretty.” But finally I relented and Pendulum was released.I was talking with Michael Drew, my co-author the other day. He said, “It’s time for a Pendulum update focused on Advertising and Marketing.” The idea struck me like a thunderbolt.I said, “And we need to recruit Ryan Deiss to be the lead author.”Ryan is a Cognoscenti of Wizard Academy and a close friend. He and I meet regularly with Eric Rhoads to talk about art and trade insights about the future.The book is going to happen and it’s going to be awesome.In the meantime, I’m planning a special preview event on campus, a 2-day update on The Changing Face of Marketing. Ryan Deiss and Michael Drew and I will be there. I’m even hoping to recruit Eric Rhoads and Jeffrey and Bryan Eisenberg.If you want to receive early notification the moment this event is scheduled, just email vice-chancellor Whittington with the subject line, “Tell Me First, Okay?”It’s going to be a future-altering 2 days and 3 nights.Now aren’t you glad you kept reading this exceptionally long memo all the way to the end?It’s good to finish what you start.Roy H. Williams

Chronic dissatisfaction is the price of progress.Steve Jobs and Jeff Bezos are famous for never being satisfied. Always pushing, driving, demanding, questioning, never slowing, positively perfectionist.But is it wise to look at them as role models?What’s the value of pushing and driving if you can never be satisfied?These questions occurred to me as Pennie and I drove to the new home of close friends last week to sit and mourn the death of their mother. My pocket pixie spoke to us along the way. She was the perfect navigator, telling us where to turn and how far it would be before we’d need to turn again.That drive took 49 minutes.If someone had told me 28 years ago that I would one day carry a device in my pocket that would cheerfully guide me to any place I named, I would have thought them insane. But my pocket pixie also plays any song I want and shows me TV shows and movies and gives me details about everything important that’s happening in the world. She is the catalogue of all that can be bought and the repository of all the world’s history and knowledge. Touch a button and she becomes a camera. Another touch and she records a video. You can also use her as a telephone.Oh, I forgot to mention that when she’s being a catalogue, all I have to do is touch a button and she will purchase the item, charge it to my credit card and ship it to my house by 2nd-Day air.One click.But none of this surprises you. In fact, I wearied you a little by carrying on about it for three paragraphs. Am I right?You have an iPhone or something like it and you know how to use the navigator function on Google Maps and MP3 players have been around awhile and streaming video has been global for a decade.No king or emperor, pharaoh or czar ever lived in the comfort of a modest home with central heat and air conditioning. None of them ever ate such a wide variety of delicacies or enjoyed such entertainments as you and I have at our fingertips.We live beneath a waterfall of inventions and innovations and improvements. They come at us faster than we can see. Your pocket pixie has more than 1.5 million apps available that will give her specialized powers to serve you in ways you’ve never imagined.Yet we roll our eyes as we yawn and ask, “Is that all?”Chronic dissatisfaction is the price of progress and we are the most dissatisfied generation that has ever lived.I should know. I make my living by pointing at things and promising they will make tomorrow better than yesterday.I am an American ad man.If I were to run for president, I would be a spectacle. I would speak directly to the deepest dissatisfactions and frustrations and fears of the people. I would throw accusations and blame from my fingertips with such power that people would see me as a straight-talking teller of the truth. I would be colorful and irreverent and entertaining and keep you focused only on your dissatisfaction. I would promise to fix it all.My accusations could be silly.My promises could be ridiculous.The only thing that would need be true is the dissatisfaction of the people.And we are the most dissatisfied generation that has ever lived.Let us hope I never run for president because I would be a terrible one.And all it tookfor me to realize thiswas the deathof the motherof a friend.Roy H. Williams

Hungry people look for food.Sad people look for hope.Ambitious people look for opportunity.Oppressed people look for escape.But if food is available and you are neither sad nor oppressed and your ambition is – for now at least – satisfied, you are contented.Contented people look for entertainment.The company that wins more of the customer’s time is the one most likely to win their money.What currency do you offer your customer in exchange for their time?Do you offer them information?Information holds little interest for persons who aren’t currently in the market for your product.Information is valuable only to a customer who is currently, consciously in the market for a product they haven’t already chosen in their heart. This is when the search engine optimization energy of all your competitors will wiggle and wink at your customer from 46 different directions.SEO is a last-minute, last-ditch attempt to win the affections of the undecided and uncommitted.Why not win your customer’s heart before they need your product?Great ads make customers think of you immediately – and feel good about you – when they finally need what you sell.Would you like to win your customer’s time and attention?Give them entertainment.ENTERTAINMENT: “A thing to which a person chooses to direct their attention due to the pleasure it brings them.”We direct our attention to many things each day that do not bring us pleasure: the obligations that come with employment and the ambushes that come with life; tax returns and kids in trouble, lawsuits and medical problems.Entertainment is a currency.You would be amazed at what you can buy with it.You may recall that last week’s Monday Morning Memo ended with these lines:Weirdly, Wizard Academy doesn’t advertise. The only way you’ll hear about the Academy is from an alumnus who thinks you belong.And guess what?You do belong.”I was able to say “you belong” because you were entertained enough by the subject matter to read it all the way through to the end.And now you’ve done it again.This makes me happy.It’s a clear indication that you are a self-selected member our tribe.Welcome.Roy H. Williams,with Indy Beagle andAll the Cognoscenti of Wizard Academy.

In the words of Johann Wolfgang von Goethe,Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least.”But day after day, week after week, month after month, things that are “merely urgent” keep me from doing what is truly important.What? That’s been happening to you, too?On Tuesday, Vice Chancellor Whittington and I slowed down long enough to have our first real planning session since he accepted the job 2 and 1/2 years ago.But some great strides have been made during that 2 and 1/2 years.Our online learning center – AmericanSmallBusiness.org – is gaining momentum and beginning to raise eyebrows all over the world.Whisk(e)y Sommeliers certified through our Whisk(e)y Marketing School are in high demand and every class is selling out.The campus no longer looks like a work-in-progress. Our diamond-in-the-rough is beginning to sparkle!The House of the Lost Boys (6 rooms) and Bilbo Baggins House (1 room) are in the final stages of preparation and we’re hoping to break ground on one of them before the end of the year.I’ve begun to be overshadowed by some of the other instructors. It’s not uncommon for me to greet a roomful of students only to learn that more than half of them have never heard of me! This is a good thing and important to the long-term health of the school.But this is what made last week’s planning session so important:Harvard University – established in 1636 – is organized into eleven separate academic units.Yale University – founded in 1701 – is organized into fourteen constituent schools.Wizard Academy – established in 2000 – is currently being organized into seven constituent schools.Writing SchoolThis series of classes will include the Magical Worlds Communications Workshop, Advanced Wordsmithing and Brandable Chunks, the Young Writers Workshop, Fiction and Screenwriting Workshop, and How to Write and Sell Non-Fiction.Digital Marketing SchoolThis series of classes will include Direct Response Ad Writing, Buyer Legends, Principles of Online Video, Effective Social Media Strategies, and How to Create Online Education for Customers and EmployeesScience SchoolThis series of classes will align the principles of growing and guiding a business to the universal principles of science and physics. Classes will include DaVinci and the 40 Answers, Portals and the 12 Languages of the Mind, How To Sell Upscale Products and Services, Magic School, Fundraising for Non-Profits, Music and Creativity, The Art Marketing Workshop, Reputation Management, and Branding Highway.Decision SchoolThese courses will deal with the important decisions of life such as marriage, relationships, faith and psychology. (Wizard Academy’s Wedding Chapel Dulcinea is an outward-facing public extension of Decision School.) Courses will include Selling Customers Their Way, How to Lead a Dynamic Team, Public Speaking 101, Conflict Resolution, What to Do With the Rest of Your Life, and Escape the Box.School of FinanceThese classes will deal with the money side of business, including Employee Compensation Strategies, Personal and Business Finance (a.k.a. Budgeting Sucks!) Taxes and Legal Compliance, Diversity of Income, and How to Make Awesome Sauce.Whisk(e)y Marketing SchoolA series of certification courses instructing students in the arts of storytelling and pageantry related to Bourbon Whiskey and Scotch Whisky. Our certified Whiskey Sommeliers are in high demand to perform their own signature Bourbon Run and Tour of Scotland for groups of whisky aficionados around the world.AmericanSmallBusiness.orgTeaches weekly business nuggets through online video and hosts a live, 1-hour webcast including specific answers to questions from students who subscribe.Bottom Line: If you’ve been working too much in your business and not enough on your business, schedule a visit to Wizard Academy. You’ll return home happy and snappy with a clear mind and a bright heart.Wizard Academy is a 501c3 not-for-profit educational organization built as a gift to the world by several hundred appreciative Cognoscenti.Weirdly, Wizard Academy doesn’t advertise. The only way you’ll hear about the Academy is from an alumnus who thinks you belong.And guess what?You do belong.Roy H. Williams

When his classmates at Wizard Academy dared him to do it, Garrison Cox rewrote the opening section of the Declaration of Independence to make it more easily understood. According to Garrison, Thomas Jefferson’s original was written at grade level 19.5. That’s a college education plus 3-and-a-half years of grad school!Garrison wrote his first revision at grade level 10.3 and his second revision at grade level 5.2. You can read all three versions below.Frankly, I was stunned by the impact of Garrison’s playful exercise.That’s why I decided to share it with you and it’s why Pennie and I have given Wizard Academy $6,000 to award to three lucky adventurers bold enough to follow in Garrison’s footsteps.Here’s the deal: The Conversation of the Dogs is a short novella written by Miguel de Cervantes in 1613. Many scholars consider it to be his finest work next to Don Quixote, but I can find only one translation of that story into English and it sounds as high-toned as Thomas Jefferson!Cervantes work is now in the public domain, of course, so we can mess with it all we want and even publish it when we’re done. You can download that lone English version – translated from the Spanish in 1881 by Walter K. Kelley of London – in the rabbit hole. Just click the image of Dog Quixote de La Mancha at the top of this page and the download link will magically appear.The story begins with a young man in a hospital, who, through a window, sees and hears two dogs begin to speak at the stroke of midnight. The dogs, Scipio and Berganza, discuss their experiences with their human masters. Cervantes leaves the reader to determine whether or not the dogs have actually been talking or the bedridden man has imagined it.Are you up for this adventure? By entering, you agree to allow Wizard Academy to distribute your “simplified language version” to all the world. You will receive no royalties, but you will be free to distribute your work in whatever additional ways seem good to you.The goal is to tell the complete story in fewer words using simpler language. Don’t worry about the grade level of your writing. Just make it simple and fun to read and do your best to capture the wit and humor and personality of each of the characters.Send your rewritten Conversation of the Dogs to Daniel@WizardAcademy.org before midnight July 4, 2016.And now here are those 3 versions of the Declaration I told you about.ORIGINAL (GRADE LEVEL 19.5):THE UNANIMOUS DECLARATION OF THE THIRTEEN UNITED STATES OF AMERICAWhen in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. – That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, –That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security. – Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.FIRST REWRITE  (GRADE LEVEL 10.3):WHY 13 UNITED STATES ARE BECOMING AN INDEPENDENT NATIONThe American colonies of Great Britain need to declare their independence and become one separate, sovereign nation of 13 United States. So other countries will take us seriously, we explain our reasons for this momentous action below.Some things are just true:All people are created equal.Our Creator gives all people rights that no one can take away, including the right to live, the right to be free, and the right to seek happiness.People create governments to help them pursue these rights, but those governments have power only because their citizens agree to be governed.Natural law entitles citizens whose government tramples their rights to change that government – or even to abolish it. When crafting a new government, they should lay a strong foundation and align powers so as to ensure their safety and happiness.That said, people should not change longstanding governments for trivial reasons. Historically, people have been more likely to suffer as long as they can than to set things straight by throwing off their current government. But Great Britain’s king has become increasingly despotic by consistently abusing us and usurping power at every turn. (We set out 27 egregious examples below.) At this point, we not only can but must declare our independence and provide new ways to protect our security.SECOND REWRITE (GRADE LEVEL 5.2):IT’S NOT US. IT’S YOU.We 13 American colonies are so done with Great Britain. You know why?Here’s the deal:We are people. We are created equal.We have rights no one can take away, including the right to live, the right to be free, and the right to seek happiness.Governments are supposed to help their people pursue these rights. But governments have power only because their people agree to be governed.People whose government tramples their rights are entitled to change that government – or even to walk away from it. When creating a new government, they should make sure it is on a strong foundation and that its powers ensure their safety and happiness.We get it – people should not change their governments just because. Over history, people have been willing to suffer a lot rather than trashing their current government. But, come on! Great Britain’s king has become a dictator. He abuses us and takes our power whenever he can. (We’re just getting warmed up. We set out 27 specific complaints below.) At this point, we have no choice. We simply have to declare our independence and start over.Remember, if you decide to enter, you have until midnight, July 4, 2016 to submit your revision of The Conversation of the Dogs to Daniel@WizardAcademy.orgHappy writing!Roy H. Williamsand Indy Beagle

A developer is someone who wants to build a house in the woods. An environmentalist is someone who already has a house in the woods.”– Dennis MillerWe think everyone else sees what we see. How could they not?And we think everyone would believe what we believe if only we could explain it clearly.But this is almost never true.Two people stand shoulder-to-shoulder observing a scene.One person sees pain and injustice and despair.The other sees opportunity and purpose and adventure.The first person sees the second as an impractical dreamer.The second sees the first as a complaining pessimist.Every person has a schema, a belief system about how the world works. Your schema is the lens through which you see and feel the world around you. It dictates your perceptual reality. Don’t misunderstand me. I’m not saying your schema changes the facts. It just changes how you interpret them.Twice a week for the past several weeks, Ray Bard has been sending out clusters of about 20 quotes to more than 1,000 quote judges so that we might help him score their impact. Last week, Ray told us something every ad writer knows.There’s always some surprises about which quotes score the highest. But there’s one thing that doesn’t surprise me anymore. It’s the range of opinions. For example, in the last Collection someone said: ‘Seems like you’re scraping the bottom of the barrel for quotes,’ and the very next person commenting said: ‘So many great quotes. All winners for me.’”If your message has the power to move people, you can be certain that it won’t move everyone in the hoped-for direction. If you’re not prepared to smile your way through negative backlash from well-meaning friends, employees and associates, you’re never going to craft a message that will pierce the clutter of this over-communicated world.Ninety percent of all the books published each year are non-fiction. But the fiction books – the 10 percent – comprise 90 percent of all book sales. In the words of Tom Robbins, “People write memoirs because they lack the imagination to make things up.”Fictional characters in movies, novels and TV shows seem real even when we know they are not. We know fiction to be untrue, yet we treat it for a time as if it were true. We are simultaneously naïve, believing what we are told, and savvy, aware of the deception.Seven weeks ago I told you about a persuasion researcher, Maria Konnikova, whose work is being funded by two universities, Harvard and Columbia. Maria says the more a story transports us into its world, the more likely we are to believe it. The sweep of a story overcomes the facts of logic. When we are entertained by a story, we are likely to agree with the beliefs the story implies.In short: a story can reshape your schema.It is no accident that Jesus taught in parables.Most of us enjoy being pulled into a story. But some people have no taste for fiction or whimsy or wit.What you’re about to read is real and it happens all the time. My friend Jerry received this voicemail just last week:I am embarrassed for you because of your turning your business over to such a young person that has such a voice that I have to turn off the commercial. I have to go to my radio and turn it off. It hurts my ears. And the commercials are just childish. They are not professional. No, they are not professional. I would not use your company for anything. I am regretful I have used you forever. I told the world to use you. I’ve gotten you a million customers. I’m embarrassed and ashamed. And I’m sorry I have to make this phone call.”Would you like to know what triggered such heartfelt concern?[SFX – crickets, trucks driving past]ANNCR: Two people wait for the telephone to ring in an Allbritten Heating and Air Conditioning truck.JERRY: Uhhhh, Andrea?ANDREA: Yes Dad?JERRY: I know I’ve been encouraging you to start making bigger, owner-type decisions for Allbritten….ANDREA: Yep, and I’m rockin’ it, Dad.JERRY: [doubtful] Yes… well this new company slogan…ANDREA: Isn’t it great! “Our customers come first!”JERRY: Well, yes, but it’s a little bit misleading.ANDREA: What!JERRY: You’ve got to have happy employees before you can have happy customers.ANDREA: I know. But it doesn’t make a very good slogan to say, “Allbritten, where customers come second,” or “Allbritten, where customers are number Two.”JERRY: Keep thinking. You’re a smart girl.ANDREA: Care to give me some hints?JERRY: Nope.ANDREA: Pleeease?JERRY: Nope.ANDREA: [SFX – telephone ring and answer]Thanks for calling Allbritten, where happy employees make happy customers.JERRY: By golly, I think she’s got it.DEVIN: Allbritten Heating and Air Conditioning.ANDREA: Two nine twoJERRY: Forty-nine nineteenThis successful and light-hearted campaign lets you get to know the owners of the company through a series of comic, coming-of-age conversations. At a recent Home and Garden Show, Jerry and Andrea were the accidental main attraction as word spread throughout the convention center that they were personally in attendance. Countless people came by, quoted their ads and asked if they could have a photo made with them. “Is Andrea really your daughter?” “Yes.” “And she’s really taking over the company?” “Yes.”The conversations in the ads are fictional but the people are real.And they had an extremely, very good year.Roy H. Williams