Wizard of Ads Monday Morning Memo

In 2018, I will continue to fade from sight. By the end of 2019, I hope to be completely transparent. This has been my goal since May of 2000.If the founder of an organization remains vitally involved until the day they are no longer viable, the organization they founded will cease to exist within 10 years after their passing.I don’t want that to happen to Wizard Academy.Don’t worry, I’m not dying or anything like that.The time-tested model for a successful transfer of leadership is to pass the torch to the next generation while the founder is still healthy and capable. Pennie and I have known this since the day we started the school.Does your organization have a plan of succession? I ask this only because I’ve seen fabulous businesses fumbled during the hand-off. It’s a heart-breaking thing to watch.I began to fade from sight in 2016, popping in only to say hello to each of the classes I wasn’t teaching. I’d spend a few minutes interacting with the students, asking each of them about their favorite moments, then I’d be gone.In 2017, I’ve chosen to stay completely out of sight during classes taught by other faculty members and everything has been fine. Wonderful, in fact. No one seems to have noticed my absence.In 2018, vice-chancellor Whittington will become the first person ever to teach the Magical Worlds Communications Workshop other than myself. You might want to consider being in his first class to share this important rite-of-passage with him.I do plan to teach Magical Worlds a few more times and I’m sure I’ll always have some small part to play in the Wizard Academy Reunion each October, but right now my biggest concern is to finish the construction of The House of the Lost Boys and The House of Bilbo Baggins, thereby making it possible for 24 students and an instructor to stay on campus. (Our current capacity is 18 total in Engelbrecht House and Spence Manor.)Pennie has a dazzling plan for terra-scaping the deep valley that stands between Chapel Dulcinea and the student mansions. I’m incredibly anxious to see it.When those last two student mansions and the valley are complete, Pennie and I will have finished what we set out to do.Want to hear something funny? I originally thought construction would take 5 to 7 years. But by the time we’re through, it will have taken 20.The directors of Wizard Academy know the importance of onboarding new leadership, so they’ve invited Ryan Deiss and Rex Williams to join them in managing the oversight of our 501(c)3 educational organization. Your 7-person board of directors is now 9 persons.The 50-and-60-somethings are beginning to turn things over to the 30-somethings.To every thing there is a season,and a time to every purpose under the heavens.A time to be defiant, and a time to comply;a time to struggle, and a time to relax;a time to get started, and a time to be done;a time for Gen-Xers and Millennialsto grasp the torch freely offeredby the Boomers in Winter.If you’re the kind of person who reads these Monday Morning Memos – and you obviously are – you’re spending the hours, days and years of your life building something that ought to forever be remembered and appreciated. So please begin thinking about a plan of succession. It’s not urgent, but it’s incredibly important.And to the thousands of you who have helped build Wizard Academy, please know we’re doing everything in our power to make sure your gifts will never be lost or forgotten. The campus guidebook – to be published in 2018 – will have many of your names in it and a mountain of glorious photos.Indy said to tell you Arooo, and that he’ll see you in the rabbit hole.Roy H. WilliamsPS – In case you were wondering, Pennie and I won’t be retiring for many more years. We still have lots of ads to create, client businesses to grow, Wizard of Ads partners to serve, and a smiling number of books to write. The leadership of Wizard Academy is the only thing from which we’ll be fading.

Dale Earnhardt, Jr will make 21.4 million dollars this year.He is the world’s one hundredth most highly paid athlete.1But don’t assume pro athletes make a lot of money. The sad truth is that the top 10 percent – the star athletes – receive more than 90 percent of all the money paid to athletes. If the 80/20 rule held true in sports, the salaries of the bottom 90 percent would more than double while the top 10 percent would get a barely noticeable haircut.The world’s most highly-paid athlete, soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo, will skip happily home with 93 million dollars in 2017. (Well, he’ll skip as happily as one can skip while lugging 2,048 pounds of hundred dollar bills.) 293 million dollars is $372,000 a day, more than $46,000 an hour. 3The average professional soccer player makes only $80/hr ($160,000/yr) and will play for just 3.2 years.Advertisers are like pro athletes. Everyone gets to play on game day, but only the best get paid on payday.Sure, Cristiano Ronaldo is better than the average soccer player. But is he 581 times better? Because that’s how much more money he makes. And keep in mind that the salaries of the other highly-paid soccer stars contribute toward raising that “average” salary up to $160,000.But my objective isn’t to rail against the injustice of professional sports.My objective is to draw a few comparisons that I believe you’ll find to be helpful and encouraging:1: Advertising’s Grand Illusion is that – because you paid for it – people are going to notice your ad.2: This illusion that people are going to notice your ad is perpetuated by three groups of people:(A.) By advertising salespeople.“The secret is to target the right people, and we have them for you!”(B.) By advertising agencies.“The secret is to target the right people, and we’ve found them for you!”(C.) By hope-filled advertisers.“The secret is to reach the right people, and that’s what I’m going to do!”3: REALITY: I’ve never seen a business fail because they were reaching the wrong people. But I’ve seen hundreds fail because they were saying the wrong things in their ads.4: TRUTH: Decisions aren’t made in a vacuum. This is why your ads must also reach the influencers; the friends and neighbors, co-workers and associates, hair stylists and golf caddies of your “target” customer.5: MORE GOOD NEWS! Untargeted “mass media” reaches the influencers along with your target, and it’s astoundingly cheap when compared to targeted media.6: BAD NEWS: Each of us is assaulted by more than 5,000 selling messages per day. 4 and 5 And we – like your customer – have become extremely good at ignoring them.7: The secret ­of success in advertising is knowing how to craft opening lines that pierce the clutter and win attention.8: After you’ve won their attention, you’ve got to hang on to it.9: TIP: Leave out the parts that make your ad feel like an ad.10: Because those are the moments we turn our attention elsewhere.11: GOOD NEWS! Your ads don’t have to be 581 times as good as the average ad.12: Your ads, your products, your services and your people just have to be a little bit better than your competitors’ for you to become the Cristiano Ronaldo of your category.Goal!Roy H. WilliamsLooking for answers that apply specifically to you and your situation?1 Forbes.com2 one pound of hundred-dollar bills is $45,4003 Assuming a 40 hr. workweek, 50 weeks a year.4 Yankelovich Market Research5 This number includes “brand exposures” along with ads.The average number of ads we encounter daily, including online, is 362.

Your body doesn’t have a single immune system; it has a bundle of them. And the most powerful of these systems is the one that rejects foreign tissue. This is why doctors do everything they can to suppress it during transplant surgery.That suppression doesn’t always work.When the cells of your body detect an intruder cell – “This is not like me, and I am not like it!” – they employ powerful forms of rejection.Your company employs a body of people who work together and each employee is like a cell within that body.And when a new employee comes and goes, they say, “He never really fit in.”This is why onboarding and enculturation should begin while the candidate is reading your job posting. When you’ve been taught how to write ads for employment, your ads will repel the people you don’t want while powerfully attracting the people you do want. When the right people read your ad, their hearts will whisper, “These people are like me, and I am like them.”Branding is nothing more than corporate culture made known.Good advertising promises or implies a specific kind of customer experience. It is then up to your people to deliver that experience.Your people are the essence of your brand.The most valuable skill a businessperson can have is the ability to recruit and retain good people.Did you hear that?Did you?I just heard ten thousand successful people quietly whisper, “Amen.”Roy H. Williams

Characters in books and movies and TV shows are magical. They make us laugh and cry and hold our breath as they take us to a vivid elsewhere.Conflicted, exaggerated, accelerated characters live in a world more interesting than our own. And it is a world we like to visit, even if it’s only 30 seconds at a time.This is why character-driven ad campaigns are outperforming logic-driven campaigns, hands down.We quickly get tired of sales pitches, but we never get tired of being charmed. The characters we love may change over time, but our love for characters never changes.Best of all, character-driven ad campaigns don’t have to be targeted to a specific birth cohort. Their appeal is cross-generational.So if you need to build a bridge to Millennials, put your hammer in the hand of a colorful, memorable, entertaining character.Do you remember the suave, invincible James Bond of the Sean Connery/Roger Moore years? (1962 to 1985 in case you were wondering.) Take that character, sand the British off him, wrap him in Chuck Norris jokes, and you’ve got The Most Interesting Man in the World. He tripled the sales of Dos Equis in Canada. And while craft beers were driving the sale of other beers down across the US, sales of Dos Equis increased by 34.8%. 1Put Mayberry’s wise, caring, and infinitely patient Andy Griffith in the passenger seat of an air-conditioning service van with an idiot-savant Forrest Gump in the driver’s seat and you’ve got Mr. Jenkins and Bobby, the most successful ad campaign in the history of home service companies. When Mr. Jenkins gave Bobby $100,000 during a 30-second ad that debuted two weeks ago and encouraged him to pursue his dream of becoming a movie star in Hollywood, social media exploded. The next morning it was front page news – above the fold – in the important Charlotte Observer, and a savvy outdoor advertising company asked permission to post “We’re Going to Miss You, Bobby” on all their digital billboards for free, and 2 major network TV affiliates treated it as major story in their newscasts, with one of them giving the story about 3 minutes, the other giving it more than 5 minutes.Can you believe this local service company in Charlotte, NC, has accumulated more than 1,000 Google Reviews with a 4.7 star average? This isn’t a restaurant, it’s a service company! Have you ever heard of such a thing?Only one other home services ad campaign has generated that kind of audience love and effectiveness: the relatively new “Boy with a flashlight” campaign of Goettl Air Conditioning in Los Angeles, Phoenix, Las Vegas, and Tucson. Sadie, the boy’s dog, is also an important part of that campaign.“What do a Forrest Gump idiot-savant and a boy with a flashlight and a dog have to do with air conditioning?”“Nothing. But they have everything to do with winning the hearts and minds of customers.”Take grubby Oscar Madison and uptight Felix Unger of The Odd Couple (1968,) give them each a glass of whiskey and fling them 49 years into the future (2017,) and you’ve got Rex and Daniel of The Whiskey Vault, YouTube’s fastest-growing whiskey channel, adding more than 20 new subscribers every hour, 24 hours a day. They just poured the foundation of their new distillery next to the campus at Wizard Academy.“Hello, ladies. Look at your man. Now back to me, now back at your man, now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me. But if he stopped using lady-scented body wash and switched to Old Spice, he could smell like he’s me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re on a boat with the man your man could smell like. What’s in your hand? Back at me. I have it, it’s an oyster with two tickets to that thing you love. Look again, the tickets are now diamonds. Anything is possible when your man smells like Old Spice and not a lady. I’m on a horse.”That campaign more than doubled sales and rocketed Old Spice Body Wash from its position in distant, second place to become the world’s best-selling body wash.Indy Beagle has these examples for you in the rabbit hole.No other beer company created an interesting character to win our time and attention. And how many air conditioning companies perform delightful antics to give customers warm feelings and happy thoughts? No other whiskey review channels on YouTube feature an entertaining odd couple, and no other soap is represented by a shirtless guy who shamelessly flirts with your wife. That’s why these companies – and lots of other companies with colorful character-driven ad campaigns – are winning. And winning big.When the customer laughs and smiles and bonds with your advertising, they now have a friend in the business. Why would they call anyone else?So, if character-driven ads are more effective, why aren’t more companies creating colorful and engaging characters to capture our attention and win our affection?Short-sighted advertisers are unwilling to “waste” precious TV and radio time to develop a relationship with the customer. “I’m paying for this airtime, so we’re going talk about ME, dammit!”Not a single college or university in America requires its students to study comedy or fiction writing to get a degree in Advertising and Marketing.Consequently, few advertising professionals know how to write banter and repartee.So now you know why most ads are filled with Ad Speak,and why everyone hates most ads.Roy H. Williams1 Forbes.com, June 14, 2017

The object of conformity and compliance is to bring the best of the past forward.A person can achieve expert results by following in the footsteps of an expert.The old ways are often the best ways.But you, my strong-willed friend, are a nonconformist; a renegade, a rebel, a misfit. One of “those” people.Congratulations. ADiscoveries are made only by those who stray from the path. “I make more mistakes than anyone else I know, and sooner or later, I patent most of them.”– Thomas Edison“If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.”– Henry David Thoreau“The reward for conformity is that everyone likes you except yourself.”– Rita Mae Brown, Venus EnvyYou and I know an empowering secret: traditional wisdom is often more tradition than wisdom.That kind of talk is heresy when you’re surrounded by guardians of the orthodox. Let’s hope that none of them are listening.Two Powerful Questions and a Magic Word:When someone shouts, “You can’t do that!”Ask yourself, “What happens if I do?”If the potential reward is large and the negative consequences are small, pull the trigger and ride the bullet.When someone says, “You have to.”Ask yourself, “What happens if I don’t?”If your distaste for the activity is strong and the negative consequences are weak, shrug your shoulders and walk away.We’re talking about a simple but powerful concept: the evaluation of consequences.Sometimes it’s better to learn from expert advice and example.Sometimes it’s better to wander off the beaten path and learn from consequences.Your gut will tell you when.Here’s another way to put “consequences” to work for you:The next time you want to do something unorthodox and you need permission, say to the authority above you, “I’d like to do an experiment.”And then immediately tell them:1. what you hope to learn,2. why that information will be useful,3. how long the experiment will take, and4. what it will cost.It’s going to blow your mind how often you get approval. Present the same idea as a suggested change to the status quo and you’ll be shot out of the sky quicker than an October duck in Saskatchewan.The Magic word is “Experiment.”“Experiment” promises1. a budgeted window of time and resources, and2. “We’re about to learn something valuable that we don’t currently know.”The price of continual conformity and complianceis that one never experiences discovery.What a sad way to live!Ciao for Niao,Roy H. Williams

“I was told that repartee heightens the attention of an audience.”“Is this going to be like that time you told me about ambergris?”“What do you mean?”“There I was, minding my own business, when you started telling me how the most expensive perfume in the world comes from whale puke. Like I needed to know that.”“Yes. This is another interesting fact that will broaden your horizons.”“Okay, let’s get this over with. So tell me, what in the name of King-of-the-Sea Poseidon and Chicken-of-the-Sea tuna is repartee?“Repartee is the banter between interesting characters.”“Great. I appreciate you sharing that with me.”“But I haven’t told you why you need to know.”“I don’t know that I do need to know.”“You need to know.”“For the record, your little whale puke story still hasn’t done me any good.”“Someday you’ll be glad you know about ambergris.”“Can you name that day for me? I’ll put it on my calendar.”“You need to know about repartee today. Right now, in fact.”“Why?”“You’re about to start advertising.”“Yeah, and?”“Yankelovich says the average citizen is bombarded with more than 5,000 selling messages per day.”“Yankel who?”“Yankelovich. It’s a consumer behavior research firm.”“Five thousand a day, really?”“Yeah. So what are you going to do to make your message stand apart from those other 5,000?”“Repartee?”“Exactly.”“I think it might be easier to find some whale puke.”“Repartee works because people naturally turn their attention toward interesting interactions. Ever heard of Elmore Leonard?”“Novelist, right?”“When he was asked if he had a secret formula for writing bestsellers, he said, ‘I try to leave out the parts that people skip.’”“Dewey Crowe is my favorite character of his.”“Yeah, Dewey’s awesome. But then the interviewer had a follow-up question.”“Did they ask, ‘What are the parts that people skip?’”“Yeah. How did you know?”“It’s what I would have asked.”“So, do you want to know what they skip?”“Actually, yes.”“Everything that isn’t dialogue.”“So you’re saying all I have to do is turn my ads into a conversation between two people?”“That’s not what I’m saying at all.”“How is it not what you’re saying?”“If you write an ad and put it into the mouths of two people, it’s still an ad. It’s not dialogue. It’s not banter. It’s not repartee.”“What is it then?”“It’s Ad Speak.”“It would still sound like an ad?”“Of course it would. Real people never talk like that. Repartee is the personality-revealing banter between characters who actually have personalities.”“Like me and you?”“Mostly me.”“I’d have to do this repartee thing on radio or TV, right?”“Why do you think that?”“I mean, it’s people talking.”“But we’re not doing this on radio or TV. We’re doing this in an email.”“Is repartee a French word?”“I think so. Why do you ask?”“It sounds pretentious and that usually means it’s French.”“You can call it banter if you want.”“Banter. My ads are going to be known for banter. I’m going to be the Banter man.”“I’m glad I could help.”“Wait a minute. Did you say we were having this conversation in an email?”“Yeah. It’s a weekly thing sent out by a guy named Williams. Calls himself the Wizard of Ads.”“The Wizard of Ads?”“Yeah.”“Must be French.”[Both men start laughing.]# # END # #Roy H. Williams

(1.) Adrenaline is a neurotransmitter that increases blood flow to the muscles during times of excitement and creates involuntary recall of events.When there is adrenaline in the blood, you are more likely to remember the moment. This is why advertisers try to make their ads sound exciting.(2.) Oxytocin is a neurotransmitter that produces feelings of connectedness and bonding.This is how powerful brands are built.More than 240 years after the fact, we continue to admire John Adams and his amazing wife, Abigail, because they left behind words of bonding, both to one another and to the ideals they shared. John said, “I believe there is among our people a fund of wisdom, integrity, and humanity which will preserve their happiness.” John Adams wanted the best for us, and he believed the best about us.We likewise admire Thomas Jefferson because he, too, gave us words of bonding that showed us his heart. “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, and were given by their Creator the right to Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” Thomas Jefferson wanted the best for us, and he believed the best about us.These people showed us what they valued.They showed us what they believed.We call them Patriots and Founding Fathers.They gave us oxytocin.But we have no deep admiration for Thomas Pinckney, although he served with distinction during the Revolutionary War, then became Governor of South Carolina where he presided over the state convention that ratified the United States Constitution. In 1792, George Washington appointed Thomas Pinckney ambassador to Britain and envoy extraordinary to Spain and in the Presidential Election of 1796, Pinckney gathered almost as many votes as John Adams and Thomas Jefferson! But Pinckney was a man of action – adrenaline – rather than bonding. Pinckney gave us no oxytocin.Bonding – that feeling of connectedness – is a product of oxytocin.And bonding produces loyalty.Bonding and loyalty… what words those are to a marketer!Are you sharing words of bonding in your ads?Are you encouraging your customer?Do they believe you want the best for them?Sadly, most ads are built on logic and adrenaline. “Act now! Save money! Don’t miss this event!” But the best marketing is built on stories that trigger the release of oxytocin.“The human mind is a story processor, not a logic processor. Everyone loves a good story; every culture bathes its children in stories.” – Jonathan Haidt, The Righteous Mind, p. 287When a person proposes marriage – the ultimate expression of bonding and loyalty – they choose not only their words, but also the time and place of expression.What is the Emotional Environment that will precede your advertising? What will the customer be feeling in that moment before they encounter your ad? What chemicals will be flowing in their blood?Emotional Environment is dictated by where you spend your ad budget.Adrenaline in the blood (excitement) will give your message a higher likelihood of recall.Oxytocin in the blood (bonding) will give your customer a feeling of connection to your brand.Sporting events provide adrenaline excitement mixed with the oxytocin of bonding (with a team.)Romantic stories, romantic TV shows and movies, and romantic music provide adrenaline excitement mixed with the oxytocin of bonding (with a lover.)Adrenaline without oxytocin is “fight or flight.” Politics make us fighting mad and fear makes us feel like running away. Mix your ads with politics or fear and you will be remembered, but never loved.Words of bonding are the essence of Community Content.Words of bonding are the keys to not having to discount.Words of bonding are expressed by characters in stories.Bonding and loyalty are triggered by the stories you share in your ads, videos, podcasts, and blog posts.Are the characters in your ads interesting and credible?Does the public love and trust them?I leave you now to do with this information as you will. A© 2017, Roy H. Williams

Real experts in online marketing rarely use the phrase “going viral,” because it has no agreed-upon definition. Instead, they talk about “Discovery Content” and “Community Content.”To understand Discovery Content, just look at anything posted by BuzzFeed or any of the other organizations whose principal income is generated by the companies who sponsor their clickbait.1But not all Discovery Content is shallow and vacuous.The goal of Discovery Content is to generate a click. (The headline is the key.) If a customer finds something satisfying on the other side of that click, they’re happy-happy-happy. And if your only goal was to get more people to “discover” your website, then you’re happy, too.A visitor who “discovers” your website – but never returns – has no value beyond stroking your ego, unless1. their visit brought you ad revenue, or2. they purchased something on which you made a profit, or3. they told other people about you.Used correctly however, Discovery Content brings newcomers to your website where they will “discover” Community Content that truly speaks to them.It is Community Content that will bring them back again.We’re talking about Targeting Through Copy Writing rather than Targeting Through Media Selection.Today’s Monday Morning Memo is an example of Discovery Content. That headline: The Truth About Going Viral, will doubtless generate a lot more first-time visitors than usual. The Community Content these visitors will find includes the Archives of the Monday Morning Memo, the Subscribe button, the Rabbit Hole of Indy Beagle, and all the free Downloads accessible through the nav panel.Discovery Content attracts first-time visitors.It brings people to your website.Community Content builds a tribe.It makes them feel like they belong.But these ideas aren’t new.In the wild and woolly world of mass media, the Loss Leader was the original Discovery Content.The advertiser offering a Loss Leader hoped that by selling something at a loss they would explode store traffic and this horde of new visitors would then “discover” the wonder of their store and buy other items at full price.Today’s online marketers call the Loss Leader a “tripwire.” 2But I prefer to target through copy writing, which is why I use full-price Feature Items to attract new members of a tribe instead of cut-rate Loss Leaders that attract grave robbers, vampires, coupon clippers, discount addicts, freebie Freddies, and every other variety of Twitchy Little Bastard.A Case History of Targeting Through Copy Writing:Shreve and Company has been part of the ritzy Union Square district of San Francisco since the California Gold Rush more than 165 years ago. Shreve routinely sells jewelry items that cost hundreds of thousands of dollars. Due to the rich history of this store and the impact of all the world’s-finest brands they carry, they could easily be perceived as stodgy, snooty and overpriced. But they aren’t.In the radio campaign for Shreve, 5th generation Shreve jeweler Lawrence “Ren” Schiffman, a young and definitely NOT-stodgy, NOT-snooty 20-something has become the official spokesperson for the family store. Ren’s dad is a jeweler, his grandad was a jeweler, his great grandad was a jeweler, and his great-great grandad was a jeweler. Credibility and history wrapped in youth and style.Here’s the Example:REN:   Polo is “the sport of kings.”ROY: And in the go-go 80’s, the Paiget Polo was the watch of kings.REN:  Having a Piaget Polo was even cooler than having a phone in your car.ROY:  [reflectingly] I remember those days.REN:  The new Polo “S” is satin-finished stainless steel.ROY:  [surprised] And the shape of that dial is fascinating!REN: What do you think about the pinstripes?ROY:  I LOVE the pinstripes.REN: This ultra-modern Polo “S” is going to become a classic just like its predecessor.ROY:  Wait a minute. I didn’t know Piaget made a luxury watch in stainless steel.REN: This is the first one in 60 years.ROY:  It’s definitely distinctive.REN:  Vintage and Futuristic at the same time.ROY: Vintage and Futuristic… just like Shreve and Company… luxury timepieces,  fine designers, and flawless diamonds.REN:  Come and see the new Paiget Polo “S” at 150 Post Street off Union Square, or see it onour blog at Shreve.comROY: He’s Ren Schiffman.REN: And I’m looking forward to shaking your hand.This ad gives you a specific, entry-priced item to consider, but it offers no discount or bribe that might attract a Twitchy Little Bastard looking for something other than what Shreve sells.The benefit of a Feature Item isn’t measured only through the immediate traffic it brings, but through the expanded perception of the brand. Listeners to the Ren Schiffman campaign are making new decisions about Shreve based on the new information Ren provides and the style in which he provides it. Win/Win/Win.Targeting Through Copy Writing is much more difficult, effective, sophisticated and refined than Targeting Through Media Selection.You’ll find a treasure trove of additional details regarding this case history on page 1 of the rabbit hole. A second radio ad – riskier and funnier – that demonstrates “targeting through copy writing” is waiting for you on page 2. Just click the image of Indy Beagle at the top of this page and you’re in.Aroo.Roy H. Williams

Whittington said it.Eisenberg endorsed it.The waitress distracted us with a question of her own.I somehow knew to capture that moment with a photo.Our conversation never made it back to Daniel’s idea that every life has a theme song, but later that day I carried his wandering thought to the Worthless Bastards at the Toad & Ostrich Pub.“What is the theme song of your life?” is a question hard to answer, but the Bastards came through as they always do.1And now we turn to you.For the purpose of this exercise I’m going to ask you to choose between just two categories:Your public theme song. This is a song that will make sense to anyone who really knows you. The music, the lyrics… they fit you. Or at least they fit some aspect of the public you.Your private theme song. This is a song that has stayed with you year after year, although you’ve never fully understood why. But there it is, stuck in your unconscious mind. It makes no sense that you feel connected to it, but you do.Indiana Beagle has asked that you send him either your public theme song or your private one, along with a couple of sentences of explanation. These might show up in the rabbit hole, or in a video, or be used in some other way. I can’t really say for sure.Indy never explains his motives to me.I’m not sure he understands them himself.Roy H. Williams

Everyone agrees that Henry Leverseege would have become much more famous had he lived beyond 29. But even though he died young, his paintings hang in museums across England. There is only one of them in private hands.Mine. AHenry was born in 1803, the year that Thomas Jefferson famously negotiated the Louisiana Purchase with Napoleon Bonaparte. I say “famously” because Jefferson was fully aware that an American President had no authority to acquire territory in this way.Ohio became the 17th state during those negotiations.Want to hear something funny? Jefferson’s original goal was only to purchase the port city of New Orleans. But Bonaparte needed cash and Jefferson wasn’t an idiot, so as soon as the ink was dry he sent Lewis and Clark on their famous journey across our virgin continent. (I say “our” continent because the ownership of land was a foreign concept to Native Americans, so we just conveniently ignored any claim they might have to the property. Later, when they got fussy, we killed them.)Forty-six years after the Louisiana Purchase, gold was discovered in California and westward expansion accelerated like a Southwest Airlines 737 after leaving the gate 8 minutes late.The last time I flew Southwest, our pilot pushed our plane down the runway so hard I could feel the corners of my mouth pulling back to my earlobes. The woman sitting next to me thought I was an actor getting ready to play The Joker in a Batman movie.As a young boy in a public-school classroom, I was taught that America was created by visionary “Founding Fathers” who saw the future and courageously paid the price for it. It’s a pretty story, but even a casual student of history can see that the early years of our young nation were as freckle-faced and awkward as a bucktoothed Romeo.(I hesitated writing that last sentence, but Indy insisted. Blame him.)Our nation is not the result of a grand plan. We are the product of a series of reactions to circumstances and a lot of stumbling and bumbling into happy accidents.I’m proud of us.Not the part about the Indians or the enslavement of Africans or the forced relocation of more than 60,000 American citizens of Japanese descent during WW II, but the rest of it. You know, the Charles Lindberg, Neil Armstrong part.I see us real and I love us anyway.I hope you do, too.Can we please quit fighting now?Roy H. Williams