System Speak: Complex Trauma and Dissociative Disorders

We read and respond to listener emails.Our website is HERE:  System Speak Podcast.You can submit an email to the podcast HERE.You can JOIN THE COMMUNITY HERE.  Once you are in, you can use a non-Apple device or non-safari browser to join groups HERE. Once you are set up, then the website and app work on any device just fine.  We have peer support check-in groups, an art group, movie groups, social events, and classes.  Additional zoom groups are optional, but only available by joining the groups. Join us! Content Note: Content on this website and in the podcasts is assumed to be trauma and/or dissociative related due to the nature of what is being shared here in general.  Content descriptors are generally given in each episode.  Specific trigger warnings are not given due to research reporting this makes triggers worse.  Please use appropriate self-care and your own safety plan while exploring this website and during your listening experience.  Natural pauses due to dissociation have not been edited out of the podcast, and have been left for authenticity.  While some professional material may be referenced for educational purposes, Emma and her system are not your therapist nor offering professional advice.  Any informational material shared or referenced is simply part of our own learning process, and not guaranteed to be the latest research or best method for you.  Please contact your therapist or nearest emergency room in case of any emergency.  This website does not provide any medical, mental health, or social support services. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

We talk with ISSTD clinician Valerie Sinason (UK) about "infantacidal attachment".The "still face experiment" video on YouTube is HERE.The poem we referenced, which we wrote in 2020:In the last week,I watched my 5 year-old daughter's butterflies be born.They came home with usfor quarantine,a gift of hope and peacewhile she herself is dying,while my children miss their friendsand watch their sister fade away.The caterpillars crawledin the grimeas they learned to spin,then hung themselvesfrom the top of the cup.I know the feeling.The metaphor did not escape me,this therapeutic processof freezewhere transformation is required -quarantinedin a glass househanging by a threadnothing the same as it was.Before the chrysalisthere was a shedding of skinI recognized as a shedding of me.For all I have learned the last four yearsabout integration,I thought the debate was betweenbrowniesand fruit salad,as if I would get to choose my last meal.But all of it was grime.So I pretended to grow wingswhile you locked me away.I wrapped myself in dissociationlike a cocoon of worlds inside.I never invited you in here.No one warned me how sticky it was.I watched their backbone start to formlike scalesthat fell awaylike therapytalking away.Therapy was taking away my dissociationwhile I fought to lock myself in it.If you have any heart at all,you want to reach outto reach into touchto help them free the hardened shell.But you cannot.Because that wriggling workis what makes them strongis what sets them freeis what makes meMe.And I knowhow cold and lonely it is in there,in here,where I am,where no one goesno one seesno one knows.You promise wings.You promise freedom.You promise flying free.But all I rememberis the grime.And all I knowis the crawling through filth.And all I seeis that I have hung myself herevulnerablyto be stared atand gawked atand not touchedwhile I am frozenand coldand hanging herenot who I wasand not yet free.You say no parts left behindor lostor abandoned.But I see my shell laying therewhere I once crawled.And these wingsstill stickydon't feel like mine.And I can't yet fly.You flick at my netto show me that I canlike a bird pushing its baby out of the nestand it hurts mebetrays mestings mescares me.Except you don't push too hardand I feel you waitwhile I don't want to leave.I would rather hang myselftherewhere being frozenhas always kept me safe.I am uncomfortablewith so many changesand didn't knowI would come outlooking so differentthan how I crawled in.I cling to the netbecause you taught me how to be grounded.And I have always knownhow to shelter-in-place.I can see the outside worldwhere everyone else lives,but I don't at all likeyou sending me awayto go live there.Because I do not know how to live.I know how to crawl.I know how to hang.It makes me angry at you(even though I am not)when you try to send me awayfrom the place where I hungaway from where my shadow still staysaway from where my shell lies.I don't know if you understandthat still feels like meand the cocoon still feels saferand the sun is still too bright for my eyes.I am drying out my wingsand saying goodbyewhile you unzip my worldto shoo me outso I can flybecause you sayI was meant for the sky.But all I rememberis the grimeand how to crawl.And I don't understandwhy you don't understandthat I don't actually know how to fly.But what I do knowmore than you know I knowis that there is no going backand that I am relievedto have the sticky washed off of me.(I know, I know.You never said I had to leave.But I can't stay herelooking at the shell of me.)Emma Sunshaw, May 2020Our website is HERE:  System Speak Podcast.You can submit an email to the podcast HERE.You can JOIN THE COMMUNITY HERE.  Once you are in, you can use a non-Apple device or non-safari browser to join groups HERE. Once you are set up, then the website and app work on any device just fine.  We have peer support check-in groups, an art group, movie groups, social events, and classes.  Additional zoom groups are optional, but only available by joining the groups. Join us! Content Note: Content on this website and in the podcasts is assumed to be trauma and/or dissociative related due to the nature of what is being shared here in general.  Content descriptors are generally given in each episode.  Specific trigger warnings are not given due to research reporting this makes triggers worse.  Please use appropriate self-care and your own safety plan while exploring this website and during your listening experience.  Natural pauses due to dissociation have not been edited out of the podcast, and have been left for authenticity.  While some professional material may be referenced for educational purposes, Emma and her system are not your therapist nor offering professional advice.  Any informational material shared or referenced is simply part of our own learning process, and not guaranteed to be the latest research or best method for you.  Please contact your therapist or nearest emergency room in case of any emergency.  This website does not provide any medical, mental health, or social support services. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

We share an update from therapy, about learning how memory time and now time connect through re-enactments… and start looking at Memory Time where the pain is.Note:  This therapy session happened three days after the last session where we did the four questions that helped me see how Memory Time invades Now Time.  I thought I was going in to my therapy session to talk about the hard conversations in Now Time, and my therapist helped me see roots of where Memory Time invades - which ultimately was a bridge that leads directly to the disorganized attachment pieces we will share starting next week.  Also, the song at the end of this episode was the LGBTQIA+ PRIDE theme last summer, because so many of us feel isolated from family and caregivers simply because of who we are.  It was fun and peppy, hiding the big feelings in the lyrics - like a song in drag.  I slowed it down and added the sad tone to emphasize congruence between music and lyrics.  It is not meant to be literal.  Our website is HERE:  System Speak Podcast.You can submit an email to the podcast HERE.You can JOIN THE COMMUNITY HERE.  Once you are in, you can use a non-Apple device or non-safari browser to join groups HERE. Once you are set up, then the website and app work on any device just fine.  We have peer support check-in groups, an art group, movie groups, social events, and classes.  Additional zoom groups are optional, but only available by joining the groups. Join us! Content Note: Content on this website and in the podcasts is assumed to be trauma and/or dissociative related due to the nature of what is being shared here in general.  Content descriptors are generally given in each episode.  Specific trigger warnings are not given due to research reporting this makes triggers worse.  Please use appropriate self-care and your own safety plan while exploring this website and during your listening experience.  Natural pauses due to dissociation have not been edited out of the podcast, and have been left for authenticity.  While some professional material may be referenced for educational purposes, Emma and her system are not your therapist nor offering professional advice.  Any informational material shared or referenced is simply part of our own learning process, and not guaranteed to be the latest research or best method for you.  Please contact your therapist or nearest emergency room in case of any emergency.  This website does not provide any medical, mental health, or social support services. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Explore the intricacies of attachment wounds and how they impact our lives. Discover how past injuries shape present behaviors and the various attachment strategies we deploy. Delve into examples like feelings of not belonging or being unwanted, and learn about the compelling 'Still Face Experiment' that highlights disconnection. The conversation emphasizes the importance of vulnerability, group support, and intentional healing paths for nurturing these wounds. Join the journey toward understanding and connection!

We share how our therapist walked us through the “hidden agenda” of re-enactment that shows up as attachment drama in relationships.Four Reflections:1.  Three positive relationship characteristics from relationships in my childhood2.  Three negative relationship characteristics from relationships in my childhood3.  Three things I needed most in childhood (from my caregivers) and did NOT get4.  Three "negative" feelings I experienced in childhood over and over and over again.CLICK HERE for the weeping camel video.Our website is HERE:  System Speak Podcast.You can submit an email to the podcast HERE.You can JOIN THE COMMUNITY HERE.  Once you are in, you can use a non-Apple device or non-safari browser to join groups HERE. Once you are set up, then the website and app work on any device just fine.  We have peer support check-in groups, an art group, movie groups, social events, and classes.  Additional zoom groups are optional, but only available by joining the groups. Join us! Content Note: Content on this website and in the podcasts is assumed to be trauma and/or dissociative related due to the nature of what is being shared here in general.  Content descriptors are generally given in each episode.  Specific trigger warnings are not given due to research reporting this makes triggers worse.  Please use appropriate self-care and your own safety plan while exploring this website and during your listening experience.  Natural pauses due to dissociation have not been edited out of the podcast, and have been left for authenticity.  While some professional material may be referenced for educational purposes, Emma and her system are not your therapist nor offering professional advice.  Any informational material shared or referenced is simply part of our own learning process, and not guaranteed to be the latest research or best method for you.  Please contact your therapist or nearest emergency room in case of any emergency.  This website does not provide any medical, mental health, or social support services. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

We explain attachment strategies.Citation for the percentages came from a study of 10,500 mothers:  https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/14616730902814762Updated Diversity Aspects:https://jiaap.in/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/9-Seema.pdfhttps://www.mdpi.com/1660-4601/21/6/655https://www.proquest.com/openview/c3ad3752217e211f6a04670d7304ced8/1?pq-origsite=gscholar&cbl=18750&diss=yhttps://mcstor.library.milligan.edu/items/4e140dbb-d80a-43ab-ad74-d8b7eba4ad9ehttps://www.proquest.com/openview/869823196fa9288e55ca8411de8db292/1?pq-origsite=gscholar&cbl=18750&diss=yhttps://dspace.library.uvic.ca/items/fea04e80-4dff-4f14-a634-ae66b4159d04https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2022.923019/fullhttps://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/jmcd.12277Our website is HERE:  System Speak Podcast.You can submit an email to the podcast HERE.You can JOIN THE COMMUNITY HERE.  Once you are in, you can use a non-Apple device or non-safari browser to join groups HERE. Once you are set up, then the website and app work on any device just fine.  We have peer support check-in groups, an art group, movie groups, social events, and classes.  Additional zoom groups are optional, but only available by joining the groups. Join us! Content Note: Content on this website and in the podcasts is assumed to be trauma and/or dissociative related due to the nature of what is being shared here in general.  Content descriptors are generally given in each episode.  Specific trigger warnings are not given due to research reporting this makes triggers worse.  Please use appropriate self-care and your own safety plan while exploring this website and during your listening experience.  Natural pauses due to dissociation have not been edited out of the podcast, and have been left for authenticity.  While some professional material may be referenced for educational purposes, Emma and her system are not your therapist nor offering professional advice.  Any informational material shared or referenced is simply part of our own learning process, and not guaranteed to be the latest research or best method for you.  Please contact your therapist or nearest emergency room in case of any emergency.  This website does not provide any medical, mental health, or social support services. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

We read and respond to listener emails.Our website is HERE:  System Speak Podcast.You can submit an email to the podcast HERE.You can JOIN THE COMMUNITY HERE.  Once you are in, you can use a non-Apple device or non-safari browser to join groups HERE. Once you are set up, then the website and app work on any device just fine.  We have peer support check-in groups, an art group, movie groups, social events, and classes.  Additional zoom groups are optional, but only available by joining the groups. Join us! Content Note: Content on this website and in the podcasts is assumed to be trauma and/or dissociative related due to the nature of what is being shared here in general.  Content descriptors are generally given in each episode.  Specific trigger warnings are not given due to research reporting this makes triggers worse.  Please use appropriate self-care and your own safety plan while exploring this website and during your listening experience.  Natural pauses due to dissociation have not been edited out of the podcast, and have been left for authenticity.  While some professional material may be referenced for educational purposes, Emma and her system are not your therapist nor offering professional advice.  Any informational material shared or referenced is simply part of our own learning process, and not guaranteed to be the latest research or best method for you.  Please contact your therapist or nearest emergency room in case of any emergency.  This website does not provide any medical, mental health, or social support services. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

We explore how attachment wounds impact relationships.The website is HERE.You can join the Community HERE.  Remember that you will not be able to see much until joining groups.  Message us if we can help!You can contact the podcast HERE.Content Note: Content on this website and in the podcasts is assumed to be trauma and/or dissociative related due to the nature of what is being shared here in general.  Content descriptors are generally given in each episode.  Specific trigger warnings are not given due to research reporting this makes triggers worse.  Please use appropriate self-care and your own safety plan while exploring this website and during your listening experience.  Natural pauses due to dissociation have not been edited out of the podcast, and have been left for authenticity.  While some professional material may be referenced for educational purposes, Emma and her system are not your therapist nor offering professional advice.  Any informational material shared or referenced is simply part of our own learning process, and not guaranteed to be the latest research or best method for you.  Please contact your therapist or nearest emergency room in case of any emergency.  This website does not provide any medical, mental health, or social support services. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

We get ourselves through a hard weekend.The website is HERE.You can join the Community HERE.  Remember that you will not be able to see much until joining groups.  Message us if we can help!You can contact the podcast HERE.Content Note: Content on this website and in the podcasts is assumed to be trauma and/or dissociative related due to the nature of what is being shared here in general.  Content descriptors are generally given in each episode.  Specific trigger warnings are not given due to research reporting this makes triggers worse.  Please use appropriate self-care and your own safety plan while exploring this website and during your listening experience.  Natural pauses due to dissociation have not been edited out of the podcast, and have been left for authenticity.  While some professional material may be referenced for educational purposes, Emma and her system are not your therapist nor offering professional advice.  Any informational material shared or referenced is simply part of our own learning process, and not guaranteed to be the latest research or best method for you.  Please contact your therapist or nearest emergency room in case of any emergency.  This website does not provide any medical, mental health, or social support services. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Jamie+ has a new book, You Lied to Me About God, that they want to talk about:  https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/760810/you-lied-to-me-about-god-by-jamie-marich-phd/The website is HERE.You can join the Community HERE.  Remember that you will not be able to see much until joining groups.  Message us if we can help!You can contact the podcast HERE.Content Note: Content on this website and in the podcasts is assumed to be trauma and/or dissociative related due to the nature of what is being shared here in general.  Content descriptors are generally given in each episode.  Specific trigger warnings are not given due to research reporting this makes triggers worse.  Please use appropriate self-care and your own safety plan while exploring this website and during your listening experience.  Natural pauses due to dissociation have not been edited out of the podcast, and have been left for authenticity.  While some professional material may be referenced for educational purposes, Emma and her system are not your therapist nor offering professional advice.  Any informational material shared or referenced is simply part of our own learning process, and not guaranteed to be the latest research or best method for you.  Please contact your therapist or nearest emergency room in case of any emergency.  This website does not provide any medical, mental health, or social support services. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★