Where Do We Go From Here?

Trigger Warning: This episode contains multiple references to rape, sexual assault, and different forms of abuse and violence. This episode is for you if you are wanting to understand how purity culture was and can still be traumatizing for some. It's for you if you've experienced trauma - physical, sexual, emotional, spiritual, or other forms - and are seeking a clearer understanding of your experience. It's for you if you desire to be a support for the people in your life for whom trauma is part of their story. Our conversation covers the broad implications of trauma but also the personal side as we reflect on our own lives and the stories of our listeners. These are the different topics we cover in this conversation: what trauma is, and how trauma happens the difference between a one-time traumatic event (PTSD) and complex trauma. big T trauma, little t trauma, and that trauma is subjective in nature sexual assault is about power and control we talk about our own desire for control and how our rules and theologies are more about keeping us safe and less about what is actually true. Full show notes here Continue the conversation with us on Instagram and Twitter Dr. Heather Davediuk Gingrich is a counselor, scholar, teacher, and former missionary and a professor of counseling at Denver Seminary. Dr. Gingrich maintains a small private practice working with complex trauma survivors. She began counseling over thirty years ago in Canada, and continued in the Philippines where she counseled, taught, and completed her doctoral studies on complex trauma. She is the author of Restoring the Shattered Self, coauthor of Skills for Effective Counseling, and co-editor and contributor to Treating Trauma in Christian Counseling.

This episode is for you if you want to learn how to listen and talk to people who suffer. It can be easy to believe that the Christian life will inoculate us against heartbreak; that's certainly what purity culture books implied. Rachel Welcher discusses with us the way her divorce impacted her life, and she says, "Still to this day, people ask me, 'How can I avoid your fate?' and I say, 'You can't. Suffering is part of the Christian life.'" (We start talking to Rachel at the 10 minute mark.) Jess and Devi also discuss whether or not we should be preparing unmarried people for divorce the way we prepare them for relationships, and we talk about the way grief is part of the Christian life. Full episode show notes here. Join us as we talk daily about sexual ethics on Instagram and Twitter Partner with us for $3/month to hear uncut interviews AND get episodes of The Jess & Devi Show Follow Rachel Welcher on Twitter and Instagram.

Trigger Warning: This episode contains references to sexual abuse, sexual assault, and rape. "My parents weren't the ones who perpetuated purity culture to me. It was the books, the books, the books. The reason why it was so damaging to my friends and I is we were reading them in private. I was internalizing these messages without any discernment." That's one way Rachel Welcher took in the messages of purity culture, and now she's writing a book about it. In this conversation with Rachel, we talk about the similarities she found between purity culture and rape culture, the ways in which purity culture dehumanized both men and women, and the impact of studying the Bible thoroughly and in a community. This is part 1 of our conversation with Rachel. Episode show notes here Join us as we talk daily about sexual ethics on Instagram and Twitter Partner with us for $3/month to hear uncut interviews AND get episodes of The Jess & Devi Show Rachel Joy Welcher is an editor for Fathom magazine, and a graduate of the University of St. Andrews in Scotland, where she received her Master of Letters in Bible and the Contemporary World. She is the author of two collections of poetry, Two Funerals, Then Easter and Blue Tarp, and has written for The Gospel Coalition, Mere Orthodoxy, Relevant, and The Englewood Review of Books. Rachel has spent the last few years researching the impact of modern evangelical purity culture on the Church, and her book Talking Back to Purity Culture: Rediscovering Faithful Christian Sexuality is forthcoming from InterVarsity Press in 2020. She currently lives in Glenwood, Iowa, with her husband, Pastor Evan Welcher, and their dog, Frank. You can connect with Rachel on Twitter and Instagram.

Jess, Devi, and Lindsey take your questions and stories in this week's episode and discuss them. What do you do if your married friends don't value your time as a single person? What happens when there's guilt from previous relationships? How do we parent without fear? Listen in to a candid conversation about all the things. You can find this episode's show notes here. Join the conversation at Instagram and Twitter Partner with us for $3/month to hear uncut interviews AND get episodes of The Jess & Devi Show

This conversation is for you if you've wondered what to do when singleness goes on longer than you were promised. Pastor and teacher Sarah Deutscher joins us for this week's conversation about the sexual prosperity gospel and singleness. We talk about what the kingdom of God is really like and what beliefs we have to set aside in order to know God. Sarah says to us, "The kingdom of God is an extravagant reality that is at the heart of the gospel and why Jesus came, and we can engage in that reality right now." Jess and Devi also talk about what it's like to be a single person in the church, and we explore what we can do to reach out to each other. Our thanks to Sarah Deutscher for joining us for this episode of the podcast. Sarah is a pastor and teacher at Red Church in Melbourne, Australia. Full show notes for the episode here. Partner with us for $3/month to hear uncut interviews AND get episodes of The Jess & Devi Show Follow @wheredowegopod on IG Follow @wheredowegopod on Twitter

You know that sermon, the one where we were all promised that if we saved sex for marriage not only would we get a (great! godly!) spouse, but also a hot sex life. But what are the consequences of the belief that says, "If I do this then God will give me _____?" Jess and Devi talk about the impact of believing the Sexual Prosperity Gospel, as writer Katelyn Beaty calls it. What does entitlement do to a relationship? Do we only get what we deserve? Is there a way to hold our lives and our choices with the open hand of gratitude? Full show notes here Partner with us for $3/month and get uncut interviews with our guests AND episodes of The Jess & Devi Show Talk to us on Instagram and Twitter

As we uncover more of purity culture's influences, we discuss what cultures have shaped our view on sexuality, marriage and singleness. Biblical culture? Christian culture? Broader culture? Popular culture? For this discussion we're joined by Fuller Seminary professor and author, Kutter Callaway. He lectures in faith and culture but his expertise in purity culture was galvanised in his must-read book, Breaking the Marriage Idol. Full Show Notes Here Talk to us Instagram and Twitter Partner with us for $3/month and get uncut interviews with our guests AND episodes of The Jess & Devi Show

Chewed up gum. Crumpled roses. Tape that lost its stickiness. We talk about these metaphors from purity culture with Dr. Sean McDowell, and we unpack - were these the best ways to talk about premarital sex? How were they harmful? What are better ways of discussing our sexual choices? And how can we be talking about it with young people today? Join us for a look back at 80s purity culture and for thoughts on how to move forward. Full Show Notes here Follow us on Instagram and Twitter Partner with us for $3/month and get uncut interviews with our guests AND episodes of The Jess & Devi Show

Is "purity" the word the Bible uses to describe our sexual decisions? How easy is it to make the Bible say what we want it to say? What are tools that we need as we study the Bible for ourselves? Listen as we dissect the word "purity" as it is found in the Bible and examine the implications of believing that we are pure or impure. Full show notes here Talk to us on Twitter & Instagram Join the Ladies Night Book Club for $9/month - check here if we're starting a new book club soon

Where Do We Go From Here? is untangling sexual ethics for a new generation of Christians. We are here to start a conversation with you about life after purity culture. You can use our conversations as a starting point with your people - friends, partners, family, neighbors, youth group and mom's groups - so that you can decide: where will you go from here? Full episode show notes here Partner with us for $3/month to hear uncut interviews and exclusive episodes of The Jess & Devi Show