Talking To Teens: Expert Tips for Parenting Teenagers

Erik Huberman, author of The Hawke Method,  joins us to talk about how we can empower teens to be self starters. Plus, how teens can pick a career path and think critically about what they spend their money on.Full show notesWe hope to prepare our kids for all of life’s challenges: staying healthy, maintaining relationships, and of course, managing money! The last thing we want is for our adult children to run home to us, bankrupt and ready to live in our basement. We hope that they’ll make wise financial decisions, fund their own lives and maybe even have enough to start families of their own someday!But money management isn’t something that's typically taught in schools…and there’s no script for how parents should teach it either! Parents have bickered for ages about the best way to set kids up for financial success. Should kids be getting allowances, credit cards and bank accounts? Is it wise for them to get a job while they’re still in school, or should they simply focus on their education?To give us some perspective from the other side, we’re talking to Erik Huberman, successful entrepreneur and author of The Hawke Method: The Three Principles of Marketing that Made Over 3,000 Brands Soar. Erik is the CEO and founder of Hawke Media, a marketing agency that has worked with over 3,000 different brands! He’s here to share some brilliant ideas about how we can teach young folks the ins and outs of financial responsibility.In our interview, we’re debating whether or not teens should follow their passion or pick a more responsible path. We’re also discussing how we can prepare kids for the brutal financial realities of life, and why we need to encourage teens’ to think critically about social media marketing.Helping Teens Find Their CallingSo your teen wants to be an artist…or an actor, or a professional soccer player, or a movie director. And you’re wondering…should I encourage them to chase their wildest dreams or pick a safer avenue? In Erik’s eyes, the solution is somewhere in the middle. Humans spend the majority of their waking hours working, he says, so trying to force our kids to spend all of that time doing something they hate isn’t exactly sustainable.In his eyes, we should stop using the word “passion”, as it's too nondescript. Instead, we should encourage teens to pursue something that brings them energy, something they’re good at and willing to work hard at! Instead of a passion, he refers to this as a “calling”. Lots of kids love the idea of being a rock star, but rarely actually feel motivated to sit down to play the guitar. Even though music might be their dream, they’ll find themselves becoming mediocre players. And if this is all they’ve got careerwise, Erik warns they might find themselves stuck in a bad spot.Erik explains that he loves to ski, but he doesn’t think he should become a professional skier. Only a select few skiers are good enough to truly make a living skiing, and there are other things he can do–things that make him excited and enthused to go to work in the morning. He suggests that kids go for the safer, more reliable route, so that they’ll have something to fall back on and not get stuck. This doesn’t mean they should do something they hate, however. They can still find something they’re good at and bring in some income, he assures.No matter what they choose to do with their lives, teens are going to be up against a lot of challenges in the adult world. Erik and I are discussing how we can start preparing kids now so they’ll stay afloat when grown-up obstacles come their way.Raising Self StartersTo equip kids with tough skin they’ll need to handle adulthood, we’ve got to empower them in a healthy way, says Erik. Giving kids the confidence to take on the world doesn’t come from flattering them at every corner and giving them empty compliments, he explains. Instead, we’ve got to help teens realize that they have the ability to tackle their problems –if they work hard and find creative solutions, that is.Erik believes that one of the biggest issues with today’s society is that we don’t encourage kids to solve their own challenges. Too often, we fix their issues for them before they have the chance to figure out their own solutions, says Erik. He suggests that we prompt kids to pay for their own movie tickets, or encourage them to bring their concerns up to teachers without our help. It might seem small, but solving these lighter problems will prepare teens to take on bigger problems in the future. In the episode, Erik dives deep into his own childhood growing up with an entrepreneur for a father–and how this shaped him into the smart businessman he is today. When, at the age of eight, he asked his father for a guitar, his father told him to go get a job and pay for it himself! So Erik took the few bucks he made in weekly allowance and turned it into a business reselling beanie babies and made more than four thousand dollars! This encouragement from his dad pushed him to build something for himself–and we can do the same with our kids.Good money management is about more than just making money–it’s about spending money too! We’re also discussing how you can help your teen become a more educated consumer.Creating Smart ConsumersWhen kids see their favorite internet influencers promoting sneakers or skincare, they suddenly have to have this sparkly new object. They beg you for a bump in allowance so that they can purchase these shiny, trendy (likely overpriced) goods! Kids are remarkably impressionable, and advertisers know that if they market to kids, they’ll likely see some engagement, says Erik. Plus, now that every teen has an iphone loaded with Tik Tok and Instagram sitting in their pockets, it’s easier than ever to reach them.Erik recommends that we try to have conversations with our kids about consumerism while they’re still under our roofs. Prompting teens to think critically about the advertisements gracing their screens can help them see behind the marketing smoke and mirrors. Marketers are trying to hit the reptilian part of teens brains–the part that craves the satisfying dopamine hit that comes with hitting “complete purchase.” Helping teens see that they’re being manipulated can help them make smarter choices as consumers.It’s not bad for teens to spend a little money on something that brings them joy, but it’s important that they think critically about what they’re buying too. Erik suggests that you encourage your teen to think about the functionality of each purchase before they make it. Sure, their favorite make-up influencer says they need to buy a new eyeshadow palette…but they already have six at home they barely use! With parental input, kids might realize that their extra cash might look a lot better in a savings account.In the Episode….Erik has so much advice about finding financial success, drawn from his own entrepreneurial experiences! On top of the topics discussed above, we also talk about:How Erik built his own company from the ground upWhy young adults should experience being “broke”How tobacco is marketed to kidsWhy teens need to fail before they thriveIf you enjoyed listening, check out Erik on Instagram, Twitter or Facebook at @...

David McRaney, author of How Minds Change, joins us to explain why it’s so hard to change a teens’ mind! We also talk about the psychology behind persuasion and the power of peer pressure in the teen social world.Full show notesIf you’ve ever tried to change your teen’s mind, you know that it’s nearly impossible! No matter how much you try to persuade them to take harder classes, hang out with different friends or pick more lucrative extracurriculars…they tend to stick stubbornly to their own choices. It can start to feel like you’re going crazy, spending hours of your life begging teens to change their minds–especially when it’s over something serious like drug use or toxic relationships.This disconnect applies not only in our homes, but our society at large. Our world is more divided than ever, and it seems like there’s no way to have productive conversations about what really matters. Online forums and social media have contributed immensely to this polarization, by allowing us to find people who agree with us wholeheartedly, never challenging our opinions or encouraging us to think critically. In some cases, this can lead people down rabbit holes into conspiracy theories or even cults–and it’s not easy to change their minds and bring them back!So how can we start up  productive discourse and change people’s minds for the better? We’re talking to David McRaney  to find out. David is a science journalist and author of the popular blog, You Are Not So Smart, which ran for years before becoming a successful podcast and bestselling book. Today,  he’s here to talk about his latest book, How Minds Change: The Science of Belief, Opinion and Persuasion,  to help us understand the fascinating psychological process of forming and changing  opinions.In our interview, we’re discussing why it’s so incredibly difficult to change our teens’ minds about anything! Plus, David explains why we need to consider teens’ perspectives before making decisions, and breaks down the importance of peer groups in the persuasion process.The Importance of IntentionYou’ve asked your teen a hundred times to stop eating junk food, stop vaping, start going to SAT prep. You’ve even laid out all the facts to show them why they should listen to you…but they just don’t seem to care! Why is it so difficult to get anyone, especially teens, to change their viewpoint or lifestyle? David explains that providing facts and logic to try and sway someone doesn’t usually work. Teens are bound to cherry pick the information they want to hear, and conveniently ignore any facts that might disprove their opinion. So how can we change teens’ minds? David suggests that we start by revealing our intentions. Oftentimes, we don’t realize that we actually have the same goals as teens–and that we could be working with teens instead of fighting against them. For example, say you want your teen to stick to a strict curfew of 10:00 pm….but they haven’t been home before midnight in weeks. Although your main concern is keeping them safe, your teen might interpret this curfew  as an attempt to control them and reject it outright. As David explains in the episode, people tend to resist when they feel their agency is being taken away–especially teenagers!The result? You continue to nag, and your teen continues to break curfew. If you want to stop the cycle, David recommends communicating your safety concerns to your teen, and help them understand that you just want them home in one piece. Most likely, they want to stay safe as well! Now the two of you have a goal you can work towards together–their safety. They might even agree to a compromise that makes the both of you happy, like texting you every hour or only going out late with certain friends.Even if you’re being honest about your intentions, however, kids can be pretty stubborn. But how did they get that way? In our interview, David and I are discussing the psychology of forming opinions…and refusing to budge from them!How Humans Handle the AmbiguousWhen we’re confronted with  confusing information, our brains tend to work out some kind of solution or interpretation for the information we’ve just received–a process called disambiguation, as David explains. This process depends highly on our former life experiences, our access to information and our environment. This means that everyone disambiguates differently. When we see a new, trendy clothing style we aren’t used to, our brain might turn it from an ambiguous piece of clothing to something we dislike. Our teens, however, being from a different generation, might disambiguate these clothes in an opposite way..meaning you might be seeing them suddenly wearing something you think is strange or even ugly!These variations in disambiguation often cause serious conflict in society. People from different backgrounds form remarkably different interpretations of events and issues, and fail to understand how anyone could possibly disagree with their particular viewpoint. David explains that we’re so hyper aware of our own disambiguations that we often can’t see the validity of anyone else’s. Then, especially with the help of the internet, we find others who agree with us until we’ve formed a group of people who reinforce our opinion and rarely encourage us to question it.This stubborn divide in perspective is common among parents and teens, says David, and can be one of the reasons why teens and parents struggle to resolve conflict. Teens often fail to understand parents’ perspectives, but parents can also be out of touch with what teens feel and believe. We might try over and over again to get teens to study harder when all they want to do is hang out with their friends, forgetting that we were once rebellious teens ourselves. During those years, socializing often feels like life or death…and parents might benefit from remembering that feeling and interpreting situations from their teens’ mindset as best they can, says David.Social pressures are incredibly significant for teens, and can be a big part of their opinion forming process. In the episode, David breaks down just how influential peer groups are in decision making.The Power of Peer InfluenceWe all know that teens can be pretty susceptible to peer influence, but Dave explains just how powerful peers are in our interview. For humans, reputation is incredibly valuable, even more so then we may realize. He explains that humans actually fear “social death” (or being rejected by peers) even more than physical death. When confronted with the need to form an opinion on something, human beings will most reliably choose a conforming  viewpoint that keeps them from being ostracized from the group.David explains that this is often what keeps people stuck in cults or radical groups. Because members of these groups are encouraged to cut off friends and family who don’t agree with the organization, they no longer have a safe social space where they can express disagreement. Re-establishing that connection to others with different perspectives is typically the only way out of these groups.  Although your teen likely isn’t in a cult, this logic still applies! Peer pressure can feel incredibly real when your teens just want to fit in.In our interview, David advises parents to understand just how...

We’re hitting some of the highlights for our 200th episode. Take a listen to favorite insights, guests, and memories from the vault!Welcome to our 200th episode!In the past four years, we’ve covered a lot: dating, drug use, homework, hormones, screen time, sexuality, mental health, race and much more. We have had an incredible array of experts share their knowledge with us, and couldn’t be more grateful to see how our little show has spread to a worldwide community of parents of teens. To help our newest listeners peer into our archives and remind long-time listeners of favorite gems, we’ve pulled together snippets from our most beloved interviews into a Supercut for our big 200th episode. We’re so happy to have you here as we reach this important milestone. From all of us here at Talking to Teens–Andy, Virginia, Brian, Priya, and Tancredi–thanks for tuning in. Whether it’s your first week listening or you’ve been here since episode one, we couldn’t do this without you. We’re honored to be a part of your parenting journey.

Eliot Schrefer, author of Queer Ducks, joins us to shine a light on how same-sex relationships and gender fluidity occur naturally in the animal kingdom—and how to use this knowledge as a conversation starter about sex and gender in your home.Full show notesTalking to kids about gender and sexuality isn’t easy. Maybe you want to start the conversation but don’t know how to approach it, or maybe teens are dropping some terminology about their identity that you don’t quite understand. These days, kids seem to have an entirely new language to label their sexual preferences and gender, and it can make parents feel confused or alienated. Not to mention, it can be pretty awkward to discuss sex, no matter who or what our kids are interested in!But starting this conversation signals to kids that you accept them–which can be incredibly powerful. A recent study by the Trevor Project found that 42% of gay teens have considered suicide…and in many of these cases, parents didn’t even know their own child was gay. Whether your teen is out and proud or struggling in silence, they’ll certainly benefit from an open conversation around sexuality and gender in your home.So how can we get our teens talking about sexuality? Well, we can start by reminding them that it’s totally natural! This week, we’re sitting down with Eliot Schrefer, author of Queer Ducks (and Other Animals): The Natural World of Animal Sexuality. Eliot is a New York Times bestselling young adult novelist and book reviewer for USA Today. While getting a Masters in Animal Studies at New York University, Eliot learned the fascinating ways that the natural world defies heterosexuality and gender binaries–and decided to write a book about it!In our eye-opening interview, Eliot dives into how various species exhibit homosexuality and gender-bending behaviors in the wild! We also talk about how we can start breaking down heteronormative narratives for our teens, and how we use certain language to help teens feel comfortable opening up about their own gender and sexuality.Gender and Sex In Other SpeciesWe’ve all likely been raised to believe that humans are the only species that exhibits homesexual tendencies…but that couldn’t be further from the truth! In fact, according to Eliot, there are around 1500 different species in the animal kingdom that have significant same-sex interactions in the wild. We often don’t see this in nature documentaries because most animals are sexually monomorphic, meaning they look the same to humans regardless of their gender. However, these creature are definitely involved in same-sex relationships, according to scientists. But why would animals behave this way? Isn’t their main goal to reproduce and pass on their gene pool? Eliot explains that while reproducing is significant to these animals, they’re also interested in the oxytocin–the feel-good chemical that motivates animals to bond and floods the brain during sex. This oxytocin can lead animals to have intercourse with those of the same sex, to not only feel good, but also form strong social ties within their community that can give them a competitive survival advantage.In our interview, Eliot and I discuss various species who have both same-sex and reproductive sexual relationships. Eliot explains that some species like bonobos, our closest primate relative, actually have more female-on-female sex than reproductive, male-on-female intercourse. Similarly, male bottlenose dolphins will mate with females to reproduce, but only form long-term partnerships with other males–having sex over 2.4 times an hour while the females raise the baby on their own!There are lots of other examples same-sex relationships among other species, which we discuss in the episode. Eliot explains how some animals break the gender binary, while others have asexual same-sex partnerships! All of this occurs naturally in the animal kingdom, reminding us that nature isn’t heteronormative or cisgender. Eliot and I talk about how we can work towards helping kids understand that their identities are also natural and not something to be ashamed of.Should We Censor Sexuality?Growing up in a different generation, we were rarely given helpful or even accurate information about homosexuality. In the episode, Eliot shares an anecdote about growing up as a gay youth, trying to find more resources or confirmation about his own sexuality. Instead, he found damaging and confusing information that made him feel as though he had a defect! This hurt his confidence and self-esteem for years, and kept him from coming out to his friends and family. And although resources have certainly improved, there’s still work to be done, Eliot explains.In our interview, we discuss recent legislation which attempts to restrict the inclusion of gay and trans identities in children’s school curiculum. The logic behind this is to keep the existence of gay or transgender individuals out of kids heads, so that they won’t be “swayed” to change their own identiies, says Eliot. The underlying assumption is that questioning our sexuality is unnatural…but the prevalance of same-sex intercourse across species begs to differ, says Eliot. It’s inherent within all the members of the animal kingdom we coevolved with, he explains, and isn’t something you should stop any kid from learning about.That might prompt us to ask a question oft researched in the late 20th century–is there a distinguishable gene that indicates if is someone gay? Eliot shares some research from the 1990s that tested the genes of fruit flies and claimed to have discovered the “gay” gene–but this study was conducted and sensationalized during a time of high anxiety over the gay population…and was later debunked. Modern research which examines the sexuality of identical twins separated at birth has found that sexual preferences are determined by a mix of genetics and cultural factors…and that there is no identifiable “gay” gene. Eliot and I dive further into this research in our interview!All this scientific information might interest a teen who is questioning their own gender or sexuality. Eliot and I are helping you understand the best way to approach a conversation about all this with a teen, even if you don’t know where to start.Helping Teens Feel AcceptedWhen kids start busting out words we’ve never heard to describe their gender or sexual preferences, we can feel intimdated or out of touch. Words like “demisexual” or “genderfluid” might have us scratching our heads, wondering if we’ll ever understand. It can make us want to avoid the conversation altogether! Eliot says that even he struggles with this occasionally, despite being the author of several books about sexuality and being a part of the lgbtq+ community himself.However, he urges us not to pull back when we find ourselves confused by a new word, but instead push through and understand what it means for our kids’ identity. It can be incredibly significant to our teens if we just make the effort to understand and accurately use these labels, Eliot says. These words give teens a shorthand to communicate who they are, and help them start to build a strong definition of their purpose and place in the world.Eliot explains that kids aren’t often ready to open up right away. They tend to slowly start dropping hints about sex or gender, to see if parents react judgmentally. I...

Thibaut Meurisse, author of Master Your Emotions, joins us this week to explain how we  can process negative emotions in healthier ways.  He also shares why we need more self-compassion and how we can stop caring what others think.Full show notesMastering our emotions is no easy task…especially when we have teens pushing our buttons all day long. It can be nearly impossible to keep our anger and frustration from overflowing when teens talk back, stay out past curfew, or repeatedly refuse to put down their phone! Whether they’re purposefully trying to antagonize us or just have a bit of rebellious teen spirit, kids’ behavior can stir up some serious negative feelings for parents.When we don’t learn to process these negative emotions, they can build up and last for weeks, months, or even years–harming our mental health, productivity, and overall quality of life. But if we can learn to handle anger or sadness in healthy ways, we can unlock a more peaceful, prosperous existence for ourselves and our families.To help us harness our emotions, we’re talking to Thibaut Meurisse, author of Master Your Emotions: A Practical Guide to Overcome Negativity and Better Manage Your Feelings. Thibaut is an acclaimed author of over twenty books about behavior and mentality, and the founder of lifestyle website whatispersonaldevelopment.org. His work has been featured on wellness websites like Llife Hack, Tiny Buddha, and Goalcast!In our interview, Thibaut sheds some light on how both parents and teens can process their negative emotions in a healthy way. Plus, we discuss the immense value of self compassion, and Thibaut explains how teens can stop caring about what others think!Reframing Our EmotionsWhen negative emotions arise, we sometimes let them stick around for a bit too long. If a teen says something that really hurts us or we fumble an important project at work, we can walk around for days ruminating about it. We let the anger and sadness keep us from being productive, or feel so guilty about what happened that we don’t let ourselves relax. But what if there was a better way to handle all this excess negative energy so that we could be happier in our daily lives?Thibaut explains that there are three steps to processing our emotions: interpretation, identification, and repetition. When something happens–say, a teen slams a door in our face–we’ve got to interpret it. In this case, we might interpret this as rude behavior or disrespect! Then we’ve got to identify how we feel about it, says Thibaut. We might feel angry, frustrated, or powerless. Finally, we emphasize this feeling to ourselves over and over, making it hard for us to get out of a negative thought loop, Thibaut explains.In order to get ourselves back on the path to positive feelings, we have to change the way we go through this process, says Thibaut. In the episode, we discuss some methods that both parents and teens can use to prevent negative emotions from taking over their lives. One valuable technique is the daily or weekly practice of recording your emotions, Thibaut explains. He suggests writing down the emotions that arise within you every day, noting where they originated from, and brainstorming what you could have done differently to prevent those tricky feelings from bubbling up. He recommends encouraging teens to do this too!One important way we can prevent negativity in our daily lives is by practicing self-compassion. Thibaut and I are explaining how self compassion works on an everyday scale and how you can start being kinder to yourself.The Secret of Self-CompassionSometimes, when we’re trying to implement self-discipline, we ditch positive self-talk in favor of harsh criticisms of ourselves. We might think that being friendly to ourselves will only cause us to backslide into weakness! But being kind to ourselves can actually have the opposite effect, Thibaut explains. When we’re struggling to meet a goal or find ourselves frequently failing, tough self-criticism can sometimes lead us to just give up altogether. If we dont believe we’re good enough to succeed, then we won’t give ourselves a fighting chance.This can be especially true for teens who are still trying to figure it all out. It’s not easy to  decide what you’re doing with your life, all while navigating all the social, academic and emotional challenges of modern day teenagerhood. Thibaut explains that teens today are also especially affected by all of the media they’re constantly consuming. Everything from Netflix to Tik Tok forces them to compare themselves to other, seemingly more successful people. In the episode, Thibaut and I talk about how teens can be more encouraging towards themselves as they’re growing into independent adults.Thibaut and I also dive into a discussion about defensiveness, and how it often originates from negative self-talk. When teens are constantly berating themselves, feeling bad because they flunked a chemistry test, they may feel deep down that they are stupid or incapable, says Thibaut. When we later call them lazy in the heat of an argument, they can be seriously triggered by our confirmation of their internal self-assessment. This can lead them to get defensive and blow up in our faces. Thibaut tells us how we can help teens change their inner dialogue to show themselves more compassion.For both parents and teens, the opinions of others can play a part in this constant self-criticism. In our interview, Thibaut is giving some tips to help us stop thinking about others’ opinions to live a more carefree life!How To Stop Caring what Others ThinkBecause we have to spend 24/7 inside our own minds, we tend to see ourselves as the center of the universe, says Thibault. We think everyone is watching us, judging us, and even laughing at us as we go through our daily life. However, we often fail to realize that everyone is caught up thinking the same thing about themselves! Thibault reminds us that people are usually so worried about their own lives that they aren't paying very much attention to what we’re doing. While we’re still thinking about our embarrassing slip up the next day, they’ve likely forgotten about it, he says.Thibaut encourages us to question how much time we spend thinking about others’ actions. Sure, we might be frustrated that the grocery store clerk forgot to give us our discount, but by the next day we’ve moved on! We tend not to dwell on the mishaps of others–meaning  others likely don't dwell on our mistakes either! Thibaut recommends prompting teens to think about this when they’re ruminating over a presentation or a romantic rejection. Gently reminding them that it’s not the end of the world can go a long way, Thibaut explains.Sometimes, the belief that others are judging us simply comes down to miscommunication. Since we tend to center ourselves, we often assume people are making fun of us…when really they’re not even thinking about us at all! When someone doesnt follow your daughter back on social media, she might think it’s a diss and feel deeply hurt…when maybe that person just hasn't logged on in a few days! De-centering ourselves and refraining from assumptions can help us stop caring what others think and lead happier lives.In the Episode…Thibaut and I cover some seri...

Loretta Breuning, author of Habits of a Happy Brain, joins us to talk about how oxytocin, dopamine, serotonin and endorphins create happiness and habits in our teens’ minds.Full show notesSometimes teens behave in ways that seem truly inexplicable. One day they'd rather die than miss a trip to the mall with their friends...and the next they can’t stand a single one of those same friends! They want to join the lacrosse team but won’t go to a single practice,  date someone new every week, and change their future career three times in one day. It seems like they’re being motivated by something behind the scenes…something that even they don’t understand!In reality, teens are acting under the influence of all sorts of brain chemicals that developed as a result of evolution. Beyond just the reproductive hormones like testosterone and estrogen that we often associate with adolescence, kids are motivated by their internal reward system, including chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin and endorphins. These chemicals cause teens to form habits and reward-seeking patterns that not only shape their teenage lives, but potentially their adult lives too!To understand how these chemical forces work in the teenage brain, we’re talking to Loretta Breuning, author of Habits of a Happy Brain: Retrain Your Brain to Boost Your Serotonin, Dopamine, Oxytocin, & Endorphin Levels. Loretta is the founder of the Inner Mammal Institute, which provides resources for people to understand their pleasure-seeking brain chemicals and cultivate a happier life! In our interview, Loretta explains how oxytocin, dopamine, serotonin and endorphins work, how these chemicals change teens’ behavior, and what happens when teens don’t get enough of them.The Chemicals Behind Your Teens’ BehaviorYou may have heard that brain chemicals like dopamine or serotonin are related to happiness, but how do they really work? Loretta and I dive deep into the different chemicals that motivate us by signaling pleasure in our minds. In our interview, she explains that these chemicals are not a part of our conscious, reason-driven mind, but instead our inner, mammalian limbic system. This part of our brain controls how we feel, while the outer cortex uses logic to process our lives, says Loretta. Because these two are somewhat disconnected, we are often confused about what’s motivating us and making us happy!Loretta explains that dopamine is one of the most important and significant chemicals in this reward system. It’s stimulated in our brains by attaining something we need or achieving a difficult task! For example, our ancestors had to scavenge for food in order to survive, so when they finally found and obtained nuts, berries, vegetables or meat, their minds were flooded with dopamine. This signaled to their brain that they should check back in the same place for food next time, ensuring their survival! In the modern day, this dopamine might come from ordering something we really want online, or finally finishing a book we’ve been reading for months. Nowadays, we can achieve this dopamine a little too easily, says Loretta, leading us to occasionally feel depressed. In our modern society, we don’t have to scavenge through the woods for food…we just have to walk to the refrigerator! This can lead to a lack of stimulation in teens’  brains, and may cause them to feel bored or complain that there’s nothing to do. This could lead them to seek out dopamine in less healthy ways, Loretta explains. She and I talk about a feeling she calls “dopamine droop”, further in the episode.Another important chemical is serotonin, which motivates us to earn respect from others. We receive serotonin when a crowd laughs at our jokes or cheers us on. Many times, we receive this chemical when we’re provided entry into some kind of exclusive clique, or feel ourselves move up in a hierarchy. This is what motivates teens to win football games, run for student body president, or accumulate hundreds of Instagram followers! It doesn’t last forever, says Loretta, leading us to constantly seek more and more. Even when we’ve received the highest award we can possibly get, our minds are often desperate to know when the next one is coming.In the episode, Loretta and I talk about two other pleasure chemicals: oxytocin and endorphins. In addition to explaining what these chemicals are, Loretta and I are also discussing how they motivate teens to act certain ways.Cultivating a Happy MindIn our conversation, Loretta explains that teens are at the peak of neuroplasticity–meaning that they’re particularly susceptible to falling into reward-seeking habits that stimulate these chemicals. These habits might just stick with them as they grow into adults, so Loretta suggests encouraging them to think critically about how they search for that regular boost of happiness in their daily lives.Loretta and I talk about how humans tend to receive a serotonin boost when they put others down, especially when this negative talk is shared with peers. It’s easy for us to make others seem small in order to boost our own status, says Loretta–it’s just a product of our mammalian brain. This mean-spirited behavior is pretty common among teenagers, and can lead to some serious drama. Loretta recommends that we help kids find ways to lift themselves up and achieve something for a serotonin boost, instead of bringing others down to get the same result.This practice of dragging others down is often seen as a product of modern social media, but Loretta says we’ve been doing it for centuries. For most of human existence, we’ve been competing to be the most impressive and attain whatever brings us an increase in status. Nowadays, modern luxuries make it possible for us to obtain pretty much any physical object we want–meaning that social media and the online world has become the basis of modern day status-seeking. In our interview, Loretta explains why social media activity can be so emotional for teens who are trying to find their place in the high school hierarchy.When discussing the effects of these chemicals, Loretta and I also talk about what happens when we don’t receive them. We’re prone to feeling the physical and mental sensation of disappointment–what happens when we anticipate a hit of serotonin or oxytocin that we never end up receiving. Disappointment can often spike our cortisol levels, leaving us stressed and in a negative thought loop, says Loretta. For our ancestors, this feeling of disappointment may have come from not having enough food to stay alive. For us, it might come from having to wait a long time at the grocery store, or finding out our favorite show is no longer on Netflix!In the episode, Loretta and I talk at length about the power of distraction: how giving ourselves or our teens small rewards can help soften the blow of disappointments. A few spoonfuls of ice cream or dancing at a party can help teens remain stable and healthy throughout daily life! Loretta warns against making these small pleasures taboo–if we don’t have little rewards along the way, we can go overboard when we finally boil over from too much stress.In the Episode…My conversation with Loretta was incredibly eye-opening! On top of the topics discussed above, we also talk about….How teens can use social media in a healthy wa...

Jesse Prinz, author of Beyond Human Nature, joins us to discuss the role of both nature and nurture in teens’ development. He explains why we shouldn’t attribute teens’ abilities to biology, and shares the significance of both parental and peer influence on teens.Full show notesFor centuries, parents have been locked in a nature vs. nurture debate, trying to uncover the forces behind our teens’ development. Some parents believe nature has majority control over who teens become, and that things like personality, mental health issues and risk of addiction are passed down through the gene pool. Others think that these factors are mainly influenced by socialization, parental behavior and cultural influence–meaning the way we treat our kids shapes who they become. When teens are exhibiting behavior we’re not exactly proud of, it can be tempting to blame biological factors. We let ourselves off the hook, claiming that there’s nothing we could have done to stop their substance use or aggression anyway. But constantly attributing kids’ behavior to nature can be inaccurate and even harmful! It stops us from critically examining the way we've influenced our teens, and even perpetuates certain sexist or racist agendas by declaring “natural” differences as the foundation for discrimination.To understand the nuances of this ongoing nature vs. nurture debate, we’re talking to Jesse Prinz, author of Beyond Human Nature: How Culture and Experience can Shape the Human Mind. Jesse is a Distinguished Professor of philosophy and Director of the Committee for Interdisciplinary Science Studies at the Graduate Center of the City University of New York. He’s been conducting research on the mind for over twenty years, and has authored multiple books and over a hundred articles on topics like consciousness and emotion.In our interview, Jesse and I are discussing how using nature as the default explanation for kids’ development can lead to harmful discrimination. We’re also discussing how affluence plays a role in who teens become, and debating whether parents or peers have a biggest influence on teen behavior.Why We Shouldn’t Blame Genetics With so much revolutionary tech and research in the field of genetics in recent years, Jesse notes that humans seem to be trending towards biological explanations for a variety of human conditions. However, as we discuss in the episode, he finds that we’ve been categorizing too many things as innate and out of our control–and it’s been holding us back.In the episode, Jesse and I discuss a concerning conclusion drawn a few years back, when this idea of natural, biological differences was incorrectly used to explain discrepancy. When Harvard president Larry Summers was examining levels of enrollment in STEM fields at his university, he found that there were significantly less women in math and science majors. To explain this gap, he remarked that there must be an innate difference between men and women that endows certain natural talents to males–and males only.As Jesse and I discuss in the episode, this explanation fails to take into account the real reason why women shy away from STEM professions. Young women are constantly socialized to believe they aren’t as capable as men when it comes to crunching numbers or solving equations! In our interview, Jesse dives into a wealth of research that indicates parents and administrators are much more likely to encourage male students to challenge themselves on math or science homework, while simply giving female students the answers. Most shockingly, Jesse explains that we usually do this subconsciously, even if we believe that male and female students are equal in their capabilities.In fact, students face a lot of unequal treatment, and not just on the basis of gender. Jesse and I are also discussing how lower socioeconomic status can hold students back, even on tests that are simply supposed to measure innate intelligence.How Affluence Affects Teens’ AbilitiesRelying on nature to explain the differences in our teens’ aptitude can often fail to account for differences in socioeconomic status, Jesse explains. Our education system hands our kids a lot of standardized tests, assuring us that if our kids are naturally smart, they’ll perform well. But as Jesse and I discuss in the episode, wealthier students who can afford private tutoring or advanced classes for the test typically score 20% higher than those who can’t…meaning that being gifted sometimes isn’t enough.Some students also face a phenomenon known as the stereotype threat, a sensation experienced by minorities who fear that stereotypes about their race or gender might apply to them personally, explains Jesse. This often occurs during high pressure situations, and is especially common for those from poorer backgrounds. Many women and people of color have been socialized to believe they aren't going to perform as well as their counterparts on these standardized tests–and studies show that when they have to write down details like their race or gender before taking these exams, they usually score lower. The same is often true within the world of sports, Jesse explains. Although certain aspects like height and build are a result of biology and give some kids an upper hand, they don’t always promise athletic success. Affluence plays a huge role in which athletes get a leg up. Having access to better coaches or expensive lessons, a healthy and individualized diet, and certain digital assets are all indicators of probable athletic success–and also cost an arm and a leg! So if kids are struggling to make the basketball team, it might have less to do with their innate abilities and more to do with the fact that you don’t have thousands of dollars to spend on their dunking skills.Affluence and socialization clearly have a significant impact over who a teen becomes… but how much responsibility lies on parents? Jesse and I are tackling the “nurture” side of the debate and explaining how much of an effect parents really have on their teens’ development.The Influence of Parents and PeersIn our discussion, Jesse brings up a commonly believed theory, originating from those who tend to lean more towards the nurture side of the debate–that peers actually have more influence over kids than parents do. Those who subscribe to this theory typically believe that parents don’t have a remarkably deep impact on their kids, given that the parents are decent enough caretakers. Instead, kids are mainly influenced by the peers they hang out with regularly. This can lead parents to become a bit nervous about who their teen is spending time with, and maybe even cause them to micromanage their teen’s friends.However, Jesse explains that peer groups can actually be a safe haven for teens. The validation that fellow kids provide while your teen still evolving can do wonders for confidence and identity formation. Sometimes, this group of friends might be a bit more rebellious than you’d like, but the rebellious crowds can actually help your teen break free from convention and feel more comfortable stepping out of their comfort zone, says Jesse. This can be critical for teens’ long term happiness and wellbeing.In the end, teens’ identity, behavior, and personality are influenced by many different factors, not just family or friends. Jesse explains tha...

Ruth Gotian, author of The Success Factor, explains how teens can cultivate the right mindset for success. Plus, how our kids can figure out their life’s purpose and find strong mentors to guide them.Full show notesWe want our kids to be successful: find and excel at their passions, achieve remarkable things and of course, make enough money to be independent from us! But how can we help them get there? Some teens have plenty of ambition but can’t quite match it with work ethic. Others seem pretty apathetic to their future career, and some just don’t know what to do with their lives! Whatever situation your teen is in, the road to success is bound to be a rocky one. Luckily, there are ways we can help our teens make success a reality! Teens can achieve anything–if we just guide them towards developing the right mindset. There are tools we can use to help lost teens find their spark, and bring already ambitious teens even closer to their dreams and goals.Our guest this week is here to share some incredible tips for cultivating a prosperous life! Her name is Ruth Gotian, and she’s the author of The Success Factor: Developing the Mindset and Skillset for Peak Business Performance. Ruth is the Chief Learning Officer and an Assistant Professor of Education in Anesthesiology at Weill Cornell Medicine. Her work is featured regularly in Forbes, Psychology Today, and the Harvard Business Review, and she is internationally recognized as an influential thinker in the world of management and leadership.In our interview, we’re talking about how teens can develop the right mindset for success. We’re also discussing how we can help teens find their life’s passion and why mentors and social circles are so critical to finding success.How Our Mindset Can Make or Break UsWhen we talk about becoming successful people, we tend to talk about habits. We imagine waking up at 5 AM to exercise, mediate, drink green smoothies and watch the stock market. Then we try all that….and it we just end up tired, hungry and still far from successful! While these habits can help some people, they’re realistically not for everyone, says Ruth–especially not for teens! With the grueling schedule of high school, homework and extracurriculars, these kinds of habits are only going to exhaust them, not bring them closer to success.Instead, Ruth suggests that we help teens emulate the same mindset, but figure out their own habits. She recommends we prompt teens to evaluate their schedule to figure out the hours in which they’re the most productive–which is likely not 5 AM! Ruth refers to these as “peak performance hours”, when teens can do the most challenging active tasks. Then, during times when they typically get more tired, they can schedule in some passive tasks like answering emails or reviewing flashcards! Figuring out how to optimize productivity is one of the most essential parts of having a success-oriented mindset.In the episode, Ruth and I also discuss how the right mindset can help teens block out negativity! Ruth explains how we can act like either teflon or velcro when someone tries to bring us down. If we act like velcro, we allow their negative words to stick to us all day and make us feel less than. But if we decide to adopt a teflon mindset, we can deflect their comments, and let them slide off of us without a care. Easier said than done though, right? In our interview, Ruth shares some tips for adopting this teflon mentality.Even if teens have the ambition and mindset for success, they might not know what to apply it to! It’s not always easy for teens to find their purpose, but with Ruth’s help, we can guide teens to figure out their life’s passion.Helping Teens Find Their “Why”It can be frustrating when teens seem to quit everything they try, leading us to wonder if they’ll ever figure out what they’re passionate about. Ruth encourages us to be patient and let them try lots of things until they discover  what’s right for them. Doing this allows teens to find their “why”, which Ruth defines as the underlying motivation for anything and everything they do. In her work with med students, Ruth has found that those with the strongest “why” are the ones who persevere through every challenge.For some people, their “why” is self-improvement, pushing them to become great athletes or musicians. Others may have lost a loved one to an illness, and want to join the medical field to help others in need. Some are angered and saddened by injustice, leading them to become lawyers or politicians. The sooner your teen can figure out what gets them out of bed in the morning and motivates them to work hard, the sooner they’ll start seeing successes in their lives. In the interview, Ruth and I talk about how teens often don’t feel passionate about what they’re learning in school–and how we can change that. As an educator and former PhD student herself, Ruth knows what makes students thrive or struggle. She explains that subject based learning, where teens master facts and numbers, doesn’t quite stick the same way as applied learning. When young adults understand how they can actually use the information being taught to them, they’re much more likely to retain it. We discuss this further in the episode!If teens have the right mindset and a passion-fuelled goal to work towards, they can also benefit immensely from having mentors and the right social circle.Why Mentors and Peers Make a DifferenceIt can be pretty hard for teens to find strong mentors, but it’s often because they’re not looking in the right places, says Ruth. Teens often search for people with whom they share many similarities, but oftentimes those people aren’t going to help teens break out of their comfort zones and consider new perspectives, says Ruth. Ideally, teens should have lots of different mentors from different industries and corners of life. Together, these people can shape your teen in individual ways that are altogether greater than the sum of their parts.Ruth advises against asking someone outright to be a mentor. This can make people feel nervous or uncomfortable, and they may not feel like they have time for another commitment in their busy life! Instead, she suggests that teens simply ask them for help with a specific task, and demonstrate how interested they are in the achievement at hand. For example, if teens want to become educators, asking a teacher for some college teaching program recommendations could be a great way to show a possible mentor that they’ve got ambitions and may need some advice!Ruth and I also talk a lot about how the right social circle can either elevate a teen to success or bring them down. When they’re spending time with other high achievers, they’re constantly surrounded by a high standard. This encourages them to push themselves towards their full potential. Teens who spend time with slackers might not see the value of striving towards success when the standard set by their peers is lower. Finding the right set of peers is one of the most important parts of becoming a successful individual, says Ruth.In The Episode…Ruth has a lot of great advice, whether your teen is a go-getter or still needs a little push to reach their potential. On top of the topics discussed above, we also talk about….What Astronauts and Nobel Prize winners have in commonHow high achievers are 400% more productive than averageWhy teens ...

Dr. Louann Brizendine joins us to talk about how sex hormones affect teen’s behavior. Plus, how teens establish a social hierarchy with their peers and why seemingly simple conversations with teens sometimes turn into full blown arguments.Full show notesWhen our kids are being moody and dramatic, we tend to just roll our eyes and chalk up their behavior to hormones. We know their bodies and brains are changing…so they’re going to have some growing pains! But when we say the word “hormones”, do we know what it really means? Beyond just affecting our kids' emotions and physical development, how do these chemicals really work within our teens' bodies as they evolve from kids to adults?To understand how hormones affect our teens, we’ll have to go way back…all the way back to conception! Hormones have been affecting our kids since they were little more than a fertilized egg. Understanding how hormones act on the mind and body throughout the human lifespan can help us understand what’s going on during the teens years–and why teens can be  so angry, sad, confused and angsty!To help us get to the bottom of all the hormonal changes, we’re talking to Dr. Louann Brizendine, author of both The Female Brain and The Male Brain. Louann is an endowed professor of clinical psychology at the University of California, San Francisco, where she also founded the Women’s Mood and Hormone Clinic. She’s dedicated her life to studying how hormones change human behavior, thoughts and emotions.In our interview, Louann is helping us understand our kids’ hormonal timeline, from the womb to adulthood. We’re also discussing the difference between female and male social behavior during the teen years, and how hormones can cause simple conflicts to escalate into intense  arguments with teens.The Hormone TimelineAlthough we often associate hormones with the teenage years, these chemicals are  powerful forces that shape our kids  before they’re  even born! Louann explains that our hormones, especially testosterone, begin to have major effects on humans when a fetus is only six weeks old. If the fetus carries XY chromosomes, its entire body and brain will be marinated in testosterone after six weeks, says Louann, creating male anatomy. For fetuses with the XX chromosome, this testosterone is absent, leading them to develop female features as a default!Louann explains that males face an intense influx of testosterone as they go through puberty. For boys, testosterone levels go up steadily for their entire childhood, hitting a peak around age fifteen. During adolescence,  Louann says that boys see a 250x increase of testosterone, making them rather eager to begin mating! This is the period in which young men begin to find themselves interested in females, says Louann, something that’s incredibly normal. In the episode, we discuss how we can help our sons understand that all these new feelings are simply a part of getting older, not something to be ashamed of.For young women, a hormonal timeline tends to look more cyclical, especially after menstruation begins, says Louann. In the episode, we talk a lot about the hormone cycle women go through every month. You might be worried when your daughter suddenly starts dressing differently or talking about boys, but it’s likely a result of her ovulation, when her body tells her to turn on the charm, says Louann. And the idea of “PMS” is more than just a joke–women really do experience intense emotions as a result of hormone changes when they’re about to experience their period, Louann explains. For teens, hormones cause  more than just body changes–they also affect social and emotional behavior, especially when it comes to interacting with peers. In our interview, Louann and I are discussing how boys and girls experience social hierarchy and rejection differently.Hormones and Teen Social HierarchiesInterestingly, Louann tells us that friendship between females is incredibly rewarding–much more so than friendship between males. When women are sharing secrets and confiding in one another, their minds release hormones  like oxytocin and dopamine, meaning they feel happy and safe. This likely developed for evolutionary purposes, explains Louann. Having deep connections with other women can help females develop an extra layer of protection and support for both herself and her potential offspring.On the other hand, teen girls can have very catty and conflict-filled relationships! But why would this happen, when female friendships are so rewarding? Louann explains that this drama is most prevalent in the teen years, as girls are still developing self-image and find themselves constantly comparing their own bodies to those of other women. During this period, young girls can have a lot of very painful, self loathing thoughts, says Louann, leading them to lash out against other young women who are potentially receiving more attention from males.It’s different for boys, however, Louann explains.  Male hierarchies are most likely to be founded on physical strength and aggression. In the episode, Louann shares an interesting piece of research in which ten young men, all strangers, briefly met and then ranked themselves on a hypothetical hierarchy. Because so much of the male pecking order is decided through physical strength, every single one of the boys had an identical ranking, based on the physical fitness of the other participants..  Louann explains that the natural male hormonal response to strong negative feelings or threats is to become physically aggressive, creating a hierarchy of physical dominance.When tensions are running high in your home and an argument breaks out, emotions can escalate pretty quickly. Louann explains that this is because of a process called “emotional contagion”.How Emotions Can Be ContagiousOne minute, it seems like you and your teen are just chatting it up about their day at school, and the next they burst into tears, run up into their room and slam the door. You’re left there wondering, how did this happen, and how did I not see it coming? In our interview, Louann explains that while women can read people’s faces and predict if they’re about to cry, men struggle with this a lot. If you’re a man, you night find yourself grappling with this!And when men do sense that a young woman might cry, they are often struck by my emotional contagion, says Louann. This is the ability of one person's strong emotions to transfer to another during an argument or a conversation. This emotional contagion can trigger our pain response when a teen is crying or yelling, which can stress us out! We want the emotional intensity to come down a notch, so we might try to calm our teen down or even just leave the room altogether. Louann suggests that we take a minute to try and de-escalate the situation. This can bring your teen back to a better place while also helping you settle your own emotions. In the episode, Louann and I  talk about how males and females channel emotions differently, but otherwise have brains that are 99% the same! Boys  are likely to become more physically aggressive when upset while girls may cry or become verbally hostile, but both genders are handling heavy emotions that must have an outlet! If we can all learn to understand and have patience for each ot...

Gabe Karp, author of  Don’t Get Mad at Penguins,  joins us to talk about how we can handle conflict with our teens in healthy ways, stay calm during heated arguments and help teens develop critical communication skills.Full show notesWe all have conflicts with our kids. Whether it’s over something big like their college major  or something as small as what they’ll eat for breakfast, disagreement is natural. As teens grow into independent thinkers, there’s bound to be some tension in your house. But when your  discussions keep turning into a screaming match and doors start slamming left and right…you might find yourself left wondering, is there a better way??It turns out, disputes with teens don’t have to feel like emotional warfare! With better tools, we can take the friction between us and our teens and turn it into something productive. Although it’s not easy to keep your cool when teens push your buttons, there are some things we can do to avoid escalating the conversation into a toxic argument! If we can bring the right energy to these quarrels, we can create a more peaceful home and strengthen our bonds with teens along the way.To help us solve our squabbles in a healthy way, we’re talking to Gabe Karp, author of Don’t Get Mad at Penguins: And Other Ways to Detox the Conflict in Your Life and Business. Gabe’s trial lawyer who later joined a small tech start up and helped turn it into one of the biggest companies in the world! As  a venture capitalist, he’s negotiated multi-million dollar deals. A powerful businessman and a parent, Gabe knows just how much our conflicts can drag us down if we don’t find healthy ways to handle them.In the episode, we’re discussing why clashes with teens are a natural part of life, and how you can tackle them in a productive, nontoxic way! Plus, Gabe explains how you can use a “shopping list” voice to keep a conflict from escalating, and why sharing  your own experiences with teens can help them feel understood.Keeping Disagreements Docile Although we might see conflict as something to be avoided, it’s pretty much inevitable that we’ll squabble with teens, says Gabe.  It’s not only a natural part of life, it’s a sign that your teen is developing strong critical thinking skills and confidence! Gabe explains that if we can lean into conflict instead of constantly avoiding it, we can be happier and more successful people. It’s important, however, to distinguish between toxic conflict and nontoxic conflict, he says. While nontoxic conflict pushes us to be more honest and find solutions, toxic conflict simply exists to create more problems.So how can we take the toxins out of our disagreements? Gabe explains that ego and emotional thinking are typically at the center of this problem, especially for conflicts between parents and kids. When kids say they won’t be home by curfew, we start to get anxious about their safety and frustrated that they won't listen, leading us to get angry or lash out. We feel like they’re challenging our authority, which can bruise our ego! But if we can let go of this kind of thinking, we’ll be able to solve the conflict with calamity instead of yelling or fighting, says Gabe.It can also be effective to try and remove judgment, Gabe explains. We’re often quick to judge our teen’s friends, as a way of sorting out who’s a good influence and who’s bad news. But if we express these judgments to teens and declare they stop seeing these “bad” friends, they’ll only continue doing it behind our backs. It might even drive them further towards a bad crowd! Gabe suggests keeping these judgments to ourselves, and instead prompt teens to make their own judgments.In the episode, Gabe shares a particularly interesting method for approaching disagreement with teens, which he calls the “shopping list” voice.Staying Calm During ConflictWhen our kids talk back or break our rules, our first instinct is to often remind them who’s in charge by raising our voice and going on a verbal tirade. However, this not only drives a wedge between the two of you, but also makes it literally impossible for them to process what you’re saying, Gabe explains. When humans feel like we’re under attack, many of our neurological pathways shut down and we can’t take in new information properly. This is typically what goes on in kids’ heads when you’re yelling at them to do better!Instead Gabe recommends communicating your frustration in what he refers to as a “shopping list” voice. This means talking to your kid in a neutral,  matter-of-fact tone, as though you’re reading them a list of the  grocery store items you might need. Keeping your tone dispassionate while still expressing your frustration with the situation helps you communicate your message very clearly to a teen, making sure they don’t miss the message at hand. It can be hard, however,  to stay this calm and collected when you’re about to boil over. Gabe shares some tips for keeping cool in the episode.Oftentimes, this shopping list talk can start to sound like a lecture. Although you don’t want to react emotionally in the situation, it can be helpful to speak with empathy, says Gabe. Teenagers are feeling a lot of things, and showing that you understand where they’re at emotionally will help bring them around to your side of the issue. Some teens truly feel  that their  life will be ruined if they don't go to a particular party. Even though we know that’s not true, it can be valuable to validate those feelings and even share a time when you felt the same way!In fact, sharing your own experiences and feelings can be an essential part of conflict resolution. Gabe and I talk about this in length in our interview.Why Vulnerability MattersMost of the time, we really do know how teens feel…because we were teens once too! We know the crushing feeling of being rejected by our crush, the social pressures of seeming cool in the high school hallways, and the constant confusion about who we are or want to be. If we can share stories and feelings from our own youth, teens might understand that we’re not trying to ruin their lives, but instead lead them down the right road. It doesn’t have to be a story from your teen years either, says Gabe. Maybe you’ve got a situation at work that feels just as challenging as finding a date to the prom!Once you’ve presented an idea to your teen and shared all the reasons why you think you’re right, Gabe suggests giving them a chance at a rebuttal. Even though you might not want to hear it, your teen might just make a good point that shifts your perspective on the entire situation. Teaching kids to justify their beliefs, speak about their emotions  and provide explanations for their behavior is a great way to instill positive communication skills that they can bring into adulthood.However, Gabe recommends straying away from telling teens what it is they’re feeling. Although you may have felt angry and sad about your SAT score as a teen doesn’t mean your own teen is feeling that way! If you try to assign them feelings, they’re bound to get defensive. Gabe suggests we tell them how we felt in our own version of the situation, and then wait for them to tell us how it is for them. That way, we can connect, communicate and work through conflict in a healthy way.In...