Talking To Teens: Expert Tips for Parenting Teenagers

Joe Keohane, author of The Power of Strangers, joins us to discuss the many benefits of starting a conversation with a stranger. We talk about why we’re often so afraid to talk to people on the bus or at a coffee shop, and what to say to spark a connection with someone we’ve never met.Full show notesHow many strangers do you encounter on a daily basis? Riding public transport, ordering a coffee, hanging out at the bar–these simple tasks require us to chat with people we’ve never met. As naturally social creatures, humans have the potential to make friends with each and every stranger we meet, and would probably be happier if we did! But instead, we pull out our phones, put on our earbuds and try not to make eye contact.We’re afraid to talk to strangers, but why? And how much better might life be if we took the time to talk to strangers more often?To find out the answer, we’re talking to Joe Keohane, author of The Power of Strangers: The Benefits of Connecting in a Suspicious World. Joe is a journalist who’s worked at Medium, Esquire, Entrepreneur, and Hemisphere. His work has also been featured in New York Magazine, The Boston Globe, The New Yorker, Wired, and more!In our interview, we’re talking about why people are so hesitant to talk to strangers, and how we can foster positive conversations with people we’ve just met. Plus, what we can gain from starting up a chat with the guy next to us on the subway or the girl taking our order.The Truth About “Stranger Danger”Most of us (and our kids) were taught never to talk to strangers. Our parents and teachers warned us of the dangers of speaking with unknown adults or people we don’t trust. Joe calls this “stranger danger propaganda” and explains that this concept is statically baseless. In fact, 90% of the time, crimes like assault, murder or kidnapping happen at the hands of someone we already know. As long as we’re savvy about it, talking to strangers is typically a lot safer than we realize, Joe says.We also tend to assume that other people are busy, stressed, or simply don’t want to talk to us. This assumption is also typically wrong, says Joe. In our interview, we discussed several experiments in which researchers encouraged study participants to talk to strangers on the subway or other public places. Most of the time, these initiated interactions were overwhelmingly successful, to the surprise of the participants. And when researchers surveyed them afterwards, most participants said the interaction with a stranger brightened their day or made them actually enjoy a dreaded commute.In the episode, Joe explains how younger people are often the most afraid of talking to strangers. This is because they’re used to chatting online or through text, where they can control the terms of the conversation. They can choose not to respond, think about what to say, re-read and edit responses before sending. While those functions can be useful for digital communication, they make it a bit harder to communicate in real life. In fact, young people are statistically the loneliest and often feel much more isolated, explains Joe.Talking to strangers is not only a lot safer than we think, but also has a multitude of benefits. In our interview, Joe and I are discussing all the ways we can benefit from talking to strangers.The Benefits of ConnectingDespite our typical routine of ignoring each other on the bus or in the grocery store, humans are actually incredibly social creatures, Joe says. We’re inherently much more capable of forming and keeping relationships than other animals, and are much happier when we have a sense of community and belonging with others. Speaking with those who are from different generations, racial groups or identities can be great for us as well, Joe says, as it allows us to broaden our perspectives and understand the complexities of others.Our evolutionary social mechanisms are shown through research, Joe explains. Many psychologists philosophize that talking with someone you’ve never met can spike oxytocin in the brain-the chemical associated with social bonding and connecting to others. In fact, many studies show that talking with strangers can help us resolve or avoid falling into mental illness, by helping us feel more optimistic and less isolated. Talking with strangers can have cognitive benefits as well. In the episode, Joe explains how discussing anything with an unknown person requires our brain to work hard, synthesize new information and reevaluate your perspective on certain subjects. This can be great for our executive function, and allows us to only get better at meeting new people in the future.Even when we’re aware of all the benefits, talking to a random person can still be pretty challenging. To help, Joe and I are sharing some strategies you can employ to make socializing with strangers a little easier.Starting the ConversationIf you want to foster communication with a stranger, Joe suggests starting by offering up a piece of information about yourself. This signals to the other person that you’re open to sharing and discussing life, and that they’re safe to do the same. However, Joe advises not to “dump” too much on the other person and scare them away. Keeping it light and positive at first can be helpful, until the conversation develops further. To navigate this, Joe emphasizes the importance of listening and paying attention to the other person’s energy.Listening isn’t always as easy as we think, Joe explains. When we’re in a conversation with someone we’re just getting to know, we often wait for them to mention something we know about or can chime in on, and then jump in to give our two cents. Instead of waiting to talk about ourselves. Joe recommends we try to be curious and resist our urge to interject. It can feel awkward at first, but once we start listening more actively, it simply becomes second nature, Joe explains. In the episode, we talk about various ways we can use body language to signal that we’re actually listening.When we’re talking to someone we’ve never met, we typically fall into predictable scripts–asking how they are, what they do, or where they’re from. And while these can sometimes be good ways to get to know one another, they also tend to cut conversations short by being too easy to answer. Joe suggests that we break the script and ask something unpredictable instead! In the episode, he shares a method he often uses, where he responds to “how are you?” with a numerical digit and prompts the stranger to do the same.In The Episode…This week’s episode will convince you to start a conversation with the next stranger you meet! On top of the topics discussed above, we also talk about:Why we often expect strangers to be boringHow traditional societies practiced greeting strangersWhy those with higher socioeconomic status are lonelierHow you can find small pockets of socialization in daily lifeIf you enjoyed this week’s episode, check out Joe’s website, joekeohane.net. Don’t forget to share and subscribe! We’ll see you next week.

David Mura, author of The Stories Whiteness Tells Itself, illuminates the realities of modern-day racism. We talk about the danger of avoiding race discussion, changing school curriculums to accurately address racism, and talking to our teens about race.Full show notesRacism is one of the world’s oldest and most complicated topics. With centuries of genocides, segregation, and colonization leading up to the systemic inequalities of the modern day, there’s no easy way to sit kids down and teach them about it all. The intensity and intricacy of the topic means that parents just don’t talk about racism at all–which only leads to more injustice and ignorance in the next generation.Education is key, but where do we even start? What’s important to cover, and how can we explain the nuances of race relations with kids who are still shaping their ideas about the world?To help us educate kids, we’re sitting down with David Mura, author of The Stories Whiteness Tells Itself: Racial Myths and Our American Narratives. David is a memoirist, essayist, novelist, poet, critic, playwright and performance artist. As a third generation Japanese American, he’s often written about his own relationship with race, along with American society’s complicated relationship with systemic racial injustice.In our interview, Daivid is explaining how we can adjust our definition of racism to be more accurate, and why we shouldn’t avoid talking about race. We also discuss how schools can adopt better methods for teaching kids about race, and how we can have conversations about race at home.Why We Need to Talk About RaceWhen we talk about racism, we often describe explicitly racist concepts or behavior–like actively segregating environments or using slurs. In reality, racism can be a lot more nuanced and implicit, especially in today’s world, says David. Someone who doesn’t identify as racist can still exhibit racial preferences–and in fact most of us do, he explains. If we want to teach kids about racism, we’ll have to adjust our definition to include a more complicated range of behaviors.Even worse than oversimplifying racism is not even talking about it at all, sayd David. Refusing to discuss race is pretty common in our society, especially among white people, he explains. In our interview, David and I talk about how we often don’t talk to kids about race because we’re scared it will overwhelm them or make them feel bad. This is typically true for white families, David says, who don’t want kids to feel shame about the historical actions of white people. But by not teaching kids about racism, we’re allowing them to live in ignorance–and denying them the truth.Plus, the shame or guilt white folks often feel about racism in the past or present isn’t productive, says David. Instead, he believes it should be replaced by knowledge and responsibility. By learning about what’s happened in the past and what’s still going on today, parents and kids can be better advocates for equality. Responsibility means choosing to actively work against racism in any way we can, he says. In the episode, David and I talk about all the psychological steps white individuals often go through as they learn to process the ways racism shapes modern-day society.Talking about race is important–and we should be doing it in schools, David says. In the episode, we’re also talking about the role school can play in helping kids understand racial discrepancies.Racial Education in SchoolsYou may have heard the term “critical race theory” thrown around, but David explains that most schools aren’t really having kids contemplate race in a layered sense. Instead, many schools are simply teaching kids about the history of racism and breaking down the ways our society maintains racial biases in everyday life.This definitely seems like something kids should know, right? David says that it’s unfortunately not that simple. Many people still feel uncomfortable having white children learn about the nuances of racism in American society, and want this curriculum banned from schools. In the episode, David and I talk about how certain politicians have made a very concentrated effort to stop kids from learning about race in school, even when it provides necessary context for how the Civil War started or why kids have Martin Luther King Jr. Day off.In our interview, David and I talk about how we need to adjust the curriculum for students of color as well. Many times, these students take cues about their race from the world around them, and aren’t taught to think about how and why these stereotypes might be wrong. For example, David explains that many black students internalize ideas about black men being involved in crime or violent activity, and start to think they’re destined to fulfill the stereotype. If we want kids to grow up happy and healthy, we’ve got to set the record straight and remind them that stereotypes like these don’t define them.If we really want kids to learn about racism in a meaningful way, however, we’ve got to talk to them at home. David and I are diving deeper into how we can address racism with our kids.Discussing Race at HomeKids typically know about racism in the past tense–events like March on Washington or people like Rosa Parks–but unless they experience it firsthand, some kids might not understand the presence of systemic racism in the modern day. To help them understand, David recommends bridging the past and the present. In the episode, he talks about how people like Thomas Jefferson spread certain rhetoric about race which continues to make its way into modern day thinking, and how we can illuminate this for kids.To help kids see the truth about racism in society, it can also be useful to present them with the facts and statistics. David offers plenty in the episodes. For starters, black individuals are four times more likely to be arrested for marijuana-based offenses than white individuals–even though white and black folks have been shown to consume marijuana at the same rate. Black people are more likely to go to trial for these offenses, more likely to be convicted, and typically serve longer sentences. Black patients in hospitals are less likely to receive pain medication for the same conditions, and wait longer for medication when they do get it. The unemployment rate among black folks is twice that of white people, and so on and so forth. Helping kids see these discrepancies can be an important step towards helping them understand the ways racism continues to prosper in the United States. In the episode, David and I provide more examples and tips for talking to teens about race.In the Episode….David and I examine the many dimensions of race relations in the U.S in our interview. On top of the topics discussed above, we’re also talking about:Why black folks are unfairly pinned as criminals How medical racism affects people of colorWhy authors make their characters white as a defaultHow white America mimics the psychology of an abuserIf you want to learn more from David, you can find him at his website, davidmura.com. Thanks for listening, and don’t forget to share and subscribe! We’ll see you next week.

Denis Murphy, author of The Blame Game, joins us to discuss the ways we often blame ourselves or our kids for things we can’t control. We also discuss the importance of staying in touch with our emotions and practicing self-honesty.Full show notesBlame is one of humanity’s oldest coping mechanisms. When things go wrong, we’re quick to point a finger at someone and declare that it’s their fault–creating war, political division, and heartbreak as a result. Not to mention that half the time we’re pointing the finger at ourselves, which typically only leads to self-loathing and insecurity.The truth is, blaming someone or something for our issues isn’t going to make them go away. If we really want to confront our problems, heal our traumas and live better we’ve got to stop blaming and start accepting.This week, we’re talking to Denis Murphy, author of The Blame Game: How to Recover from the World's Oldest Addiction. Denis is a coach and healer who’s worked with companies, families and individuals all over the world. His practices focus on helping people stop blaming themselves or others for misfortune in their life, and instead learn to harness their mental and physical wellness to create the life they want.In our interview, we’re talking about why parental expectations can lead us to blame kids when things go wrong. We also discuss how suppressing our negative thoughts can cause mental and even physical pain, and break down the importance of self honesty.The Blame GameOne overarching cause of blame is labels, explains Denis. When we attach labels to people like “boss,” “mom,”  “best friend, or “boyfriend,” we’re also attaching expectations to go with them. These expectations rarely come from reality, but instead from TV, Hollywood, or other people’s families, says Denis. When people inevitably fail to live up to our unrealistic expectations, we get upset, and blame them for not behaving exactly as we hoped. This is often the cause of family disputes, Denis explains. We want kids to behave in a way that meets our expectations of who kids are supposed to be, and they want us to act like the perfect parents. Of course, this doesn’t happen, and both parents and kids feel mutual disappointment in the other. And although it might seem like we’re frustrated with our kids, what we’re actually upset about is the label, Denis says.In the episode, Denis and I also talk about physical and emotional stress, and how it plays a role in familial blame. When we’re coming home from a long day of work and we’ve spent the whole day keeping a lid on our emotions, we’re bound to boil over and start blaming kids for anything that goes wrong. It becomes a cycle Denis says, with our stress multiplying and our blaming habits growing as a result.Things don’t have to be this way, however. In the episode, Denis and I are talking about how we can start to work through and accept our negative feelings instead of playing the blame game.The Power of AcceptanceOne of the most common ways we deal with life’s disappointments is by blaming ourselves. Denis explains that this practice is often encouraged by those who preach self-discipline or self-improvement. We’re taught not to be a victim, not to let life walk all over us, and to power through every obstacle without flinching. But if we don’t face our feelings, we’ll end up exhausted and burnt out, Denis says. This is especially true for teens who might be overwhelmed with the stress of approaching adult life and managing the expectations of adolescence.Instead of burying our negative thoughts and emotions, Denis encourages us to be in touch with them. As he explains in the episode, our thoughts help us figure out where our physical body is holding anxiety, fear and stress. If we can observe the ways these thoughts manifest themselves in our physical being, we can take the first steps towards healing our mental and even physical ailments. In the episode, Denis explains how mental and emotional anguish can sometimes even cause us to injure ourselves!Accepting our thoughts instead of judging them is important if we want to reach inner peace. Denis explains. In our interview, we talk about how nature exists without blame, unapologetically changing with the seasons. If we want the same sense of peaceful acceptance for ourselves, we’ve got to start with being aware of our thoughts and emotions–and this goes for both parents and teens.To truly be in touch with our feelings, we’ve got to be honest with ourselves. In the episode, Denis and I are breaking down all the ways self-honesty can change your life.How to Practice Self-HonestyBeing honest with ourselves about every thought and emotion is not easy, says Denis. It’s much easier to control or avoid what we feel! As we go through life, we’re constantly suppressing our emotions, so much so that many of us stay in bad marriages, become addicted to substances, or do other extreme things simply to cope. As we do this, we create a gap between the person we’re living as and the one we truly are. If we want to bridge that gap, Denis says, we have to start being honest with ourselves.Denis explains how this often manifests itself in our ability to cope with rejection. When we find ourselves turned down by a possible employer, for example, we tend to pivot to self-blame, telling ourselves we weren’t good enough, weren’t smart enough, or just didn’t try hard enough to get the job. But usually none of this is true, he says. The real truth? We didn’t actually want the job! Although we might object and say the job really was important to us, most of the time we actually just wanted the money, Denis says, and our hearts were never in it.Parents sometimes struggle with this self-honesty, and end up using blame to cope instead, Denis says. We want to be perfect parents and when something goes wrong, we don’t want to deal with emotions like shame or disappointment. Instead, we blame our kids or ourselves, which only leads to an emotional wedge between us and them. Denis talks more about how parents can harness self-honesty to heal their relationships with kids in our interview!In the Episode…Denis and I cover lots of fascinating information about healing, blame and self-honesty in this week’s interview. On top of the topics discussed above, we also talk about:Why we put blame on our spouse or partnerHow meditation can become a distraction from healingWhy blame can become addictiveHow controlling kids too much can become disastrousIf you enjoyed this week’s episode, you can find more from Denis at denisliammurphy.com or on Instagram @denisliammurphy. Thanks for listening, and don’t forget to share and subscribe. We’ll see you next week!

Terry Real, author of Us, comes on the show to discuss the importance of healthy conflict in family relationships. We also talk about why parents should encourage boys to be in touch with their emotions and debate the dangers of protecting kids’ feelings.Full show notes For many of us, a perfectly harmonious home sounds like a dream. We’d love it if teens came home by curfew, our advice was always graciously accepted, and conflict was totally nonexistent. We’d never have to stress about what to make for dinner or worry about who our kids are hanging out with. Everything would be perfect and easy…right?As nice as harmony sounds, it’s simply unrealistic–and not necessarily beneficial either. In fact, psychologists (like the one we’re interviewing today) believe that conflict and disagreement are essential to building strong, nuanced, durable relationships with our kids. Without conflict, there’s no repair. Without repair, relationships never grow and evolve.To explain how parents can embrace disrepair and negative emotions in relationships, we’re sitting down with Terry Real, author of Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship. Terry is a world-renowned family therapist, speaker, and author of multiple other bestselling books about relationships. He’s also the founder of the Relational Life Institute, where he offers workshops for parents, individuals and couples. He also holds professional training for clinicians to adopt his unique relational life therapy method.In this episode, we’re talking about how conflict is essential to building strong bonds with kids. Plus, we discuss a concerning parenting phenomenon called false empowerment, and explain why parents need to encourage sensitivity in boys.How Embracing Conflict Leads To HarmonyRelationships are never perfect–and they shouldn’t be, according to Terry. Parents shouldn’t feel bad about having conflicts with kids, and should even encourage a little disagreement sometimes. We’re only human, says Terry, and we’re bound to bump heads. It’s the reconciliation after disagreement that really forms the backbone of a strong relationship, he explains. In fact, for teens to have healthy emotional processing in adulthood, they really only need to get along with parents about 30% of the time, Terry says. We don’t have to provide kids with a perfect upbringing–we just have to be human, he explains. If we can bounce back from the discord and survive all the complications of our natural human flaws, we can create strong bonds with our kids.But how do we find that resolution when conflict arises? Terry explains a few different methods in the episode. One includes providing kids with a path to redemption, no matter how much we want to ground them into eternity. If we discipline them without offering them a way to redeem themselves, we’re not giving them the chance to really learn and change their behavior. In the episode, Terry tells a story about how his own son found a path to reconciliation after refusing to do his chores.Another thing we shouldn't be afraid to do is criticize our kids, Terry says. In the episode, we talk about how we can help our kids develop healthy self esteem by allowing them to fail and struggle.Confidence vs. Self-EsteemWe want kids to be confident; there’s no question about that. So we encourage them, giving them as much positive reinforcement as possible. But sometimes we go a little too far, explains Terry. In our quest to give kids high self-esteem, we might just leave them with the impression that they can do no wrong–grandiosity, as Terry calls it.This feeling of superiority acts as an opposite to shame, which is what happens when kids don’t get enough encouragement, Terry says. Disempowering kids and making them feel worthless leads to shame, while refusing to let kids fail, struggle or take criticism can lead to grandiosity. And while shame might seem like the worst of the two, a superiority complex can be very damaging to teens as they try to swim in the adult world, says Terry.  If we strike the right balance with our encouragement, we can avoid cultivating both shame and grandiosity in our kids, he explains. In our interview, Terry shares a tale that helps us understand how parents can bring kids down a notch when needed. When his son had a playdate with a friend but spent the entire time ignoring the friend's wishes, Terry took his kid aside and told him the truth: that the friend seemed miserable through the whole interaction. Although this hurt his son’s feelings, Terry explained that when we invite someone into our lives, we have to make room for their needs and feelings too. These kinds of lessons are an essential part of making sure we raise kids with healthy self-esteem.Despite the tough love, Terry also believes we need to help kids–especially boys–embrace their sensitivity. In the episode, we’re talking about how we can raise boys who don’t suppress their feelings.Raising Sensitive BoysIt’s not just parents who might teach boys to feel out of touch with their feelings, it’s society as a whole, Terry explains. The patriarchy starts pushing young men away from vulnerability from around age three to five, often before they can even read! Even if your home is somewhat liberal, kids are exposed to these gender dynamics at school, online, and even on TV, Terry says.Terry explains that girls go through a similar gender-related experience as they grow older, during the adolescent years. Around this time, girls are known to become less assertive, less bold, and generally less likely to speak their minds. This is also a result of societal conditioning, Terry says, and it’s something that often keeps young women from becoming their best selves.Parents need to be actively denying this gender conditioning, he says, if we want to raise emotionally healthy kids. He encourages parents to help sons stay connected to their feelings while they’re still young, so they don’t have to do the difficult work of reconnecting to their emotions as adults. The more we can allow them to be vulnerable with themselves and others the better.The same idea goes for girls–it’s important to help them speak their mind, Terry says. In our interview, he offers tips for helping teens embrace their emotions, especially when they’re pushing you away and don’t seem to want to talk about anything at all. Parents might have to dig sometimes to get teens to share their feelings, but when they do, the results are worth it, says Terry.In the Episode…..We cover a lot of fascinating material with Terry in this week’s episode! On top of the topics discussed above we also talk about:What the if/then method is and how you can apply itWhy dominance is an ineffective parenting tacticHow parents can take time-outsWhat we can do to be better listenersIf you enjoyed this week's episode, check out Terry’s website, terryreal.com. Don’t forget to share and subscribe, and we’ll see you next week!

Ron Fournier, author of Love That Boy joins us to discuss the impact of parents' expectations. We also break down why parents can become concerned with kids' popularity, and discuss what Ron learned about fatherhood from American Presidents Clinton, Bush, and Obama.Full show notesWe love our kids and want to see them grow into the best version of themselves–but this can sometimes lead us to put some heavy expectations on their shoulders. We hope so intensely that they’re academically brilliant, a star athlete, popular, or well-read that we don’t make space for them to just be who they are!This can feel especially hard when our kids start to venture outside the confines of a “perfect” child. Maybe their sexual or religious preferences aren’t what we hoped for. Maybe they’re diagnosed with mental illness or designated as being at-risk. Maybe they just don’t want to follow the plan we so carefully laid out for them from birth! Whatever it is, we as parents have got to learn to respect our kid’s identities and accept them for who they are-no matter how tough it can be sometimes.To share his own personal journey of acceptance and help us understand ours, we’re talking to Ron Fournier, dad and author of Love That Boy: What Two Presidents, Eight Road Trips, and My Son Taught Me About a Parent's Expectations. Ron is a political journalist who’s covered the campaigns and presidencies of Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and Barack Obama. His line of work led him towards a more personal journey with his son, Tyler–a journey he’s here to talk about today.In our interview, Ron and I are talking about why parents tend to pile so many expectations on kids, and how they can move towards acceptance instead. We also discuss the toxic practice of counting our kids' friends, and Ron describes what he learned about fatherhood from Presidents Clinton, Bush and Obama!How Expectations Can Be HarmfulWe only want this best for kids…but sometimes we take our expectations a little too far, says Ron. As an avid sports lover, Ron always hoped his son would be interested in athletics too, so much so that he filled his son's nursery with sports memorabilia! This desire to connect to his son through sports continued as his son grew into a teenager, until Ron finally accepted that would never be an athletic kid. Ron didn’t come to this conclusion easily, however, and many parents have the same problem with acceptance.Ron explains that this need to control kids’ lives often comes from our own anxieties about life and death. We so desperately hope that teens carry on our legacy or fulfill our unresolved dreams that we start planning their lives before they even exit the womb! But we need to step away from this practice, Ron explains, and let kids carve their own path. In the episode, Ron explains how his son’s autism diagnosis helped him find a new perspective and stop enforcing his own expectations on his son.Neurodivergence isn’t the only unexpected thing our kids might present us with. Sometimes kids reject the religion we raised them in, or want to pursue a career path we don't approve of. Maybe we don’t like their romantic partner or simply feel that they aren’t reaching our standards in school, athletics or music. While we’re wasting time stressing over this, Ron explains, we’re missing out on getting to know our kids for who they truly are. Instead of trying to teach them how to be, Ron believes we should learn from our kids about how to live our own lives.One way parents try to measure their kids against a quota is by monitoring their popularity. Ron and I discuss how this problematic behavior is unfortunately common and why we should avoid it.The Pressure to Be PopularIt can be scary when we feel like kids don’t fit in. Life will always be easier for those who swim easily in social settings, and who find acceptance within their pack. As loving parents, we hope that our kids will be able to make connections and friendships to survive in both the working world and their personal lives. But sometimes this desire for kids to fit in can become toxic, says Ron, and cause us to do things like count how many friends our teen has.This urge to reduce friendships to quantity doesn’t necessarily come from a bad place, but can be harmful, Ron explains. Friendships should instead be measured by quality, he says. This is especially true in today’s day and age, where teens are often so wrapped up in how many likes and followers they have that they forget to honor the real benchmarks of friendship, like connection, kindness and mutual respect. Teens should strive for the kind of friends who stick with them through thick and thin and encourage them to be their best selves, says Ron–and the quantity isn’t important!Needing kids to be popular and well-liked is just another way we often pressure kids to be high achievers…but it’s all sort of contradictory! In the episode, Ron and I discuss how our desire for kids to be popular can often be at odds with our hopes that kids will be academically brilliant or athletic superstars. How are kids going to get great grades or excellent race times if they’re hanging out with their friends all day? These contradictions are simply an indication of just how unrealistic our expectations for teens are.Ron often inflicted these kinds of expectations on his own son–but when his son was diagnosed with autism, Ron’s perspective started to change. In his journey towards understanding his son, the two of them went on a series of trips together, and even met three US. presidents! In our interview, Ron is describing how each of these presidential meetings helped him understand his son.Presidential PerspectivesIn the episode, Ron describes the interaction his son Tyler had with both George W. Bush and Bill Clinton, and how each conversation taught him about fatherhood. Tyler’s talk with Bill Clinton was largely one-sided, he said, with Bill delivering an invigorating and inspiring speech about the state of the nation. George Bush, on the other hand, simply asked question after question, getting Tyler to open up and even discuss his interests–something that Tyler often struggles with.For Ron, both of these instances were educational. Although Clinton’s monologue was fascinating, Ron noticed that he neglected to ask Tyler any real questions. Tyler, an autistic teen who often struggles with social situations, sometimes makes the same mistake–talking without understanding his audience! Ron realized that if one of the most famous politicians in America talks too much, it’s ok for his son to do it too.Meanwhile, Bush’s inquisitive nature and listening skills made Ron realize that Bush was able to extract information in 45 minutes that Ron never knew about his own son. In our interview, he talks about how this meeting with Bush renewed his patience as a father.As the episode draws to a close, Ron also tells the tale of his son meeting the Obamas, a story which often causes him to get emotional. Before introducing himself to Barrack and Michelle, Tyler turned to him to say “I hope I don’t embarrass you.” For Ron, this moment caused a total change in perspective, and a realization that maybe he’s been too hard on his son.Ron and I talk more about all three presidential meetings in the episode, al...

Decision-making expert Eric J Johnson, author of The Elements of Choice, joins us to discuss how our choices are often influenced by external forces without our knowledge. He also describes different kinds of decision-making and explains how memory affects our choices.Full show notesWe make thousands of choices every day–what to eat, what to wear, which email to send first, even how much creamer to put in our coffee. It might seem like we’re making these choices of our own accord, but we often don't realize how many forces are influencing each and every choice we make. Everything from corporate marketing to peer influence can shape our decisions in profound and surprising ways!This is especially true for teenagers, who are making some early and important decisions like where to go to college or what career to commit to. If we want teens to make smart choices, we’ll have to teach them to spot all the ways their decisions are being influenced by those around them.To help us understand how external forces affect our decision-making process, we’re talking to Eric J. Johnson, author of The Elements of Choice: Why the Way We Decide Matters. Eric is a Professor of Business and Director of the Center of Decision Studies at Columbia Business School. He’s also the President of the Society for Judgment and Decision Making and The Society for Neuroeconomics at Columbia! An expert on the science of decision-making, Eric is here to help us understand the nuanced influences that affect every choice we make.In our interview, we’re discussing the different kinds of decision-making and their advantages. We also break down the way external factors influence our choices, and the significance of memory in our decision-making.Why do we each make unique choices, and what are the consequences? These are just a few of the questions Eric asks in his research as he attempts to learn more about the decision-making process. In our interview, he lays out two common types of analysis: integrative and comparative.Integrative decision-makers take in the whole picture, ingesting and evaluating all the details and analyzing every bit of information. In contrast, comparative thinkers tend to look at the most essential component of each choice, and make a decision based on that comparison. To help us understand, Eric describes an experiment in which participants were offered forty dollars immediately or fifty dollars if they could wait a while. Integrative thinkers might measure the availability of the forty dollars over the time spent waiting for the extra ten, and choose to walk away with forty. Comparative thinkers may simply see the dollar amounts and pick the higher one, he says, waiting for the fifty.How does this play out for teenagers? Eric explains that these are common methods of decision-making when it comes to choosing a college. Some teens might use integrative reasoning to evaluate the whole experience–student body size, campus environment, quality of facilities–while comparative thinkers might just compare the stats of the school’s post-grad employment rates or cost of attendance. If you want your teen to think one way or the other, it might be best to push them in the direction of integrative or comparative thinking.These choices aren't made in a vacuum, however, and there are plenty of influences on our decisions. Eric and I are breaking down the many ways our choices are manipulated, often without our own knowledge.Who Controls Our Choices?Although we might not realize it, we’re often swayed in our decision-making by those who are presenting us with choices. Oftentimes, they make certain choices easier or more straightforward than others, leading us to choose that option to save time and energy. Eric uses the example of an autofilled box on an online form. If the box is already checked, we often don’t even bother to read what we’re agreeing to. The same goes for things like medical forms or advertisements.For teens looking to choose a college, there are quite a few forces influencing their decision. Eric and I talk at length about how parents, peers, pop culture and colleges themselves all exert influence over how kids pick which school to attend. If kids simply hear about certain colleges more often, they’re likely to apply to those schools…even if they aren’t really the best option for your teens' particular life plans. This is especially true for students who come from lower income backgrounds, and simply aren’t encouraged to explore pricier or high-ranking schools quite so often.Additionally, about 50% of U.S. students also have to pick a high school, especially in New York City, Eric explains. In NYC, students are forced to pick from thousands of schools within the city to find the right fit. Eric explains how this demonstrates a common conundrum in decision-making. To make the right choice, the chooser can’t be overwhelmed with too many options, but they need enough options to make sure they pick something that’s the right fit. This means the pool of choices needs to be manageably small–but not too small! In the episode, Eric explains how this issue is solved for New York City High Scholers and beyond in the episode.There are a few other things that affect our decisions–including memory. Eric explains all the ways memory changes the way we make choices.Why Memory MattersEric illustrates the significance of memory in our decision-making by telling a story about Ben Franklin. When Ben was approached by a friend and asked how to make a decision, Ben advised his friend to weigh the pros and the cons of each choice–but to do so over a day or two instead of in a single moment. If we write a list in ten minutes, our brains are likely suppressing one choice in favor of the other. If  we give our brain time to remember all the details, we can make a better choice…instead of one based on what we remember at the current moment. In the episode, Eric and I talk about how teens can practice this method in their daily lives.You might notice the phenomenon of memory play out when you’re reading a list of options on a menu or guide. Whichever option is first typically takes root in your memory, with the others fading into obscurity in your mind as they go on. This is commonly seen in elections, Eric explains, where whomenever is first on the ballot typically wins. The order of options affects our choices in other ways as well. If a menu is listed by price, we take notice of the prices and make our decision that way. If something like wine is instead listed by quality, we might choose quality over costliness. In the end, our choices are manipulated by plenty of different forces. But by educating ourselves and our families on the science of decision-making, we can learn to gain control over our decisions and make the choices that are truly best for us.In the Episode…Chatting with Eric was both fun and enlightening! On top of the topics discussed above, we also talk about:How we can encourage teens to investWhy informing kids about scholarships is essentialHow we can help teens spend their money wiselyWhy parents should change the way they present choices to kidsThanks for listening! If you want to find more...

We’re sitting down with Catherine Price, author of The Power of Fun, to talk about the overlooked benefits of having fun! Catherine defines the true meaning of fun, explains why we tend to undervalue it, and gives practical tips for how to bring more fun to ourselves and our families.Full show notesDo you remember the last time you had fun? Maybe you were exploring a new place, playing a video game or even just laughing with your friends. What did it feel like? Did it help you relieve stress and add joy to your day?We often consider fun irrelevant, or view it as a waste of time, but it can be an essential part of survival. Having fun is not only good for our mood, but actually improves our physical health, lowering our cortisol and helping us balance our hormones.Teaching kids the importance of fun can help them live happier, healthier lives as they head into adulthood.To understand how we can pass the value of fun onto our kids, we’re talking to Catherine Price, author of The Power of Fun. Catherine is an award-winning science journalist and speaker whose work has been featured in Time Magazine, O Magazine, the Los Angeles Times, and more. The New York Times even dubbed her the Marie Kondo of minds!In our interview, we’re talking about the definition of true fun, why we often undervalue fun in our society, and what practical steps we can take to bring more fun to ourselves and our families.How Fun Keeps Us Happy And HealthyFun is often misunderstood, explains Catherine. We tend to think of any relaxing or non-work activity as “fun” when in reality these activities don’t always meet the requirements. Catherine explains that fun consists of three core elements: Playfulness, connectivity and flow. Playfulness doesn't necessarily refer to childlike behavior, but simply requires us to do something for the sake of doing it without putting too much emphasis on the outcome. Connectivity refers to sharing an experience with another person, and flow means being so invested in whatever we’re doing that we lose track of time.When we experience playfulness, connectivity and flow all at once, that means we’re experiencing true fun, says Catherine. This is different from what Catherine describes as “fake fun”, which often includes binge-watching TV shows or scrolling through social media apps. These activities are designed to keep us hooked by hijacking our dopamine reward systems, but don’t actually equate to true fun. Catherine dives deeper into the phenomenon of fake fun in the episode.There is also some middle ground between fun and non-fun, she explains. Relaxing, solitary activities like going on a long walk, taking a bath or doing a puzzle are still essential to our wellbeing and should be prioritized, but they don’t meet the requirements for being true fun. Some activities include connectivity without flow, or playfulness without connectivity. Although these kinds of experiences aren’t true fun, they’re still beneficial and add value to our lives, Catherine explains.In order to fit more true fun into our lives, however, we have to start realizing its value. Catherine and I discuss how fun is often considered a waste of time and how we can start prioritizing fun again.Why Fun Is UndervaluedAs teens get older, we typically start telling them it’s time to get more serious. We pressure them to look towards results–better SAT scores, college acceptances, athletic achievements–and stop encouraging them to simply have fun and explore. While teens need to work towards becoming independent, they’ve also got to remember to keep fun as a part of their lives, Catherine says.Catherine explains that we often forget to value fun because it doesn’t necessarily equate to making money. She breaks down a timeline for when fun stopped being valued in society, around the time of the industrial revolution. Before this period, professions were valued for their ability to reach an outcome–a cobbler made shoes, a butcher prepared meat, and a blacksmith forged metal.But when our modern industrial systems were established, people stopped creating an outcome on their own, and became cogs in a machine to contribute to an outcome along a line of production. Today, this same pattern emerges, and it means that we don’t have a clear endpoint to stop working and start having fun. There’s endless work to do, and if we’re having fun instead of doing it, society tells us to feel guilty, says Catherine.To combat this, Catherine prompts us to start adding fun to our lives and encouraging our family to do the same. In the episode, we're discussing practical ways to bring more fun to your home.Bringing Fun Back To Your FamilyWe all have natural inclinations about how to have fun, but it can also help to take a practical approach, Catherine says. She suggests that we have our teens complete a “fun audit” in which they evaluate and make note of the things in their life that bring the most fun. Catherine calls these forces “fun-magnets”, and they could be a person, place, or thing. Maybe your teen’s most powerful fun-magnet is the basketball court, or perhaps it’s their lifelong best friend.Many people think these fun-magnets need to be expensive or outside of daily life. In reality, they can be a part of our day-to-day routine, and can even be incorporated into traditionally “un-fun” environments like work, Catheirne explains. Sometimes, your fun magnets might not align with those of your partner or kids, and that can be challenging, Catherine says. In our interview, she explains how she and her husband enjoy very different things, and can’t always compromise when it comes to having fun! This doesn't mean you have to give up your fun-magnets, however, and Catherine and I discuss how to preserve your own version of fun even when someone disagrees or can’t relate.Although family might not agree on every activity, there’s likely some common ground between everyone. Finding experiences that are fun for everyone and doing them together can be a great way to add joy to our lives, as well as create connections with our kids.In the Episode…There’s plenty of great insights in today’s talk with Catherine! On top of the topics discussed above, we also talk about:Why parents should be cautious about video gamesHow we can grow our appreciation for everyday thingsWhy introverts can be just as fun as extrovertsHow we can put down our phones and be more presentThanks for listening! If you want to find more from Catherine, you can find more from her on her website, Catherineprice.com. Don’t forget to share and subscribe, and we’ll see you next week!

Justin Blaney, author of Relationshift, joins us to discuss the power that peer influence has over teens. Plus, how teens can find great mentors and how the right friends always encourage teens to expand their worldview.Full show notesTeens are undeniably influenced by their peers. They adopt their friends’ fashion, hobbies, attitudes and even opinions….for better or for worse! Whomever your teen decides to spend time with, those people are critical to your teens wellbeing. These individuals might encourage your kids to follow their dreams and become their best selves, or involve them in risky and regrettable behavior. That’s why it's essential to understand the power of peer pressure–and guide teens to make the right kind of friends.To help us ensure that teens are hanging with the right crowd, we’re talking to Justin Blaney, author of Relationshift. Justin is a successful entrepreneur, professor of business at the University of Washington, and the author of 12 books! He’s here to share advice about forging healthy and helpful relationships, gathered from both his professional life as a businessman and personal life as a father of three!In the episode, we discuss why it’s so essential that teens spend time around peers who lift them up rather than those who drag them down. Plus, how kids can find the right mentors, and  how good companions can help teens expand their worldview.The Power of Peer InfluenceIn the episode, Justin talks a lot about how teens can get in with the “right” crowd–but not in a moral sense. Instead, these friends should be the kind of people who encourage teens to follow their dreams, find happiness and live their best lives. Of course, no friend is going to be perfect, but a good companion should motivate teens to feel confident and strive for self improvement, Justin explains.Justin and I talk about how teens can evaluate their friendships to see if they’re bringing happiness or hindrance. He explains a method that he refers to as the plus/minus statistic–a metric borrowed from sports! Justin says that teens can weigh the good and the bad to discover if teens’ friends are making their lives better or holding them back. We talk further about the plus/minus statistic in the episode, and how it can help teens surround themselves with the right people.Guiding teens to pick the right companions starts with encouraging them to be self aware, Justin says. Sometimes teens can be a bit oblivious to the negative parts of their friendships, and refuse to think of their friends as bad influences. Justin recommends sitting kids down and asking them to recount their dreams, goals and vision for their life and then reflecting on whether or not their friends are conducive to this dream–or are actively keeping them from achieving it.Beyond just peers, teens need mentors to push them in the right direction. Justin and I are talking about how teenagers can find the right mentor to guide them through their own personal struggles and goals.Finding Meaningful MentorsFinding a great mentor requires teens to choose someone who’s been through the same things they have, says Justin.  Sometimes teens tend to gravitate towards those who have found immense success in the field they aspire to…but oftentimes these successful people were just lucky, says Justin. It’s even more likely that these people had a leg-up in life, whether it's inherited wealth, nepotism or simply an especially encouraging family.Justin encourages parents to reiterate this disparity to teens who might find themselves frustrated by the success of others. Other people might have simply been born with more athletic ability or academic intelligence, or maybe their financially comfortable background allowed them to study instead of spending time working. Whatever the case may be, teens shouldn’t compare themselves to peers or even adults who seem to excel effortlessly.In the end, these lucky people often make poor mentors, because they haven’t gone through as much struggle as most other successful people, said Justin. Finding mentors from a similar background who are familiar with the same difficulties teens are facing will create a much more successful mentor/mentee experience at the end of the day, he says. In the episode, Justin and I talk about all the different kinds of mentorship that teens can take advantage of.One of a mentor’s many roles is to help teens expand their worldview. Justin and I are discussing how important it is for teens to broaden their perspective and how strong relationships with peers and mentors can help them do so.Embracing New PerspectivesAs teens grow up, they start to learn more about the world…and sometimes think they know everything! That’s why it’s so important for teens to be surrounded by people who put their worldview to the test. Half the time, kids don’t even realize just how oblivious they are to certain realities, and they need someone to broaden their perspective. Justin uses the example of kids who grow up in poverty and don’t even realize options like college could ever be a reality for them–until they meet a role model who changes their mind.Parents, mentors and peers alike can help teens break out of their comfort zone and rethink their lives by simply encouraging them to take risks. In the episode, Justin and I talk about a sort of mental immune system that we develop as we grow up and start to filter “bad” things out and welcome “good'' things in. Over time, we start to do it habitually, without even thinking, leading us to reject things that seem unfamiliar or vaguely threatening in any way. In our interview, Justin and I are talking about how we can push teens to tweak this system and invite new experiences into their lives.As much as we try, parents can’t teach kids everything, and we’ll always have certain blinds pots. To remedy this, Justin suggests that parents find someone who can help kids in the areas where we struggle to give guidance–like a younger relative or a career professional. Arranging meetings or phone calls with someone who can give teens valuable advice is a gentle and kind way to help kids learn about the world and challenge their own opinions. With a greater worldview, they’ll be able to envision possibilities for themselves that they never imagined, growing one step closer to living their best life.In The Episode….I had a wonderful time talking with Justin this week! On top of the topics discussed above, we also talk about:Why teens shouldn’t treat people as transactionalHow to stop overthinkingWhat we can learn from Justin’s own parenting journeyHow peer pressure can sometimes be positiveIf you enjoyed this episode and want more from Justin, you can find him at Blaney.app. Thanks for listening and don’t forget to share and subscribe. See you next week!

Yael Shornbrun, author of Work, Parent, Thrive, joins us to talk about how working parents can make the most of their busy lives. We discuss the surprising benefits of working and parenting simultaneously, and explain how we can model a healthy work/life balance for their teens.Full show notesRaising teens can sometimes feel like a full time job…on top of the one we already have!  Handling the ups and downs of parenthood takes practically all the energy we have–adding an eight hour workday into the mix can be immensely overwhelming. However, for many parents, working and parenting at the same time is a necessary compromise. Doing both is no easy task, and often comes with lots of sacrifice, conflict and even guilt. But what if being both a parent and a member of the workforce could be mutually beneficial? What if, despite all the struggle, being a working parent might be the best of both worlds?This week, we’re diving into how working parents can overcome the struggle and start thriving. We’re joined by Dr. Yael Schonbrun, psychologist, professor, podcaster and author of Work, Parent, Thrive! Yael is a working parent herself, and wanted to harness her knowledge as a psychologist to help parents change their perspective on work/life balance. In the episode, we’re discussing the ways that parenting can strengthen our career skills–and how our work experiences can make us better parents. Plus, how we can practice emotional management when the stress of life gets too overwhelming, and how we can model career success for teens.Surprising Positives For Working ParentsBalancing work and kids is quite the conundrum, and it’s easy to get bogged down by the difficulty of it all. But there actually quite a few benefits to working and raising kids simultaneously, says Yael–benefits that many parents don’t even realize are there! In the episode, Yael breaks down the idea of skill transfer between our personal and professional lives. The patience, perseverance and empathy it takes to raise teens can be terrific traits to carry over into our work life, while the collaboration and consistency of our work life might benefit our parenting, she explains.She also describes how parents can benefit from what she calls a “stress-buffering effect.” When the stress of work gets us down, spending time with kids is a great way to have a meaningful, fun escape. Similarly, when our kids are driving us crazy, we can head to the office or close the door to our home studio and use work as a way to distract us from the stress of parenting, she says. There are so many other benefits to working and parenting at the same time, and Yael and I get into them in the episode. So many of these benefits become clear when we choose to notice them, Yael explains, instead of focusing on the bad. Regardless, it’s hard to deny that work life balance can be a struggle–especially for parents–and sometimes all the stress can cause us to boil over. In our interview, Yael and I discuss how parents can practice emotional management when the going gets tough.Mastering Emotional ManagementIn our interview, Yael and I talk a lot about values and how they can often be challenged when we’re at our lowest. During arguments with teens or triggering moments, we sometimes find ourselves saying things we don’t mean or acting out of spite. Even though we value kindness, patience and firm boundaries, those things can slip out the window when we’re riled up.In the episode, Yael and I talk about how we can learn to act according to our values instead of letting our emotions get the better of us. She lays out certain “grounding techniques,” or ways to calm down when we’re upset. These are typically methods of slowing down our nervous system’s response to triggering situations, and can include everything from holding an ice cube to taking some time to journal.We also delve into a deep discussion about guilt, and the ways in which it affects working parents. We often feel guilty when we can’t make it to a competition due to a work trip, or when we have to work late and can’t plan a family dinner. Many times, however, this guilt serves no good purpose, and simply drags us down. In the episode, Yael walks me through how parents can evaluate guilty thoughts and interpret whether or not they’re useful.Emotional management can be an important way to model maturity to teens. In our interview, Yael and I are breaking down how working parents can also model career success to teens who are heading into adulthood.Modeling Passion And PurposeAlthough we typically hope teens will listen to our words, they’re more likely to pay attention to and emulate our actions. Kids who are still figuring out their career path might turn to parents to see an example of working adult life. If we want kids to see a positive example of professional development, we have to set one, says Yael.Yael explains that we can label our work three different ways –as a job, a career and a calling. When we see our profession as simply a job, we often don’t attribute meaning to our work–which not only makes us less happy and productive, but sets an example to teens that work is just a miserable obligation. Viewing our work as a career is better, but embracing it as a calling is ideal. When we see our working life as a way to find purpose and passion, we’ll not only live more fulfilling lives, but show teens that they can do the same, Yael says.Teaching kids to change their attitude towards school, extracurriculars, or part time jobs can be a great way to help them start a positive relationship with career development as well. In the episode, Yael and I talk about how she encouraged her own son to approach his studies with more enthusiasm by opening his mind up to the long-lasting benefits of academics.Modeling career skills and emotional development helps prepare teens for the challenges of the adult world–just one of the many ways working parents can create harmony between their work life and their family life.In the Episode….My conversation with Yael was incredibly eye-opening. On top of the topics discussed above, we also talk about:How stress can be beneficialWhy interruptions actually strengthen focusHow we can discover and define our valuesWhy labeling ourselves can be harmfulIf you enjoyed this week’s episode, you can find more from Yael on her podcast, Psychologists Off the Clock or at yaelschonbrun.com. Thanks for listening! Don’t forget to share and subscribe and we’ll see you next week.

Benjamin Dunks, author of Intimacy, comes on the show to demystify common concerns and misconceptions teens have about sex. We discuss how parents can rethink the sex talk, why teens might be insecure about intimacy, and cover tricky topics like orgasms and even penis size.Full show notesMost teens have a million questions about sex: When should I have it for the first time? How do I find the right person to do it with? What’s the best way to ask for consent? How does sex even happen?Typically, kids don't exactly feel comfortable coming to parents with these concerns–and might even be too scared to ask their friends. Instead they often turn to porn for explanations…and although not all pornography is bad, there are plenty of harmful things online for kids to find.So how can we make sure kids learn about sex in a healthy way? To find out, we’re talking to Benjamin Dunks, author of Intimacy: A Guide to Young Men About Sex. Benjamin is a professional in the world of dance who’s studied the human body in both artistic and scientific ways. He’s spent the past four years interviewing young people about sex and intimacy to find out where their concerns and confusion lie.In our interview, we’re discussing how parents can have effective sex talks with kids, and how teens can deal with insecurities like lack of experience or anatomical differences. Plus,we run through the most critical things kids should know before they have their first intimate encounter.Tweaking “The Talk”When parents are approaching the sex talk, we often come from a place of fear, says Benjamin. We’re scared that our kids might get pregnant, contract an STD, acquire a bad reputation, get their feelings hurt–the list goes on. But when we come out of the gates full of warnings and negativity, we sometimes unwittingly push kids in the opposite direction, Benjamin explains. They roll their eyes at our advice, and then do the opposite of what we tell them!Instead, Benjamin recommends opening ourselves up to an honest and frank talk about intimacy, and even emphasizing the positive aspects. This can help kids see the pros and cons of becoming sexually active, without scaring them off with tales of terror. When we open up this line of communication with teens, it can also create trust that extends past sex talks and into other parts of life, says Benjamin.So where can we start when it comes to “the talk?” Benjamin suggests starting with lighter questions, and easing into the heavy stuff.. Benjamin also recommends that parents open up about their own experiences–although maybe without all the details! Reminding kids that you also felt scared or confused about sex when you were young might make them feel less alone, Benjamin says.Facing Insecurities About IntimacyTeens can be insecure about lots of things, sex included. Many teenagers, especially young boys, might feel insecure about their lack of knowledge or experience surrounding intimate encounters.This is often because young men are taught that masculinity is all about control–controlling their emotions, their friends and their partners, Benjamin explains. When young men can’t express their insecurities, they double down on this need for control, creating a lack of communication in intimate encounters and even sexual violence. Being open and honest with partners about their insecurities instead can lead to a lot of growth for young men. Vulnerability helps create more trust between partners, and ultimately healthier relationships overall, explains Benjamin. Intimacy is more than just a sexual act, but includes emotional connections and quality time spent together, he says. Vulnerability isn’t easy–especially when teens are young and scared of getting hurt. But the more open they can be about their insecurities, the closer they’ll be with their partners.Often times, kids who feel insecure turn to drugs and alcohol to lessen their fear of a sexual encounter, Benjamin explains. That’s not a sustainable solution, however, and can lead to gray areas around consent and safety, he says. Instead, teens need to learn to be vocal about how they’re feeling. Do they feel uncomfortable? Unsafe? Are they unsure of themselves or just reluctant to become sexually active?These communication skills are just one of many things kids should know before heading into their first intimate encounter. Benjamin and I are discussing what teens should know if they’re preparing to start a sexual relationship with someone.Critical Concepts For Sexually Active TeensIf teens are going to jump into a sexual encounter with someone, there’s a few things they should know first! Benjamin and I are reviewing some critical concepts that parents should review with teens who might have an intimate interaction on the horizon.One thing that Benjamin emphasizes is that every encounter is different. Everyone has unique anatomy, and an intimate interaction might be short or long, slow or fast, loud or quiet. Instead of expecting things to go a certain way, he says teens should remain open-minded and above all, communicate. Communication is key to creating a better experience, not just for themselves, but for their partners.In the episode, Benjamin and I chat about a common insecurity men face–the size of their genitals! But Benjamin assures us that size isn’t everything, and everyone is looking for something different in a partner. Other parts of an intimate encounter are just as, if not more significant than penetration, especially when it comes to women’s pleasure. We talk further about different kinds of pleasure in the episode, and how we discuss such an awkward and potentially sensitive topic with teens.Benjamin also shares what teens should know about orgasms–and why it’s ok not to have them all the time. Sexual encounters don’t always have to have orgasms as the end goal, and can be perfectly enjoyable without them, he says. However, it’s important to know what a partner enjoys, and how our own bodies work! Learning about how partners can pleasure themselves and one another can be an important part of sexuality and forming intimate relationships.In the Episode….This episode is chock full of incredible advice for teens who might feel confused or insecure about sex. On top of the topics discussed above, we’re also talking about:Why we shouldn’t shame masturbationWhat teens should know about sex toysHow we can teach boys about periodsWhy teens shouldn’t learn about sex from TVIf you liked this episode, you can find more from Benjamin at his website, Benjamindunks.com. Thanks for listening, and don’t forget to share and subscribe. We’ll see you next week!