Helping Couples Heal Podcast

In this episode of the Helping Couples Heal podcast, Duane and Marnie answer a listener's question about what to expect further along the recovery road for a couple recovering from betrayal trauma. What does moving forward look like after early tasks such as disclosure have been achieved? What's on the other side? Should there be more to compensate for years of acting out and integrity abuse? Marnie and Duane answer some of these questions and explore what life can look like beyond recovery when both partners are very much invested in healing the relationship

In this episode of the Helping Couples Heal podcast, Marnie and Duane discuss the importance of full transparency in a relationship traumatized by betrayal. Often we hear from hopeless partners who are in so much pain because after the discovery of betrayal, there remains a lack of integrity, specifically when it comes to full transparency.  Full transparency allows a partner to move from a place of trauma and despair to a place of security, trust, and healing. To those who have betrayed their partner, helping your partner and your relationship heal from betrayal trauma requires full transparency and the willingness to consistently provide evidence of fidelity and honesty when requested. Recognizing that a partner is seeking safety after discovery and taking action to provide full transparency without resistance, defensiveness, or anger is essential to relational healing.  www.helpingcouplesheal.com

In this episode of the Helping Couples Heal podcast, Marnie and Duane discuss the importance of managing expectations around the time it takes to heal relationships after the discovery of betrayal. Learn more about our workshop:https://helpingcouplesheal.com/workshop/Learn more about our online couples community:https://helpingcouplesheal.com/helping-couples-heal-online-couples-community/

In this episode of the Helping Couples Heal podcast, Marnie and Duane discuss the topic of shame, the greatest obstacle/barrier to healing relationships after betrayal. It is crucial that a betraying partner be accountable for their betrayal; shame doesn’t accomplish that. Shame makes healing much harder, perhaps impossible. What accompanies shame most often is the feeling of hopelessness because it tells you that this (what you have done) is who you have always been and always will be. Rather than conceptualizing your betrayal as behavior that caused trauma to your intimate partner (and perhaps others as well), shame frames the betrayal as an integral part of your identity. Most people who feel that, at their core, they are bad will not believe that they are worthy of forgiveness and healing. While humility pushes you to change and become a better person, shame paralyzes and prevents you from growing and healing. It disables you, blocking your capacity to take the necessary steps to heal yourself or your relationship. Relational healing requires the ability to be relational and present. Shame does the opposite; it pushes you away from your spouse at precisely the moment you should be trying to rebuild your connection.If shame is keeping you or your relationship stuck, please listen to this episode. https://helpingcouplesheal.com/

PLEASE READ BEFORE LISTENING:Please be advised that we will be talking about sexuality in this episode and, at times, will be using graphic language that may be triggering or bring up uncomfortable emotions for some. The content of this episode will not be appropriate for those of you who have recently had discovery, are in acute trauma or crisis, and/or have not yet (or have just started) to work on relational healing. This episode is for our listeners who are at a place in their healing and couples recovery where they want to begin to explore sexuality after betrayal. We don't believe anyone should even consider being sexual with a partner when there is a lack of safety, ongoing abuse, or danger. Sexual Reintegration comes at a later stage of recovery once there has been trauma reduction/resolution and relational stabilization. Episode SynopsisIn this episode, Marnie and Duane talk with sex expert Dr. Emily Morse about sexual health and wellness and how to create the safety necessary for couples recovering from betrayal trauma. By exploring such questions as "What is healthy sexuality?" and "What is not healthy sexuality?" we begin to create a template to guide and assist couples who are ready to take this next step in their relational healing.    

In this episode, Marnie and Duane discuss the topic of pornography, specifically in the context of betrayal. This episode isn't a moral debate about pornography. Instead, it is a candid discussion about the traumatic impact of discovering a secret sexual life on an unknowing partner."It's just porn" is often used as a way to minimize the damage or pain experienced by the partner who was left in the dark for years. However, by definition, betrayal in itself (regardless of the nature of the sexual behavior) causes complex trauma to those who had no idea about their partner's secret sex life.Please listen to understand how a secret pornography life causes betrayal trauma and creates deep and long-lasting wounds in couples who want to heal.  You can find out more about Duane and Marnie at http://www.helpingcouplesheal.com/

In this episode of the Helping Couples Heal podcast, Duane and Marnie discuss how the compartmentalization of trust can hinder relational healing and further traumatize a betrayed partner.  While many betrayers are able to understand why their partner can no longer trust them when it comes to sexual and relational fidelity, many do not understand why their partner is no longer able to trust them in other areas "separate from the betrayal." Marnie and Duane explain why nothing remains "separate" after betrayal and how understanding the danger of distorted thinking in recovery can help prevent further trauma.  

In this episode of the Helping Couples Heal podcast, Marnie and Duane address therapeutic separation in the context of betrayal and relational trauma, a topic often talked about but not often understood. They discuss everything from what it is and what it is not to why a therapeutic separation can feel threatening or scary and why (if used correctly and with professional support and guidance) it can be a practical intervention for couples trying to heal their relationships after betrayal.  

A note to our listeners:We want you to know how sorry we are that it's been so long since we released a podcast episode. Please know that you've been on our minds and in our hearts; it's just been a particularly crazy busy time for us and we're doing our very best to meet the needs of all of our clients, staff, and listeners. Sadly, there just isn't enough time in the day. Please bear with us, we're here for you!  Feeling stuck can mean a lot of things. In this episode, Marnie and Duane discuss what feeling stuck means in the context of relational healing and betrayal trauma. What does it look like when sobriety has been established but integrity disorder behaviors, abuse, and/or deception continue and trust and safety remain unattainable? How can you as the betrayed partner take care of yourself and get your needs met when the person who has hurt you is incapable or unwilling to take the necessary action to help you heal? This is an important conversation to listen to if you're feeling stuck in healing your relationship and don't know how to move forward with or without your partner.  

In this episode of the Helping Couples Heal podcast, author and transformational journalist Neil Strauss joins Marnie and Duane once again to continue their conversation about his personal journey of betrayal and healing and the transformative work that changed his life. Part 1 https://helpingcouplesheal.com/the-truth-a-conversation-with-neil-strauss/