If I Speak

Ash has a big theory about our growing fear of cringe. How does the internalisation of secondhand embarrassment change our behaviour? Is it possible that to be cringe is to be free? Plus: advice for a listener who’s become scared of sex. Send us your dilemmas: [email protected] Music by Matt Huxley.

A weird interaction on the dancefloor gets Ash thinking about ambiguity. How do we balance the need for clear consent with the perks of mystery and uncertainty? Has growing up online increased our need for clarity? Plus: a friend who’s been separated from her besties. Send us your dilemmas: [email protected] Music by Matt Huxley.

After quitting Instagram, Moya wonders if the concept of ‘healthy competition’ is a myth, and Ash explains how to hate with artistry. Plus: Taylor Swift chat (for the first 8 minutes, be warned!) and advice for a couple in a longterm sex drought. Send us your dilemmas: [email protected] Music by Matt Huxley.

Ash and Moya talk about porn, sex work, desire, ‘duty sex’ and more in a conversation sparked by a mystery question. Is AI-generated porn driving viewers to more extreme content? Has OnlyFans made it harder to be a woman on the internet? Plus: advice for a bisexual woman who’s got history with her new housemate. CN: This episode contains mentions of child sexual abuse at 18m and 23m. Watch Ash’s interview with Patricia Nilsson, author of Guilty Pleasure: https://novara.media/patricia Send us your dilemmas: [email protected] Music by Matt Huxley.

Moya and Ash get their nerd on with a conversation about the rise of convenience and the loss of enchantment. How can we access feelings of wonder in a world of quick fixes? Is friction the spice of life? (With reference to LOTR, Jaws and Tony Stark.) Plus: when a so-called friend can’t do the bare minimum. The book Moya mentions is Gabe Bullard’s Against Convenience. Send us your dilemmas: [email protected] Music by Matt Huxley.

What if we still haven’t processed what the pandemic did to us? Was Covid a permanent turning point for our social lives and mental health? Ash and Moya identify an ongoing yearning for connection amid the scare stories and the manic bounceback. Plus: is it your fault you’re still single? Send us your dilemmas: [email protected] Music by Matt Huxley.

Moya and Ash think about how money changes our priorities. Should rich friends should pay for their poor friends? And how do income gaps affect our romantic relationships? Plus: what to do when your partner reveals an addiction. Get tickets for Ash at the Southbank Centre on 26 September: https://www.southbankcentre.co.uk/whats-on/ash-sarkar-the-future-of-relationships Send us your dilemmas: [email protected] Music by Matt Huxley.

Moya is worried about status – and so are increasing numbers of men in therapy, according to a recent report. So what does status look like in this economy? How are men adapting to not being guaranteed breadwinners? Can you be both downwardly mobile and satisfied with your life? Plus: what to do when you suspect your friend is in love with you. Read the article on men in therapy: https://www.theguardian.com/society/ng-interactive/2026/aug/19/men-therapy-achievement-grief Read John Burn-Murdoch on women breadwinners: https://www.ft.com/content/4b7b8d3f-5625-4dba-ad90-66192c101956?syn-25a6b1a6=1 Get tickets for Ash at the Southbank Centre on 26 September: https://www.southbankcentre.co.uk/whats-on/ash-sarkar-the-future-of-relationships Send us your dilemmas: [email protected] Music by Matt Huxley.

Ash has had life-changing experience for only £38. Has she found the key to escaping her fight-or-flight response? And what’s the best way to process anxiety? Plus: how to respond when your partner’s porn habit makes you feel weird. Get tickets for Ash at the Southbank Centre on 26 September. Get tickets for Heated: Carnival Afters at Vespers on 30 August. Send us your dilemmas: [email protected] Music by Matt Huxley.

Have we finally had enough of hyper-consumerism? Moya and Ash confront the political crises that are changing our attitudes to spending, and what that’s got to do with the World Cup and cerulean sweaters. Plus: what to do when you’ve lost all motivation. Read the Vulture article about lifestyle influencers mentioned in the show. Get tickets for Ash at the Southbank Centre on 26 September. Get tickets for Heated: Carnival Afters at Vespers on 30 August. Send us your dilemmas: [email protected] Music by Matt Huxley.