Shameless Leadership

DarNesha Weary is a Shameless Mom of 2 young adults, the owner of Black Coffee NW, a community leader, an event organizer, a culture shifter, and a change maker. I discovered DarNesha while following Black Coffee NW on social media and knew I wanted to invite her on the show. Over the last year I’ve watched her family build and rebuild their business as they have been the target of hate crimes. I’ve watched her hire her 17 year old daughter as the President of her company.  I’ve seen her turn a coffee shop into a place where community is birthed and nourished. I’ve been in total awe of DarNesha’s mission. When I found out we had a friend in common, I took the opportunity to reach out in my typical stalker fashion to invite her into a conversation here. I’m so delighted that she said yes. Listen in to hear DarNesha share: How she’s learning who she is as a woman at the age of 42 What inspired her and her husband to open Black Coffee NW How she has handled acts of violence to her business and staff How abundant thinking has deeply impacted her success - especially on hard days The importance of expecting and normalizing mistakes Why she’s building an elevated coffee shop experience in order to create a community hub for conversations and connections - and why this is so important Why she named her 17 year daughter president of the company Why she doesn’t want blindly loyal customers - but conscientious consumers who are ready to take action to help them live the mission How growing her business is part of her healing journey as a mom and Black woman Links mentioned: Learning more about Black Coffee NW, their locations, and their events in Seattle Black Coffee NW on IG DarNesha on IG FB/TWITTER/TIKTOK @blackcoffeenw Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I recently completely lost my shit at the bank. Through a series of events that were unexpected and inconvenient, I was unable to get what I needed at my bank - on two separate occasions within the same week. This led to a meltdown in my car on a Tuesday afternoon. Screaming and crying in the bank parking lot. If you’re imagining me red faced, slobbering and irrational - like a toddler, you would be right.As I tried to collect myself in order to drive, I started piecing together a few things….So many things keep getting harder as a result of this pandemic. The demands on us keep becoming more and more energy consuming - whether it’s the constant worry, the constant decision making, or the constant work-arounds we have to create to make things happen in new ways. We are out of patience. When our patience is stretched so thin, OF COURSE we are going to have toddler-like meltdowns in our cars.We are all trying so hard to keep it together, but the constant adapting to more difficult situations has pushed us into an epidemic of pandemic impatience.We are all walking around just one disappointment away from losing our shit #everydamnday.Am I right?For me it was the bank situation. Maybe for you it’s the grocery store being out of your favorite snack (I also cried recently when Trader Joe’s was out of dark chocolate peanut butter cups). Maybe it’s a passive aggressive comment made by a boss or a family member. Maybe it’s your child (or partner) pushing your buttons one time too many on any given Tuesday. The things that used to roll off us are now major triggering events - because we are so, so tired. We have been navigating this pandemic for over 555 days now. 555 days. In this episode, I talk through 4 reasons you are feeling ALL THE FEELINGS right now and a few tips to help you keep going. We must keep going. We will keep going. We can keep going.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

New York Times bestselling author Ruth Soukup is dedicated to helping women everywhere create a life they love, encouraging her more than 1 million subscribers to follow their dreams and reach their goals. She is the host of the wildly popular Do It Scared podcast, as well as the founder of the Living Well Planner® and Elite Blog Academy®, as well as the author of six books, including her newest bestseller, Do It Scared®: Finding the Courage to Face Your Fears, Overcome Obstacles, and Create a Life You Love. Her practical advice has been featured all over, including Family Circle, Entrepreneur, TIME and Fox News.Ruth has been on my radar for years.  She is widely known to be a powerhouse of a story teller, creator, and leader.  I was so touched when she said she would be a guest on the show.  And I was deeply honored when she shared what she wanted to talk about.  We dig deep into her past as she uncovers how she went from an extremely hopeless rock bottom season to actively choosing to live. Listen in to hear Ruth share: How the trauma from her childhood sexual abuse resurfaced as depression in college and led to her first suicide attempt The one thing that helped her regain a will to live after 2.5 years of being hospitalzed for multiple suicide attempts How she and her therapist shifted their conversation into a journey to live instead of always living in the past and processing trauma The power of looking back and identifying your rock bottom moments in order to find power & strength in future hard seasons of your life Why it’s ok to let others hold hope for you if you can’t hold it for yourself The first tiny step to take if you’re in a rock bottom situation or really hard season Her advice for moms who looking to change paths in life Links mentioned: Join my free Hope, Happiness, and Mental Health Challenge Join Ruth’s Activate program Learn your fear archetype: Do It Scared Ruth on social media: @ruthsoukup @livingwellspendingless @livingwellplanner @eliteblogacademy Read about Ruth’s mental health journey from the very beginning Thank you to our sponsor:Talkspace: To match with your perfect therapist for a fraction of the price of traditional therapy, go to https://www.talkspace.com/, Make sure to use the code SHAMELESS to get $100 off your first month and show your support for the show. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Last May, as we approached the end of Mental Health Awareness Month, I decided to share my own story around mental health and, specifically, around my diagnoses of PTSD and General Anxiety Disorder. I heard from so many of you who could relate to my story.  A large number of those of you who reached out to say “me too” also shared that you struggled with the same diagnoses. Given this feedback, I thought it might be helpful to share what treatment/management modalities have helped me the most since being diagnosed.Overall, my diagnoses have given me so much clarity.  They have solidified who I am in so many ways.  I really understand why my brain works the way it does and how I can use this in my favor.  This has been such a huge relief.  As I share some of my tools in this episode, I cover everything from medication to exercise to calendar management to my precious morning coffee routine.  Whether or not you share my diagnoses, I think you’ll find some of these tools essential to managing your mental health as we continue to navigate the state of the world.If you have any feedback or need any support, please reach out.  I would be honored to be a part of your healing journey.Links Mentioned: Join our free Hope, Happiness and Mental Health Challenge SMA Ep 544: My Mental Health Diagnosis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jessica Frew is a wife, ex-wife, mom, stepmom, and BOLD action taker. She has a successful podcast called “Husband in Law” that she records with her husband, Matt, and her ex-husband, Steve. Together they are sharing their stories of love, marriage, coming out, divorce, remarriage, and co-parenting to help others know they are not alone. They also co-own The BOLD Logic. A company devoted to helping people go from living in an “I should” mindset to taking BOLD action toward keeping and reclaiming their sense of self. Jessica is a firm believer that by knowing and understanding what it is you really want in life you can BOLDly create a life you love, no matter what your circumstances.Listen in to hear Jessica share: The process of finding out her husband was gay a year and a half into her marriage How she, her ex-husband, and her current husband have owned and shared their story in a way that helps other couples What a mixed orientation marriage is and how it works for different couples The disservice we do to our children when we hold a narrow view of what marriage and family look like What it’s like to be a member of a Mormon church and have a family that looks drastically different from a typical Mormon family How she knew when to follow her intuition vs letting her ego go How she navigated the hardest early years of her second marriage and the truth about hard seasons in marriage The importance of healthy boundaries that bring others in - not just setting boundaries as defensive armor How she listens to herself when things don’t go as planned, as well as the specific questions she asks herself in times of turmoil Links mentioned: Join my free Hope, Happiness & Mental Health Challenge Podcast: Husband In Law Jessica on IG: @husbandinlaw Resources and Journal: The Boldlogic Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How often have you made yourself smaller because you didn’t want to make other people feel uncomfortable? You didn’t want to outshine someone, you didn’t want to hold someone responsible, you didn’t want to make someone take a closer look at themself?Perhaps you find yourself keeping your voice quiet and small because you are worried that your louder, bigger voice would make too much noise for another person.Sometimes it is absolutely appropriate to make space for others. But sometimes the space you are making for others is at your own expense. That is not appropriate. If you are an over-giver or a people pleaser, you probably know well the pain and exhaustion of tiptoeing around someone else. You know the resentment that comes with biting your tongue and taking someone else’s crap. You know the regret that comes with letting someone say or do something gross and not calling them on it. I’m giving you permission to use your voice more loudly, more clearly, and more frequently. I’m inviting you to set better boundaries that keep the right people out of your life and invite the right people in on your terms.  This is about you having clarity around what you stand for and what you stand against. This is about knowing who you are and who you want to give your energy to. This is about letting other people be responsible for themselves instead of you feeling like you must keep them comfortable at all times.In today’s episode I walk you through a handful of situations in which you might want to consider how you’re sacrificing yourself in order to make others more comfortable - and how to stop doing that.Links Mentioned:Join my free Hope, Happiness & Mental Health Challenge Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Nicole Lynn Lewis is a mom of 4, a social entrepreneur, and the founder of the nonprofit Generation Hope. As a teen mother, she put herself through the College of William & Mary, starting as a freshman when her daughter was just three months old. She has been named a CNN Hero and won the Roslyn S. Jaffe Award. She has appeared on CNN, NBC Nightly News, “Good Morning America,” and her journey has been covered in the Washington Post, Baltimore Sun, TeenVogue, Chronicle for Higher Education, and others. Her book "PREGNANT GIRL: A Story of Teen Pregnancy, College, and Creating a Better Future for Young Families" is out now.Nicole’s story is going to open your eyes to what it’s like to be a Black teen mom in college, as well as all the ways our current college system is set up to ensure success only for its most privileged students. Listen in to hear Nicole share: Her mission to write Pregnant Girl - in order help society have a better understanding of teen pregnancy Her experience going to college and living on campus as a Black teen mom Why it’s so critical that we stop hiding, shaming, and punishing teen parents by marginalizing them and taking resources from them How to support the 25% of our college students who are young parents The stereotypes we hold against teen parents - and the truths behind them How precarious and isolating it is to be a teen mom in college and the toll it takes on mental health How teen parents and students of color have to constantly prove their worthiness to get ahead - in ways students of privileged never do The racist systems and policies that keep parents of color from entering and graduating from college How her non-profit, Generation Hope, supports college students financially and emotionally Why Pregnant Girl is a must read for any teen mom and anyone who carries privilege Links mentioned: Join my Hope Happiness and Mental Health Challenge Connect with Generation Hope Book: PREGNANT GIRL: A Story of Teen Pregnancy, College, and Creating a Better Future for Young Families Nicole on Twitter and Instagram: @supportgenhope and @nicolelynnlewis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The chaos & clutter are real. Not just in our homes, but in our heads, my friends. As we continue to navigate the most challenging and relentless season of most of our lives, it is easy to let our minds get the best of us. The overwhelm is real. The fear is palpable. The stress is justified. It is in these moments that our minds tend to run away without our permission. We go to worst case scenarios. We write stories with horrific endings. We let all our wiring go haywire as we imagine how bad things could get.As I’ve been on coaching calls with clients over the last couple weeks, we have been working on calming the mental chaos & clutter. Because, even under the hardest circumstances, you get to choose how you manage your thoughts and how you see your position of power in sticky (if not terrifying) situations.In today’s episode, I’ll walk you through 6 questions to ask yourself in order to calm the chaos and clear the clutter in your head. This will allow you to create space for “what is true and what is beautiful” (as Glennon Doyle teaches us) in those moments that are keeping you stuck in overwhelm right now. Links Mentioned:Join my Hope Happiness and Mental Health Challenge Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Andrea Owen is the author of 3 books, a global speaker, certified life coach, and hell raiser who helps high-achieving women maximize unshakeable confidence, and master resilience. She has taught hundreds of thousands of women tools and strategies to be able to empower themselves to live their most kick-ass life through speaking, her books, coaching, and her wildly popular podcast, Make Some Noise, with close to 3 million downloads.Andrea has become one of my favorite COVID voxer buddies. When she told me about her newest book, Make Some Noise: Speak Your Mind and Own Your Strength I immediately told her she had to come back on the show. Andrea talks as fast and as loud as me - so buckle up, friends. This convo is fire.Listen in to hear Andrea share: Why she decided to write her book, Make Some Noise, in this pivotal moment in history The reality of women fearing shining too bright The solution to start taking up space and start shining (a little) more The questions to ask yourself if you feel yourself hesitating to take up space How we fall into internalized misogyny How to talk about other people from a place of curiosity instead of judgement and gossip The 4 steps to start unlearning  How she built an entire relationship while ignoring her intuition - and ultimately ended up in her enabling her partners drug addiction and doing drug deals in Mexico Why women’s empowerment starts with women asking for what they want Links mentioned: Join for info on my Hope, Happiness & Mental Health Challenge: shamelessmom.com/newsletter Listen to the Make Some Noise podcast Get Andrea’s book, Make Some Noise: andreaowen.com/noise Get the free Make Some Noise Workbook and bonuses andreaowen.com/msn Andrea on Instagram Andrea on Facebook Andrea on Twitter Andrea on YouTube Andrea on Pinterest   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How did we get here? 12 weeks ago we kicked off our Lead Like A Mother Summer Series. This was back in June when the world was full of hope and it looked like things could be really turning around in this pandemic. 12 weeks later, we are still here. And so is the pandemic. As we close out this series, I want to invite you to consider how the lessons of this series apply to you at any time, in any season. No matter how hard the world becomes - or how GREAT it becomes, a few things remain true: It is likely that YOU will continue to be the single most force that holds you back from getting what you want and need, so you must stay keenly connected to habits that don’t serve you Your brain WILL revert to negative thought patterns and dysfunctional loops routinely, so you must constantly check what you’re letting in and how you’re framing your situation Your innate ability to lead is a privilege and a responsibility not to be taken lightly.  In this episode, we will dive into these 3 truths so that you can continue to feel strong, powerful, and capable even when you don’t feel in control of what is happening around you.We continue to be in this together, my friend. I GOT YOU.Link mentioned:Join for info on my Hope, Happiness & Mental Health Challenge   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices