Shameless Leadership

Melissa Guida-Richards is a Shameless Mom to two little boys and the author of WHAT WHITE PARENTS SHOULD KNOW ABOUT TRANSRACIAL ADOPTION. Melissa uses her gift of writing to help other adoptees and adoptive families. Her work has been featured in The Independent, Zora, Insider, HuffPo, Level at Medium, Electric Literature, Hello Giggles. And she had a viral Huffpost Article, My Adoptive Parents Hid My Racial Identity For 19 Years. She is also a contributing writer for The Everymom.I am in a Facebook group for writers and when Melissa shared a bit of her story in that group, I immediately reached out to ask her if she’d be willing to join me here on the podcast. I’m so grateful that she said yes.  Listen in to hear Melissa share: Her adoption story of being adopted from an orphanage in Colombia, being raised in New York, and not being told she was adopted until age 19 The process of discovering she was Latina, not Portuguese Italian, as her family had led her to believe The process of having her article, My Adoptive Parents Hid My Racial Identity For 19 Years, go viral The evolution of her relationship with her parents in the years after discovering she was adopted What inspired her to write her first book, What White Parents Should Know About Transracial Adoption Important notes for white adoptive parents or prospective white adoptive parents Her experience of finding her biological sisters and mom How having her own children created an entire process of grieving around her adoption How she’s connected to her Colombian culture as an adult and as a mom raising Colombian sons Links mentioned: Join me in Jen Lumanlan’s 10-week Taming Your Triggers workshop: shamelessmom.com/taming Connect with Melissa: AdopteeThoughts.com  Melissa’s Book, What White Parents Should Know About Transracial Adoption Melissa on IG Please find our sponsor information here: shamelessmom.com/sponsor/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

For the last couple weeks, I have been talking about triggers in parenting - and life. I had to laugh as I was putting together content for this episode. As I was preparing my notes early one morning, Vinnie told me his “nose was burning.” He shared this about 7 minutes before we were supposed to leave for school. Of course.Given the current Covid climate, I couldn’t just send him to school. We had to talk through a litany of symptoms, take his temperature, run a rapid Covid test… All the damn things required if one has the slightest inkling their child might be bringing germs to school.  The Covid test came back negative, but with a sore throat (aka “burning nose”) and a bit of congestion on board, V had to stay home from school. This was NOT the plan I had for my day. NOT AT ALL. I found myself totally triggered in the middle of creating this episode on the top triggers facing moms in 2022. Talk about ironic timing…I know I’m not the only mom who is super over the constant uncertainty of every single day, the endless pivoting of best laid plans, and the chronic fatigue of juggling 197 things #everydamnday.  In this episode, I share the 8 top triggers impacting moms right now as well. It is my hope that you will feel seen and held as reflect on all that you are being expected to manage right now. Then I offer you some “medicine” to support your mental and emotional health as you continue to show up day after day doing your very best.  As always, we are in this together. I’m losing my shit just as often as you… promise. Let’s stick together, shall we.Link mentioned:Join me in Jen Lumanlan’s 10 week Taming Your Triggers workshop: shamelessmom.com/taming  Please find our sponsor information here: shamelessmom.com/sponsor/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jen Lumanlan holds a Masters in Psychology in Child Development and hosts the Your Parenting Mojo podcast, which is a reference guide for parents of children between the toddler and elementary years based on scientific research and the principles of respectful parenting. In each episode, she examines a topic related to parenting and child development from all sides to help parents understand how to make decisions about raising their children. She lives in California with her husband and daughter.This is Jen’s second time on the show. She is back this time to talk about taming your triggers in parenting, which is a very timely topic, like every parent I know is feeling especially spread thin and beyond exhausted after enduring the last two years. We dig into the concept of parenting triggers and then Jen coaches me about a trigger that is very front and center in my own parenting journey right now. Please enjoy hearing me get uncomfortable! Listen in to hear Jen share: Why you’re feeling triggered by your child's behavior How your parenting triggers might be connected to your own “little t” traumas or “big T” traumas of your past How your own trauma of unmet needs impacts your parenting The “magic bullet” to help you manage guilt and shame in hard parenting moments Coaching me through raising an extrovert who likes to be really loud all the time Scripts you can use to navigate conversations with your child so you can both get your needs met in hard moments The connection between our parenting and smashing the patriarchy The value in practicing repairing your relationship with your child after having a hard moment How to work with her (and me!) in her 10-week workshop, Taming Your Triggers Links mentioned: Sign up for Jen’s free Masterclass on February 12th: How to Tame Your Triggers Around Your Child's Difficult Behavior: shamelessmom.com/triggers Join me and enroll in Jen’s 10-week workshop, Taming Your Triggers between February 13th-23rd: shamelessmom.com/taming Book: Set Boundaries, Find Peace Please find our sponsor information here: shamelessmom.com/sponsor/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I was in a conversation with a coaching client the other day and we were hashing out some details around her company branding and mission. She is a badass coach who works with moms who want to learn how to prioritize themselves in order to shift the relationship to self and the way they parent to overcome things like mom rage and all the other overwhelming emotions that come with momming on any given day. As we were talking through some ideas, she mentioned how the moms she works with want to “become better moms”. I found myself nodding along. Yes, of course! Who doesn’t want to be a better mom?!The next morning. I found myself in the shower thinking about this conversation and I had a visceral reaction.NO. WE DON’T NEED TO BECOME BETTER MOMS.  I get that we desire to be our very best for our kids.  And we always want to become better versions of ourselves.  I know so many of you listening are committed to growth and evolution and doing better when it comes to everything from the way you mother to the way you show up at work to the way you participate as a good citizen in your communities.  But, if we are carrying with us this constant idea that, “I need to be a better mom”, we are likely carrying guilt, shame and a strong sense of not enoughness.  It is quite possible that your desire to “become a better mom” is completely undermining the incredible mother you already are.In this episode, I dig into how you can change your mindset around the mother you currently are in order to bring more joy and peace to mothering and life in general.  You are already an amazing mom. Full stop. Link mentioned:Sign up for Jen Lumanlan’s free Masterclass on February 12th: How to Tame Your Triggers Around Your Child's Difficult Behavior: shamelessmom.com/triggers Please find our sponsor information here: shamelessmom.com/sponsor/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Amy Henderson is one of our nation’s leading voices on the critical role of parenting and caregiving in developing the future of work. Amy has three kids and is the founding CEO of TendLab, where she has been working with companies and their parents’ groups at places like Salesforce, Accenture, Cloudflare, Airbnb, Lululemon, and many others to optimize the workplace for parents. As cited in Forbes for her "truly collaborative nature," Amy also started and co-leads the Fam Tech Founders Collaborative, a network of over 180 founders who are solving for the needs of caregivers. A regular speaker and author advocating on behalf of the power of parenthood at work, Amy has been featured in and written for The Wall Street Journal, Forbes, Fortune, Fast Company, Slate, InStyle, and more. Her book, 'Tending: Parenthood and the Future of Work," was published by Nationbuilder Books in May 2021. I got to hear Amy speak at an event for her book recently and I was blown away. I reached out to her (aka: stalked her down online) immediately after the event and asked her to join me for an interview. I’m so delighted and honored she said yes. Her work is not only brilliant, but absolutely critical, right now. Listen in to hear Amy share: Her stark realizations after having 3 kids under the age of 4 and having to figure out how to raise babies and her career How parenthood changes all parents brains - regardless of whether or not you birthed your child How parenthood unlocks parts of your brain forever - that qualify you to show up and lead in new and more dynamic ways for the rest of your life Why the US is the only developed country in the world in which parenthood decreases your happiness instead of increasing it The motherhood penalty in the workplace - PS: it’s REAL How PTSD prepared her for being a working mom in America 5 things parenthood unlocks within you that makes you more capable and marketable if you choose to leverage them What gives her hope for working moms in the US - and how COVID may have helped us in a certain sense  Links mentioned: Book: Tending: Parenthood and the Future of Work Connect with Amy: amyhenderson.org TendLab: TendLab.com Amy on LinkedIn Amy on Instagram Amy on Twitter Amy on Facebook Please find our sponsor information here: shamelessmom.com/sponsor/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Are you the type of person who must keep moving forward in order to keep up hope? I definitely am.  When things get heavy and hard, if I sit down for too long, the weight of the world becomes heavier with every inhale. The walls start to close in on me, anxiety takes control of my brain, and it can take an uncomfortable, if not unreasonable amount of time to break down those walls.I hate dealing with those walls, so I am careful not to let them close in on me.  I stay in motion. I make things happen. I keep up the momentum.  Even when things are hard. This doesn’t mean I don’t rest. It just means that I KEEP GOING, even if I slow down a bit, even if I stop for a nap. It means I keep looking for the light, which sometimes means searching for the tiniest cracks to find the light only beginning to peek in. It means I look for reasons and purpose and people to guide me toward possibility.  We are in a time right now where possibilities can feel pretty limited. So, I wanted to share with you how I’m helping my clients amplify possibility as I coach individuals and groups through this relentless season. In this episode I share 5 steps to help you amplify possibility right now: Assume success Step back to see the forest through the trees more regularly Reconsider timelines and stop waiting for “someday” Tighten and expand your circle as frequently as necessary Find the edges and feel them After you listen in, let me know how you will KEEP GOING and one step you will take to amplify possibility this week.Link mentioned:Leave a review for the show: shamelessmom.com/review(Thank you!! Your reviews mean soooo much to me!)Please find our sponsor information here: shamelessmom.com/sponsor/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, global relationship and empowerment expert, and the author of Boundary Boss-The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen and (Finally) Live Free. For over two decades, she has worked with a diverse group of clients that includes everyone from stay-at-home moms to celebrities and Fortune 500 CEOs. Terri has a gift for making complex psychological concepts accessible and actionable so that clients and students achieve sustainable change. She inspires over 450,000 people weekly through her blog, social media platform, signature courses, and her popular podcast, The Terri Cole Show.  When the opportunity to interview Terri landed in my inbox, I JUMPED. I have heard her speak a few times over the years and she is always FIRE. I cannot wait to share her genius here with you! Make sure to check out the free gift she is offering all Shameless Moms at boundaryboss.me/shameless.Listen in to hear Terri share: What boundaries are (your own personal rules of engagement) and why they matter Disordered and dysfunctional boundaries The importance of uncovering your downloaded boundary blueprint The danger of the truth that: “Women are raised and praised to be self-abandoning codependents” How to take small steps to better boundaries and pause all of your YESes Why boundaries are crucial in parenting and what disordered boundaries in parenting can look like How fear shows up and prevents us from setting healthy boundaries and speaking truthfully How she works with people through The Real Love Revolution - via a deep dive into yourself Links mentioned: Learn about Terri’s course, Real Love Revolution: terricole.com/rlr Terri’s free gift for Shameless Moms: boundaryboss.me/shameless Podcast: The Terri Cole Show: https://terricole.com/itunes Terri on IG Terri on Twitter Terri on FB Terri on YouTube  Please find our sponsor information here: shamelessmom.com/sponso Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We set mothers up to fail in this pandemic.For decades before the pandemic began, we told moms they could and should DO IT ALL. While the intent was to give women permission to do all the things men do - we screwed this one up. Big time. Instead of giving moms the support they need (read: childcare and household support), we let them just keep adding to their plates in an effort to prove they can “do it all”.  After decades of piling on all the things and 2 years of a global pandemic, moms are breaking under the pressure and no one is talking about it. I routinely hear moms say things like:“I just need to get through this day/week/season.”“I know I have it better than others so I really don’t want to complain.”“It’s not that bad. I’m just a little tired. I can push through.”But, the reality is… for almost 700 days now: You haven’t had a break Society hasn’t acknowledged the massive load you’ve carried for the last 2 years (or decades before that) There is no end and no relief in sight Social media makes it look like everyone else is faring just fabulously, so you really should figure your shit out There are no solutions being presented that make anything easier - just temporary workarounds that might work for a hot second until the next dumpster fire The truth is… You don’t need to push harder You don’t need to try to keep up You don’t pretend this isn’t hard as hell You don’t need to ignore or negate the impact of the last 2 years - even if you’ve “had it better than others” What you really need is likely: To be and acknowledged as someone who has (perhaps single handedly) kept the world spinning for an entire household To recognize that you have endured Trauma and/or trauma over the last 2 years in the form of loss, grief, and chronic stress and it’s taken a toll on your nervous system and mental health Connection and camaraderie with women who can hold you, hear you, learn with you and laugh with you FUN In this episode, I talk you through how to get past what you’ve been fed in order to get WHAT YOU NEED.  Link mentioned:Join Momentum Mamas by January 25: shamelessmom.com/momentum Please find our sponsor information here: shamelessmom.com/sponsor/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Uzma Jafri grew up in Houston, the daughter of Muslim immigrants from Pakistan and India. Coming from a traditional Muslim family and being unapologetically Muslim, while still identifying with American culture, made Uzma hyperaware of the dangers that arise when people conflate culture and religion. Today, Uzma is a physician running her own practice in Phoenix, medical director of an assisted living and hospice agency, and clinical faculty to future physicians. Uzma’s most important full-time job is that of mom to her 4 kids.  Zaiba Hasan is an American Muslim who grew up biracial and bicultural. Born and raised in Chicago, Zaiba’s Irish/Pakistani heritage and interfaith upbringing gave her a head start on navigating between identities. She is frequently invited to speak at interfaith events since her background makes her a natural at bridging gaps between Muslims and non-Muslims in the United States. When she isn’t busy with podcasting, public speaking, fostering an interfaith community, or working on her Master’s Degree & Parent Coaching Certification, Zaiba can be found with her husband and their four children at one of their sporting events.I am so honored to have Uzma and Zaiba on the show, as this is a critically important conversation for those who want to be true allies to our Muslim friends, neighbors, and community members.Listen in to hear Uzma and Zaiba share: The story of how two Muslim friends who hadn’t seen each other in 20 years decided to launch a podcast together How Zaiba’s son being stopped at an airport as a 14-year old Muslim boy inspired their show, Mommying While Muslim How creating a community and resource for Muslim moms ended up attracting a lot of white moms and evangelical men and the value of creating a space where listeners feel like they can be a fly on the wall with two Muslim moms The significance of being in the last pre 911 generation of Muslims in America The racial and religious profiling that happened and continues to happen post 911 How we expand our capacity to connect as humans when we listen in to the stories of people who are unlike us Links mentioned: Join Momentum Mamas: shamelessmom.com/momentum Subscribe to the Podcast: Mommying While Muslim Learn more about Uzma and Zaiba: mommyingwhilemuslim.com Reach out to Uzma and Zaiba: salam@mommyingwhilemuslim.com Uzma and Zaiba on IG Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It’s not ok.Mothers need mentorship. Desperately. And we’re not getting it - anywhere, really.Because as a culture we leave moms to fend for themselves with ridiculously frugal resources to support their physical and mental health in the early years of motherhood, most moms are left feeling lonely and isolated as they care for their babies. Sometimes desperately so. And they have nowhere to turn.In the absence of mentorship, moms feel like they are failing, like everyone else has it all figured out and they just need to “be strong” or pull themselves up by their bootstraps. There is no guidance, let alone connection, companionship or camaraderie for struggling moms. There is no clear path through hard days or hard seasons. There is no normalization of how incredibly hard motherhood is. There are plenty of beautiful instagram accounts that suggest you should be camera ready at all times and be hustling to post all your baby’s milestones and all your career wins, but no permission for you to be chronically overwhelmed and overstimulated, exhausted to the point of disorientation, disconnected to your former sense of self to the point of major anxiety and/or depression.ENOUGH ALREADY.In today’s episode, I break down what moms are missing out on when they don’t have mentorship, the harm we perpetuate as a society that doesn’t prioritize mother’s needs and 5 ways for you to find the connection and mentorship you’re likely craving.Link mentioned:Get SMA updates and an invitation to Momentum Mamas: shamelessmom.com/newsletter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices