Dear Men: How to Rock Sex, Dating, and Relationships With Women

When we think about body image, shame, and appearance, we often think about women. And for good reason — there's a lot of pressure on women to look a certain way, and it's easy to feel less-than if you're not in your 20s with a flat stomach, a perfect ass, and a great rack.But men have all kinds of emotions and self-judgment in this area, too. Ever felt like you're not enough? That you're somehow lacking in terms of your appearance? You're not alone!Whether it's feeling fat, not having six-pack abs, having body hair, or not feeling like your skin color is welcome, there are all sorts of feelings men have around appearance — and we wanted to talk about that. Especially since self-love, self-image, and self-esteem are all directly related to a man's experience of sex, dating, and relationships with women (and whoever they're sexual with).In this special episode, some of our brave clients also share their own answers to the following:Were you ever teased or bullied about your weight or appearance, and how did that impact you? In what ways has your weight or appearance prevented you from going for what you want? If you’ve gone through a body transformation (i.e. losing a bunch of weight or somehow altering your appearance), what was your relationship to your body image like before, and what is it now?The neglect episode referenced in this episode:196: The “invisible” relationship pattern that can affect everything (ft. Jason Lange)

What does it actually mean to "set the mood"? Yes, candles are fantastic — they give that soft light that makes everybody look great, and there's something to be said for that when it comes to sexy time. But there are lots of other ways to increase and enhance pleasure of all kinds, including scent.Aromatherapy is powerful, and here we outline how essential oils can aid in everything from helping you to calm down, as well as to develop self-love. Whether you're in a dating phase or a committed relationship, the fact is that how you feel about yourself impacts the connection between the two of you, and aromatherapy can be a powerful way of keeping you connected to nature.There are some essential that can even help you boost your prostate health, reduce anger, and assist with nurturing and self-acceptance.My favorite quotes from this episode:“Plants are for everybody, and flowers are for men, goddamnit.”“We want to enhance receptivity.” 

Want that sizzle, that dazzle, that magical mystique? Of course you do. Everyone does. And if you're in a long-term relationship, it can feel harder to maintain that over time.We're witnessing an epidemic of sexless relationships -- some studies put it at 15% of all marriages. When it comes to sex, sensuality, and a woman's erotic essence, it can be easy to lose.One way this can show up is as mismatched desire. A man wants sex with his woman (i.e. wants to know, "How do I get my wife to have sex with me more?"), but she's not feelin' it. Maybe she feels like her libido is low. Maybe she wants to figure out whether there's something wrong with her -- isn't it her wifely duty to "provide sex" to her husband/man?Here, we delve into the pattern of losing one's erotic essence as well as the delicious ways to reclaim it. YES, it is possible to get that sexy, sassy, soulful passion back -- both in a relationship as well as just in your own body.If you’re interested in staying in the loop about the program we reference at the end of this episode, email one of us: dearmanpodcast@gmail.com or Violet at: violet@violetlange.com.Violet's site: https://violetlange.com/

Want hot sexy polarity in your relationship or dating life? You're gonna want to master this. It's the one relationship skill to rule them all. Here, we get personal and real about the men we've been with who've done this skillfully (and made us want to drop our panties), as well as those who've missed the mark. You can learn from both.Where many men are taught to be either passive or aggressive, there is a middle way. And it's hot when men do it. What is it? Leading. Leading isn't being a dominant, aggressive asshole and it's not being a pushover or a doormat. It's being assertive in a healthy way. It's having a basic plan for a date and then being willing to adjust if things come up. It's being willing to lead with vulnerability when it comes to attraction. Here, we go into detail about what our experience has been around sex, dating, relationships, and why we've found it so damn sexy when a man can lead.

Ever felt like a woman was testing you, pushing your boundaries in annoying ways, or giving you a "shit test" (not a great term, but one you may be familiar with)? Here's a hint: if you don't want negative emotional tension, you may need to become skilled at positive emotional tension.Whether you're in a dating relationship, long-term marriage, or somewhere in between, the feminine is mysterious. Many men are baffled by how to relate when it seems like what he's doing is never enough. Why can't she just be satisfied? Why does it feel like she's always poking at you, overreacting to something small, or picking a fight? Why isn't sex easier?Here, we go into what women are often thinking or wanting in those moments. We outline positive emotional tension (aka conscious tension), and how it can actually strengthen your relationship. And we cover the difference between tussling — healthy, positive emotional tension, which can actually be fun — and unhealthy abuse. This includes knowing the signs of Borderline Personality Disorder and how to avoid partners with BPD. We also go into how loving, conscious dominance can lead to hot sex. ;)A few memorable quotes from this episode:"Having a PhD really didn’t help much when it came to my relationships!"“If I've got you arguing with me, at least I’ve got your attention.”“We all get needy.”"How can a man tell, 'Is it ever going to be enough for her?'"Resources mentioned on this episode:Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) - an evidence-based treatment for Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)The Wisdom of No Escape by Pema Chodron 

What does it mean to actually be honest when it comes to sex? A lot of couples never really talk about their sex life in depth. Sure, maybe one person in the relationship says they'd like to be having more sex. But that's different from having real, raw conversations about what's working, what each person wants more or less of, and what their deep-down turn-ons actually are.Why? Because it's scary to have these kinds of talks! Whether you're new to dating or you're in a long-term, committed relationship (or even married), it's hard to be open about sexual intimacy. And at the same time, not having honest sex comes at a cost. When you're not real with your partner about sex, you're cutting off a part of yourself. Then you tend to feel more distant. More separate.So how do you overcome this? How do you talk about sex with your partner in a way that's inviting instead of intimidating? Who brings it up and how? What if you wanna explore BDSM? Here we talk about all that — what it means to be truly honest, and how to elicit your partner’s truth and desires and share your own.Mentioned on this episode:Shana's site: https://shanajamescoaching.com/

Chris Muse, an expert in sexological bodywork, and Alyssa Morin, a trauma healing professional, dive deep into sexuality and healing. They discuss the shift from performance-based to pleasure-focused experiences, emphasizing safe spaces for men to address intimacy and trauma. The transformative power of touch and effective communication is highlighted, alongside the unlearning of societal expectations around desire. Listeners will gain insights into overcoming shame and enhancing intimacy through understanding boundaries and embracing vulnerabilities.

Do you want more sex with your wife (or partner)? Ever wanted to have sex in order to feel better? Do you get really pent-up when you haven't had sex with your woman in a while?Men these days are overwhelmingly lonely. Over the past 30 years there has been a drastic drop in rates of friendships for both women and men, but the trend is far more pronounced for men. One study showed that nearly one in three men said they couldn't name a best friend, and a full 18% said they had no close friends at all.What does this have to do with sex? Well, there aren't a lot of places where modern men get to feel closeness, warmth, and emotional safety. For many, sex with their woman is one of the only places where they can. But this comes at a cost. A lot of men don't realize they're using their woman for sex -- that there's a way they actually need sex with her to feel OK. They aren't conscious of how they're using her for sex.Intrigued? Take a listen. We talk about this trend we've seen in clients, as well as what to do to address it.

Ever been abused by a woman partner? Been with a woman with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)? If so, you're not alone. But you may be confused.Physical abuse is pretty clear — if someone throws something at you or hits you, you know they're abusive. But what about emotional abuse? The line between her healthy emotional expression and emotional abuse can be blurry sometimes, especially if you're isolated and haven't told anyone about what's going on.Secrets are rarely healthy, and never when it comes to relationship issues that have you feeling depressed, anxious, or on edge. Whether you're single, in a dating relationship, or married, you should know what's OK to tolerate and what's not. This is also a good episode for anyone who has related with someone with Borderline Personality Disorder. We go into the difference between a woman's healthy expression of feelings like disappointment, anger, or frustration — and what crosses the line into abuse.

What are the signs a girl likes you? How do you know whether a woman is interested? If you're a man who has sex with women and you've ever wondered how to tell if she likes you, you're not alone. It can be especially hard to tell when it's a woman in a service role, like a barista, waitress, or cashier. How do you know whether she's just being friendly or she's interested in dating you or being sexual with you?As a late bloomer, Jason shares his own personal journey around figuring out how women work, what the "open door" signals are, and when to pursue versus stop trying.I talk about my own personal experience of signaling to a man that I'm into him, and what it looks like when I drop handkerchiefs ("come and get me!" style). We also talk about the importance of striking while the iron is hot when it comes to sex, dating, and relationships. Oh, and of course there's a bit about eye contact in Da Club. ;)