Dr. Gary Bell's Absurd Psychology

The phenomenon of abruptly disappearing from people’s lives isn’t new–but it seems to be more common today. Technology has made ghosting an easy way to dissolve relationships. According to a 2018 study, approximately 25 percent of men and women reported having been ghosted in a romantic relationship, and 22 percent admitted to having ghosted someone else. The Federal Reserve even recognized the phenomenon, in which employers reported being ghosted by employees in a tight labor market. Today ghosting is more popular and destructive than ever. Tune in and learn all about ghosting and ghosters!

During the early phase of marriage, many couples barely come up for air due to the excitement of falling in love. Unfortunately, this blissful state doesn’t last forever. Scientists have discovered that oxytocin (a bonding hormone) released during the initial stage of infatuation causes couples to feel euphoric and turned on by physical touch. It actually works like a drug, giving us immediate rewards that bind us to our lover. Tune in and learn how to restart your love life with your partner!

If the science of death remains a riddle (we’re still not exactly sure why the human body decides to die), the psychology of it has been one of our greatest conundrums. Others die, not us—or at least, that's what most of us like to think. The difficulty to conceive of our own deaths is perhaps some kind of survival mechanism to prevent it from actually happening. Rather than just being a biological impulse, however, our denial of death seems to be a psychological condition rooted in Freudian theory. Americans repress the idea of death; our fear of it so great that it lies buried deep in our subconscious. (The word itself is a major turn-off, which I quickly discovered when I told friends some years ago that I was writing a book about death.) Fictionalizing death through violent (and wildly popular) entertainment helps us keep it at bay, an over-the-top, stylized version serving as a safe substitute for the real thing. Tune in and learn how to conceive of death and make peace!

Belonging is fundamental to humankind. The pursuit of it is the driving force behind our desire to be a part of groups, and its presence (or absence) has a direct impact on our mental, emotional, and physical wellbeing. Belonging grows from a feeling of connectedness with others, and the sense that you are a part of something. That could be with an individual, a group, or a larger community. But, a social connection doesn’t necessarily equate to belonging. More than just an acquaintance between people or a group, belonging is all about being seen, accepted, and supported by others and doing the same for them. It’s built gradually over time with people that are supportive of us as full, authentic human beings. Tune in and learn all about what is mens to belong!

People tell white lies all the time in their daily lives. But if you’re in a relationship and start a pattern of telling little lies or hiding even the smallest things from your partner, it’s probably not going to end very well. Often times people will hide things from the person they love or claim to be telling these small lies for a few different reasons. One being whatever they are lying about may seem so insignificant, they don’t “feel that they need” to tell them. Or perhaps the “what you don’t know can’t hurt you” mantra comes into play, and they may believe they are saving their significant other from the pain of whatever truth they’re withholding. Or, they may rightfully know they’re doing something that they probably shouldn’t be doing and are taking the coward’s way out by lying or hiding it from their partner. Whatever the case may be, hiding things and lying about even the smallest of things is sincerely damaging your relationship in many different ways. Tune in and learn how to regain your integrity from the life of a liar!

A life lived without forgiveness is a life lived in the past. Living in the past is a conscious or an unconscious choice made through a connection to the past. In simple, the past is a time gone by and no longer exists in the present moment, but we choose to allow this past to occupy our minds, our bodies and our very existence. Living in the past is like choosing to cling to a chronic illness. Would you choose to be plagued with a chronic illness? Would you allow yourself to be injected with a disease that could take your life? Why then, are you allowing yourself to be injected daily with the memories associated with the past? Why have you chosen to cling to the negative memories associated with your life? Have you found comfort with the negative memories, or do you feel incapable of letting go of the past? Letting go of the past is through purposeful action. The action is the process with which we choose to rid the very essence of our person of the past. The past may be comprised of tragic events, thoughts, or circumstances. Whatever the case, the past is haunting you and it is denying you the freedom of moving forward in this life. Tune in and learn how to overcome being unforgiven!

You feel attraction to someone who’s a hard nut to crack. They exude vibes of mystery and aloofness you can’t get close to. And you can’t help but keep trying to conquer their attention. Or, you seem to have found your soulmate. You both feel emotional and sexual chemistry. And you both see a clear perspective of starting a relationship. But they always avoid talking about their feelings and retract right before the important step. Can you relate to any of these stories? We’ve shared them not to blame or shame you. Many of us draw to emotionally unavailable people and favor them over those who are caring, vulnerable, and easy to get close with. However, this pattern often brings up painful emotions you’re probably familiar with. It can take a toll on your well-being, self-worth, and ability to nurture healthy, lasting relationships in the long run. Meanwhile, building a deep bond based on mutual intimacy and closeness offers many more ways to enrich our lives and make us happy. If you repeatedly fall in love with someone who can’t or doesn’t want to reciprocate, there might be a reason. Let’s explore the concept of emotional unavailability and find out why it can be so attractive. Tune in and learn how emotional unavailable people are formed, how to identify and how to fix it.

Let’s start with the numbers and get that out of the way. Divorce is common, really common—in fact, according to the CDC, 2.9 out of every 1,000 people get divorced (as of 2017). In case that number seems lower than you thought, here’s some perspective, compare it to 6.9 per 1,000 people who get married. A little silver lining is that while it’s clear that divorce rates increased from 1990 through 2008, particularly for women over the age of 35; the rate is now declining. In other words, young married couples are more likely to stay married than their Baby Boomer counterparts. Tune in and learn how to work through and move on from divorce!

All bitterness starts out as hurt. And your emotional pain may well relate to viewing whoever (or whatever) provoked this hurt as having malicious intent: As committing a grave injustice toward you; as gratuitously wronging you and causing you grief. Anger—and resentment—is what we’re all likely to experience whenever we conclude that another has seriously abused us. Left to fester, that righteous anger eventually becomes the corrosive ulcer that is bitterness. Bitterness is a chronic and pervasive state of smoldering resentment, and regards it is one of the most destructive and toxic of human emotions. If we repeatedly ruminate over how we’ve been victimized, “nursing” wrongs may eventually come to define some essential part of who we are. Take hold of our very personality. We’ll end up becoming victims not so much of anyone else but of ourselves. Tune in and learn how to overcome this emotion destroying your relationships!

Trauma is a person’s emotional response to a distressing experience. Few people can go through life without encountering some kind of trauma. Unlike ordinary hardships, traumatic events tend to be sudden and unpredictable, involve a serious threat to life—like bodily injury or death—and feel beyond a person’s control. Most important, events are traumatic to the degree that they undermine a person's sense of safety in the world and create a sense that catastrophe could strike at any time. Parental loss in childhood, auto accidents, physical violence, sexual assault, military combat experiences, the unexpected loss of a loved one are commonly traumatic events. Tune in and learn how to recognize trauma and work through it!