Dr. Gary Bell's Absurd Psychology

Living alone is a modern phenomenon. For most of history, very few people lived alone. In the U.S., even as recently as 1960, only 7 million people lived alone; they accounted for just 13 percent of all households. By 2020, more than five times as many Americans were living alone, 36.2 million. Of course, the entire population was growing, but even as a proportion of all households, the rate of living alone had more than doubled, to 28 percent. Now, if you were to knock on any door at random in the U.S., you would be more likely to find a person living alone than a nuclear household of mom, dad, and kids. Studies of dozens of countries all around the world show a similar trend. In the decades since 1960, the proportion of people living alone has been on the rise. That’s in part because of another global phenomenon—the rise of single people and the decline of marriage. But it’s not only that; historically, unmarried people (widowed, divorced, or always single) were more likely to live with other people than to live on their own. Tune in and learn all about being single!

We all make mistakes, and we do so with regularity. Some errors are small, such as, “No, we don’t need to stop at the store; there’s plenty of milk left for breakfast. Some are bigger, such as, “Don’t rush me; we have plenty of time to get to the airport before the flight leaves.” And some are crucial, such as, “I know it was raining and dark, but I’m sure that was the man I saw breaking into the home across the street.” No one enjoys being wrong. It’s an unpleasant emotional experience for all of us. The question is how do we respond when it turns out we were wrong—when there wasn’t enough milk left for coffee, when we hit traffic and missed the flight, or when we find out the man who sat in jail for five years based on our identification was innocent all along? Tune in and learn how to deal with these crazy makers!

Debates over how to parent are as old as parenting itself. The truth is Good Enough is all we can strive for. In the recent past, we've seen the Tiger Mom, who threatened to burn her daughter's stuffed animals if she didn't play a piano piece correctly. American parents' overindulgence, she said, was why Chinese mothers are superior. Here in the U.S., advocates of attachment parenting recommend co-sleeping and baby-wearing, while others believe babies need to learn how to self-soothe (that is, cry alone) once they are 4 months old. But attitudes, values, and work ethic - arguably just as important—are more closely tied to parenting. At the very least, parents (especially mothers) know they will be blamed if their kids don't turn out right. Tune in and learn what not to do to mess up. your kids!

Sometimes the stressors of the modern world make us just want to scream. The constant bombardment of negative news and our continual connection to our technological devices can make us feel trapped, with a strong desire to escape. Perhaps we just need some time alone to heal and nurture ourselves. When we have this feeling, it might be that our minds and souls are sending us messages. We’re being reminded that it’s time to step away and indulge in some self-care. Tune in and learn healthy and unhealthy escapism and all the benefits it brings us!

It’s impossible to go through life without causing hurt to those people we love. We may have to do this for their own good—for instance, when we need to be firm with a child who we believe is engaged in destructive behaviours. We may inflict pain on another person when we need to do what is right for us, such as leaving a relationship. Most of us feel bad about inflicting hurt and might stay in situations way too long for fear of hurting our loved ones. But some people go through life causing a great deal of hurt to other people, including romantic partners and even their own children. They might fall under the label of narcissistic or borderline personality types. But putting the labels to one side for a bit, why do people repeatedly hurt other people in this way? Tune and and learn how to deal with and understand these sick lost souls who use love as a place to torture their loved ones!

Suicide often stems from a deep feeling of hopelessness. The inability to see solutions to problems or to cope with challenging life circumstances may lead people to see taking their own lives as the only solution to what is really a temporary situation, and most survivors of suicide attempts go on to live full, rewarding lives. Depression is a key risk factor for suicide; others include psychiatric disorders, substance use, chronic pain, a family history of suicide, and a prior suicide attempt. Impulsiveness often plays a role among adolescents who take their life. (To learn more about risk factors, see Mental Health or Social, Economic, and Genetic Influences.) If a person deemed at risk due to any of the above exhibits sudden mood changes—even a suddenly upbeat mood—or completely new behaviors, they may be actively suicidal. Those who speak about being a burden to others, having no reason to live, feeling trapped, or in unbearable pain may also be contemplating suicide. (To learn more about warning signs of suicide, see Signs That Someone Is Contemplating Suicide.)  Statistically, suicide occurs most frequently among people ages 45 to 54. Women are more likely than men to attempt suicide; men are more likely than women to complete the act. TUne in a figure out where you stand on the suicide spectrum and what the consequences are for those who love you!

When your marriage is in trouble, you don't have any options without pain or sacrifice. You can divorce, separate, stay in the marriage, or get creative and change the marital rules. Each option has trade-offs. Everyone knows that divorce is extremely difficult on many fronts. Not only is it a tremendous loss (loss of stability, loss of a partner, loss of a dream, loss of a sense of family), but it can be quite challenging financially and socially. This is especially true when the couple has children. For this reason, many couples choose to avoid the drastic disruption and drop off in the standard of living of breaking up. Instead, they stay together and tough it out. This alternative has its own set of consequences such as having to suffer in an unhappy—or sometimes even unbearable—situation, feeling like a fraud, not being true to yourself, and having a sense that life is simply passing you by. Tune in and learn how to process through this gigantic emotional decision!

Explore the challenges of being raised by oneself, the impact of narcissistic parents on self-reliant children, the challenges of parenting when raised by yourself, recovering from narcissistic parenting and setting boundaries, the effects of being raised by yourself, and the importance of healing the inner child for personal growth.

Images of child sex abuse have reached a crisis point on the internet, spreading at unprecedented rates in part because tech platforms and law enforcement agencies have failed to keep pace with the problem. But less is understood about the issue underlying it all: What drives people to sexually abuse children? Science in recent years has begun to provide some answers. One thing most pedophiles have in common: They discover, usually as teenagers, that their sexual preferences have not matured like everyone else’s. Most get stuck on the same-age boys or girls who first attracted them at the start of puberty, though some retain interest in far younger children.“People don’t choose what arouses them — they discover it,” said Dr. Fred Berlin, director of the Johns Hopkins Sex and Gender Clinic. “No one grows up wanting to be a pedophile.” Over the past generation, psychologists, forensic specialists and others have studied pedophilia, a disorder characterized by “recurrent, intense arousing fantasies, urges or behaviors involving sexual activity with a prepubescent child,” according to psychiatry’s diagnostic manual. These experts have interviewed patients in depth, piecing together life histories and performing a variety of psychological and anatomical measures. While no study offers a complete picture, a portrait is emerging — one that helps elucidate the mental dynamic behind the surge in abuse images and the deepening depravity they depict. These findings also defy common stereotypes about what pedophilia is, and what the risks are for engaging in physical abuse. Tune in and learn about the profile of these horrible abusers!

Much of my professional career has involved speaking, writing, and interpreting research about how to handle relationships that have gone wrong: partnerships that are controlling or toxic, for instance, or where trust has been broken. I'm often asked how to handle infidelity, betrayal, or emotional upheaval within a relationship — and it can be heartbreaking how widespread those issues tend to be. But just as important is learning to identify when a relationship is going well. Many people are unsure of what to look for, or worse yet, they don't know all the positives that they truly deserve to have within a relationship. If someone grew up watching their parents or other family members act out chronically toxic patterns, then that person may very well come to define those patterns as normal and have difficulty understanding the baseline of what a good relationship looks like. ]Tune in and learn how to make your relationship healthy finally!