The Sensitive and Neurodivergent Podcast with Julie Bjelland

Are you a fixer and an over-giver in your relationships? It can be common for HSPs to feel like they give more than they receive.  We will discuss how to create healthy friendships and relationships. We'll talk about how vulnerability leads to connection and how to feel safe to be yourself so you can connect deeply. We'll discuss healthy boundary setting that can give you the healthiest type of relationships. Some of what we discussed in this episode: Importance of being a kind and caring friend to yourself We attract love and caring from others at the level we love and care for ourselves How setting boundaries improves relationships How to communicate our needs HSPs have more information and can read subtle cues that others might miss Non-HSPs might not be as courteous and conscientious because they don't have the same level of awareness and "knowing" not because they necessarily are trying to hurt us. We might be misinterpreting this so it's important to understand Shifting our mindset pay attention to our inner child's needs Being open and direct about our need for extra downtime feels empowering and gives them information And more!

An impromptu chat and question and answer session within my Sensitive Empowerment Community!    Discussed in this episode:  Feeling like it is hard to tell other's about our trait of high sensitivity  How this trait evolved as a survival strategy Why this trait is needed in the world How feeling marginalized might impact us  Internal vs external validation I share my story   Importance of being in a community that helps normalize your experience  How understanding how this trait evolved helps us understand ourselves  Developing tools for balance  Need to advocate with mental health and medical providers    HSPs are like Orchids   Moving out of survival mode and into Sensitive Empowerment   Live in balance, access your gifts, be around other HSPs Learn more about how to join the Sensitive Empowerment community: www.juliebjelland.com Discussed in this episode: my course, Brain Training for the Highly Sensitive Person, Techniques to Reduce Anxiety and Overwhelming  Emotions: www.hspcourse.com 

As highly sensitive people sometimes life can be very challenging when we have intensely difficult feelings. I hope this meditation supports you through hard moments. From a listener... "I listened to this yesterday and it was very helpful in normalizing my experience. I am now experimenting with starting my one hour of down time after work with one of your guided meditations. The length of the meditations is good in that I have plenty of time left in the hour to rest, reflect, watch TV, or whatever I need on any particular day. My husband has shared that I emerge from the hour in a much better emotional space than I'm usually in right after work, and I think the guided meditations are an important part of that." "Such a beautiful meditation. I listened to it this morning and it’s very soothing-exactly what my system needed to come back into center and alignment. Thank you ❤️🙏🏻"

Enjoy your trip to the ocean with me taking in all the wonderful sensory experiences in this meditation.

Enjoy time in the forest connecting to nature and relaxing. From Listeners... “I felt like I was there walking through the forest with you! I could almost smell the pine needles and hear them crunching under my feet, see the sunlight coming through the trees... it was wonderful.” "I live in a city and crave access to nature, and when I listened to the forest meditation I could feel the crunch beneath my feet and see the sunlight coming through the tops of the trees." "I did the Forest Bathing meditation today and it was wonderfully relaxing. Thank you, Julie!" "I just made the connection in the Forest Bathing meditation, which was beautifully relaxing, Julie, thank you so much—-one of the first things I bought myself when I got a yard, was a hammock. The meditation made me realize how a hammock cradles and supports and soothes the occupant. 💕. Made me wonder how dreamy it would be/feel to have a weighted blanket on top."

Learning how to give yourself what you needed as a child can be a powerful healing practice that can transform your life.  Discussions in this episode: Let’s explore the concept of caring for your inner child Getting to know and connecting with your inner child. We share our stories too. What did you need that you didn’t get? Learning to listen to your inner child’s needs: validation, nurturing, honoring, healing Is your self-talk truly yours or is it the voice of your parents, society, or culture? Does your self-talk soothe you or stress you? Practicing intentional reprogramming & changing the pattern Growing more self-love: We can be loved at the level we love ourselves We share some powerful practices that can support you Here are what some of you said you needed as a child... acceptance as myself as I was and encouragement, not being pushed to be like others reassurance that everything was ok or would be. Asking me: how are you? What is your opinion? How do you feel? I needed encouragement, special attention, apart from the attention my siblings were getting. I needed soothing.  I was put on the porch in windy Nebraska as a child and told I was going to be blown away, and I believed that.  My imagination was Huge.  My parents thought it was funny, they had no idea... that is was ok to have big feelings It's ok to be different than others I needed to be allowed to cry when I felt sad and hurt.  I needed nurturing.  I think my mother was a narcissist. But I was punished for crying, and told that I didn’t have anything to cry about, and that I better stop crying or I’d be given something to cry about  That was mainly my mother.  Fear of punishment to this day. I needed compassion and understanding about my sensitivity to noise. Instead I was either ignored or told I was wrong and bad. What did you need as a child?  What does your inner child need? More information about all our episodes can be found at www.HSPpodcast.com

What a beautiful community of HSPs we have in our Sensitive Empowerment Community! Thank you for all the wonderful live questions. We started out discussing the post: Anguish and Action: Be the Change. Supporting ourselves through intense emotions so we can be our best selves to listen, learn, and grow to be the change we need in the world. Here are some of the questions we covered in this Q/A event.... Q: I’ve been receiving feedback that I’m too good or too nice for the world. Why is that a negative? How should I respond?  I think I’m seen as too soft and it seems to hinder me in the workplace. Q: How to tell, when meeting a potential friend, if they are going to be parasitic about our HSP empathy and energy. Are there questions, we can ask, in addition to checking in with how we are feeling in their presence, and after spending time with someone? Q: How to control osmosis with everyone and everything around us with the wall analogy that you have spoken of, Julie...how to bring that wall up and down at will. Q:  I have questions around the message of loving yourself and turning inward and the push to destigmatize therapy. How is that not still looking outward? 🤔 I recognize my religious PTSD has created even more sensitivity and trust issues. Feels counter-intuitive to me to "be vulnerable and share who you really are," with just anyone….I find myself wanting to encourage anyone thinking they have to find their 'right mentor' to be skeptical of that message. Who is telling them they can only look within by attaching outside themselves? Q: Are we born HSPs, or is it a genetic in the family thing? Or is it something we could get out of a traumatic experience? Q:  I'm feeling quite nervous in lockdown as I've not traveled on public transport for a few months and was wondering are the tools to bypass the emotional brain and self-compassion the best ones to try to relax me? Also, can HSPs increase this self-esteem as I find negative self-talk is better but unfortunately it doesn’t work especially at work Q: I am struggling with being emotionally and physically drained when I am looking after my 4-year-old grandson during the days. I have done this for 2 months since no school due to COVID. Q: I have challenges around managing self-sabotage when going for career goals. I’m working on rewiring this self-image of being ‘less capable’ around stress management/handling things. A lot of the career paths that I am drawn to involve long investment/are emotionally draining potentially (e.g. social work which involves dealing with people constantly)...and I have so many back and forth moments where I think this might be what I want to do and also so much fear around burnout, it's too stressful, etc. How can I stop this over-worrying- this fear that doing what is needed to be successful would be ‘too much’/finding that balance? And More! If you have questions that you want to be asked in the next Q/A come join our Sensitive Empowerment Community!  Learn more about my community at www.juliebjelland.com 

Being a deep feeler in the world can sometimes be difficult when we have intensely strong emotions. I hope this meditation supports you and calms you. For more meditations visit www.HSPpodcast.com and for tips and tools to thrive as a highly sensitive person, a free Sensitivity Quiz and to join my Sensitive Empowerment community visit www.juliebjelland.com

Following a previous episode about self-compassion, the powerful technique for managing our feelings, we turn our attention to the power of validation. As high sensory people, we can often get overly affected by other people's opinions and expectations of us. So much so we can even lose track of a sense of meaning in our lives and the very reason nature has given us this powerful trait. We’ll discuss tools and techniques to stay connected to our own sense of self, our purpose, and ultimately our own happiness and fulfillment. Join us as we will dive into key areas such as: What does validation really mean from a personal development point of view What are the signs to look out for when we have lost our sense of self The adverse effects of ‘people-pleasing’ on the relationship with ourselves and how to manage this The importance of differentiating personal validation from being self centered and how it ultimately leads to being of better service to others Understanding why self-validation is the path to bringing our high sensory gifts into the world Reflecting on the importance of self-validation in leadership How to bring self-validation into our lives as a daily practice More information at www.hsppodcast.com

HSPs are some of the kindest, most compassionate people in the world, toward others, and yet It’s common for HSPs to have a lot of negative self-talk and lack healthy self-compassion. This can be particularly damaging during times of high stress when we need to be a compassionate, caring friend to support ourselves through intense emotions.  We will talk about how this brain-training skill development of self-compassion can improve every aspect of our life and even help us through a global crisis. We need this skill now more than ever.  Self-Compassion decreases cortisol (stress hormone) and increases the release of oxytocin (creating a calming effect). Self-criticism, common in HSPs triggers the amygdala’s fight/flight response sending out an alarm bell system: releasing the stress hormone cortisol, adrenaline (racing heart) and increased blood pressure fight/flight response designed to protect us from physically threatening situations response also gets activated with emotional attacks (even from when we are emotionally hard or unkind to ourselves  We already have more activation in our fight/flight so have a stronger need to counter this alarm bell response. Research shows us self-compassion actually decreases our cortisol levels and can deactivate the stress response and activate a calming response We can even change our body chemistry, recover more quickly from emotional wounding, improve health both short term and long term.  Warm, loving physical touch can release the feel-good hormones (oxytocin), reduces cortisol (stress), and blood pressure. (Self-hug, loving gestures (lotion lovingly applied to your body), hand on chest sending loving energy to your heart)  Learn about research from Kristin Neff showing that self-compassion is one of the key features of improving mental health and what life looks like without self-compassion and what improves when we have it.  Julie and Willow share our journey of developing self-compassion and how it transformed our life.  Practice the self-compassion technique with us!  Please share this episode and review our podcast which helps more HSPs find our episodes.   Check out Julie's HSP blog showing the video of her teaching the 3-step self-compassion technique: https://www.juliebjelland.com/hsp-blog/a-self-compassion-technique-for-hsps  Explore all our podcast episodes and learn about Julie and Willow at HSPpodcast.com  For information about Julie's Sensitivity Quiz, books and courses visit: juliebjelland.com