ON BOYS Podcast

What words come to mind when you hear the phrase "teenage boys"? Messy? Stinky? Frustrating? Lazy? Moody? Dangerous? Teen boys can be all of those things. (So can teen girls!) But there's also a lot more beneath the surface, and if we're to effectively parent and educate our teen boys, we have to go deep. We need to remind ourselves -- and each other -- that teenage boys are complex human beings who deserve our respect and support. "Inside every teenage boy is a 4-year-old who is confused about life and desperate to know that you will love him unconditionally -- especially when he cannot love himself," says Maggie Dent, Australia's "boy champion" and author of From Boys to Men: Guiding Our Teen Boys to Grow Into Happy, Healthy Men. Though our first instinct is often to come down hard on our boys when they fail to follow our rules or meet expectations, Maggie suggests trying kindness instead. Most boys feel terrible when they mess up, whether they show us that or not; our lectures and punishments further add to their self-loathing -- and cause them to distrust our love for them. Going against the grain and offering your son kindness and compassion in lieu of punishment may strengthen your connection and help your son feel safe enough to share what's really going on. "We don't think teenage boys are sensitive, but they are," Maggie reminds us. "What we see on the outside is not necessarily what's going on inside." In this episode, Jen, Janet & Maggie discuss: Why teenage boys seem so confused, scattered and disorganized Teen boys' fear and anxiety How shame shapes (& limits) boys Kindness vs. harsh discipline How to get teenage boys to listen How roughhousing teaches boundaries Helping boys connect during the pandemic Why you don't necessarily need to worry if your son lose his temper while gaming online with friends Surrounding boys with stories of good men Talking to boys about tough stuff Moms' role in boys' lives Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: maggiedent.com — Maggie’s website. Jam-packed with resources! From Boys to Men: Guiding Our Teen Boys to Grow Into Happy, Healthy Men -- Maggie's latest book https://www.youtube.com/user/MaggieDentAuthor -- Maggie's YouTube channel Parental as Anything - Maggie's podcast Maggie Dent on Mothering Our Boys (Part 1) -- ON BOYS episode 139 Maggie Dent on Mothering Our Boys (Part 2) -- ON BOYS episode 140 7 Tips for Parenting Teenage Boys: "Nagging Them is Like Shouting Into a Void" -- Maggie's Guardian article (mentioned at 7:20) The Decline of Play -- TED talk by Peter Gray, who Maggie mentions at 9:20 The Art of Roughhousing (w Dr. Lawrence Cohen) -- ON BOYS episode Orange Sky Australia--  organization providing free showers and laundry for the homeless; founded by 2 teen boys (mentioned by Maggie at 16:21) A Fiver for a Farmer - charity started by a young boy from Sydney that has raised over $1.6m for Australian farmers since 2018 (mentioned by Maggie at 17:00) STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN: Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And subscribe to Building Boys Bulletin, a weekly email newsletter filled w boy-specific info & inspiration. Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys  LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for JenniferAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

How’s school going?  That’s a fraught question even when there’s NOT a pandemic going on. Now, it seems almost crazy to ask, given that most of us are dealing w less-than-ideal educational situations.  But that doesn’t mean you have to settle for miserable. If virtual school or online learning isn't working for you, homeschool may be a good option. (And it doesn't have to be as overwhelming or time-consuming as you may think!). If in-person instruction has been canceled and your son simply doesn't learn well via online instruction, you can find fun, easy ways to build natural learning into your days. (Yes, really.) And when the situation changes -- when your school district changes its education plan due to COVID-19 or your job responsibilities and personal tolerance change -- you can switch to a new form of learning.  It's not easy, though. "What's really hard is when you try to gear yourself up for one option and then you have to switch to another," says Sarah Mendonca, founder of Learning Together Coaching & Consulting and a homeschool mom of three. "Every time, it requires so much emotional and mental energy."  You -- and your boys -- might be best served, in fact, by turning your focus away from academics. Learning, after all, "really boils down to relationships and conversations," Mendonca says. It's scary to consider other educational options. But as Sarah says, "none of us are getting out of 2020 without coping with change." So, take a deep breath and ask yourself (and your son) this question: How can we relieve stress and tension right now, and do things that will be good for our family?  In this episode, Jen, Janet & Sarah discuss: Finding the educational options that work best for your family Dealing with disruptions to education The emotional toll of educational uncertainty Letting go of academic expectations Stealth homeschooling How COVID-19 may exacerbate the learning gap Kids' emotional response to the pandemic School refusal Helping boys envision career options in the COVID-19 era Synchronous vs asynchronous learning Coping with online learning Natural learning Finding educational options for your son Real-world volunteer and learning options Building on boys' interests Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Learning Together Coaching & Consulting -- Sarah's FB page Back to School 2020 -- ON BOYS episode Sponsor Spotlight: Hiya Health HEALTHY children’s vitamins — no sugar or “gummy junk” included! Made from a blend of 12 farm-fresh fruits & veggies, Hiya Health vitamins are the easy way to get your boys the nutrition they need.  Use discount code ONBOYS at checkout to save 50%.  STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN: Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And subscribe to Building Boys Bulletin, a weekly email newsletter filled w boy-specific info & inspiration. Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys  LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for JenniferAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Family meetings can you help adapt your parenting to fit the changing needs of your family.  Photo by August de Richelieu from Pexels One of the most challenging (and demoralizing) aspects of parenting is realizing that you must constantly revise your parenting strategies. The tips, techniques and discipline strategies that worked so well when your little boy was 2 don't work at all when he's 6 -- and whatever you do when he's 6 won't work when he's 16. It can be hard for parents to adapt to their kids' development changes. The very fact that we have to change our approach often comes as a surprise. "Nobody tells us, 'Oh yeah, you figured it out all these years, but now you gotta do something different," Janet says. Children often experience significant intellectual and emotional growth around age 9, a phenomenon Waldorf educators call the "9 year change." It's a time when children begin to realize that others have different thoughts, when they begin to question the world -- and their parents. "Their opinions might be one way on Monday and completely different by Thursday. But that's all part of the growth process," Janet says. "That's all part of them expressing their thoughts, expressing their opinions." As boys grow, parents must shift their role from Director to Collaborator. Family meetings can be helpful as parents and sons navigate this shift, as the meetings create opportunities for everyone in the family to share their ideas and concerns. In this episode, Jen & Janet discuss: The 9 Year Change Disrespect vs. developmentally appropriate questioning Coping with kids who "know it all" Moving toward a collaborative form of parenting How to start and plan family meetings Benefits of family meetings Tips for successful family meetings In this episode, Jen & Janet discuss: The Simple but Critical Purpose of Family Meetings: To Listen -- Washington Post article by our friend Meghan Leahy (if you haven't listened to our podcast episode w her, do so now!) Parenting Teenage Boys with Joshua Wayne -- ON BOYS episode mentioned at about 24:00 BoysAlive.as.me -- Schedule a FREE Breakthrough Session w Janet STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN: Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And subscribe to Building Boys Bulletin, a weekly email newsletter filled w boy-specific info & inspiration. Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys  LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for JenniferAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

How are you managing screen time during the pandemic?  According to at least one survey, kids' time online has more than doubled since the pandemic began, and many kids now spend more than 6 hours per day online, in front of screens. And no wonder -- screens are now our portal to school, work, socialization and extended family. Which means that now is great time to examine our response to screens. Seriously. Many adults have a visceral, negative reaction to the sight of kids-on-screens, but the truth is that screen time itself is neither good nor bad. Digital devices are tools that can be used in a variety of ways. "Screens are not a monolith," says Devorah Heitner, author of Screenwise and founder of Raising Digital Natives. Instead of lumping all things digital into "screen time," she says, parents really should look at what their kids are doing. As much as possible, parents should adopt an observant (vs. judgmental) stance to their sons' technology use. Adults can also role model responsible tech usage. Our kids should see us "using technology in an ethical, thoughtful, mindful way," Devorah says. In this episode, Jen, Janet & Devorah discuss: Why all screen time isn't equal Dealing w parental guilt Role modeling responsible internet usage Tech "addiction" Helping kids gain control of their screen time When to seek professional help Managing online, in-game purchases Financial literacy in the digital age Helping boys recognize and respond to racism, sexism and extreme ideologies in memes Mentoring vs. monitoring Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Raising Digital Natives -- Devorah's website Screenwise: Helping Kids Survive (& Thrive) in Their Digital World -- Devorah's book Screens & Boys -- ON BOYS episode Raising Kids to Thrive in a Connected World w Jordan Shapiro -- ON BOYS episode iGen - ON BOYS episode Decoding Boys w Dr. Cara Natterson -- ON BOYS episode mentioned at 18:50 The Role of Memes in Teen Culture -- NYT article by Jen   STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN: Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And subscribe to Building Boys Bulletin, a weekly email newsletter filled w boy-specific info & inspiration. Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys  LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for JenniferAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Parenting teen boys is not easy. They're bigger than us. Stronger than us. They speak in a language we don't necessarily understand -- if they choose to speak at all. Their focus is turning outward, just as we parents realize how little time we have left to teach them all the things they need to know before they leave home. Miriam asks: How do you find balance between keeping the bond strong and giving them freedom? Teri also asks about letting go: How do other parents find the balance between holding your son accountable and staying involved vs letting him make mistakes? At age 14, do I need to let go completely? I want him to be independent but not miss opportunities to help him grow and develop. Brooklyn wonders how she should handle teenage "attitude": I have a son who's always been a bit attitudinal. Now the bar is raised and I want to find the balance of tolerance (knowing some of this is "normal") and also holding a line around how to treat others. Stephanie asks: How do I get my reserved and very quiet teen boy to talk to me...about anything?? Mary wants to know: How to help boys through obsessions with their phones and social media...especially when they are ages 16 and over Jeen worries about easy access to highly sexualized images: How do we deal with the constant attempts to search up "girls in bikinis?" If the results were somewhat tasteful, I'd be OK with it, but wow! One step from porn in most cases... Alicia asks: How do I discuss the imminent arrival of wet dreams? How do I explain what to expect? In this episode, Jen & Janet discuss: Teen boy lingo The pressure felt by parents of teen boys Staying close to teen boys Giving teenage boys freedom & guidance Releasing control over homework, grades and school Dealing w teenage attitude & disrespect Setting boundaries Screens, social media and porn Wet dreams and nocturnal emission (Note: wet dreams typically start between ages 13 and 17, according to the Milton S. Hershey Medical Center. Average age is about 14.5) Self-care for parents of teens Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: The Truth About Parenting Teen Boys -- classic Building Boys post Parenting Teenage Boys w Joshua Wayne -- ON BOYS episode mentioned at 10:53 Talk to Boys about Sex -- ON BOYS episode featuring Amy Lang, mentioned at 29:13 Which Apps are APPropriate? -- ON BOYS episode w Jo Langford, mentioned at 30:24 High Speed Internet Porn and the Experiment Generation -- film mentioned at 33:13 STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN: Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And subscribe to Building Boys Bulletin, a weekly email newsletter filled w boy-specific info & inspiration. Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys  LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for JenniferAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

One of our most important jobs as parents is preparing our boys for the world of work. The work world, though, has changed dramatically over the last few decades. "There's been a shift from the competitive dog-eat-dog/rat race to a flatter, faster and fairness-focused world of work," says Ed Frauenheim, co-author of Reinventing Masculinity: The Liberating Power of Compassion and Connection. Increasingly, organizations want (and need!) employees and leaders who are flexible and eager to learn and collaborate. They need (and want) employees who can admit their own vulnerabilities, who respect the contributions of others. The work world of today is not particularly friendly to what Ed calls "confined masculinity," or the traditional norms that governed male behavior for millennia. "In confined masculinity, there are limited roles you can play as a guy: provider and protector," Ed says. Males are expected to be stoic, self-reliant and competitive. Those traits aren't bad, but restricting boys and men to those roles and responses is quite limiting and unhealthy. Liberating masculinity does not throw away those traits but rather adds to them. The "5 Cs" of liberating masculinity are: Curiosity Courage Compassion Communication Connection Helping our boys realize that we are in community with others and that it's okay to follow your heart is one way we can prepare boys for work. "In the work world that's emerging, what we're seeing is that the most successful people are givers; they are not takers," Ed says. "They are the ones that are empathetic and willing to share." In this episode, Jen, Janet & Ed discuss: Shifting masculine norms Masculinity & work Liberating masculinity vs. confined masculinity How professional male athletes are modeling liberating masculinity Equipping boys to deal with sexism and racism in the work world Moving beyond stereotypical masculinity in the trades What boys & men should look for a in a place of employment Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Reinventing Masculinity: The Liberating Power of Compassion and Connection -- Ed's new book Great Place to Work -- "the global authority on workplace culture"; includes lists to "best workplaces" Sponsor Spotlight: Hiya Health HEALTHY children’s vitamins — no sugar or “gummy junk” included! Made from a blend of 12 farm-fresh fruits & veggies, Hiya Health vitamins are the easy way to get your boys the nutrition they need.  Use discount code ONBOYS at checkout to save 50%.  STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN: Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And subscribe to Building Boys Bulletin, a weekly email newsletter filled w boy-specific info & inspiration. Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys  LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for JenniferAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

How do you teach boys money management? 34% of American teenagers don't have bank accounts and rely predominantly on cash, according to a 2019 Junior Achievement USA survey. In fact, 1 in 5 teens have never been into a physical bank and nearly a third of teens surveyed don’t have a bank account.  Like many parents, Benny Nachman initially started paying his boys' allowance in cash. But -- like many of us -- Benny doesn't often use cash and occasionally found he didn't have enough cash on hand to cover allowances. His boys were less disturbed by this fact than Benny thought they'd be. He soon learned that cash isn't all that exciting to kids who live in an increasingly digital world. In their lives, digital money, including iTunes and Amazon gift cards and Vbucks, are a lot more valuable. That's one reason why he founded Jassby, a mobile wallet and chore app for families. The other reason is because he thinks it's absolutely critical to teach boys money management and financial literacy. Most states do not include financial literacy or personal budgeting in the public school curriculum -- and, as a result, 70% of college students can't answer basic questions about money, interests, loans and investments. Talking to our kids about finances is not the solution. "I talk to my kids about money all the time -- about what a bank does, what a credit card is," Benny says.  "But I can see their eyes glaze over when I lecture them. After about 15 seconds, it's OK, dad, whatever." Practical experiences with money management is much more effective. So, in lieu of buying football cleats for his sons, Benny gave them each $90 (the most he was willing to spend on a pair of cleats) and allowed them to shop. He told them they could keep whatever money they didn't spend on cleats and use it however they liked. "The guys spent the weekend researching cleats," Benny said, and ultimately bought a pair that was $55. In the process, the boys learned more than there would from dozens of hours of lectures. Giving your boys the space and freedom to make financial choices can be difficult, especially if you see your son about to make what you're sure will be a costly mistake. But allowing them to make financial mistakes in their youth may spare them from making ever bigger mistakes in adulthood. "You never learn any better than by making your own mistakes," Benny says. "The failures are important." In this episode, Jen, Janet & Benny discuss: Allowance policies -- to tie to chores, or not? Why cash isn't as valuable to kids today as digital money How to teach boys the value of money Why you must give boys the opportunity to manage money How not to raise entitled jerks Allowing boys to make financial mistakes Talking about family finances Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Jassby.com -- Benny's chore & mobile allowance app The Opposite of Spoiled: Raising Kids Who Are Grounded, Generous and Smart About Money, by Ron Lieber -- book mentioned at 19:40 Just Don't Be an Asshole -- ON BOYS episode featuring Kara Kinney Cartwright Age 16 & Learning to Let Go -- Building Boys post mentioned at 24:30 STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN: Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And subscribe to Building Boys Bulletin, a weekly email newsletter filled w boy-specific info & inspiration. Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys  LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for JenniferAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Parenting outside the lines frees us up to connect with our children in an authentic way. It allows us to skip over the "must do's" and simply, instead, do the next right thing in any given moment. And if the "right thing" ultimately takes us a direction we don't want to go, it gives us the opportunity to apologize and course correct. It encourages us to trust the wisdom deep within. "I haven't yet found a parent who's really changed their parenting based on 'studies say,'" says Meghan Leahy, a mom of three, parenting coach and author of Parenting Outside the Lines: Forget the Rules, Tap Into Your Wisdom and Connect with Your Child. "I've never told a parent, 'Well, studies say if you don't yell, your kid will be happier,' and had the parent say, 'oh my god, I didn't know that! Now I'll stop yelling.'" Early in her career as a parenting coach, Meghan taught parents strategies they could use to manage their kids' behavior. But only some parents were successful with those strategies. Other parents used the same exact techniques and did not see the positive changes they were expecting. She learned that "strategies are neither here nor there. One may work; one may not. But if the underpinning of compassionate, boundaried connection isn't there, it doesn't matter." In this episode, Jen, Janet & Meghan discuss: The importance of connection Learning to trust yourself How modern culture has made parenting more difficult Why it's OK to not know what to do What to do when your son doesn't want to do an activity he once loved Parenting during the pandemic The link between kindness and resilience Screen time (and why you need to look at your screen habits before tackling your kids' screen time) How to enjoy parenting Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Parenting Outside the Lines: Forget the Rules, Tap Into Your Wisdom and Connect with Your Child -- Meghan's book Meghan's Washington Post On Parenting columns mlparentcoach.com -- Meghan's website How to Raise a Boy with Michael C. Reichert -- ON BOYS episode mentioned at 07:11 The Neufield Institute -- courses, events and resources from Gordon Neufield, PhD (mentioned at 8:47) Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier and More Secure Kids, by Kim John Payne and Kim Ross -- book mentioned at 16:07 My Suddenly Sedentary Teen Seems Stuck. How Much Should I Push Him to Move? -- Meghan's column about the soccer player (mentioned at 17:24) Sponsor Spotlight: Hiya Health HEALTHY children’s vitamins — no sugar or “gummy junk” included! Made from a blend of 12 farm-fresh fruits & veggies, Hiya Health vitamins are the easy way to get your boys the nutrition they need.  Use discount code ONBOYS at checkout to save 50%.  STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN: Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And subscribe to Building Boys Bulletin, a weekly email newsletter filled w boy-specific info & inspiration. Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys  LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for JenniferAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Are your boys close to their grandparents?  Not physically close -- physical distance is often more a matter of necessity or practicality than choice -- but emotionally close. Studies have found that close grandparent/grandchildren relationships protect against depression in both groups, and at least one study out of England found that kids who are close to their grandparents have fewer emotional and behavioral problems and fewer difficulties with peers. Facilitating the grandparent/grandchild relationship can be tricky. There's a generation gap. A digital divide. Evolving cultural norms and ever-changing expectations. "The expectation for grandparents today is way different" than a generation ago, says Emilly Morgan, host of The Grand Life podcast and grandmother to nine (4 boys & 5 girls.). "We still think of grandparents as sitting in rocking chairs, but now they're running marathons and doing all sorts of creative things, including working." It takes some creativity and grace to build relationships between your boys and their grandparents, but effort is worthwhile. In this episode, Jen, Janet & Emily discuss: Bridging the generation gap How parents can facilitate the grandparent/grandchild relationship Helping grandmas understand grandsons Multi-generation households Changing expectations of grandparents Respecting grandparents' lives and limitations Resolving conflicts re screens, sugar, bedtime, etc. Tapping into grandparents' wisdom and experience Family estrangements Helping boys understand grandparents' physical and emotional limitations Handling grandparents' sexism and racism Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: The Grand Life podcast -- Emily's podcast (Jen will be a guest on on upcoming episode!) The Long Distance Grandparent -- blog mentioned at 28:39 STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN: Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And subscribe to Building Boys Bulletin, a weekly email newsletter filled w boy-specific info & inspiration. Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys  LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for JenniferAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

This is a really confusing time to be a boy in the United States. That's one of (the many!) insights Ryan Wexelblatt -- aka ADHD Dude -- gained while working with 14 and 15 year old boys during his ADHD Dude Summer Camp this year. In a Facebook post, he wrote: These guys see their female classmates (if they fit the narrow standards of beauty) who post the most sexually provocative pictures on Instagram/Snapchat get the most attention on social media. >They are living in a period of "cancel culture" where men whose words or behaviors are inappropriate are expected to go away forever, never to be heard from again. There is no option to see what being accountable for one's inappropriate behavior or making amends sounds like, thus denying boys the opportunity to see what it looks like when a man acknowledges he has treated people in a way that was hurtful. How do we help boys navigate the mixed and confusing messages they receive?  We asked Ryan -- our first 3-time ON BOYS guest! -- to share his thoughts. "If we're going to teach kids social competency, we need to teach them everything. We can't leave out the things that make us uncomfortable," Ryan says. You have to talk about things like ogling and unwanted attention; you have to give boys strategies they can use to mange their innate curiosity without inadvertently harming others. Simply telling a boy 'that's inappropriate'" when he stares too long or uses potentially offensive language isn't helpful, Ryan says. "That's not teaching them anything," he says. "That's not teaching the context and why the behavior or language is inappropriate." In this episode, Jen, Janet & Ryan discuss: Giving boys specific, concrete instructions to successfully navigate social situations How teenage boys talk to each other (sexual innuendo is common!) Helping boys learn what kind of humor is OK to use with friends vs what's OK when adults and kids are around Talking to boys about cancel culture, #MeToo and people like Jeffrey Epstein Why we must teach media literacy Dick pics -- helping boys understand why it's always a bad idea to send unsolicited nudes Teaching boys to see and recognize their value (in a culture that so often paints boys & men as the bad guys) Online learning & boys Navigating evolving gender norms Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: ADHD Dude — the online home of Ryan’s ADHD work. Includes a link to his ADHD Dude Facebook group  Dude Talk playlist — Ryan’s series of YouTube videos aimed directly at boys Teaching Boys Social Skills — our 1st ON BOYS episode w Ryan ADHD with Ryan Wexelblatt the ADHD Dude - our 2nd ON BOYS episode w Ryan Executive Function Crash Course for Parents -- Ryan's webinar   Sponsor Spotlight: Hiya Health HEALTHY children's vitamins -- no sugar or "gummy junk" included! Made from a blend of 12 farm-fresh fruits & veggies, Hiya Health vitamins are the easy way to get your boys the nutrition they need.  Use discount code ONBOYS at checkout to save 50%.  STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN: Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And subscribe to Building Boys Bulletin, a weekly email newsletter filled w boy-specific info & inspiration. Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys  LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for JenniferAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy