The 9pm Edict

My crowdfunding project, "The 9 O’Clock Resurrection", has been successful. We have resurrected the finest goat-oriented political and social commentary podcast in the galaxy, "The 9pm Edict". Haha. What have we done?What we’ve done is fund two episodes for May.First up, "The 9pm Shire", by which I mean Sutherland Shire in Sydney’s southern suburbs. Our Minister for Immigration and Border Protection, Scott Morrison, said last month:“I get so much encouragement when I walk through Cronulla mall, go down the beach, or up to Miranda Fair… On Australia Day we were at the fireworks at Cronulla and I was walking through the crowd and people were coming up to me to say ‘g’day’ and encourage me and congratulate me on what we had done so far, and basically saying ‘keep giving it to ’em and don’t back down’.”He said residents weren’t against immigration or asylum-seekers but wanted a process that was done “the right way”.That episode is being recorded this Saturday 3 May, and should be posted on Sunday 4 May.And because I’m in San Francisco and San Jose later this month, the following episode will be “The 9pm Caltrain” — the Caltrain being the train that runs through that part of the world. That episode should be posted on Tuesday 20 May.

Today Prime Minister Kevin Rudd announced that the federal election will be on 7 September 2013. Tonight I announce that I intend to produce five episodes of The 9pm Election.They’ll bear some passing resemblance to previous episodes of The 9pm Edict, such the episode from when the last election was called.It is my intention to post a new episode each Friday night at 9pm AEST. Provided you cough up some money, that is, and I’ll be telling you more about that over the next 72 hours.[Update 8 August 2013: I’ve had a busy week. The first episode will appear this weekend, probably Saturday night but maybe only Sunday. Like you care. Meanwhile, listen to Corrupted Nerds.]Further information and audio credits are at:https://stilgherrian.com/edict/00023a/

Is Android the reason we can’t have nice things any more? Astronaut Neil Armstrong: what a liar! And buttcrack, can you ever have too much?In this episode we talk to a man somehow connected to Weird Coast T-Shirts (pictured above), and we hear about an orphan bear in Idaho.Episode notes and full credits are at:https://stilgherrian.com/edict/00023/

Hot. Damn Hot. It reached 42.3C at Sydney’s Observatory Hill today, and this is the result.Listen up! You’ll hear why a conspiracy has led to alternating current causing wars. It’s true. A bloke at the pub said so. Because Nikola Tesla.Episode notes and full credits are at:https://stilgherrian.com/edict/00022/

The Australian government continues to use the world’s most vulnerable people as political footballs. We discover the ultimate Ayn Rand porn. And Stephen Fry is a patronising racist who should be thrown off television. Not really news, but it’s time people understood.In this episode of the Edict, you’ll also hear why political strategist Mark Textor pisses me off. And I mention this cartoon by First Dog on the Moon.Episode notes and full credits are at:https://stilgherrian.com/edict/00021/

Margaret Whitlam is dead. Tony Abbott picks up her still-warm corpse and uses it to thump her grieving husband. British comedian Bill Bailey says what I think about classical music. And we top the party goat for Harmony Day.In this episode of the Edict, you’ll hear how Harmony Day is just made up by the Australian government — and you can check out the material at the official website. I’ll introduce you to the joys of 3 Word Quotes. The ABC TV broadcast of Last Night of the Proms inspires me to quote Bill Bailey from British TV program TV Heaven Telly Hell. And I reflect upon Tony Abbott’s lame tribute to Margaret Whitlam.Episode notes and full credits are at:https://stilgherrian.com/edict/00020/

Years ago, a bloke got frustrated at the end of a long day, and swore a bit. And suddenly the entire fucking media in this country is buzzing around this one pissy little story like blowflies to the corpse of a dead horse.Yes, less than two days since I posted episode 18, today’s bullshit reportage on a video in which former prime minister Kevin Rudd swears a few times — shock horror! — and a bunch of unsubstantiated rumours from Canberra have triggered this episode.Just look at this crap, from ninemsn. Even the ABC, which is supposed to be a credible, non-sensationalist news outlet, covers the swearing but then has two “related stories” about the speculation about a leadership challenge, that the cabinet is supposed repeatedly testing support for Julia Gillard and that attorney-general Nicola Roxon had declared her support for her.The Australian has at least six stories linked from its home page, including some irrelevant commentary from opposition leader Tony Abbott and even Rudd saying he’d do it differently now.Seven is reporting that independent MP Andrew Wilkie reckons Rudd will launch a challenge, describing the video as “explosive”.This entire episode is an embarrassment. It’s this sort of Canberra pseudo-insider bullshit that’s precisely the reason I don’t read newspapers or their websites and don’t watch TV news. It’s all a sideshow, the so-called journalists who perpetuate this bullshit know it, and yet they continue to do it.Why?Well I think I know why this fucktardery happens, and I have a modest proposal for fixing it.Episode notes and full credits are at:https://stilgherrian.com/edict/00019/

Danger on the streets! Lock up your children! There’s not a moment to spare. Australians demonstrate their stupidity and complete lack of class by proposing fucked up names for satellites. And in an effort to become relevant to important media issues, a food review.This episode’s lead topic is the report that NSW Police are lecturing parents who let their children walk to the shops or catch a bus on their own.I counter this idiocy with the map showing how in just four generations children’s range of action has been cut from six miles to 300 metres, my own experiences as a child, and the Free Range Kids project.We also hear the misery of entries into NBN Co’s “Name the Satellites” community involvement outreach PR project thingy, and review the wonder that is SunRice Thai Satay Chicken Sauce with Rice.Episode notes and full credits are at:https://stilgherrian.com/edict/00018/

Residents of the depressingly tight-sphinctered Melbourne suburb of Prahran torture their dogs. True. And it’s ugly.Also this week, Australia gets a new masthead for quality journalism, and everyone goes all wet and judgemental. Something something football on the internet. And I finish all the things that I meant to do on New Year’s Eve but didn’t.Despite being recorded more than five weeks after the previous episode, this is really just a continuation. More or less. Shut up I’m telling this story don’t question me.Look, I’m going to be writing some more words for a bit, so feel free to scroll down or click through or whatever and just play the podcast, OK?Apart from the dogs (which I cover in a little too much detail), Nick Hodge explains why New Year’s Eve in Sydney is so dreadful (five weeks after the event I know shut up), I look briefly at The Global Mail (while most of what I wanted to say has already been said on Radio 2SER, I do add some extra points here), and I become concerned about apples being compared with oranges. So to speak.Simon (pictured) even tells us The Truth about Facebook! Whoever the fuck Simon is.En passant I mention La Camera Italian Restaurant in South Yarra and The Tennis Shop.And the football thing? Oh, I’ve got an opinion piece in the Sydney Morning Herald today.Episode notes and full credits are at:https://stilgherrian.com/edict/00017a/

Tonight we’re doing what every other media outlet does. A look back at the year. The big stories. From earthquakes and cyclones to royal weddings and the descent of TV stars into madness. All through the eyes of the media and, since it’s 2011, through the eyes of fucking Twitter.In this episode you’ll hear what I think about the Sydney Morning Herald’s review of 2011 and Charlie Brooker and his drama series Black Mirror.I also refer to Charlie Brooker’s glorious explanation of the grammar of a TV news story. Watch it.And as I mentioned on Twitter, this episode has been recorded in bursts of one-take recordings at the C Bar, also known as the Chamberlain Hotel in Haymarket, Sydney. The arseholes closed early. I refer to that, and I shall follow it up next episode.Episode notes and full credits are at:https://stilgherrian.com/edict/00017/