Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast

Good communication isn’t something you’re born with. It’s not even a gender thing. It’s something you have to learn (CLICK TO Tweet it!) I was on a talkshow where I was talking about the importance of good communication in relationships. The host of the show stopped me to ask, “Debra, do you mean to tell me you expect men to be good communicators?” Why, yes. That is absolutely what I am saying. To be honest, I was really frustrated with that question. Because I rebel against the stereotype that men can’t be good communicators. I think it’s insulting, and unfair, and sets us up for less than God’s best in our relationships. We need to expect more, and teach both our sons and our daughters the importance of healthy communication… It has to be practiced. And even when you’re married and in love…you’ll still have communication issues to work through. Take me for example: a wife of 11 years, licensed counselor and relationship expert. But just recently my husband and I had one of those “communication mishaps” that we had to work through….(don’t worry, I’ll tell you aaaaaallllll about it!) because communication is something you have to practice. On this episode, I talk to a young man who is struggling to communicate well, and wants some suggestions on how to get to the next level with expressing himself, especially with his emotions. Because in order to express our feelings, we have to first acknowledge them. Good Communication Skills Are Up For Grabs In this podcast, we talk through some practical steps to good communication, and cover these important topics: Why communicating and expressing emotions isn’t a male/female thing. The four levels of communication and why they matter. How our family background and culture can influence our ability to communicate. Some suggestions in learning to acknowledge our emotions and feelings.  Why it takes practice to get to a better place with our communication. How to learn good communication even long before you’re in a romantic relationship. Learning to recognize the WALLS (barriers to good communication) that you have whether or not you realize it – because they’re keeping you from healthy communication. This concept has really changed my life and I write all about it in Choosing Marriage, but today I’m sharing it with you on the show! And of course, a few candid conversations about my relationship with John and some of our most recent communication mishaps! If you want some practical advice to mastering the art of communication, then episode is SO SO SO SO important for you to listen to! Because good communication isn’t something you’re born with. It’s something you have to learn. (TWEET IT!) Single, dating, or married this show has something for you. Tune in to today’s episode to hear licensed counselor, Debra Fileta, as she answers her caller through this unscripted conversation in Episode 007 of the Love + Relationships Podcast. SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to learn more. Resources Mentioned on the Love + Relationships Podcast and Additional Show Notes: Today’s caller shared that the 21 Days to Jump Start Your Love Life Program was a huge step in helping him learn the importance of communication and take steps in that direction. Check it our for yourself and sign up to start the program today! As a special offer just for listening, use code PODCAST50 at checkout to get 50% off the program. Get a deeper look into the WALLS of Communcation, the Speaker-Listener Technique, The Four Levels of communication, some incredible statistics about communication, and so much more in my book: Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

There’s a reason junk-food is so popular. It makes you feel good for a little while, it’s quick, and most of all – it’s convenient. But at the end of the day, it destroys your health and expands your waist-line. And we ultimately end up regretting it. The same thing kind of goes for “junk food relationships”.  We all say we want healthy relationships, but in reality, most of us tend to go for what’s easy and convenient rather than what’s good for us. Today I’m chatting with a woman who has a tendency to go for the convenience of dating the guy next door…whether or not he’s good for her. And this pattern is starting to have a negative impact on her life. Maybe for you it’s not the guy or girl next door, but it’s important to ask yourself if you tend to do what’s convenient, rather than what’s best for your life and relationships.  Part of the problem is that so many people today confuse their needs with their preferences. We end up making majors out of minors, and minors out of majors. If we’re not careful, what’s OKAY ends up taking the place of what’s BEST in our lives (TWEET IT!) Healthy Relationships Look Like This: Today’s conversation is so, so, so good. On this episode, we’re talking through: Learning to choose healthy relationships vs. convenient relationships. Understanding the difference between your needs and your preferences. Exploring how loneliness can drive us to make bad relationship choices, and how to deal with that loneliness. Learning to deal with uncomfortable emotions rather than try to sedate them. Understanding how to set boundaries in relationships that aren’t good for us. Finding the courage to say no to the people and situations that are going to bring us down. Practical steps to making a red, green, yellow list of the things you’re looking for in a relationship even before you’re in a relationship. Why marrying a believer is NOT optional. Single, dating, or married this show has something for you. Tune in to today’s episode to hear licensed counselor, Debra Fileta, as she answers her caller through this unscripted conversation in Episode 006 of the Love + Relationships Podcast. SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to learn more. Resources Mentioned on the Love + Relationships Podcast and Additional Show Notes: Learn the difference between what you WANT vs. what you NEED in a relationship. Check out my book, True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life Ready to have some brave conversations about marriage? Single, dating, or married, this book is for you. Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If you’re single, I know you’re looking for online dating tips. Because, ugh, online dating?  It’s a love-hate relationship for sure…especially when it comes to being a Christian and trying to date online. From the Christian singles I’ve interacted with: they are online because there seems to be no other way to meet other Christian singles. So you give it a try, but like today’s caller  – you aren’t loving it. On today’s episode, I talk to a 36-year-old woman who comes from small town in the middle of nowhere, so online dating seems to be her only hope.  But she’s feeling fed up with it, and she’s looking for online dating tips. Somehow, she seems to be attracting the wrong kind of guys. So the question is…is it her? Is it her profile? Is there anything she can do to maximize her chances of finding a good match online. Online Dating Tips You’re going to want to tune in because I’m going to give you THREE TIPS to navigating online dating in a way that’s productive and will up your chances of finding a good match – and weeding out all the rest. Because like I said on today’s episode: It’s just as important to learn to attract the right people, as it is to learn to repel the wrong people. (TWEET IT!!) After our conversation, I’m going to introduce you to a married couple who actually met online – and it’s working for them! They’re going to share their online dating tips and tricks and how they knew it was a right match. You’re going to love their online dating advice so make sure you listen to the very end! I just adore this episode, and I know you will to. Get ready to take some notes! Single, dating, or married this show has something for you. Tune in to today’s episode to hear licensed counselor, Debra Fileta, as she answers her caller through this unscripted conversation in Episode 005 of the Love + Relationships Podcast. SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to learn more. Resources Mentioned on the Love + Relationships Podcast and Additional Show Notes: Learn to date in a healthy way. Check out my book, True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life Ready to have some brave conversations about marriage? Single, dating, or married, this book is for you. Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me Check out this info graphic with online dating tips!       Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you ever found yourself in one sided relationship where you are doing ALL the work? Where you are giving, and giving, and giving – and getting little to nothing in return? Why do you find yourself one way relationships again, and again, and again? The simple answer is this: You attract the type of relationship you think you deserve. (Tweet it!) So how do you change that narrative? How do you start believing that you’re worth more? How do you block out the lies that tell you you’re not capable, able, deserving, or worthy? Why am I always in a one sided relationship? On today’s episode, I talk to a woman who is struggling with one way relationships in every aspect of her life: from dating, to friendship. She finds that she is in a pattern of putting in all the effort, but getting nothing back in return. I also talk through the three types of relationships you need to have in your life, because learning to recognize which type of relationship you are in will let you know whether or not it’s time to WALK AWAY from a one sided relationship. Friends – this episode is SO JAM PACKED WITH AMAZING INFORMATION!!! Give this episode a quick listen, and then leave your 5-star rating and review on iTunes! It helps to get the word out and challenge others to move toward God’s best for relationships…because you always attract the type of relationship you believe you deserve! (Tweet it) Single, dating, or married this show has something for you. Tune in to today’s show to hear licensed counselor, Debra Fileta, as she answers her caller through this unscripted conversation in Episode 004 of the Love + Relationships Podcast. SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to learn more. Resources Mentioned on the Love + Relationships Podcast and Additional Show Notes: Learn to let go of the labels in Section 1 of, True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life Read some more about How To Deal With One Way Relationships in this TLD Article! Let go of the labels and cling to God’s truth about who you are in Christ. Ready to have a brave conversation about marriage? Check out my latest book, Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Did you know that conflict can break your relationship, but it can also make it? You can’t avoid conflict, but the way you handle it is key. “Conflict is the price we pay for a deeper level of intimacy.” (Tweet it!) That was the seriously-best-ever nugget of wisdom that Dr. Les Parrott (my good friend, and psychologist + New York Times Bestselling relationship author) had to say on this episode of the podcast.  After answering my listener question about how she should deal with conflict in her brand-new-marriage, I knew there would be no one better to chat with than Dr. Parrot, leading expert in the area of conflict. Because how you handle conflict tells me a lot about your relationships.   In fact, in this episode, I tell you about an out-of-this-world research study that was able to prove with 90% ACCURACY, which couples would stay together and which couples would get divorced based on how they fought.  That’s no joke. But the good news is that we also talk about what it takes to be successful in this important area of your life. Your fight style is key to the success of your relationships…so you better learn how to fight well. Because conflict can also lead to greater intimacy, if you know how to manage it in a healthy way. Give this episode (31 minutes) a quick listen, and then leave your 5-star rating and review on iTunes! It helps to get the word out and challenge others to move toward God’s best for relationships…because conflict is the price you pay for a deeper level of intimacy (Tweet it!) Single, dating, or married this show has something for you. Tune in to today’s show to hear licensed counselor, Debra Fileta, as she answers her caller through this unscripted conversation in Episode 003 of the Love + Relationships Podcast. SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Resources Mentioned on the Love + Relationships Podcast and Additional Show Notes: You heard us mention the importance of knowing yourself on today’s show. There are so many aspects to your personality and your fight style is one of those things. Take the YADA assessment and learn more about your personality, your relationships style, your approach to conflict, and so much more: CLICK HERE TO TAKE THE YADA ASSESSMENT NOW! Learn more about your communication patterns, as well as strategies to navigate conflict in a healthy way, including the Speaker-Listener technique mentioned on the show in Chapters 2 & 3 of Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me Learn how to attract and keep a healthy dating relationships in True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to learn more. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How do you know if someone is just not that into you? “You should never have to convince someone that you’re worth loving.” (Tweet it!) That’s exactly what I told the caller on today’s episode of the show.  After getting burned by a lady he’s been getting to know, he finds himself wondering how on earth is a person supposed to read the opposite sex and find out whether or not someone is interested? Are there signs to be on the lookout for? Why, yes…yes there are. 10 different signs to be exact. But here’s the key: you have to be willing to recognize them, and then accept them.  And I’m going to talk through all this and more in today’s interesting show!! If you’ve ever been in a relationship where you wondered whether or not they felt the same way about you as you felt about them (whether dating or even in marriage) — then this episode is for you. Give this short episode (25 minutes) a quick listen, and then leave your 5-star rating and review on iTunes! It helps to get the word out and challenge others to move toward God’s best for relationships…because you should never have to convince someone that you’re worth investing in (tweet it).  [Single, dating, or married, this episode has something for you! Tune in to today’s show to hear licensed counselor, Debra Fileta, as she answers her caller through this unscripted conversation in Episode 002 of the Love + Relationships Podcast.] SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Resources Mentioned on the Love + Relationships Podcast and Additional Show Notes:  10 Signs He/She Is Not That Into You Does He Like Me? 7 Clues He’s Interested Does She Like Me? 7 Clues She’s Interested Learn how to attract and keep a healthy dating relationships in True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life Find out choices you can make today, to build a better marriage for tomorrow in Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to learn more. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The podcast discusses trust issues in relationships and how past experiences can impact present relationships. The host offers practical steps for overcoming trust issues and finding healing. The importance of trust, open communication, and building connection is emphasized. The impact of the past on present relationships is explored, and guidance is provided for moving forward from past baggage.