Have you ever told your child something about them that you know to be true, but they just don't believe it themselves? They could be smart, athletic, funny, etc. But they may have something emotional happening that makes them believe otherwise. In this episode I share some advice about children that was given to me years ago, but impacts what I believe about kids to this day. Three points I make in this episode are: What we tell them might be true, but doesn't make it true for them The difference between the cognitive and emotional A child's view of "self" has to be developed internally Links from this episode: Gabb Wireless, safe phone for kids, Spring Promo. Use promo code "PLAY" https://playtherapyparenting.com/gabb

Do you often find yourself having to "step in" to control your child's behavior? In today's episode, I'm going to try to change your thinking about discipline. The goal of discipline is "self-regulation" on the part of the child. Otherwise, some children "keep pushing" until someone regulates for them. Wouldn't it be better if your child learned to self-regulate, instead of you having to regulate for them? This has dramatic implications into adulthood also. Finally, I talk about patience in parenting. We have to give time for the child to self-control, but we often don't give the child enough time. So I give you some advice on that as well.

When parents realize that kids need a different type of communication, it changes the way you interact with them. I discuss three sub-topics: kids are emotional, they do not have abstract reasoning skills yet, and how concrete "parameters" within conversations are developmentally appropriate, and will pull more than one-word answers out of your kids.

This episode continues my parenting "Rules of thumb" series [as taken from Child-Parent Relationship Therapy (Bratton & Landreth, 2019)] "When you focus on the problem, you lose sight of the child" is an important guideline to remember when dealing with parenting moments. We'll talk about how the "quick fix mentality" is not the best way to view solutions to parenting issues. I also discuss the following topics... negative vs positive framing, victim vs victor mentality, and focusing on the issue instead of the relationship.

Have you heard the (true) story of the little girl that went out every morning to get the mail, and the mailman greeted her with "Hello, Miss America!" She ended up winning the Miss America pageant. We don't understand the power that words, phrases, and expressions have on people's lives unless we understand the "magic" of self-fulfilling prophecy. This is especially true of how it affects kids... in the positive AND negative! In this episode, I talk about the internal and external labels that influence self-fulfilling prophecy. Next I cover self-dialogue, and how it influences behavior. Finally, I explore how subtle expressions can influence kids, and we might not realize that it's happening.

In this episode, a research study referenced on psypost.org caught my eye and I wanted to share it and talk about how it reflects what I see in the playroom at my practice and my interaction with parents. In the research they make three points. First that executive functioning is compromised. I explain what that means and how it affects kids. Next, how parental responsiveness influences outcomes. Finally, how academic success is affected.   Links from this episode: Chaotic households undermine children’s development of executive functioning through less responsive parenting

In thinking about New Year's changes, or things you want to change in this upcoming year, I want to caution you about changing too much at once! "Don't Try To Change Everything At Once" is another episode in my "Rules of Thumb" series [as taken from Child-Parent Relationship Therapy (Bratton & Landreth, 2019)]. When thinking about change in parenting or families, I often illustrate this concept using the "scales of justice". So I'll share that concept in this episode. I also talk about the "hierarchy" of change. Finally, I'll share some tips to set yourself up for success.

Stop beating yourself up over things that you don't know! In this episode, I go over a concept that I call the "Parenting Prison". I'll explain what that is and how to get out. Next I discuss that there is no guilt or blame in not knowing something. Our parenting is often passed down through generational cycles, so I discuss how this relates to the Parenting Prison. Finally, there is freedom in the acquisition of knowledge. Learning how to parent better is a liberating experience for you and your whole family.

I read an article that reinforces, from a medical standpoint, that social media is really harmful for our kids. A callout from the article: "Turns out the poorly regulated, 24-hour content mill of being Extremely Online is really threatening to our mental health!" I already knew this, but what is alarming is that the influences are going beyond mental health... social media (and this case, specifically TikTok videos) are affecting kids from a medical/physical standpoint.   Links from this episode: https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/tanyachen/young-women-reporting-concerning-behavioral-changes-from https://www.wsj.com/articles/teen-girls-are-developing-tics-doctors-say-tiktok-could-be-a-factor-11634389201   If you're like me and your child is begging you for a phone, but there's no way you are going to let them have an internet-connected phone, I have a compromise between you and your kids! It's called Gabb Wireless. It's essentially a "dumb" phone (that isn't a flip phone). It looks like a smart phone, but it does not have internet-connected apps. You can call, text, and take photos/videos, and not much more! My listeners can get 50% off a Gabb phone or watch by Dec. 15th if you click on the following link. https://www.playtherapyparenting.com/play or use the promo code PLAY at checkout. Stay in contact with your kids without worrying about them being on the internet unsupervised. Get a Gabb phone or watch today!

Did you have to take a career class... in middle school?  Did you learn pre-algebra... in 6th grade? In this episode, I'm exploring the question: Are schools pushing kids too far, too fast? First, I read a letter from my son's school that was the spark for this episode topic. Then I talk about what I'm calling the "separation of home and state". And finally, I end with a topic that I'm calling the "content push".  After you listen to this episode, I'd love to hear from you.. if you agree, or disagree.  Email me at brenna@thekidcounselor.com. Links from this episode: 3 Reasons Why We Chose To Homeschool (Probably Not The Reasons You’re Thinking)