Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children

Scott Barry Kaufman, PhD, psychologist, author, and podcaster who’s interested in redefining giftedness and helping all kinds of minds live a creative, fulfilling, and meaningful life. Scott is incredibly passionate about what he sees as his primary work in the world—changing, or perhaps expanding, the way intelligence is defined and measured. In our conversation, we talk about his ideas about intelligence, potential, and what it actually takes for our children to develop into self-actualized adults.Things you’ll learn from this episode Scott’s story of redefining giftedness and pushing past limiting labels as a student to thrive Why Scott believes traditional markers of intelligence are missing the mark The problem with assessing for “labels” instead a child’s highest strengths Scott’s thoughts on how we can create a better educational model Why potential in our children is a “moving target” How gifted education as a construct has a “fixed mindset” Scott’s ideas for expanding the definition of intelligence through a multiple manifestations of intelligence lens Why we should focus on self-actualization as opposed to excellence What qualities we should be helping our children develop to become self-actualized  Resources mentioned for redefining giftedness Scott Barry Kaufman’s website Scott at Scientific American Magazine Scott’s podcast, The Psychology Podcast Ungifted: Intelligence Redefined by Scott Barry Kaufman Wired to Create: Unraveling the Mysteries of the Creative Mind by Scott Barry Kaufman Twice Exceptional: Supporting and Educating Bright and Creative Students with Learning Difficulties by Scott Barry Kaufman Scott’s TEDxZumbroRiver Talk: A New Theory of Human Intelligence Eye to Eye National / Marcus Soutra Bridges Academy Scott’s new Characteristics of Self-Actualization Scale Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Occupational therapist and co-founder of Shift Your Thinking LD Susan Shenk talks about how technology can be best used to support kids who are different learners.Connect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Author and former NY Times Motherlode editor KJ Dell'Antonia talks about her book "How To Be a Happier Parent" and what she learned about how parents can bring more happiness into their daily lives.Connect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Marriage and family therapist and author Jeremy Schneider ("Fatherhood in 40-Minute Snapshots") talks about what prevents some dads from being the father they want to be and explains how couples can strengthen their relationship.Connect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Marisa Meddin, founder of Talk College To Me and the creator of The 7 Day College Admissions Crash Course For Parents, discusses how students can become the strongest possible college applicants they can be.Connect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Independent filmmaker Marc Smolowitz (13th Gen) talks about his upcoming film "The G Word", which tackles issues related to giftedness, equity, and social justice for a broad audience.Connect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I was thrilled to have the chance to talk with Alfie Kohn about parenting and differently wired kids and dig into the concepts that many consider highly provocative and controversial because in many ways they are a radical departure from more traditional approaches to parenting, praise, rewards, punishments, discipline, and motivation.If you haven’t been exposed to Alfie’s work before, I encourage you to listen with an open mind and curiosity. Some of the concepts he shares today may challenge your ideas about raising kids, but if you know me, I deeply believe there is value is reconsidering everything we thought we knew about parenting. After having this conversation with Alfie, I became even more aware of things I was doing that I wanted to tweak as a way to better support Asher’s growth, and I’ve already noticed a difference in what’s happening in my family dynamic. I hope you get out a lot out of our conversation. Alfie Kohn writes and speaks widely on human behavior, education, and parenting. The author of fourteen books and scores of articles, he lectures at education conferences and universities as well as to parent groups and corporations. Kohn’s criticisms of competition and rewards have been widely discussed and debated, and he has been described in Time magazine as “perhaps the country’s most outspoken critic of education’s fixation on grades [and] test scores.” Things you’ll learn from this episode What “unconditional parenting” looks like Why Alfie believes a goal of raising compliant kids is misguided What the science says about rewards and punishments and why they tend to lead to the opposite result we’re going for The potential downsides of positive reinforcement and “praise” in relation to supporting our children’s development and personal growth The difference between love and unconditional love, and why the latter is what we want our children to feel The importance of focusing on long-term versus short-term goals for our children Alfie’s advice for where parents can start today when it comes to working toward a more unconditional parenting approach  Resources mentioned about unconditional parenting Alfie Kohn’s website Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishment to Love and Reason by Alfie Kohn Punished by Rewards: The Trouble with Gold Stars, Incentive Plans, A’s, Praise, and Other Bribes by Alfie Kohn The Myth of the Spoiled Child: Coddled Kids, Helicopter Parents, and Other Phony Crises by Alfie Kohn Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week I’m talking with Julie Skolnick, the founder of With Understanding Comes Calm, an organization with a mission of empowering parents, educators, and professionals to bring out the best and raise self esteem in their twice exceptional (2e) children, students, clients, and themselves through education, tailor made strategies, and advocacy training.I initially reached out to Julie about having her on the show because she does a lot of in-the-classroom training, helping educators better understand and recognize their twice exceptional students and learn tools and strategies for supporting them. Because finding the right educational fit is perhaps the biggest challenge for parents raising 2e kids, I was hoping Julie could offer us the solution to this problem and tell us exactly what we could do to get our kids’ teachers on board. But when Julie and I had our pre-interview conversation a few weeks before recording this, she made it clear that there is no easy answer—the work is difficult, there’s a lot of resistance, and progress is slow. While I can’t promise any magic solution to the issue of how to educate 2e kids, I can promise that in our conversation Julie shares a number of powerful tools and strategies for how we as parents can powerfully advocate for our kids and understand them as learners so we can show up as the best parent we can be. THINGS YOU’LL LEARN FROM THIS EPISODE: Why finding an educational fit for twice exceptional kids can be so challenging The status quo regarding how 2e kids are managing in traditional school settings Julie’s ideas for how parents can advocate for their 2e learners in a collaborative way How parents can learn to trust that they are the best parent for their child The three main challenges for 2e students as a result of their wiring Julie’s advice and best practices for parents just now discovering their child’s unique profile and are looking for ideas on where to start  RESOURCES MENTIONED: With Understanding Comes Calm (Julie’s website) SENG (Supporting the Emotional Needs of the Gifted) Jonathan Mooney 2e Newsletter Behind the Scenes of the Resource TECA—Twice Exceptional Children’s Advocacy (podcast episode) Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

 Dr. Devorah Heitner, a digital media and technology expert and the author of "Screenwise" talks about how parents can mentor their kids to develop a healthy relationship with screens (phones, online games, and more).Connect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Melissa Sornick, LCSW and Maratea Cantarella of TECA (Twice Exceptional Children's Advocacy) take us behind the scenes of the top resource for parents raising 2e kids. Connect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices