Healing the Tigress

Recently we had an episode on the decision to have just one child, but there is another side to “one and done” families who may not be this way by choice. We offer a Trigger Warning before you listen that this episode does talk about miscarriage.For this episode, we sit down with Val from @thewabisabimama to talk about her motherhood story. Val is a fourth-generation Japanese American mother, who shares the beauty of imperfections and impermanence in motherhood—the meaning behind the Japanese phrase “wabi sabi.” She also shares on her Instagram account the ways she is trying to keep her family’s cultural heritage alive and how she is creating her own family traditions with her son.In this episode, we talk with Val about how she may be one and done, but not exactly by choice. During the first half of the episode, we hear about Val’s experience with her son’s colic and her experience with postpartum depression. In the second half of the episode, we dive into the feelings of grief over a miscarriage Val had a couple years ago and is still perhaps not done grieving.The topic over this miscarriage is more complex in Val’s situation because she had actually mentally prepared to be done having kids, but then she got pregnant again and had a glimmer of hope for a brief window. After the miscarriage, Val ran more tests and then learned that secondary fertility was in the picture. Val shared with us that even though she is grateful for her son, it’s hard to be in the “one and done” group especially when she does wish to have another child. But she is trying to find and come to the peace of having a single child family. We talk about the grief and gratitude around this and about normalizing the invisible grief over miscarriages in general. We hope this conversation might be helpful for anyone who is still grieving a miscarriage or hoping to expand their family know that they are not alone in these feelings.Find more of Val at:Instagram: www.instagram.com/thewabisabimamaOther resources:Jasmine's Substack Newsletter on being "One and Won"If you enjoy our podcast and our mission to shine light on conversations and stories of AAPI mothers, please take a moment to leave us a review! Reviews help us become more visible and we really want this podcast to reach more AAPI parents who may need it. You may also follow us @healingthetigress on Instagram and TikTok. Thank you for tuning in!Note: The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed are the speakers' own. This podcast is not a replacement for therapy or professional/medical advice. If you need more support or advice, please reach out to your own medical professional who can answer your questions with your individual medical history and background in context.Send us your thoughts!Support the show✨ If you'd like to subscribe to our podcast for access to more bonus episodes, please click here for Buzzsprout Subscriptions! Once subscribed, you can use an RSS feed to listen from any of your podcast platforms. Thanks in advance for your support, as this really helps us keep the show going! ❤️ (Think of it like buying us a boba...to share! 😉🧋)

The episode today is rich with a wide range of topics from public policy, to race and racism, to PPD/PPA/PPOCD. A heartwarming message we also get to highlight is how it’s never too late to change your career and chase your dreams. Divya Kumar, LICSW, ScM, PMH-C is a South Asian-American psychotherapist with a public health background who specializes in perinatal mental health, trauma, and the life transitions related to pregnancy, childbirth, and parenting. She is a mom of two teenagers and especially passionate about holding space for folks of color and folks who identify as first- and second-generation immigrants as they navigate the transition to parenthood and explore how race, racial identity, and culture intersect with parenting. Before becoming a therapist, Divya's work focused on connecting clinical services with public health by addressing unmet needs in direct perinatal mental healthcare and the structure and delivery of perinatal support services. Currently, she participates in initiatives to improve perinatal mental health services and systems of care at both the state and national levels. Divya is a Co-Founder of the Perinatal Mental Health Alliance for People of Color (the Alliance), Board Member of Postpartum Support International (PSI) of Massachusetts, and a Commissioner on the Ellen Story Commission for Postpartum Depression.In this conversation, we talk about how Divya was inspired to co-found the Alliance with Jabina Coleman and Desiree Israel after a fateful PSI conference, as a way to invite more providers and mothers of color to the resources that PSI had to offer. Divya also shares about her own personal postpartum journey that was rife with PMADs (PPD, PPA, PPOCD) she never got diagnosed with and finally understood years later.Divya also returned to school after realizing the work she was doing with postpartum women after becoming a mother herself was inspiring a calling to become a therapist who could work particularly with women of color. As someone who is raising multiracial, multicultural children, Divya is also highly aware of the privilege and also the racism that her kids will have to grapple with. She talks about parenting in a new generation, often “bushwhacking” or carving out our own paths because we were never shown how to value feelings and mental health as AAPI children. This is one of the most fiery and passionate conversations we’ve had, and we hope you will enjoy it too!Find more of Divya on Instagram: www.instagram.com/bothbrownandtherapist Resources mentioned: AsAm news article: Better Luck YesterdayIf you enjoy our podcast and our mission to shine light on conversations and stories of AAPI mothers, please take a moment to leave us a review! Reviews help us become more visible and we really want this podcast to reach more AAPI parents who may need it. You may also follow us @healingthetigress on Instagram Thank you for tuning in!Note: The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed are the speakers' own. This podcast is not a replacement for therapy or professional/medical advice. Send us your thoughts!Support the show✨ If you'd like to subscribe to our podcast for access to more bonus episodes, please click here for Buzzsprout Subscriptions! Once subscribed, you can use an RSS feed to listen from any of your podcast platforms. Thanks in advance for your support, as this really helps us keep the show going! ❤️ (Think of it like buying us a boba...to share! 😉🧋)

TW: Miscarriages are briefly discussed in this episode.If you asked Shannon Eng when she was younger how many kids she wanted, she might have told you ten! She thought she wanted a lot of children, despite being an only child herself. And then she became a mother right before the world shut down for a global pandemic. The idea of having more children soon changed after Shannon went through postpartum during a time where she did not have a village for support and her mental health was often not well. Now she has decided that for her mental health's sake, one child is exactly what she wants and needs.Some of you may also know Shannon as a popular fitness nutrition specialist and Pilates instructor on social media as @caligirlgetsfit. She uses her platform now not only to share about health and wellness, but to highlight her motherhood journey and how she is an only child who is choosing to raise an only child. Shannon also recently started a newer account on Instagram called @onlynotlonelykids to focus more on single children topics.In this episode, we discuss how Shannon had 2 miscarriages before having her son, and that began to set the stage for the mental health toll motherhood would have on her. We talk about how some people don't view mental health as a "real" reason not to have more children. We talk about the mislabeled stereotypes people give to only children and some of the reasons and history behind how these unfounded assumptions came to be. Shannon is a third and fourth generation Chinese American, but despite her family being in the U.S. for awhile, she feels they still hold onto a lot of Asian values--one of which is the cultural expectation to have many children so someone will care for the elderly. We talk about how people often think only children will be "lonely," and Shannon also gives a great analogy to the argument for "double or nothing" when it comes to having children.We hope this conversation will help normalize the choice to be one and done as well as for society to stop mislabeling only children with stereotypes that have been disproven before they really get to know them. We realize that having a choice is a privilege, but also want to acknowledge that there is no perfect family size. The best one is the one that works for your family--physically and mentally.Find more of Shannon at:Instagram:1. www.instagram.com/caligirlgetsfit2. www.instagram.com/onlynotlonelykidsIf you enjoy our podcast and our mission to shine light on conversations and stories of AAPI mothers, please take a moment to leave us a review! Reviews help us become more visible and we really want this podcast to reach more AAPI parents who may need it. You may also follow us @healingthetigress on Instagram.Note: The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed are the speakers' own. This podcast is not a replacement for therapy or professional/medical advice. If you need more support or advice, please reach out to your own medical professional who can answer your questions with your individual medical history and background in context.Send us your thoughts!Support the show✨ If you'd like to subscribe to our podcast for access to more bonus episodes, please click here for Buzzsprout Subscriptions! Once subscribed, you can use an RSS feed to listen from any of your podcast platforms. Thanks in advance for your support, as this really helps us keep the show going! ❤️ (Think of it like buying us a boba...to share! 😉🧋)

Iris Chen, a recovering tiger mother and founder of the Untigering movement, explores the transformative journey of peaceful parenting. She shares her experiences as an American Born Chinese raising children in China, highlighting the effects of authoritarian parenting on mental health. Iris emphasizes the importance of 'unschooling' and adapting education to a child’s interests. She also discusses the cultural challenges AAPI mothers face while redefining their parenting identities, advocating for empathy and understanding in familial relationships.

TW: We do discuss suicidal thoughts and miscarriage in this episode.Even though Healing the Tigress is about maternal mental health, we cannot have these conversations with just moms. Men, dads, partners all play a role in the healing process as well, and they themselves also deserve the same support and care for their own mental health as they step into parenthood. Their mental health ties in closely with maternal mental health too. So we really wanted to feature a male voice on our podcast, and who better to talk with than J.S. Park —a Korean American hospital chaplain from Florida.J.S. Park has a MDiv and a BA in Psychology. He is a published author (The Voices We Carry) with another book on the way in a few months, a viral blogger/influencer, and a father to a 3-year-old daughter with a second child on the way next month! For eight years, he has been an interfaith chaplain at a 1000+ bed hospital that is designated a Level 1 Trauma Center. His role includes grief counseling, attending every death, every trauma and Code Blue, staff care, and supporting end-of-life care. He also served for three years as a chaplain at one of the largest nonprofit charities for the homeless on the east coast.Together we sit down and talk about how J.S. did not think he wanted children at first, for fear of passing down his generational traumas. Eventually he did decide to have children, and unfortunately, his wife experienced severe postpartum depression. We talk about their journey to getting her help at the beginning and height of the pandemic. J.S. also admits that he himself also ended up having depression and anxiety after burning out from being the sole caregiver of his wife and his daughter, who they were concerned had other health problems.We talk openly about taking antidepressants and going to therapy and couples’ therapy. We also discuss his views on “grief anxiety,” as a person who constantly sees death at work. There are many instances of grieving in motherhood/parenthood, and J.S. talks with us about how this grief ties in with social and cultural forces too.This conversation is rich with thought-provoking ideas that challenge our stigmas against Asian males, dads, mental health, generational trauma, grief, and more. Please take a listen to this wonderful discussion with J.S. Park, dubbed the “grief catcher” or “therapriest,” and we hope you’ll enjoy listening to our first (but not last!) male guest!Find more of J.S. Park at:Instagram: @jspark3000Website: https://jsparkblog.com/Book: The Voices We Carry Book: As Long As You NeedIf you enjoy our podcast and our mission to shine light on conversations and stories of AAPI mothers, please take a moment to leave us a review! Reviews help us become more visible and we really want this podcast to reach more AAPI mothers who may need it. You may also follow us @healingthetigress on Instagram. Thank you for tuning in!Note: The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed are the speakers' own. This podcast is not a replacement for therapy or professional/medical advice. Send us your thoughts!Support the show✨ If you'd like to subscribe to our podcast for access to more bonus episodes, please click here for Buzzsprout Subscriptions! Once subscribed, you can use an RSS feed to listen from any of your podcast platforms. Thanks in advance for your support, as this really helps us keep the show going! ❤️ (Think of it like buying us a boba...to share! 😉🧋)

Please help us welcome our first international guest! Tisha Kachhapati, MBPsS, MBACP, is a Nepalese American psychodynamic counselor now living abroad and based in the United Kingdom for the past decade. She is what we would consider an ex-pat, but as we discuss, she mentions that because she is a person of color, people often call her an “immigrant” instead.In this episode, Tisha describes her experience giving birth in the UK and the traumatic birth that followed, which left her getting an emergency C-section and barely conscious enough to realize a Code Blue had been called. Tisha tells us how it felt like the mother was forgotten after the baby was delivered and how her postpartum depression and anxiety weren’t as apparent until 8 months later because she seemed so high functioning. Even when she asked her general practitioner for antidepressants, she was dismissed and told she just needed to “go on a holiday.” Eventually, Tisha took the antidepressants and got better. But when her son was two, Tisha was trying to ask her GP if they had more help for maternal mental health to offer her. She was turned away and told there was nothing they could offer her. Tisha was shocked. But she turned that disappointment into her personal fuel to change her career completely and pursue a degree in psychodynamic counseling. Please tune in to this inspiration story from a mum across the pond. We think you’ll find it relatable, enlightening, and funny, as Tisha’s humor and wonderful British accent really shine through. And the bigger message is that perinatal mood and anxiety disorders do not discriminate; many of thesame themes and societal stigmas and shortcomings are the same in the UK as they are in the US. Find more of Tisha at:Instagram: @tmktherapyWebsite: www.tmktherapy.comIf you enjoy our podcast and our mission to shine light on conversations and stories of AAPI mothers, please take a moment to leave us a review! Reviews help us become more visible and we really want this podcast to reach more AAPI mothers who may need it. You may also follow us @healingthetigress on Instagram. Thank you for tuning in!Note: The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed are the speakers' own. This podcast is not a replacement for therapy or professional/medical advice. If you need more support or advice, please reach out to your own medical professional who can answer your questions with your individual medical history and background in context.Send us your thoughts!Support the show✨ If you'd like to subscribe to our podcast for access to more bonus episodes, please click here for Buzzsprout Subscriptions! Once subscribed, you can use an RSS feed to listen from any of your podcast platforms. Thanks in advance for your support, as this really helps us keep the show going! ❤️ (Think of it like buying us a boba...to share! 😉🧋)

We took a short break while Jasmine was studying for her PMH-C test, but now that she has taken it and passed (yay!), we wanted to throw in one last bonus episode for 2023. Pull up a chair and grab a mug of hot cocoa (or your drink of choice) to listen in on an open, completely unedited conversation between Peggy and Jasmine, reflecting on how this experience of starting Healing the Tigress has been. Find out what surprised us most after starting this podcast, what our favorite moments of the past 3 months have been, and even some confessions and realizations from our high school days! We inadvertently (briefly) recap all of the episodes from this year--what did they mean to us and what were the emotions behind some of them. Jasmine also shares a little bit about just what "PMH-C" really is and how it can be helpful for those seeking help with perinatal mental health. We end by teasing a little bit about the kinds of guests we have coming up in the next year! And then if you haven't seen our fun holiday giveaway yet, there's still a few more days to enter on our IG page! Check it out over at www.instagram.com/healingthetigress.We'll be back from the holidays around mid January, so look out for us then! Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for supporting us on this journey. We can't wait to share our upcoming guests with everyone. Happy Holidays! See you in 2024!Send us your thoughts!Support the show✨ If you'd like to subscribe to our podcast for access to more bonus episodes, please click here for Buzzsprout Subscriptions! Once subscribed, you can use an RSS feed to listen from any of your podcast platforms. Thanks in advance for your support, as this really helps us keep the show going! ❤️ (Think of it like buying us a boba...to share! 😉🧋)

A lot of AAPI parents these days are breaking generational cycles by parenting differently. You may know KJ Althoff as "Gentle Healing Mom" on Instagram, and in today's episode, we have the honor to hear her share her story for the very first time about her Filipino background and how it plays a role in her childhood traumas and motherhood journey today.In this episode, KJ graciously opens up to us about how she was actually brought up to suppress her Filipino heritage to fit in with her American peers when she moved to the U.S. at a young age from the Philippines with her mother. She grew up with a white father who adopted her, but it took years to come to terms with her true identity as 100% Filipina. KJ discusses with us how she realized a lot of her childhood trauma contributed to her triggers in motherhood, and hence, she started a journey of self-healing to parent her child differently than how she was raised, as well as re-parenting herself.Over the course of learning how to parent in a way that felt right to her, KJ has built a community of over 100k followers on Instagram (@gentlehealingmom) sharing about her personal gentle parenting journey as well as healing from childhood wounds. She has a master's degree in mental health counseling and is also a certified parenting coach, as well as Director of Content for Big Life Journal. KJ and her husband Adam have been married for 7 years. They have a 6-year-old son who is the reason KJ began her gentle and conscious parenting journey more than 3 years ago.KJ also discusses with us the difference between gentle parenting and conscious parenting, which we think is important to distinguish. Please join us in this deeply personal and hugely relatable episode about parenting.Books recommended by KJ:Let's Talk About Body Boundaries, Consent and RespectMy Body! What I Say Goes!My Body Belongs to Me from My Head to My ToesI Said No! A Kid-to-kid Guide to Keeping Private Parts PrivateYou can find more of KJ at:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/gentlehealingmom/ (@gentlehealingmom)Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/gentlehealingmomWebsite: https://gentlehealingmom.com/If you enjoyed the episode, please subscribe and follow our show! We would also love a rating and review to help our show become more visible to other AAPI parents who would benefit.Note: The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed are the speakers' own. This podcast is not a replacement for therapy or professional/medical advice. If you are in need of more support or advice, please reach out to your own medical professional who can answer your questions with your individual medical history and background in context.Send us your thoughts!Support the show✨ If you'd like to subscribe to our podcast for access to more bonus episodes, please click here for Buzzsprout Subscriptions! Once subscribed, you can use an RSS feed to listen from any of your podcast platforms. Thanks in advance for your support, as this really helps us keep the show going! ❤️ (Think of it like buying us a boba...to share! 😉🧋)

Leah Kim has been a long-time writer and champion of mental health, narrating her personal stories and essays so poignantly about her childhood trauma, growing up a daughter of a mentally unwell mother, and then battling postpartum depression (PPD), anxiety, panic disorder, and PTSD when she became a mother. We were so fortunate to sit down with Leah to dive deeper into her long-term experience with mental health in this episode.Leah is a second-generation Korean American, born in Chicago and raised in the Bay Area. But she has traveled worldwide and may be better known for her admirable career as Nike's former Global Yoga Ambassador for 10 years. She is currently a mother of two, a blogger, and a podcast host herself for Voices on the Side. She is also a writer with a book in the works!Because Leah grew up around her mother who was mentally unwell for as long as she could remember, she tried to set herself up to be as mentally well as possible before she became a mother. Leah thought that being a yoga and mindfulness expert meant that she would be able to think her way out of any darkness. She had a firm belief that she should be able to have a "natural" birth to fit her narrative as Nike's Yoga Ambassador. But 9 years ago, when her birth plan for her first child went south, she was not prepared for the traumatic aftermath.In this episode, we talk about what she describes as "years long PPD after my first child," including how she first realized she actually needed more help when she started getting anxiety and panic attacks. These panic attacks didn't start until her son was 1.5 years old and finally led her to seek out therapy and help. We talk about how we cannot put a timeline on mental health and that PPD can go on longer than a year. If you are someone who has had PPD for longer than a year or experienced panic disorder or C-PTSD, you may resonate deeply with this episode. But even if you have not, Leah touches on a lot of themes of mental health challenges that many new moms go through. Back when she had her first child, social media had not been such a safe space to talk openly about things like PPD, but Leah was one of the few AAPI voices on maternal mental health back then and continues to be now.Please tune in and listen for yourself to Leah, who was the inspiration to Jasmine (one of our Healing the Tigress cohosts) for realizing how important having an AAPI voice in this space really was to her.Resources mentioned:This is Not What I Expected: Overcoming Postpartum Depression by Karen Kleiman, MSW, LCSWFind Leah at:IG: @leahsoojinkimPodcast: Voices on the SideBlog: https://www.on-motherhood.com/Please share with a friend if you found this helpful, and we always welcome ratings and reviews to help us increase visibility for our AAPI community in the maternal mental health space. Thank you!Note: The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed are the speakers' own. This podcast is not a replacement for therapy or professional/medicSend us your thoughts!Support the show✨ If you'd like to subscribe to our podcast for access to more bonus episodes, please click here for Buzzsprout Subscriptions! Once subscribed, you can use an RSS feed to listen from any of your podcast platforms. Thanks in advance for your support, as this really helps us keep the show going! ❤️ (Think of it like buying us a boba...to share! 😉🧋)

Trigger Warning: This episode discusses Pregnancy Loss and Termination For Medical Reasons“The Sun shone brightest the day you returned to the sky,” writes Katrina dela Cruz to her son, Zeo Thomas, who was 19 weeks in the womb when she lost him. It happened to be Summer Solstice that day. Not long after, she unexpectedly had a miscarriage of another baby, Solis Vida, and bled over Zeo’s due date.And despite all of heartbreak, Katrina still finds ways to hold onto joy after these pregnancy losses.To end Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, we are honored to sit down and speak with Katrina about how her unique experience of motherhood and loss over the past 2 years have heightened her intuition and transformed the way in which she holds space in her own practice as a therapist. Katrina dela Cruz is a licensed mental health professional (LCSW), psychotherapist, spiritual coach, counselor, and the mother of two Spirit babies. She worked with patients in hospitals for over a decade, including in care for maternal mental health on OB/GYN and L&D units, before beginning her private practice, where she integrates Western psychological theory with energy work, sound healing, plant spiritism, and ancestral healing traditions.Katrina is also a HOPEtober Ambassador for RTZ Hope--a national non-profit organization that provides holistic support, resources, and community for all people who have experience pregnancy and infant loss. She is Filipino American and proud to be 100% Ilocano (indigenous to Ilocos, the northernmost region of the Philippines). She discusses with us how Filipinos are known for their optimism but how discussing something as tragic as miscarriage and loss can feel unnatural in her community.1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage but many will suffer in silence. We hope this episode will leave listeners with a better awareness of pregnancy loss and how to better support families going through this extremely difficult time.Resources and Links mentioned:RTZ Hope: https://rtzhope.org/Katrina's HOPEtober Ambassador page: https://rtzhope.org/2023-hopetober-ambassadors/2023/katrina-delacruzMaternal Mental Health Now Courageous Conversations registration (Free on 11/9/23): https://maternalmentalhealthnow.networkforgood.com/events/63292-courageous-conversations-pregnancy-and-infant-lossPostpartum Support International Loss and Grief Support: https://www.postpartum.net/get-help/loss-grief-in-pregnancy-postpartum/ Find Katrina at:Website: www.firemoonmedicines.comIG: @firemoonmedicinesPlease share with a friend if you found this helpful, and we always welcome ratings and reviews to help us increase visibility for our AAPI community in the maternal mental health space. Thank you!Note: The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed are the speakers' own. This podcast is not a Send us your thoughts!Support the show✨ If you'd like to subscribe to our podcast for access to more bonus episodes, please click here for Buzzsprout Subscriptions! Once subscribed, you can use an RSS feed to listen from any of your podcast platforms. Thanks in advance for your support, as this really helps us keep the show going! ❤️ (Think of it like buying us a boba...to share! 😉🧋)