The SelfWork Podcast

There are a lot of mental illnesses that are characterized by intense emotion which then governs behavior, such as in bipolar disorder, major depression, or several personality disorders. But even it it’s a pattern, and not an actual mental illness, it may mean that you don’t have the skill to regulate your emotions – to have control over them instead of them over you. What does this look like? You get angry at a friend and you text them impulsively about your feelings instead of taking a minute to cool down. You get dumped by someone you're dating and you immediately head to the nearest bar or pub to work on getting picked up. That’s what we’re going to focus on today. How do you learn to more self-control emotionally or how to “self-regulate” those emotions?  We’ll also talk about when intense control over emotions is highly self-protective. The listener email follows this subject line as well, but is more about the listener’s recognition and identification with perfectly hidden depression. But they put a bit of a different spin on it – and are asking how I might suggest they “explain” PHD to a new therapist. Vital Links:  Link to sign up for CE training on June 27th at 9:00 – noon CT. Psychology Today article on self-regulation We welcome back BiOptimizers and Magnesium Breakthrough as a returning sponsor to SelfWork and they have a new offer! Just click here! Make sure you use the code "selfwork10" to check out free product! You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!   My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook! And there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!    Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Today is an episode filled with your questions and my answers – one of my favorite things to do here on SelfWork! So today the topics are enmeshment, the difference between playing a role in someone’s life and having a relationship, and five ways to deal with defensiveness when you’re trying to have a conversation with a parent about the past. Great topics and questions! And I’m sure many of you can more than relate! Vital Links: Click Here for the fabulous offer from Athletic Greens - now AG1 - with bonus product with your subscription! SelfWork podcast on seven ways to move out of enmeshment Post on seven ways out of enmeshment You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome! My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook! And there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!        Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

We’re going to be talking about the last two major mental mistakes or bad habits that can either lead you into depression or be a factor in your depression worsening or sticking around. And those two are over-generalizing – meaning taking one experience or one piece of knowledge and applying it to everything - or what can be aptly described as "not seeing the trees for the forest." And the last is having unrealistic expectations – not seeing or believing what's accurate at that moment, but instead holding onto a belief or expectation of what you want or what you believe SHOULD happen instead of what's actually happening. I’m working from Dr. Michael Yapko’s brilliant work on how not being able to make effective discriminations in your thinking can cause bad decisions to be made – decisions that keep you believing in something that is only going to lead to more pain. Click this link to see his handouts for the conference I listened to for this episode! We welcome back BiOptimzers and Magnesium Breakthrough as a returning sponsor to SelfWork and they have a new offer! Just click here! Make sure you use the code "selfwork10" to check out free product! Have you been putting off getting help in 2023? BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now! You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome! My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook! And there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!  Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

The excitement of shedding pounds. The disappointment of gaining them back. Deprivation as a way of life. Dieting is a merry-go-round…minus the fun. Whether this describes you or someone you care for (friend, family member, child, patient, client), it’s a real issue for too many of us today. Yo-yo dieting reveals a terrible reality: most Americans are alarmingly misinformed about what to eat, when to eat, and how to get healthy. Jenn Trepeck is my guest today on SelfWork. I listened to her podcast Salad with a Side Of Fries and was excited about her attitude, her experience, her laughter, and her incredible knowledge about food. She's described as a “force of nature” in the wellness space and is an Optimal Health Coach, podcaster and business consultant. After graduating from the University of Michigan Ross School of Business, Jenn founded Better Life Now LLC while working full time in hedge funds. After over a decade of coaching clients, Jenn started Salad with a Side of Fries Podcast to help pay it forward and reach a larger audience to teach the nutrition education we are all supposed to know but no one ever taught us. We welcome back BiOptimizers and Magnesium Breakthrough as a returning sponsor to SelfWork and they have a new offer! Just click here! Make sure you use the code "selfwork10" to check out free product! You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!   My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook! And there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!    Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

This month is Mental Health Awareness Month, and as SelfWork has been named one of the ten top podcasts for depression by VeryWellMind for 2023 – I wanted to focus on just that. Depression. I’m pulling from a talk by Dr. Michael Yapko, an expert on depression, as he lists the five most common mental mistakes that people struggling with depression tend to make – those mistakes can cause depression to be increased, and can start a negative spiral that, given the right circumstances, could lead to depression or worsen it. But, as I heard Michele Obama say to a group of young women the other day, “You become what you practice being.” I couldn’t agree more. So today we’ll talk about the habit of rumination. What’s that? It’s when you have one thought – a negative thought or a string of thoughts – that repeat themselves over and over again. I’ve heard it called a negative spiral or “letting myself drown in the past.” We'll compare it to the much healthier habit of self-reflection which isn't solely a "mental" practice, but also one that can blend in emotional feelings and dynamics. Maybe you do have feelings that still need to be worked through; rumination will probably not lead you there, whereas self-reflection just might. And I'll offer four things you can do to stop ruminating and make a healthier choice!  Our voicemail for today needs a trigger warning as it was left by someone who states that she's attempted suicide multiple times. A therapist has told her family that she’s only trying to get attention, and to ignore her. She’s asking me what my advice to her family might be… This is a complex subject, so I’ll answer it as simply as I can – and that may not do justice to her question. Vital Links: Have you been putting off getting help in 2023? BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now! Article on rumination in OCD by Kimberley Quinlan Rumination as part of grief You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome! My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook! And there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you! BetterHelp.  Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

In the month of May, which is Mental Health Awareness Month, we’re focusing on five different mental habits that you can have or adopt that either worsen depression, create depression, or are part of a relapse occurring. Last week, we focused on what is termed “internal orientation” – meaning that you fall into the habit of believing what your depression is telling you, either through your thoughts or your emotions. And depression often lies to you frankly. Today we’re focusing on what's termed “stress generation.” What is that? When you’re actually making choices and decisions that cause more stress for you. We’ll talk more about it! It’s when the “don’t care” or “don’t know” of depression leads to even more stress which then leads to more depression. And it’s a bad habit. The SpeakPipe voicemail today is from an older woman who says that her grown adult children don’t see her as a “person.” She doesn’t feel included in their lives as important or viable. I hear this from all ages so it could be ageism… but we’ll see if we can widen our lens a bit to discuss. Vital Links:  Link to Bandura's research on self-efficacy Click Here for the fabulous offer from Athletic Greens - now AG1 - with bonus product with your subscription! We welcome back BiOptimzers and Magnesium Breakthrough as a returning sponsor to SelfWork and they have a new offer! Just click here! Make sure you use the code "selfwork10" to check out free product! You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome! My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook! And there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!    Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Sometimes the very decision on what to talk about here at SelfWork seems difficult, as the possibilities are endless really. And since May is Mental Health Awareness Month, I wanted to do something special – although any month is mental health awareness month for me! To help get me organized, I turned to an old teacher of mine who’s an internationally known expert on depression - Dr. Michael Yapko. I listened into one of his YouTube presentations on the current research in depression and what the best thinking is about its causes and its treatment. He mentions the five most common mental mistakes that can lead to depression or to a relapse. So, this month in May, I’m going to present those to you;  I’ll add in some of my own experiences and stories so that hopefully you can try and see if you’re making any of those mistakes – whether or not you consider yourself “depressed” or not. For the listener email  “response” this week, I’m going to comment on a review for SelfWork that was left on Apple – a kind of, “I was really looking forward to listening but got disappointed,” kind of review. I’m hoping to address what I thought were the listener’s comments – as I could very well see what had disappointed them. So, I dug a little deeper and will let you know what I found. Nick Wignall's Medium post on resilience Several links to research articles having to do with minority happiness factors: Article on black white differences and happiness  Article on role of discrimination and ethnic identification Article on racial identity and happiness Quick Links! Have you been putting off getting help in 2023? BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now! And here's an offer from BiOptimzers and Magnesium Breakthrough for SelfWork listeners! Every month they have a new "giveaway' product! Just click here! Make sure you use the code "selfwork10" to check out free product! You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome! My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook! And there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!  Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

I love answering your questions and hearing your comments! In fact, it's one of the most favorite things I do here on SelfWork! Sharing perspectives is more than welcome.  Today I'm answering two listener voicemails: One is on the topic of what exactly IS vulnerability... is it a choice you make - to be vulnerable? Or is it a state of being,  where your vulnerability is something that needs to be protected? And why is that even important?  Because how you answer that question reflects your perception - and whether you'd want to learn to be vulnerable or it's the last thing that would every occur to you.  Enmeshment isn't well-understood by many. It looks like closeness in a family or relationship. Loyalty. But... there can also be an rigid expectation of what kind of identity outside of the family you're allowed. A listener from Jordan calls in to talk about his anger and frustration with this - but also his fear of losing his family.  Thank you as always for being here! And thanks to our sponsors - Athletic Greens and Ozark Mountain Medicine's CBD products!  Click Here for the fabulous offer from Athletic Greens - now AG1 - with bonus product with your subscription! Click this link to try out some of the best CBD out there! Ozark Mountain Medicine's CBD products and get 10% off!  You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome! My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook! And there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!    Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Today on SelfWork we’re going to focus on self-sabotage – when you are doing things or not doing things that seem to get in the way of achieving something or creating the life you say you want. I want to talk more about the fear that’s underneath self-sabotage. Because one way of looking at sabotage is that it’s not sabotage at all. It’s really one part of you – the part that’s afraid – protecting that fear or avoiding it. So, what can seem as if you’re “getting in your own way” can actually be your mind working to keep you safe from a fear that you may be conscious of, or not conscious of at all. Let's focus on a quartet of players in the self-sabotage realm: procrastination, perfectionism, a negative self-fulfilling prophecy, and of course, imposter syndrome. And as always, we'll talk about... what you can do about it. The Speakpipe voicemail for today is from a woman who’s realized that, in order to have a sense of control, that she not only lives out her plans for today, but tries to complete things early – things she might have a plan to do tomorrow – she does today. And yet as she says, “That’s not how time works." Loved her comment and wanted to share. Vital Links:  Have you been putting off getting help in 2023? BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now! We welcome back BiOptimzers and Magnesium Breakthrough as a returning sponsor to SelfWork and they have a new offer! Just click here! Make sure you use the code "selfwork10" to check out free product! You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome! My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook! And there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!  Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

I'm very excited to introduce SelfWork listeners to Ananta.  I get a lot of requests from people who want to present to my SelfWork listeners,  and they introduce themselves as experts in what they term transformation. Now, it's a good word, mind you, transformation, but so much of the work isn't backed up well with exercises or there's a lot of expense. Ananta Ripa Ajmera is an author and spiritual teacher of Ayurveda, Yoga, and Vedanta, and her new book takes you every step of the way to begin to wonder and access and absorb what might be really helpful for you using those three practices in your own life.  So we're going on a different kind of journey today. Let's hear from a NTA in her own words, and I quote her, 'I'm inviting you on an enchanted journey from embattled darkness to hope'. My new book, The Way of the Goddess: Daily Rituals to Awaken Your Inner Warrior and Discover Your True Self is written as a hero's journey from a profound feminine perspective. In it, I share my story of how I overcame trauma in all forms of abuse with a spiritual power of love." The Way of the Goddess also contains simple everyday rituals ranging from chakra balancing and spiritual reflection to journal prompts, creativity challenges and more. If you've wanted to get into yoga, if you've wanted to learn more about chakras, the different energy feels in your body, this is a wonderful beginning step. Hope you'll give this episode a listen and discover the inner goddess in you! Vital Links!  We welcome back BiOptimzers and Magnesium Breakthrough as a returning sponsor to SelfWork and they have a new offer! Just click here! Make sure you use the code "selfwork10" to check out free product! You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome! My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook! And there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!  Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands