The Covert Narcissism Podcast

Being trapped in a circular conversation with a covert narcissist is dreadful!! It is the loneliest place on earth. You feel completely destitute and isolated. If you have ever experienced this, you know what I am talking about. In these two episodes, I address and describe 8 signs of these circular conversations. Here is a quick list of those signs: 1. You find yourself teaching an adult about basic communication skills and basic human emotions. 2. You find yourself thinking, “If I could just find the right words, then he would stop treating me this way.” 3. These conversations are antagonistic and combative, verbal competitions. 4. There is no resolution in these conversations. 5. They switch the topic constantly, keeping you on the defense. 6. They play the eternal victim. 7. You walk away thinking, “What in the world just happened?” 8. They use the silent treatment inside the conversation, holding you in an intense silence and in knots. In the episodes, I go into detail explaining each of these signs. Learning what they are and how to identify them helps a victim make sense of what is going on and plan a way out of the entrapment. In a future episode, I will address strategies to avoiding circular conversations, as well as exiting them once they get started.   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com   Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

To donate to the Covert Narcissism Podcast click the link below.  https://patron.podbean.com/covertnarcissismpodcast     What are some things you stopped doing because your covert narcissist made you feel weird or criticized you for it? I recently saw that someone had posted this question in the Covert Narcissism Facebook Group. If you’re not part of that yet, look it up. Join us! It’s simply called Covert Narcissism Group.   The answers started pouring in! Person after person stated I stopped being myself. I gave up me. I quit listening to music. I quit wearing jewelry. I quit eating what I like to eat. I quit wearing the clothes I like. On and on it went.   What's left is only a fraction of who you really are or even nothing at all. This is called fracturing. Splitting yourself in order to accommodate them and attempt to keep them happy, which isn’t possible.   Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Covert narcissists don't use conversations to find understanding, reconciliation, or compromise. They don't see them as a way to connect with a loved one, to spend time getting to know each other better. To them, conversations are about winning. They are for putting the other person down and showing their superiority. Conversations are competitions. One person comes out a winner, and one a loser. This is warfare. It is the single most lonely place on the face of this earth. If you have experienced this, you know exactly what I am talking about. In this episode and the next one, I describe 8 signs of a circular conversation with a covert narcissist. No one has the right to treat you this way! No one has the right to talk to you this way! You will never get them to understand, but you do have the power to walk away! Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In January, on a cold wet day, sitting in my van in the parking lot of a restaurant, I sobbed uncontrollably. I dialed my dad's number, but when he answered, I could not speak. I just sat there and cried. He knew that I was having lunch with my husband that day. He knew that I was going to try to open up to him in an extremely raw and vulnerable way. And now, I just cried. Not even knowing the details of what had transpired, my dad cried with me. This was the single most painful moment in my marriage with a covert narcissist.   To donate to the Covert Narcissism Podcast click the link below.  https://patron.podbean.com/covertnarcissismpodcast     I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com   Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Covert narcissists feel like a trade up when we have been in an abusive relationship with a more overt narcissist in our past. It seems like such a win! Finally you have found a caring, empathic person. They can seem so genuine and real. But yet all the traits of narcissism are still there! They are just so covered and passive. We don't see them for who they are until we are hooked in and trapped. AND...then when we do see them, we still doubt what we are really seeing!   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

To donate to the Covert Narcissism Podcast click the link below.  https://patron.podbean.com/covertnarcissismpodcast     Escaping a relationship with a covert narcissist is a lot like living your teenage years all over again. You are back in a place of trying to find you…again. You are learning to stand up for yourself…again. Dealing with big emotions… Angry and reactive Who wants to go back and live their teenage years? I certainly don’t. To demonstrate this, we are going to use a Venn diagram. Do you know what that is? We used to use them in school to visually show the relationships between things. It’s circles on a piece of paper. Some of the circles overlap with each other, while others don’t. It depends on what you are demonstrating and explaining. Today, we are going to draw a simple Venn diagram.   To find an example of the Venn diagram visit TikTok or Facebook and search The Covert Narcissism Podcast, and check out our latest episode.    I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

To donate to the Covert Narcissism Podcast click the link below.  https://patron.podbean.com/covertnarcissismpodcast     Erin Riley was born in New York City and attended Trenton State College in New Jersey where she studied as little as possible. At the tender age of 19, she escaped to Los Angeles and quite by accident fell into what would become an exciting and influential 40-year career in the music and entertainment industries, choosing hit songs for Major Market Radio stations and developing new artists, helping expose their music to the world. She led the Philadelphia GRAMMY Chapter and dabbled in repertory theater before opening her greatest professional achievement, a children’s music school called Rock & Roll After School, which taught kids to write and perform their very own original songs. In 2014, Erin delivered a TEDx talk on her work with children. Ms. Riley currently resides outside of Philadelphia with her French Bulldog puppy, Murphy, where she practices yoga, enjoys hiking in Valley Forge Park and is totally rocking life. She serves as Music Supervisor for the Amazon Prime hit series, The Recording Artist and is developing a podcast for WomenWhoRock.com. You can find more about Erin and purchase a copy of her book at her website A Dark Force | 20 Years With a Covert Narcissist   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com   Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Do you know what the word of the year for 2022 was? According to Merriam Webster? Guess? Right now, what do you think that word was? I would have guessed narcissism or narcissist. Those two words are flying around everyone right now. Nope! Not those words, but yet still a word that we all know all too well. The word of the year was gaslighting! I wasn’t surprised when I read this. All of these words are getting thrown around an awful lot. Gaslighting is certainly one of those words. As popular as the word narcissist itself.   So what really is gaslighting? Gaslighting is an attempt to destabilize someone and their sense of reality. It is a form of psychological abuse that causes you, the victim, to question your perception of reality. It is  psychologically manipulating someone into questioning their own sanity, according to Oxford Dictionary. It is those crazy-making words, "That never happened," among many other phrases.   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism   Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

To donate to the Covert Narcissism Podcast click the link below.  https://patron.podbean.com/covertnarcissismpodcast     Even people who are aware of narcissism and victims themselves can still end up in a relationship with a covert narcissist. They seem so real, genuine, open, and vulnerable. Why do they seem so genuine? A covert narcissist is more in love with the idea of being a compassionate person than actually being a compassionate person. They fool us because their desire to be that compassionate person is real. They do WANT to be that. They just have no ability to be that. They are more in love with the idea of being a good husband/wife than actually doing what it takes to be that. This applies to many aspects of their lives. When they fail at being these wonderful things they say they are, they are also experts at passing all the blame to you. Everything is your fault because you were the one putting in all the effort. They did nothing wrong because they did nothing at all!   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com   Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

To donate to the Covert Narcissism Podcast click the link below.  https://patron.podbean.com/covertnarcissismpodcast     What exactly is the silent treatment? For many of us, we experienced this in middle school. Our best friend gets mad at us and stops talking to us. It’s a temper tantrum because we hurt their feelings or didn’t do what they wanted. “I’ll show you. I won’t talk to you anymore.” It’s a form of teaching someone a lesson. You no longer deserve my time, attention, and communication. You don’t deserve to be blessed with my presence anymore. It’s mean, arrogant, and cruel. It takes away the other person’s right to have differing opinions, to say something they could have said differently, and to simply be human.   The silent treatment is a shift from a regular, or at least somewhat regular conversation, to silence that lasts for longer than a reasonable period of time. It is a passive aggressive form of emotional abuse. It is punishing, controlling and painful. It is not blatantly abusive, such as yelling, swearing, throwing things or hitting. As such, it is much easier to deny or make excuses for. “I just didn’t feel like talking. Nothing wrong with that. You shouldn’t take it so personally.” “You are imagining that.” “I was thinking about what I was going to say.”   This painful form of silence can be going for days and weeks without talking to you. You can be in the same room together and be totally ignored. Throughout the day, text messages go unanswered. Phone calls go to voicemail. This can also happen as intense moments of silence, deliberately held within the conversation itself. You feel completely invisible!     I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism   Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.