The Covert Narcissism Podcast

Vulnerable narcissists? What? Is that really a thing? Can a narcissist be vulnerable? I’ve never seen one that can. I’ve said for a long time that the inability to be vulnerable is one of the determining signs of someone being narcissistic. Their guard is thick, and they just cannot ever be vulnerable. So why would we call them vulnerable narcissists? What do we mean by that?   Vulnerable narcissism is another name for covert narcissism. These two terms are used interchangeably. Vulnerable narcissism is rooted in deep insecurity and this is hidden by extreme hypersensitivity to any form of criticism or rejection (or things they can manage to view as criticism or rejection). So why are they called vulnerable narcissists? One of the things I have said repeatedly about covert narcissists is that they can never be vulnerable? Are they truly vulnerable or not?   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com   Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Someone who has experienced covert narcissistic abuse is like a grenade inside a tank. On the inside, you are wound up so incredibly tight, over-thinking everything, over-analyzing everything. Just waiting to explode. On the outside, you are a fortress of steel. You have a wall of protection around you, afraid to say anything, to do anything, trusting no one, letting no one in. A grenade inside a tank. I’m Renee Swanson, your host and creator of the Covert Narcissism Podcast. Today I am talking directly to anyone who is or has been a victim of covert narcissistic abuse. I know your pain first-hand. I have been there, and I want to help. It is a problem when the survival skills from living with a covert narcissist become a way of life for the victim. We struggle because we carry this on with us even after the relationship has ended. We leave the relationship and yet our mind is still over-thinking. We are still finding 100 ways to say something to someone. We are anticipating their reactions and defending ourselves before we even say a word. This is not the way to build healthy relationships, and it will affect our future relationships and partner choices. Please take some time after a relationship with a covert narcissist to become aware of your survival skills. Recognize them as a mode of survival not as a mode of living. As you become more and more aware of this, you will begin to distinguish between survival skills and fully living. You will become more and more in charge of your own life!   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com   Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

So, I want to paint a picture here. Imagine with me. For many of you, this will be incredibly easy to imagine, because you have lived it. You grow up believing in the goodness of others. You believe that others desire peace in life and that they care about those around them. You believe that everyone has a conscience and will feel bad when they hurt someone, especially those that they love. That they will work to reconcile. That they’ll put the effort in to make things right, apologizing for their part and accepting your apologies for your part. You believe that things will be mutually carried in this way.   But in this relationship, this is not what you find. You apologize for your side of things. You work to make things right. You expect that they will do the same. That they will carry their part, own their piece of the issue. After all, it isn’t difficult to apologize and clear the air. But they don’t. They leave things hanging. They don’t make it right. Years and years of bee stings happen. Until one day, you just can’t take it anymore. This has to stop! It has built up inside of you like a volcano. And you erupt! You finally snap back. You tell them that they are insensitive and blind to your feelings. That they have no idea how much they have hurt you over all these years. That this is ridiculous and you won’t take it anymore. You explode with reactive abuse.   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Covert narcissists are experts at hooking a victim back in over and over and over. They know how to play on your sympathy. They know how to make you feel guilty and responsible for their well-being. They know how to make you feel needed and thus you stay to help them. So many victims of covert narcissists spend years and decades of wanting to leave the relationship only to be hooked back in again and again. Start learning what these hooks look like, how to recognize them for what they are, and how to get out of their grip.   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com   Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

To donate to the Covert Narcissism Podcast click the link below.  https://patron.podbean.com/covertnarcissismpodcast   Ten days! Ten days was the amount of time between me telling him I was filing for divorce and actually filing. The papers were all ready when I told him. I told him on Saturday and planned to file on that Monday. Had the appointment all set up. But he asked if I could give him a week. Why? He wanted time to think about it. I said, “It won’t make any difference. Nothing is going to change.” He said that he just wanted time to let it soak in. That I had had time to think about it, but this was news to him. News?? For two years now, I had been telling him that I was done. For two years, nothing existed between us. This was certainly not a surprise to him. But I agreed to give him one week. So what did those ten days look like?   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com   Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

A narcissistic person cannot even do step A to help a relationship. You can wear the entire alphabet out multiple times, and they still haven't even found step A. Not even a tiny step. Nothing! The level of exhaustion that comes with this is unbelievable. It is a bone dry emptiness. I had absolutely nothing left in my tank. I was on empty! So why do we wear ourselves out so much trying to make the relationship work? Why do we work so hard at it? What if we put all that effort into ourselves? It is time to offer yourself the same effort that you have offered to this abuser. You deserve it!!   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com   Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

To donate to the Covert Narcissism Podcast click the link below.  https://patron.podbean.com/covertnarcissismpodcast   “I can’t live like this anymore. I want out. I’m done.” So you say this to your spouse, totally exhausted and meaning every word. You are done. But then this strange thing happens. Here you are, still in the home with them. You might have said these words and left for a while, or maybe they left for a while. But evening comes, and here you are in the home together. Now what? Do I cook dinner for the family? Are we going to sit at the table and eat? Are we going to watch tv? It can feel like that conversation never even happened. The covert narcissist will often in fact just go back to normal life as though nothing changed. It can feel like you just walked right into the Twilight Zone!!   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com   Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism   Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Victims of covert narcissism have so many questions running through their mind. While I do get asked many questions, some questions show up in almost every conversation. How did you realize you were with a covert narcissist? What is a covert narcissist? What does a relationship with a covert narcissist look like? What do I do now? Where can I find help? I was recently interviewed regarding covert narcissism. In this interview, I answer these questions and more. Here are clips from that interview. I think you will find it helpful for your own journey of healing!   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com   Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

To donate to the Covert Narcissism Podcast click the link below.  https://patron.podbean.com/covertnarcissismpodcast   Everyone carries wounds from childhood. No matter how healthy and attentive your parents were, you did not get through childhood unscathed. No one does. Everyone has some wounds. That does not make you damaged or bad. It just makes you human. When we have an emotional need that is not met as a child, we often abandon that need in order to survive. Maybe it wasn’t met because our parents were busy. Maybe it wasn’t met because our parents were limited in their own emotional development. Maybe they just didn’t know.    I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com   Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism But these unmet needs cause us to form core beliefs about ourselves. Beliefs such as, “I am bad. I’m unlovable. I’m not worthy. I’m not good enough. I’ll be abandoned.” Today I am going to explore how these wounds take shape later in life for both the covert narcissist and their victim.   Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Living with a covert narcissist is like trying to live in a war zone or in a courtroom when you are the one on trial. My son is traveling this week with his dad, who is a covert narcissist. I have been nervous about this trip and sincerely hope that everything goes well for them. I texted my son on their second day out and asked how it was going. His words spoke volumes. He said that it is going ok but it is just hard to relax. This is exactly how life is with a covert narcissist. You never feel like you can simply relax. This is because you feel like it is never okay to just be you. You can’t voice your own opinion about anything. Everything is met with resistance and invalidation. You feel like you are living in a courtroom, always on trial, always under attack, always needing to defend your opinions and thoughts. Nothing is ever safe. You remain in a constant state of hypervigilance. Covert narcissists belittle you for having opinions and thoughts. They put you down, make you feel bad, and confuse you to what reality actually is. They expect you to accept their reality. Anything outside of this is likely to be targeted. Your mind is always trying to stay ahead of the conflicts. So you build opening arguments in anticipation of a problem. You see potential problems everywhere! Once in a problem, your mind goes to survival mode. You feel like you are under examination. You try every angle you can to find peace. You might even experience some reactive abuse, where you flare out at your abuser out of desperation. Last, you never find resolution. So you walk away with your mind now making multiple closing arguments, most of which will never be voiced. Yet the cycle starts all over again. Your mind is back on watch, trying to anticipate the next problem. In this episode, I give you some valuable suggestions for finding internal peace after a relationship with a covert narcissist. There is no clear way to do healing, no one right path that fits every victim, no step-by-step instructions. You have to find what fits for you. Taking control of your own healing is one of the valuable steps to taking control of your life again. I hope these suggestions help you find your own path of healing!   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com   Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.