Pardon the Mess with Courtney DeFeo - Christian Motherhood, Biblical Parenting, Raising Christian Kids

“And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” —Matthew 28:20We are on week 23. I am so proud of us! We have prayed every week together on Pardon The Mess for our kids. Today’s prayer features our friend Jeannie Cunnion. I love her heart for Jesus and the presence of the Holy Spirit in our lives. She’s written several books on this topic and encouraged me tremendously to lean into God’s presence in my parenting.Connect with Jeannie!Jeannie’s latest study - Never AloneOur Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com* Check out Mr. Pen and use my code MESS10 for a great deal: https://mrpen.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Either you’re happy in your marriage and want to remain that way, or you are not that happy in your marriage right now and feel frozen on how to fix it. My guest today is Ted Lowe who is an author, speaker and podcast host who has been helping to strengthen marriages for over two decades. You’ll love his relatable and doable approach to marriage and leave this conversation feeling encouraged, not ashamed.In this episode, we talk about the secret to happy couples. Spoiler alert - it’s our thought life. Join us as we discuss how scripture, research and neuroscience together provide a simple way to rethink how we see marriage. Ted gives us a couple of ways we can change our thought life today that will impact our marriage for the good. I was definitely convicted on this statement. Ted said, “how you think is how you treat them.” That is a true statement that I will remember for some time.My favorite part is when I ask Ted how a couple can take action together to improve their marriage. His answer may surprise you. It was a piece of advice I wish I had heard about 20 years ago. Let me know what you think!Enjoy!CourtneyConnect with Pardon The Mess:Christian ParentingPardon The Mess Courtney DeFeoResources from today’s show:ForUsMarriage.com - Ted’s siteTed’s latest book: Us In Mind: How Changing Your Thoughts Can Change Your MarriageThe All Pro Dad PodcastTeen Study BibleLife is Messy, God is GoodOur Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com* Check out Mr. Pen and use my code MESS10 for a great deal: https://mrpen.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

“How can a young person stay on the path of purity? By living according to your word.” —Psalm 119:9 The idea of raising pure kids in an impure culture can feel like an impossibly tall order as parents. Defining purity can be confusing and is oftentimes limited to discussions of physical relationships or online accountability. We sometimes mistakenly make purity a goal our kids must achieve, staying away from certain things or even keeping on a prescribed path until the finish line of marriage. Noel Bouche of Pure Hope Ministries says, “purity it not an accomplishment; it’s a relationship.” It’s a relationship with Jesus, who comes to redeem us from the sin of this world and purify us to himself (Titus 2:14). He renews our minds and equips us to overcome our earthly temptations. He cleanses us and makes us new creations. He gives hope that is everlasting and brings healing when we fall short. Biblical purity is bigger than a checklist of things our kids should or should not do, but instead focuses on the bigger picture of the lifelong pursuit of Jesus. It’s not about our ability to perform but about Jesus’ transforming power within us.  There’s nothing wrong with praying for our kids to have purity in their physical relationships, the way they dress, the motivation behind their actions, their pursuit of Jesus, and the music and media that fill their minds. But let’s also pray that if and when they fall short, they know that the Lord stands ready to forgive them and give them a new beginning.  Lord, please bring [name] to you, purifying them through a renewing of their heart and mind. Give my kids the freedom to come to me no matter what they have seen or done, knowing that, as a family, we will offer grace and seek your wisdom. Help my kids to take captive their thoughts and find companionship with those seeking a pure heart and a life of righteousness. God’s word speaks: Colossians 3:5, 1 Timothy 4:12, Matthew 5:8, Titus 2:13–14Links mentioned: https://dannahgresh.com/should-i-stop-using-the-word-purity/Our Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com* Check out Mr. Pen and use my code MESS10 for a great deal: https://mrpen.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Stay-at-home and working-moms: Embrace the season you're in with Paula FarisAs moms, we all work. We know that. However, our culture wants us to find a camp and defend it. We find ourselves in a “stay-at-home” world or a “working moms” world. Paula Faris is a dear friend of mine and is just who we needed on this podcast topic. Like many of us, Paula has worked in many lanes since becoming a mom. She has worked full-time on Good Morning America and The View. She has also had a season at home with her kids and is now working from home on her new brand, Carry Media.Paula and I chat about how often we (moms) judge each other’s decisions and what we really need is support and understanding. What if we could end these mommy wars and all get on the same train of support? In this episode, we also talk about how employers could help shift the work environment for mothers in the future. Paula speaks from the true heart of an advocate that is using her voice and platform to fight for the working moms.My favorite part is when Paula encourages moms to embrace each season. That we don’t need to defend our choices - but just follow God’s voice for our particular season and our family’s needs. Connect with Pardon The Mess:Christian ParentingPardon The Mess Courtney DeFeoResources from today’s show:Paula’s book: You Don’t Have To Carry It AllPaula’s children’s book: Who Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?CARRY MediaPaula’s InstagramCynthia Yanof's book: Life is Messy, God is GoodOur Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com* Check out Mr. Pen and use my code MESS10 for a great deal: https://mrpen.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

“But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him.” —Jeremiah 17:7We all want to raise confident kids, but the hard part is making sure their confidence comes from the right source: God himself. We live in a culture that esteems strong finances, good looks, prestigious jobs, and realized dreams—none of which are lasting or fulfilling. When we look to find our confidence in the things of this world, we will never find satisfaction. Solomon, among the wisest and wealthiest of all time, describes the pursuits of this world as “utterly meaningless” (Ecclesiastes 1:2). He pursued everything the world had to offer only to conclude that there’s “nothing new under the sun” so we should only “fear god and keep his commandments.”The great irony of the gospel is that only in acknowledging our insufficiency can God do his greatest work by strengthening us.Let’s pray that our kids are marked by confidence in things with lasting value:The promise that God will complete every good work in them (Philippians 1:6)Their identity as children of God (2 Corinthians 5:17)The good news of the gospel and their eternity with Jesus (John 3:16)The opportunity to approach God boldly in prayer, knowing that he hears them (Hebrews 4:16)Lord, this world is filled with uncertainty that threatens to rock our confidence. But you are steadfast and reliable, showing favor on your children and building them up to accomplish your purposes. Please give [name] a confident spirit marked by their reliance on you.God’s word speaks: Psalm 27: 3, Philippians 4:13; Psalm 139:13–14; Romans 8:28Our Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com* Check out Mr. Pen and use my code MESS10 for a great deal: https://mrpen.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

She’s baaaccckkkk!!! Did you know that Cynthia Yanof was the first host of Pardon The Mess? She passed the podcast baton to me in May and through this process has become a dear friend. I’m absolutely thrilled to catch up with her today.We talk about how to find and follow the God-sized calling on your life. She shares about her personal journey with foster care and adoption and what that step of faith did for their family. It will get you so excited and expectant to look for what God is calling you to do and to run after it. We don’t want to miss these moments that matter in our lives! If we’re honest though, we often feel like we don’t know what that looks like and how to discern what God is saying to us.I also loved when we chatted about the world’s expectations for us (and our kids) to be extraordinary. Her encouragement for us to embrace the ordinary is really encouraging. We see measurable “success” all around us and it looks so very big and flashy. Cynthia reminds us that the most God-honoring things we can do each day are likely not measurable.Be sure to go check out her new book, Life Is Messy, God Is Good, that releases next week. We are so proud of you Cynthia! And thankful for the way you’ve model faithfulness to God for so many years. Connect with Pardon The Mess:Christian ParentingPardon The Mess Courtney DeFeoResources from today’s show:Courtney & Cynthia - Pardon The Mess announcement Part 1 and Part 2CynthiaYanof.ComCynthia’s InstagramCynthia’s PodcastCynthia’s New Book: Life Is Messy, God Is GoodDiscipleship Guide:  cpgive.org Our Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com* Check out Mr. Pen and use my code MESS10 for a great deal: https://mrpen.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” —Isaiah 40:31A few years ago, Pew Research released a poll revealing that seven in ten US teens considered anxiety and depression a major problem among their peers. Of those participating in the poll, 61 percent indicated they felt pressure to get good grades, while 29 percent felt pressure to look good and 28 percent felt pressure to fit in socially.Considering that our culture’s expectations are so often arbitrary and impossible to meet, it’s not surprising that our kids struggle with anxiety and depression. When the world ties our worth to materiality and performance, it feels hopeless because we’re only as good as our most recent accomplishment or latest accolade.But, as Christians, our hope is in the Lord. Practically speaking, that means we’re not looking to the world to meet our greatest needs and desires, Rather, we look to God. Biblical hope is not just desiring for something good to happen in our lives; it’s a confident expectation that God will actually do it.There are so many reasons for our kids to be hopeful in the Lord: He has good plans for their lives (Jeremiah 29:11).He leads and teaches them in his ways (Psalm 32:8).He will fulfill his greater purpose in their lives (Psalm 138:8).He will establish their plans (Proverbs 16:3).He promises to work all things together for their good (Romans 8:28).The Pew Research statistics confirm what we already know: we need to diligently pray that our kids are not weighed down by impossible standards of our culture, but that they will be marked by a hope found only in the Lord.Lord, there is no hope without you. Use [name] as an instrument to take your hope to those around them. Take our days, Lord—the good, the bad, the easy, the hard—and show us the greater picture of hope found only in you.God’s word speaks: Ephesians 1:18; Jeremiah 29:11; Mark 9:23; Psalm 33:18Our Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com* Check out Mr. Pen and use my code MESS10 for a great deal: https://mrpen.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

David Thomas never disappoints! As a counselor with decades of experience, David has counseled thousands of families of boys. He brings powerful insight, practical tips, and heartfelt encouragement. You may be wondering if you are failing at this parenting thing or if there might be something wrong with your son. After this episode, I think you will feel much better about your parenting and your amazing son. David agrees with the assessment that there is a “boy crisis” happening, as this article suggests. Reach out to us on social media - do you agree? Are you seeing “disinterest” in your son’s world too?My biggest takeaway is when David distinguishes between “hard” and “harmful.” I have daughters - but I needed to hear this encouragement. Too often, I help them escape hard things because I believe they are in harm’s way when they are not. Many times, my kids are pushing back against discomfort and you’ll hear how this is needed and actually good for them.This is one of those episodes you need to listen to, file away, save, listen again, and then discuss with a friend. Do not lose hope! Jesus has you and your kiddos. I’m so thankful he brings us so many wonderful and biblical mentors like David Thomas to help guide us through these parenting challenges. Don’t miss the last part when David reminds us that we have an opportunity and many years left to equip, empower and encourage all the kids we love.Connect with Pardon The Mess:Christian ParentingPardon The Mess Courtney DeFeoResources from today’s show:Dr. Anthony Bradley article about boy crisis Daystar Counseling Raising Boys and Girls InstagramRaising Boys and Girls Podcast Raising Emotionally Strong Boys (for parents)Strong and Smart (guide for boys)Babbleland Breakout- Dead Sea SquirrelsOur Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com* Check out Mr. Pen and use my code MESS10 for a great deal: https://mrpen.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” —Ephesians 4:32 Compassion is one of the defining characteristics of God. He’s sympathetic to our struggles and burdened by what burdens us. But, even more than simply feeling compassion and sympathy toward us emotionally, his compassionate nature moves him to act on our behalf. This compassion turned to action is most evident when we consider the cross. “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). That’s the overwhelming grace behind a compassionate God working all things for the good of his children.  If compassion is central to the gospel, what should it look like in our lives? Henri Nouwen describes it this way: “Compassion asks us to go where it hurts, to enter into the places of pain, to share in brokenness, fear, confusion, and anguish. Compassion challenges us to cry out with those in misery, to mourn with those who are lonely, to weep with those in tears. Compassion requires us to be weak with the weak, vulnerable with the vulnerable, and powerless with the powerless.” As we pray compassion for our kids this week, we’re praying that it’s more than a fleeting emotion. Rather, we’re praying that it’s evident in their actions. Pray that they stand up for the vulnerable, fight for the oppressed, and are intolerant of injustices around them. Lord, your word calls us to have compassion and love for others. Please give [name] a compassionate heart to see the things that burden you and a spirit of determination to help others in whatever way you lead. Slow us down and give us discernment to see the needs around us and not to tolerate the things that break your heart. God’s word speaks:1 Peter 3:8; 2 Corinthians 1:3–4; Colossians 3:12; Lamentations 3:22–23Our Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com* Check out Mr. Pen and use my code MESS10 for a great deal: https://mrpen.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Happy New Year!!!Do you love the reset that comes with a New Year or does it stress you out? Either way, I think you’re going to find this conversation refreshing. It’s simple. It’s practical. And very doable.On Pardon The Mess, we talk a lot about being intentional with our families. We talk about our values and how we are going to instill those into our kids. The truth is that all of that takes time and money - which is not an endless pot. I wish it wouldn’t run out. As we begin the year, let’s hear from my friend Shawna Sullivan on some ways we can stop wasting time and money. And then, print her simple guide called “Make It Count” and just spend a few minutes thinking ahead through the year. My favorite part is when she encourages us to cut the mindless spending. She calls it a “slow leak.” I am so so guilty of this and I do think it would help our budget a ton if I’d cut the slow leak (also known as TJ Maxx).You will not feel judged or shamed in this episode. You will feel encouraged to make some small shifts to steward your time and money more wisely this year. Connect with Pardon The Mess:Christian ParentingPardon The Mess Courtney DeFeoResources from today’s show:Connect with Shawna on Instagram ShawnaSullivan.comFree Download - "Make It Count" Babbleland Breakout- Dead Sea SquirrelsOur Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.com* Check out Mr. Pen and use my code MESS10 for a great deal: https://mrpen.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy