Lost Spaces: Memories from Gay Bars, Lesbian Clubs, and LGBTQ+ Parties

Have you ever shown up at the tail-end of a really exciting party just as everything was ending, and you get that overwhelming feeling of having had missed out on something big? Well, that's kinda what happened to illustrator and cartoonist Eric Kostiuk Williams. He had moved to Toronto in 2008, and took a few years to discover the corner of the scene that felt right for him - in his word, the 'art f*g' scene - but just as he was finding his feet he could feel that the scene was shifting and moving on, meaning that he always feels that he missed out on many magical nights in his lost space, The Beaver. But that's not to say that he still didn't have a good time! We caught up to talk about his new book, 2am Eternal, which documents 10 years of Toronto nightlife flyers that he illustrated - along the way we talk about when and how to leave the party, Eric's relationship with the word 'queer', and letting go of your twink-dom. Do you have any memories of The Beaver, or clubbing from your own scene that you want to share? Well, if you have please get in touch - I want to create the biggest online record of people's memories and stories - go to www.lostspacespodcast.com and find the section 'Share a Lost Space' and tell me what you got up to! Bonus points for embarrassing photos! Follow me Instagram: www.instagram.com/lostspacespod Facebook: ⁠www.facebook.com/lostspacespod⁠ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@lostspacespod Support me Buy Me A Coffee: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/lostspacespod Follow my guest Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/eric.k.w/ Website: https://www.kostiukwilliams.com/ Takeaways The term 'twink' can have different connotations and meanings, ranging from derogatory to enviable, depending on the context and individual perspectives. The experience of coming out and embracing one's identity can vary greatly, and it is important to respect each person's unique journey. Toronto offers a vibrant and inclusive environment for the LGBTQ+ community, with thriving creative and queer communities that provide a sense of belonging and support. Finding one's community and personal growth often involves exploring different spaces, connecting with like-minded individuals, and embracing self-expression. The terms 'gay' and 'queer' have different connotations and can represent different aspects of identity and community. Creating posters for queer parties requires understanding the vibe and atmosphere of the event and collaborating with the organizers. Generational shifts and the passage of time can bring changes to the queer scene, but new experiences and connections can still be found. The Beaver played a significant role in creating a vibrant queer scene in Toronto. Being part of a scene involves both a sense of community and practical considerations. Knowing when to exit a party or scene is important for personal well-being. The closure of The Beaver highlights the loss of unique spaces in Toronto. Lessons from The Beaver include embracing oneself and appreciating the value of personal experiences.

So, it's well documented on this show that queer spaces are good for many things - they're for dancing, socialising, drinking, falling down, getting back up, losing yourself, finding yourself in the arms of some strange men at 2am in the morning... BUT, they are also for organising and activism, and I think that's something we don't talk about enough on this show. That's all about to change. This week we are joined by activist Dr Syrus Marcus Ware, who joined me to talk about The Red Spot, in Toronto, Canada. This was a space where he unwound, met and connected with many fellow organisers, and planned protests and marches in the late 90s... Oh, yes, you read correctly! We are headed back to the 90s, and our conversation starts with the most 90s conversation ever, where Syrus explains all about how answering machines and pagers worked! Do you have any memories of The Red Spot, or clubbing from your own scene that you want to share? Well, if you have please get in touch - I want to create the biggest online record of people's memories and stories - go to www.lostspacespodcast.com and find the section 'Share a Lost Space' and tell me what you got up to! Bonus points for embarrassing photos! Follow me Instagram: www.instagram.com/lostspacespod Facebook: ⁠www.facebook.com/lostspacespod⁠ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@lostspacespod Support me Buy Me A Coffee: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/lostspacespod Follow my guest Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/syrusmarcus Twitter: https://twitter.com/syrusmarcusware Website: https://www.syrusmarcusware.com/ Takeaways The Red Spot was a significant space for activism and organising in Toronto, providing a home for marginalised communities. Experiencing anti-blackness in LGBTQ+ spaces highlights the need for intersectional activism and the importance of creating inclusive and welcoming environments. Coming out as trans is a personal journey that can be supported by community and activism. The Red Spot was a significant community space for queer and trans individuals in Toronto, providing a cozy and inclusive atmosphere. The closure of the Red Spot raised concerns about the loss of a safe and accessible gathering place for the community The Red Spot taught valuable lessons about the power of community organising, the value of accessibility, and the impact of artistic practice in activism.

I know there's always the risk with this show of completely romanticising queer spaces as these glistening oasis' of tolerance and acceptance. But, that's really not the case - despite how wonderful and freeing they can be, they can also be a bit shitty and exclusionary. And I was reminded of that this week when I sat down to talk to talk to Andrew Gurza, who is a disability awareness consultant and activist, as well as being the host of the Disability After Dark podcast. We caught up to discuss The Edge, which was a gay bar in Ottawa, Canada, and held so much promise for Andrew but pretty much failed to deliver. But, that's not to say that this is a totally depressing episode. That Andrew is one horny guy, and he seems to have mastered the art of turning every conversation into one about blow jobs, so penises and giggling come up a lot, as well as the despair we both feel about mainstream gay male culture! So, in other words - something for everyone (?)! Do you have any memories of The Edge, or clubbing from your own scene that you want to share? Well, if you have please get in touch - I want to create the biggest online record of people's memories and stories - go to www.lostspacespodcast.com and find the section 'Share a Lost Space' and tell me what you got up to! Bonus points for embarrassing photos! You can also find me on Facebook (www.facebook.com/lostspacespod), Instagram (www.instagram.com/lostspacespod) and Twitter (www.twitter.com/lostspacespod) Find out more about Andrew by following him on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/andrewgurza6/) or visiting his website (https://www.andrewgurza.com/). Finally, make sure you listen to his podcast Disability After Dark! Takeaways Queer spaces, such as clubs, can be inaccessible and unwelcoming to disabled individuals, highlighting the need for greater accessibility education. Ableism and ignorance towards disability are prevalent in society, including within the queer community. It is important to confront ableism and educate others about disability, but it can be exhausting and disappointing when met with resistance or indifference. Rejection and disappointment are common experiences in dating and relationships, but it is important to prioritise self-worth and not settle for mistreatment. Intersectionality is crucial in understanding the experiences of queer and disabled individuals. Unpacking biases and stereotypes is necessary for creating more inclusive and accepting queer spaces. There is a need for greater accessibility in queer spaces, and fundraising efforts should be directed towards making these spaces inclusive for all. The fear of disability within the queer community hinders meaningful connections and perpetuates ableism. Enforcement of accessibility laws is essential to ensure equal access for disabled individuals. The concept of community is complex, and it is important to recognise and address the divisions and challenges within different queer communities. Resilience and self-discovery are key in navigating the complexities of identity and finding a sense of belonging. Being the only one with a particular identity can be powerful, but it also highlights the need for greater representation and inclusivity.

I have a fairly straightforward relationship with religion in that... well, I don't have one. I wasn't brought up religious, I've never dabbled in religiousity, and it's never seemed to be something that particularly drew me in. Where it's a bit more fuzzy for me is when talking about the intersection between queerness and religiousness. It'll come as no surprise to you when I say that most religions take a fairly strong stance when it comes to queerness (and that stance isn't one of embrace and love). And, so, I was always so baffled by people who were both religious and queer, and how they found ways to balance both of those identities. I thought they were in denial or trying to please everyone or trying to be a 'respectable' gay. But, my views have changed - as I get older I can understand how useful religion can be (and, on top of that, it's kind of none of my business if someone else wants to be religious). I'm telling you all of this because this week I had a really interesting conversation with Crystal Cheatham, who is the founder and CEO of the OurBible app, an app for progressive Christians that she developed when she got fed-up of the homophobic BS she was encountering on other mainstream apps. We caught up to talk about the lesbian bar Sisters, which was in Philadelphia, USA, that she started going to when she was but a little gay-by. And, I think you're going to enjoy this conversation. I personally got a lot of insight, and a new perspective, on how to hold religious views alongside your rampant queerness (!). Do you have any memories of Sisters?, or clubbing from your own scene that you want to share? Well, if you have please get in touch - I want to create the biggest online record of people's memories and stories - go to www.lostspacespodcast.com and find the section 'Share a Lost Space' and tell me what you got up to! Bonus points for embarrassing photos! You can also find me on Facebook (www.facebook.com/lostspacespod), Instagram (www.instagram.com/lostspacespod) and Twitter (www.twitter.com/lostspacespod) Find out more about Crystal by following her on X (https://twitter.com/crystalcheatham) or visiting her website (https://www.crystalcheatham.me/)/ Or, if it tickles your fancy why not download the Our Bible app, which is a community space for people who identify as spiritual but not religious, progressive Christian, or nothing at all. Key takeaways Lesbian bars can be lively and sometimes chaotic spaces, where unexpected and outrageous things can happen. Moving to a new city can provide opportunities for self-discovery and exploration of one's identity. Reconciling faith and sexuality can be a challenging process, but there are affirming religious spaces available. Fighting for LGBTQ+ rights and challenging conservative ideologies can be fuelled by anger and a desire for change. The first experiences of attraction to women can be both exciting and nerve-wracking, but they can also lead to meaningful connections. The closure of Sisters, a lesbian bar in Philadelphia, had a significant impact on the LGBTQ+ community, resulting in the loss of a cultural hub and safe space. Crystal's journey with religion and spirituality led her to create an inclusive app (OurBible) that reflects her own beliefs and experiences. Family acceptance and support are crucial for LGBTQ+ individuals, and while some family members may struggle with acceptance, it is important to prioritise self-care and set boundaries. Self-discovery and personal growth are essential for embracing one's sexuality and spirituality, and it is important to live in the present moment and not worry about others' opinions.

We talk in this episode a little about Lamya's new memoir, Hijab Butch Blues. If you're interested in snagging yourself a copy why not take a look at my Bookshop store? https://uk.bookshop.org/a/13642/9781785788499 Books! Is there anything more inviting and accepting than a good book - one that seems to know you better than you know yourself? Books were my best friend when I was growing up, and they seemed to always provide comfort and solace from whatever shit was happening elsewhere in my life (which was usually the horror of high school). And there's something so magical about going to a library or going to a book shop and just being surrounded by the possibilities and the universes that were inside. And, I have a hunch I'm not the only one who thinks this way - in fact, this week I'm joined by author Lamya H, who found themselves drawn to the queer, trans and sex worker run bookshop Bluestockings when they were a fresh transplant to NYC. (And, for clarity's sake, it's worth saying that Bluestockings still exists, but it's no longer at its original location on Allen St, which is where Lamya first found it) Do you have any memories of Bluestockings, or a queer space from your own scene that you want to share? Well, if you have please get in touch - I want to create the biggest online record of people's memories and stories - go to www.lostspacespodcast.com and find the section 'Share a Lost Space' and tell me what you got up to! Bonus points for embarrassing photos! You can also find me on Facebook (www.facebook.com/lostspacespod), Instagram (www.instagram.com/lostspacespod) and Twitter (www.twitter.com/lostspacespod) Find out more about Lamya H by following them on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/lamyaisangry) or visiting their website (https://www.lamyah.com/)

It's time to put on your skinny jeans, dig out your studded belt, and apply about a week's worth of black eyeliner, because this week.... we're going emo! Now, if you’re listening to this episode 300 years from now and you’re like ‘what the heck is emo’ let me break it down for you... According to dictionary.com emo is 'a style of rock music resembling punk but having more complex arrangements and lyrics that deal with more emotional subjects'. And, as with every good genre of music there is a scene, a style of dress, and a way of thinking... But, enough of my thinly disguised judgement - this week comedian and podcaster Matt Hey is taking us to Hot Damn, an emo night in Sydney, Australia, in, of course, the most emo of decades - the 00s. And, legitimately, Hot Damn sounds like it was the place to be - different rooms playing different music, live bands, and every month there was a themed party (think 'Spring Break', 'School Graduation') and they would have novelty pop-ups like kissing booths and a mechanical bull in the shape of a giant penis. Growing up on the Central Coast (which is about 1 - 1.5 hours outside of Sydney), the club helped Matt normalise being different and seeing people there just not giving a fuck was liberating. But, listen to the whole episode to find out the full story... Do you have any memories of Hot Damn, or clubbing from your own scene that you want to share? Well, if you have please get in touch - I want to create the biggest online record of people's memories and stories - go to www.lostspacespodcast.com and find the section 'Share a Lost Space' and tell me what you got up to! Bonus points for embarrassing photos! You can also find me on Facebook (www.facebook.com/lostspacespod) or Instagram (www.instagram.com/lostspacespod) Find out more about Matt by following him on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/alrighthey) or listen to his podcast High Scrollers!

This study was published at the beginning of 2024, and it talks about the key role of Aunties and 'othermothers' in supporting queer children to flourish by providing emotional and practical support. Admittedly, it's probably one of those studies that confirms what everyone else has known for years, but it's particularly interesting to me because I didn't grow up with any adult female figures in my life other than my mother (and teachers at school, I suppose, but there's a distance and a power dynamic that means that isn't quite the same). So, in order to explore this more (and ask all the stupid questions that are bouncing around in my head) I sat down with writer Barrak Alzaid, who told me all about his grandmother, Mama Latifa, whose house acted as a safe haven and magical space for Barrak when he was growing up in 1980s and 90s Kuwait. Along the way we talk about different cultural understandings of the coming out journey, what happens when that coming out journey doesn't go according to plan, and which of the characters from the 80s cartoon Thundercats is the most shaggable.... Do you have any memories from queer spaces that you want to share? Well, if you have please get in touch - I want to create the biggest online record of people's memories and stories - go to www.lostspacespodcast.com and find the section 'Share a Lost Space' and tell me what you got up to! Bonus points for embarrassing photos! You can also find me on Facebook (www.facebook.com/lostspacespod) and Instagram (www.instagram.com/lostspacespod). Find out more about Barrak by visiting his website (https://barrakalzaid.com/) or follow him on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/barrakstar) or X (https://twitter.com/barrakstar) Key takeaways Mama Latifa's house played a significant role in Barrak's understanding of their identity, providing a safe and empowering environment. The Western concept of coming out does not neatly align with the societal expectations in Kuwait, where discussions about sexuality are often avoided. Barrak's relationship with their mother has evolved over time, with open dialogue and understanding. The limitations and challenges faced by queer individuals in Kuwait highlight the importance of safe spaces and the need for acceptance and support. Creating safe and liberatory spaces can have a profound impact on individuals' personal growth and self-expression. Family meals and gatherings can foster a sense of togetherness and provide a space for individuals to be themselves. Having a supportive and accepting environment can help individuals develop a strong sense of self-assuredness. The freedom to play and consume subversive media can contribute to personal growth and self-expression.

So it's fairly well established that I think queer spaces are really significant and an important way to explore your identity and dip your big toe into the queer lake of fabulosity. But, what we don't talk a lot about on this show is the importance of queer performance spaces, where people who are just starting out - singers, comedians, jugglers - have the chance to perform in front of an understanding audience (even if they do occasionally heckle and objectify you - somehow it's ok when it's a queer audience!). Anyway, that was my way of introducing this week's guest, comedian extraordinaire, Natali Caro, who found a queer comedy night at Giant Dwarf in Sydney early on in their career, and says that it helped them to be brave and try different things that helped them step into their comedic excellence. So much so, in fact, that it inspired them to set up their own night - Gag - that we will find out more about during this episode. Do you have any memories of Giant Dwarf, or clubbing from your own scene that you want to share? Well, if you have please get in touch - I want to create the biggest online record of people's memories and stories - go to www.lostspacespodcast.com and find the section 'Share a Lost Space' and tell me what you got up to! Bonus points for embarrassing photos! You can also find me on Facebook (www.facebook.com/lostspacespod) and Instagram (www.instagram.com/lostspacespod). Find out more about Natali by following them on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/nati_daddy_/) Takeaways Performing to a queer audience is often more rewarding and understanding than performing to a non-queer audience. Comedy can be a powerful tool for self-expression and reaching people with important messages. Overcoming shyness and pursuing comedy can be a transformative experience. The first solo performance can be nerve-wracking but can also lead to personal growth and confidence. Queer comedy festivals provide opportunities for performers to showcase their work in a supportive and inclusive environment. Inclusive comedy spaces are important for marginalised communities who often feel excluded from mainstream comedy. Queer clubbing can be challenging for individuals who don't feel like they fit into the traditional party scene or who prefer non-clubbing related entertainment. Creating an inclusive space requires intentional programming, representation, and a welcoming atmosphere set by the host or organiser. The intangible element of 'vibes' plays a role in the overall experience of a comedy night or event. Measuring self-worth based on output can be detrimental and it's important to let go of the need for validation. Living in a cave may sound appealing at times, but human connection and applause can bring joy and fulfillment!

Now, you might want to sit down or take a deep breath before you read this episode description, but.... it's possible that I've managed to find someone wracked with more self-doubt than me! Now, i hope you haven’t spit out your coffee or come over all faint, but I can confirm it is absolutely true. And who is that person? Well, it’s host of The Winning Side podcast Jord Hailwood, who joined me to talk about his university days in Oxford and how special being able to go to his lost space The Plush Lounge was for him. (Oh, but, just to avoid any confusion - as of 2024 The Plush Lounge is still very much ongoing, and bills itself as Oxford's premier LGBTQ+ party space! The reason that we're discussing it in this episode is because when Jord first started university it was being held at a different venue - a different physical space - which it moved away from in 2019). Do you have any memories of The Plush Lounge, or clubbing from your own scene that you want to share? Well, if you have please get in touch - I want to create the biggest online record of people's memories and stories - go to www.lostspacespodcast.com and find the section 'Share a Lost Space' and tell me what you got up to! Bonus points for embarrassing photos! You can also find me on Facebook (www.facebook.com/lostspacespod) and Instagram (www.instagram.com/lostspacespod) Find out more about Jord by listening to his podcast The Winning Side, or following him on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/jordanhailwood/)

On this week's show I'm starting to question whether I should be getting in to the world of kink or not. And, who is enticing me over to the kinky side? Why, it's podcaster and well-known kinkster Auntie Vice, who tells me all about what drew her to the world of kink, as well as what was so special about her lost space, Wicked Grounds in San Francisco, USA.  Find out more about Auntie Vice by listening to the Fat Girls on Top podcast, following her on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/auntievice) or visiting her website (www.auntievice.com) You can also reach out to me on Facebook (www.facebook.com/lostspacespod) or Instagram (www.instagram.com/lostspacespod) - I'd love to hear from you!