Lost Spaces: Memories from Gay Bars, Lesbian Clubs, and LGBTQ+ Parties

Do you remember the person that you were before you first had your heart broken? How you moved through the world? How you approached relationships and falling in love?Do you ever miss that person?This week I caught up with comedian Glo Butler, and though we sat down to talk about the Fab Lounge, a lesbian bar in Washington DC, what we talked about was the people she met there and how they changed her outlook on life, love, and lesbian bars. Follow meInstagram: ⁠⁠www.instagram.com/lostspacespod⁠⁠Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.facebook.com/lostspacespod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@lostspacespod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Sign up to the Queer Word newsletter: https://queer-word.beehiiv.com/subscribe⁠⁠⁠⁠Support meBuy Me A Coffee: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.buymeacoffee.com/lostspacespod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Follow my guestInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/glo_inthecity/

This week's episode feels like a bit of a culmination of different thoughts that have been bubbling up from recent conversations on the show.First, there’s my realisation that I’m more of a sponge than an island — and I know that sounds cryptic, but it’s really not. It's just this idea that who we are is shaped as much by what’s going on around us as it is by what’s inside us.Then there’s been a lot of talk about people pleasing — that’s come up in a few conversations lately too.But don't worry, it’s not all existential crises! That’s only half of the conversation.The other half is a lovely chat with actor and founder of the 'Men Who Read' book club, Paul Cram, about the lost Minneapolis space Jet Set, where he and his friend Robert used to go religiously, embracing the opportunity to leave behind the rest of the world if only for the evening.Sound familiar? Yeah, me too.Follow meInstagram: ⁠⁠www.instagram.com/lostspacespod⁠⁠Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.facebook.com/lostspacespod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@lostspacespod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Sign up to the Queer Word newsletter: https://queer-word.beehiiv.com/subscribe⁠⁠⁠⁠Support meBuy Me A Coffee: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.buymeacoffee.com/lostspacespod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Follow my guestWebsite: http://www.iampaulcram.com/

This week it's the story of The Copa, a club that was found (across two different sites) in Flint, Michigan between the years of 1980-1995But, really, it's a love story. And the first scene in this love story just happened to be at The Copa. And, who is here to tell us all about it? Why, it's the self-proclaimed 'professional homosexual' Greg R Baird, who is a Global Lecturer on LGBTQIA+ Civil Rights, Allyship & Community.Greg is currently working on his memoir, and so was in a reflective mood when we sat down. And I learnt some really important things in this conversation, like how Greg learnt to masturbate, and how he managed to fit in his really tight trousers that he bought especially for his first night in the club. But, most importantly, I learnt about the power of unconditional love.Follow meInstagram: ⁠⁠www.instagram.com/lostspacespod⁠⁠Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.facebook.com/lostspacespod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@lostspacespod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Sign up to the Queer Word newsletter: https://queer-word.beehiiv.com/subscribe⁠⁠⁠⁠Support meBuy Me A Coffee: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.buymeacoffee.com/lostspacespod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Follow my guestInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/greggerspeaks/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@greggerspeaksYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@GregRBairdWebsite: https://www.gregrbaird.com/

Subscribe to my newsletter Queer Word, where we explore and unpack a different queer word every week. You know how we talk about queer spaces as a place where you can just be yourself? And we talk about how liberating and exciting and freeing that is?Well, what if the opposite is also true? What if being someone else in a queer space is also really liberating? What if being someone else actually helps you to realise who you are? Ok, I seem to be tying myself up in knots here. So, instead of pondering that massive question, why don't I introduce you to this week's guest?If you are a fan of Drag Race, but you haven't yet watched any of the international versions of the franchise then let me recommend you go straight to Drag Race Philippines. And, in particular, season 3 because it's chaotic and ridiculous in all the best ways. And it's where I found this week's guest, the delightful Tita Baby. Tita and I caught up to talk about Bed, which was a club in the capital city of the Philipines, Manila. And, of course, we also talked about much, much more - her childhood growing up in a sheltered catholic family, never being picked to play basketball with the other boys, and her relationship with her bisexuality. I loved this conversation because Tita was so open and honest throughout. Follow meInstagram: ⁠⁠www.instagram.com/lostspacespod⁠⁠Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.facebook.com/lostspacespod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@lostspacespod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Sign up to the Queer Word newsletter: https://queer-word.beehiiv.com/subscribe⁠⁠⁠⁠Support meBuy Me A Coffee: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.buymeacoffee.com/lostspacespod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Follow my guestInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/yourtitababy/

Have you ever heard of the concept of a “gay age”?If not, here's the gist: the idea goes that we each have a gay age, which starts from the moment we come out. So, that means if I came out yesterday, I’d be zero. If you came out a decade ago you’re ten years old in gay years.It’s a really fascinating concept, but the more I sit with it, the more I find it to be a little problematic.But I won’t get into all that now (I'll actually be talking about it in this week's issue of my newsletter, Queer Word. If you haven't signed up yet, make sure you do before Friday!)Let me instead introduce you to this week’s guest, Koby Falks—an adult entertainer from Australia who started going out in the early 2000s at one of Melbourne’s most iconic queer clubs, The Market.It was in this space that he really got to step into his queerness—and no other place was this more true than on the dancefloor where he could feel free, open... and shirtless.If the whole “gay age” thing has piqued your interest, I’ll be writing about it in this week’s issue of Queer Word, my newsletter all about queer language and its history. If you haven’t already signed up, you’ll find all the details in the show notes—I’d love to hear your thoughts on the idea.Follow meInstagram: ⁠⁠www.instagram.com/lostspacespod⁠⁠Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.facebook.com/lostspacespod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@lostspacespod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Sign up to the Queer Word newsletter: https://queer-word.beehiiv.com/subscribe⁠⁠⁠⁠Support meBuy Me A Coffee: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.buymeacoffee.com/lostspacespod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Follow my guestInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/kobyfalks/

Sometimes when you live in a small close-knit community there is nowhere to hide. No where to disappear to. It can feel like you're always on guard, always wearing the false smile and maintaining the pretence for everyone else around you. So, what would happen if you found somewhere that you knew no one else was going to be? Somewhere that you could totally relax, and just be yourself for an hour or two? How would that impact you? Well, we're about to find out, because this week's guest is comedian Sunny Laprade, who grew up in small town America , and found an abandoned building as a teen where she got to be away from the judgemental eyes of... well... everyone else in her life.Follow meInstagram: ⁠⁠www.instagram.com/lostspacespod⁠⁠Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.facebook.com/lostspacespod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@lostspacespod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Sign up to the Queer Word newsletter: https://queer-word.beehiiv.com/subscribe⁠⁠⁠⁠Support meBuy Me A Coffee: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.buymeacoffee.com/lostspacespod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Follow my guestInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/sunnylcomedy/

We talk a lot about — and when I say 'we,' I mean the wider queer community — how upsetting it is that queer bars and clubs are closing at an accelerated rate. But I think the bigger tragedy is the disappearance of queer cafés.And maybe it’s wrong to pit them against each other, but queer cafés offer that beautiful intermediate step. They’re not as full-on or intimidating as a bar or a club, and they’re places where you can just be. There’s no pressure to perform, no need to match the thump of a bassline — just you, your overpriced oat flat white, and the comforting hum of conversations that sound a little more like home.One of the absolute best queer cafés that ever existed — and I won't hear any counterarguments — was First Out Café in Central London. Before it closed in 2011 to make way for yet another railway construction project, it was a sanctuary. A place where you could nervously nurse a tea while pretending to read the free gay magazines that used to exist, all the while sneaking glances at the other queers who had found refuge there too.It’s also where today’s guest, drag king extraordinaire Mr Wesley Dykes, took his first tentative steps into queerdom. Growing up between Lagos and South London, Wesley navigated the complexities of identity, family expectations, and self-acceptance. And when that weight felt a little too heavy, First Out Café was there — offering a cup of tea and the reassuring presence of a community.Other episodes about First Out Cafe'The First Gay Place That I Went Inside...' - with Alex Iantaffi from Gender Stories PodcastFirst Out Cafe, London (with Ali Brumfitt)Follow meInstagram: ⁠⁠www.instagram.com/lostspacespod⁠⁠Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.facebook.com/lostspacespod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@lostspacespod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Sign up to the Queer Word newsletter: https://queer-word.beehiiv.com/subscribe⁠⁠⁠⁠Support meBuy Me A Coffee: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.buymeacoffee.com/lostspacespod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Follow my guestInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/mrwesleydykes/

I've always struggled with the word community, because it's something that I've desperately wanted - I've wanted to belong, and I've wanted to feel a part of something bigger than myself. But, at the same time, how do you measure those things? How do you know that you belong? What does that feel like, and how do you measure it? And, I think someone who has had a similar experience, and has always strived for community and belong is this week's guest, Steve Whiting. Steve is the founder of the online listings site Hey Queer London, which started off as an Instagram page sharing events and goings on for people in London to have a better idea of how to enjoy their city. At the end of 2024 Steve made the difficult decision to close Hey Queer London, and we caught up to talk about this lost digital space, and what it has meant for him over the years.Along the way we also discuss another famous lost-ish space, Twitter, guilty pop pleasures, and how your interactions with the queer scene change when you become sober.Follow meInstagram: ⁠⁠www.instagram.com/lostspacespod⁠⁠Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.facebook.com/lostspacespod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@lostspacespod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Sign up to the Queer Word newsletter: https://queer-word.beehiiv.com/subscribe⁠⁠⁠⁠Support meBuy Me A Coffee: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.buymeacoffee.com/lostspacespod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Follow my guestInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/originalsteve/https://www.instagram.com/heyqueerldn/

There's a reason that the theme song to the Golden Girls hits so hard for me. And, I think it's because I've always valued friendships over all other types of relationships. There’s just something magical about having that person who eggs you on, pushes you out of your comfort zone, and encourages you to be bolder than you ever thought possible.So, I loved hearing about Norwegian drag king Erik Sjon’s first foray into dressing up—back when he and his friends would go full klub kid glam and dance the night away at Oslo’s Erskin. This was well before he became a drag king or performer; it was just about self-expression, community, and joy.We talked about what drew him to drag, the inspiration behind his character, and that one time he and his friends accidentally became go-go dancers (as you do!). Oh, and—true to form—I completely failed to pick up on the pun in Erik’s name. Did you get it? No worries if not—he’s just about to explain it.Follow meInstagram: ⁠⁠www.instagram.com/lostspacespod⁠⁠Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.facebook.com/lostspacespod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@lostspacespod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Sign up to the Queer Word newsletter: https://queer-word.beehiiv.com/subscribe⁠⁠⁠⁠Support meBuy Me A Coffee: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.buymeacoffee.com/lostspacespod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Follow my guestInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/king.eriksjon/

So, usually we talk about a bar or a club or a coffee shop… or some kind of building, at least. But this week we're doing something a little bit different. We're talking about a set of steps. Yes, you heard that correctly. But, these weren’t just any set of steps. They were the legendary, and imaginatively titled, Steps that were found in Toronto's gay village. And to tell us all about them is the author, speaker, and DEI specialist Michael Bach, who may have recently escaped the cold, cold winters of Canada to live in Palm Springs, but nonetheless maintains that a huge chunk of his heart belongs to Toronto's gay village.We talk about coming out before you even know what gay is, using a fake ID to get in to the bar, and navigating being queer at a boy's boarding school. Follow meInstagram: ⁠⁠www.instagram.com/lostspacespod⁠⁠Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.facebook.com/lostspacespod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@lostspacespod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Sign up to the Queer Word newsletter: https://queer-word.beehiiv.com/subscribe⁠⁠⁠⁠Support meBuy Me A Coffee: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.buymeacoffee.com/lostspacespod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Follow my guestInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/TheMichaelBach/Website: https://www.michaelbach.com/