Creating a Family: Talk about Adoption, Foster & Kinship Care

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.Question: My husband and I are in the process of growing our family through adoption. It would be a domestic infant adoption, and we are hoping to cultivate a long-term relationship with the future baby’s birth family. I noticed that whenever I feel hesitation when thinking about openness, I can bring myself back down to earth by recognizing that any hesitation results from making things about ME, not the baby or birth family. The one question I can’t seem to navigate on my own is this...what do adopted children call their birth mothers? How do I, as a future adoptive mom, refer to the baby’s birth mom? I want to respect the baby and birth mom; any insight on how families handle this would be so helpful! Resources:What Does Your Child Call Her Birth Mother?5 Tips for Navigating Sticky Situations with Birth ParentsPositive Adoption Language & Why It Matters Support the showPlease leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content: Weekly podcasts Weekly articles/blog posts Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.Are your child's birth parents struggling with addiction, mental illness, or intellectual disability? If so, join us for this discussion with Teresa Bradley, a psychotherapist with over 17 years of experience in addiction counseling and mental health. She is a Master Addiction Counselor, Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapist, and clinical trainer at Amerigroup.In this episode, we discuss:Substance Abuse DisordersWhat are some of the challenges that adoptive or foster parents might expect to see when a birth parent is struggling with a substance abuse disorder (SAD) and not able to raise this child?How are those issues different for relative caregivers, like grandparents raising grandchildren? At what age should we start talking to the kids in our care about their parents’ challenges with substance abuse? How do we bring it up? How do we decide what to share and when?How can parents address that emotional fallout and deal with their own expectations, triggers, or negative feelings about the birth parents’ SAD?For relative caregivers, especially grandparents raising grandchildren, adding layers of guilt, shame, and disappointment.How might an open adoption relationship change across a birth parents’ journey through SAD? How should adoptive parents approach openness in their adoption when SAD is a known issue?What do you suggest parents or relatives do to process their feelings? Mental Health Challenges or Intellectual DisabilitiesWhat are some of the specific challenges that adoptive or foster parents might expect when they are trying to support a child of parents with mental illness or intellectual difficulties?How can parents explain a birth parent’s challenges to children? When? How?What are some of the questions kids might have but cannot voice?  How do we address a child’s concern that they will “get” this mental illness without scaring the child?Is this a good reason to limit contact with birth parents?How might an adoptive or foster parent talk to children and youth about the birth parents’ ability to connect or maintain a relationship? When a kinship caregiver has a pre-existing relationship with this birth parent, how do they talk about the challenges and how their relationship changes in light of their struggles? What other issues do we need to consider to maintain a relationship with the birth parents while keeping the child safe and feeling cherished and supported?Resources:How Do You Manage Relationships with Birth Parents with Substance Use Disorders? Open AdoptionSupport the showPlease leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content: Weekly podcasts Weekly articles/blog posts Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.I have been listening to your podcast and supporting your mission for several years. We adopted our daughter at birth through an open adoption. We began caring for her on day two; she is now 9 years old. She knows she is adopted and has seen photos of her biological parents. Her parents had problems with addiction and the law. We only tell her, “They were not able to care for you.” She has not yet asked questions about her biological parents, but she does opine about being an only child. We have not yet told her about her full biological brother, the full brother who died from neglect as an infant, her five half-sisters, her biological grandmother, or that her biological father died a few years ago, having “fallen” off a bridge. She will obviously know everything eventually, but we are concerned about when and how to tell her. Resources:How to Find an Adoption Competent Therapist - resource pageTalking About the Difficult Parts of Your Child's History - online courseBuilding the Framework for Adopted & Foster Children to Process the Hard Parts of Their Stories - articleTalking about the Difficult Parts of Your Adopted Child’s History - older podcast interviewSupport the showPlease leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content: Weekly podcasts Weekly articles/blog posts Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.Are you considering adopting a sibling group? Join us for this interview with Deborah Bass Artis, MSW and Senior Program Director of Foster Care to Permanency with Children’s Home Society of NC.In this episode, we discuss:Why is it important to keep siblings together when placed for foster care or adoption?Advantages to adopting siblings.Special issues to considerThinking About Adopting a Sibling Group? Things to Consider FirstPractical Tips for Fostering a Sibling GroupIntegrating siblings with children already in the familyInvolve children already in the familyGet your support network in place before you adopt Suggested books for helping siblings understand adoption. Parentified childTips for handling a parentified child. Parenting Tips for a Parentified ChildOvercoming unhealthy dynamics from their pastOne child was the favorite in their previous family or families.Sibling rivalry When is it not a good idea to keep siblings together?Consider your motivation carefully- be honest with yourself and your partner about your desire to adopt a sibling group. Tips for parents adopting or fostering a sibling group Educate yourself before opening your home to a sibling group- it always helps to have realistic expectationsBe patient with yourselves and the children- it’s a big adjustment for everyone.Develop your support system ahead of time.Take care of yourself. Spending time on things that are important to you is not selfish!If married, ensure your marriage/partnership remains strong- it is the foundation of your family’s health.If single, maintain your friendships. You need to have a life outside of your children.Find individual time with each child in the family Pay attention to each child’s interests and personality and create opportunities for those to grow. Don’t treat the sibling group as a unit.Seek out professional support for the family when needed.Support the showPlease leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content: Weekly podcasts Weekly articles/blog posts Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.Question: I have a daughter who has dealt with trauma from consistent experiences of neglect and abandonment. While our home is loving and supportive, she continues to exhibit a victim mentality and has a hard time taking responsibility for her actions. She's a sweet girl, but she makes comments to others that insinuate she is not having her most basic needs met, which is simply not the case. How can we help her, and how should we be responding to her self-victimization? Resources:Creating a Family Online Facebook Support GroupHelping a Child Heal from TraumaSelf-Care for Foster ParentsSupport the showPlease leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content: Weekly podcasts Weekly articles/blog posts Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.Are you really struggling with your adoption and feeling you've made a huge mistake? Listen to this interview with Lindsay Lanham, MSW. She works at Holt International and is the author of the online article “Predictors of Adoption Disruption and Dissolution: A Literature Review.”In this episode, we cover:Difference between an adoption disruption and adoption dissolution. What causes an adoption to fail? What causes parents to say: “Help, I don’t think I can continue this adoption?”Child-related factors:Child’s ageChild’s behavior Aggression or children who sexually act outAre sibling placements more stable?Adoptive parent-related factors:Demographic characteristics? (age, marital status, parenting experience, income, race)Parental expectationsParenting styleRelationship prior to the adoptive placementCharacteristics of parents in successful adoptionsAdoption professional-related factors:Identify problems quickly and provide supportHow to address children who have experienced sexual abuse. “It is recommended that social workers universally prepare families for behaviors associated with sexual abuse trauma and the possible impact of sexual abuse. Adoptive families should have the language necessary to speak about child sexual abuse and know how to access supportive resources in their community, such as child advocacy centers, prior to placement.”What should parents do when they realize that the adoption isn’t going as they had hoped/planned?Identify the problem quickly and get support.Reset expectationsSelf-careGet helpWhat should parents do if they are reaching the point where they want to dissolve an adoption?Resource: Predictors of Adoption Disruption and Dissolution: A Literature Review Support the showPlease leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content: Weekly podcasts Weekly articles/blog posts Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.Question: I've been an adoption social worker for almost seven years and just experienced my 2nd situation where the birth mother in a match had a stillbirth after selecting a family through our agency. Both situations were such a difficult loss for both parties. I'm curious if you've heard of others who experienced this unusually tragic type of loss during adoption. I'm not sure how common it is, especially given the rate of stillbirths is 1 in 175 births in the U.S. How can adoption professionals (on the adoptive parent AND birth parent side) best walk through such a situation with their clients? Resources:Creating a Family Online Support GroupHow can you deal with your feelings of grief after a stillbirth? (March of Dimes)Stillbirth: Surviving Emotionally (American Pregnancy Association)Find a Local Chapter - The Compassionate FriendsSupport the showPlease leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content: Weekly podcasts Weekly articles/blog posts Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.Are you thinking about adopting a baby? Are you worried about what risk factors exist that you should know about? Join us to talk about these issues with Dr. Lindsay Terrell, a pediatrician at Duke University Medical Center and an Assistant Professor in their Department of Pediatrics. And James Fletcher Thompson, a South Carolina attorney with extensive experience in adoption. In this episode, we discuss:Lack of prenatal care.What is covered in prenatal care and how might a lack of prenatal care impact a baby?PrematurityWhat causes a premature birth?Prenatal exposureAlcoholWhat are some red flags that a mom might have abused alcohol during her pregnancy?Does the degree of impact differ depending on when in the pregnancy alcohol was consumed?What are the long- and short-term impacts of alcohol consumption on a child exposed prenatally?Creating a Family’s Prenatal Substance Exposure Workshop for ParentsOpioids List of opioid drugs in increasing degree of strengthCodeine.Hydrocodone (Vicodin, Hycodan)Morphine (MS Contin, Kadian)Oxycodone (Oxycontin, Percoset)Hydromorphone (Dilaudid)HeroinFentanyl (Duragesic)Methadone, SuboxoneDoes the degree of impact differ depending on when in the pregnancy the opioid was used?Does the degree of long-term impact differ depending on whether the baby was born dependent or with a diagnosis of Neonatal Abstinence Syndrome (NAS) or Neonatal Opioid Withdrawal Syndrome (NOWS)?What are the long- and short-term impacts of opioid exposure on a child exposed prenatally?CocaineMarijuanaMethamphetamine Polysubstance abuse Creating a Family has extensive resources to help parent a child exposed to opioids prenatally. Sexually Transmitted InfectionsWhat are the common STIs? What are the risks of each of them to the unborn child or newly born child?Mental Health IssuesWhat is the genetic connection for the following mental health disorders? How heritable are these mental illnesses?Anxiety disorders, including panic disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and phobias. Mood disorders: Depression, bipolar disorder Personality disorders (antisocial, borderline, narcissistic)Psychotic disorders, including schizophreniaADHDLegal Risk FactorsWhat are the most common legal risk factors when adopting an infant through private adoption?Support the showPlease leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content: Weekly podcasts Weekly articles/blog posts Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.Question: I've been listening to your podcast for a few years! Our 10-year-old kinship adopted daughter has lived with us since she was 2 months old. For a variety of reasons, there hasn't been any in-person visits or phone calls with her birth mom (my sister). Communication has been limited to holiday/birthday cards and gifts.  My sister has schizophrenia and bipolar disorders. Because she has been stable on her medications and her behaviors are typically within a somewhat 'predictable' range, we're thinking it's time to begin an in-person relationship.  We're planning on writing a letter to my sister to tell her our thoughts on all of this and establish some ground rules and boundaries. After she has some time to digest that letter, my wife and I plan to meet with her in person (without our daughter) to firm up plans, expectations, etc.  My questions are:What are some generally good boundaries to set up? How can we help prepare my sister for potentially tough questions from our daughter? (My sister is in denial that anything is wrong with her.) How can we prepare our daughter for all of this? How can we do this in a way that doesn't feel like we're wagging our finger at my sister and being 'above her'?  Resources:Working with Birth Parents for the Child's Best Interest (Resource page)Evaluating Risk Factors in Adoption (Resource page)Finding an Adoption-Competent Therapist (Resource page)Support the showPlease leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content: Weekly podcasts Weekly articles/blog posts Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.How do some kids survive a life of poverty, homelessness, abuse, and foster care and eventually thrive? We talk about courage & resilience with David Ambroz who is a national poverty and child welfare expert and advocate and the author of the memoir, A Place Called Home. He was recognized by President Obama as an American Champion of Change. Currently serving as the Head of Community Engagement (West) for Amazon, Ambroz previously led Corporate Social Responsibility for Walt Disney Television, and has served as president of the Los Angeles City Planning Commission as well as a California Child Welfare Council member. After growing up homeless and then in foster care, he graduated from Vassar College and later earned his J.D. from UCLA School of Law. He is a foster dad and lives in Los Angeles, CA.In this episode, we discuss:Poverty and Homelessness:His story.SchoolWhat made a difference?What should adults who encounter or work with homeless children/youth know?Foster Care:His story.Youth who identify as LGBTQ+ are overrepresented in foster care (Human Rights Campaign, 2015). While approximately 5 percent of the general population is estimated to be LGBTQ+, studies estimate that about 30 percent of youth in foster care identify as LGBTQ+. Why are these young people over represented in child welfare? LGBTQ+ youth are 1.5 -2 times more likely to have a foster placement failure.What would you want foster parents to know?What made the difference in your eventually succeeding? (Going to Vassar and UCLA Law School.)The lack of available treatments for mental illness.Why did you become a foster parent?Why did you title the book “A Place Called Home?”Support the showPlease leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content: Weekly podcasts Weekly articles/blog posts Resource pages on all aspects of family building