Creating a Family: Talk about Adoption, Foster & Kinship Care

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.Question: Can you talk about how being transracially adopted effects how adoptee’s children were raised? Both of my parents were transracially adopted and I don’t feel like there’s anyone else who can share this unique experience and I just want to understand better.Resources:Generational Impacts of AdoptionRaising a Child Through Transracial Adoption (Resource page)Suggested Books for Adults on Transracial AdoptionSupport the showPlease leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content: Weekly podcasts Weekly articles/blog posts Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.Do your kids fight? Does it drive you crazy. Join us to learn some helpful tips for handling sibling rivalry and fighting. Our guest is Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist and author of several books, including Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids and Peaceful Parent, Happy Siblings: How To Stop the Fighting and Raise Friends for Life.In this episode, we discuss:Why do siblings squabble?How is sibling rivalry and sibling fighting a good thing for our kids?How to teach sharing?What are the warning signs that a sibling fight has gone beyond a useful tool for developing those skills? When do we step in to stop sibling squabbles?What’s an effective way for parents to step into these sibling fights? How to handle rivalry based on one child thinking you favor the other?What about verbal aggression, name-calling, etc? A struggle common to kids impacted by trauma is a delay in emotional and social skill development. Identifying and managing internal discomfort can be challenging for our kids. Or all feelings are disproportionate to their situation (both bigger and smaller or shut down). Can you speak to what helps kids develop these skills outside the moments of conflict?What practical strategies can you offer to help parents cultivate satisfying, loving relationships between siblings? Would you offer a word about self-care for parents raising kids who fight all the time?Support the showPlease leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content: Weekly podcasts Weekly articles/blog posts Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.Question:  I wish I had known what to expect when a child with trauma hit the teen years. Maybe a book suggestion of what to expect or resources on what may show up and how to handle it. Puberty and the teen years have hit our family HARD. I also notice other families with adopted children going through the same or similar things. ~Rebecca from KansasResources:Therapy Resources for Adoptive, Foster, and Kinship FamiliesCenter for Parent and Teen CommunicationParenting in the Eye of the Storm: The Adoptive Parent’s Guide to Navigating the Teen YearsSupport the showPlease leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content: Weekly podcasts Weekly articles/blog posts Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.Why is kinship care important, and what are some of the challenges? Our guests are Gregory Jones, a granddad raising five grandkids from birth to now ranging in age from 9 to 12; Ana Beltran, an attorney, and director of the Grandfamilies & Kinship Support Network: A National Technical Assistance Center; and Erica Burgess, a social worker with over 25 years of experience in child welfare, specializing in kinship care.In this episode, we discuss:How common is kinship care throughout the US—both formal (child welfare involved) and informal?Grandparents raising grandkids or aunts and uncles raising nephews and nieces is often complicated and comes with a mix of challenges and blessings.What are some of the blessings?What are some of the challenges? Managing the relationship between the caregiver and the parents.What are some common challenges in this relationship?What are some common boundaries that need to be set in kinship care?Lack of preparation and training for raising kids who have experienced trauma, neglect, prenatal exposure to alcohol or drugs, etc.Lack of financial support.How can social workers and child welfare professionals make sure that kinship caregivers get the full extent of financial support?Access to resources. What are some typical resources that kinship caregivers should ask about and that child welfare agencies should consider providing?We see a significant variance between jurisdictions in social workers and child welfare professionals in the embrace of placing children with relatives.Why are some social workers hesitant to place kids with relatives?From an ethical perspective, why must social workers open their minds to looking for kin first when removing a child from their parents?Placing children with kin rather than the state taking custody. (Hidden foster care/kinship diversion)Legal considerationsEthical considerations with the hidden foster.Great resources:Grandfamilies & Kinship Support Network: A National Technical Assistance Center Grandfacts: State Fact Sheets for Grandparents and Other Relatives Raising ChildrenNCKinshipFamilies.org - Legal Permanency Options for NC Kinship Families websiteFree Kinship Legal Clinic Kinship Caregivers and the Child Welfare Systemhttps://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f-kinshi/Online Kinship Support Group - email tracy@creatingafamily.orgSupport the showPlease leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content: Weekly podcasts Weekly articles/blog posts Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.Question: My husband and I are in the process of growing our family through adoption. It would be a domestic infant adoption, and we are hoping to cultivate a long-term relationship with the future baby’s birth family. I noticed that whenever I feel hesitation when thinking about openness, I can bring myself back down to earth by recognizing that any hesitation results from making things about ME, not the baby or birth family. The one question I can’t seem to navigate on my own is this...what do adopted children call their birth mothers? How do I, as a future adoptive mom, refer to the baby’s birth mom? I want to respect the baby and birth mom; any insight on how families handle this would be so helpful! Resources:What Does Your Child Call Her Birth Mother?5 Tips for Navigating Sticky Situations with Birth ParentsPositive Adoption Language & Why It Matters Support the showPlease leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content: Weekly podcasts Weekly articles/blog posts Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.Are your child's birth parents struggling with addiction, mental illness, or intellectual disability? If so, join us for this discussion with Teresa Bradley, a psychotherapist with over 17 years of experience in addiction counseling and mental health. She is a Master Addiction Counselor, Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapist, and clinical trainer at Amerigroup.In this episode, we discuss:Substance Abuse DisordersWhat are some of the challenges that adoptive or foster parents might expect to see when a birth parent is struggling with a substance abuse disorder (SAD) and not able to raise this child?How are those issues different for relative caregivers, like grandparents raising grandchildren? At what age should we start talking to the kids in our care about their parents’ challenges with substance abuse? How do we bring it up? How do we decide what to share and when?How can parents address that emotional fallout and deal with their own expectations, triggers, or negative feelings about the birth parents’ SAD?For relative caregivers, especially grandparents raising grandchildren, adding layers of guilt, shame, and disappointment.How might an open adoption relationship change across a birth parents’ journey through SAD? How should adoptive parents approach openness in their adoption when SAD is a known issue?What do you suggest parents or relatives do to process their feelings? Mental Health Challenges or Intellectual DisabilitiesWhat are some of the specific challenges that adoptive or foster parents might expect when they are trying to support a child of parents with mental illness or intellectual difficulties?How can parents explain a birth parent’s challenges to children? When? How?What are some of the questions kids might have but cannot voice?  How do we address a child’s concern that they will “get” this mental illness without scaring the child?Is this a good reason to limit contact with birth parents?How might an adoptive or foster parent talk to children and youth about the birth parents’ ability to connect or maintain a relationship? When a kinship caregiver has a pre-existing relationship with this birth parent, how do they talk about the challenges and how their relationship changes in light of their struggles? What other issues do we need to consider to maintain a relationship with the birth parents while keeping the child safe and feeling cherished and supported?Resources:How Do You Manage Relationships with Birth Parents with Substance Use Disorders? Open AdoptionSupport the showPlease leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content: Weekly podcasts Weekly articles/blog posts Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.I have been listening to your podcast and supporting your mission for several years. We adopted our daughter at birth through an open adoption. We began caring for her on day two; she is now 9 years old. She knows she is adopted and has seen photos of her biological parents. Her parents had problems with addiction and the law. We only tell her, “They were not able to care for you.” She has not yet asked questions about her biological parents, but she does opine about being an only child. We have not yet told her about her full biological brother, the full brother who died from neglect as an infant, her five half-sisters, her biological grandmother, or that her biological father died a few years ago, having “fallen” off a bridge. She will obviously know everything eventually, but we are concerned about when and how to tell her. Resources:How to Find an Adoption Competent Therapist - resource pageTalking About the Difficult Parts of Your Child's History - online courseBuilding the Framework for Adopted & Foster Children to Process the Hard Parts of Their Stories - articleTalking about the Difficult Parts of Your Adopted Child’s History - older podcast interviewSupport the showPlease leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content: Weekly podcasts Weekly articles/blog posts Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.Are you considering adopting a sibling group? Join us for this interview with Deborah Bass Artis, MSW and Senior Program Director of Foster Care to Permanency with Children’s Home Society of NC.In this episode, we discuss:Why is it important to keep siblings together when placed for foster care or adoption?Advantages to adopting siblings.Special issues to considerThinking About Adopting a Sibling Group? Things to Consider FirstPractical Tips for Fostering a Sibling GroupIntegrating siblings with children already in the familyInvolve children already in the familyGet your support network in place before you adopt Suggested books for helping siblings understand adoption. Parentified childTips for handling a parentified child. Parenting Tips for a Parentified ChildOvercoming unhealthy dynamics from their pastOne child was the favorite in their previous family or families.Sibling rivalry When is it not a good idea to keep siblings together?Consider your motivation carefully- be honest with yourself and your partner about your desire to adopt a sibling group. Tips for parents adopting or fostering a sibling group Educate yourself before opening your home to a sibling group- it always helps to have realistic expectationsBe patient with yourselves and the children- it’s a big adjustment for everyone.Develop your support system ahead of time.Take care of yourself. Spending time on things that are important to you is not selfish!If married, ensure your marriage/partnership remains strong- it is the foundation of your family’s health.If single, maintain your friendships. You need to have a life outside of your children.Find individual time with each child in the family Pay attention to each child’s interests and personality and create opportunities for those to grow. Don’t treat the sibling group as a unit.Seek out professional support for the family when needed.Support the showPlease leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content: Weekly podcasts Weekly articles/blog posts Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.Question: I have a daughter who has dealt with trauma from consistent experiences of neglect and abandonment. While our home is loving and supportive, she continues to exhibit a victim mentality and has a hard time taking responsibility for her actions. She's a sweet girl, but she makes comments to others that insinuate she is not having her most basic needs met, which is simply not the case. How can we help her, and how should we be responding to her self-victimization? Resources:Creating a Family Online Facebook Support GroupHelping a Child Heal from TraumaSelf-Care for Foster ParentsSupport the showPlease leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content: Weekly podcasts Weekly articles/blog posts Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.Are you really struggling with your adoption and feeling you've made a huge mistake? Listen to this interview with Lindsay Lanham, MSW. She works at Holt International and is the author of the online article “Predictors of Adoption Disruption and Dissolution: A Literature Review.”In this episode, we cover:Difference between an adoption disruption and adoption dissolution. What causes an adoption to fail? What causes parents to say: “Help, I don’t think I can continue this adoption?”Child-related factors:Child’s ageChild’s behavior Aggression or children who sexually act outAre sibling placements more stable?Adoptive parent-related factors:Demographic characteristics? (age, marital status, parenting experience, income, race)Parental expectationsParenting styleRelationship prior to the adoptive placementCharacteristics of parents in successful adoptionsAdoption professional-related factors:Identify problems quickly and provide supportHow to address children who have experienced sexual abuse. “It is recommended that social workers universally prepare families for behaviors associated with sexual abuse trauma and the possible impact of sexual abuse. Adoptive families should have the language necessary to speak about child sexual abuse and know how to access supportive resources in their community, such as child advocacy centers, prior to placement.”What should parents do when they realize that the adoption isn’t going as they had hoped/planned?Identify the problem quickly and get support.Reset expectationsSelf-careGet helpWhat should parents do if they are reaching the point where they want to dissolve an adoption?Resource: Predictors of Adoption Disruption and Dissolution: A Literature Review Support the showPlease leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content: Weekly podcasts Weekly articles/blog posts Resource pages on all aspects of family building