Beyond Success

There’s a catch-22 that happens in almost every long-term relationship: The more intimate your relationship becomes, the more it triggers unresolved, unconscious issues. This may explain seemingly random explosions of anger over minor disagreements or waves of sadness and low self-esteem.  Despite our wishes, repressing painful emotions doesn’t make them disappear into thin air. Instead, they simmer under the surface, and pop up when you least expect it. The problem is, these explosions of repressed trauma can sabotage even the healthiest of relationships.  That’s the bad news.  The good news? Well, there are proven ways to not only deal with these suppressed emotions, but to make sure that they don’t sabotage your relationships or mental health. In today’s episode, we explore these proven ways, so you can free yourself of the poison they bring when left unanalyzed and unresolved.  Want to improve your mental health, relationships, and discover how to confront repressed emotions so they don’t backfire on you and your loved ones? Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: Why ignoring your “emotional fitness” plants the seeds of destruction in even the healthiest of relationships (1:13)  How being vulnerable with women often re-traumatizes men who haven’t yet discovered their true self and turns off your date (even if it seems like good advice on the surface) (6:26)  Does your neediness prevent you from making authentic connections with women you date? Here’s the only true way to get rid of your neediness (7:09)  Why your false selves sabotage your mental health (even if they help you land a few dates) (8:54)  How the therapeutic process brings all of your psyche’s parts into harmony and balance and unlocks the deep connections you’ve been searching for in your relationships (13:36)  Why repressed emotions linger under the surface and cause explosions of anger at the worst possible times (and how to handle repressed emotions in a healthier way) (14:48)  The “Emotional Self Sufficiency” secret that enhances your mental health, your relationships, and your general wellbeing (17:21)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 15 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to check out my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://www.davidtianphd.com/masterclass/ now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery  

The modern dating scene is responsible for why so many people—both men and women alike—struggle with creating meaningful connections. Dating apps treat love like a slot machine, epitomizing this problem. Then, the red pill movement capitalizes on this, duping you into sacrificing your love life and mental health and worse.  But there’s a silver lining… Everyone is searching for connection. And by focusing on showing up as your authentic self, you put yourself leagues ahead of other men in the modern dating scene.  In this episode, you’ll discover why authenticity is crucial for dating and relationships, how to share your authentic self with others, and how to keep the passion alive once you find a deep and meaningful relationship.   Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: The truth behind why dating is harder in 2024 than ever before (0:44)  How being too vulnerable in your relationship can be a subtle form of manipulation (even if you’ve heard this is the key to your relationship’s success elsewhere) (2:35)  Why dating apps are like a slot machine for your love life that undermines your confidence and self-esteem (4:51)  The insidious “False Self” trap that works for dating apps, but sabotages your chance of creating meaningful connections and becomes toxic for your mental health (9:13)  How to keep the romance alive in a long-term relationship (even after the “passionate attraction” naturally fades) (12:34)  Have your conversations devolved into “did you pay the bills?” and “what’s for dinner?” … Here’s how to rekindle the flame when this happens (13:08)  Asking yourself this one question is the quickest way to attract better dates, increase your confidence, and even land promotions at work (16:45)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 15 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to check out my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://www.davidtianphd.com/masterclass/ now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

Having an Avoidant Attachment Style—or dating someone with one—can wreak havoc throughout your relationship. It can cause an otherwise healthy relationship that’s headed towards marriage and children into utter destruction.  Why?  Well, people with an Avoidant Attachment Style, while they crave intimacy like everyone else, the more intimate you become, the more fear the avoidant partner feels.  But here’s the good news: Having an Avoidant Attachment Style isn’t a life sentence. In fact, there are ways you can overcome your Avoidant Attachment Style or help your partner deal with theirs, so your relationship continues to grow and blossom.  In this episode, I reveal how you get an Avoidant Attachment Style, the key steps you need to follow if you or your partner has this, and why understanding the different types of Attachment Styles can improve every relationship you have.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: How understanding your “Attachment Style” can be a game changer for your personal and romantic relationships (0:43)  Why intimacy frightens you away and can even sabotage an otherwise successful relationship if you have this attachment style (and how to overcome this fear) (2:23)  The 4 main “Attachment Styles” and how they impact your relationships (5:05)  How your attachment style starts in childhood then bleeds—largely without you realizing it—into your adult relationships (7:29)  The 3 crucial things you need to do if you find yourself in a relationship with someone with an Avoidant Attachment Style (13:26)  The insidious push-pull dynamic of the Avoidant Attachment Style that causes self-sabotage, loneliness, and frustration (14:15)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 15 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to check out my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://www.davidtianphd.com/masterclass/ now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

When a relationship hinges on sexual attractiveness, it’s doomed to fail. Yet despite all the scientific evidence about attractiveness fading over time, the first step most men take when their relationship falters is improving their attractiveness.  They think that if only they had a 6-pack or more designer brand clothes that this will magically make their partner fall back in love with them. But nothing is further from the truth.  Do you think that an elderly couple still obviously in love with each other is fueled by attraction? Of course not. But still, many men miss this point and it sabotages their relationships.  The solution?  Well, there’s a few things you can do to build a lasting and thriving relationship that aren’t based on your attraction to your partner or vice versa. And in this episode, you’ll discover what personal and relationship characteristics help your relationship grow stronger over time instead of withering away into nothingness.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: Why beefing up your attractiveness backfires and can make your partner resent you (0:53)  Can a relationship thrive on sexual attraction alone? No, and here’s what happens when the “spark” begins to wither… (2:43)  Why thinking of your relationship as a giant and gorgeous oak tree can prevent heartbreak, divorce, or worse (4:10)  The “EM” anchor that keeps your relationship steady, growing, and always moving towards deepening your love (11:13)  How clinging to being “right” can cost you your marriage and happiness (12:00)  Why relying on your partner for your happiness poisons your relationship from the inside out (and how to take control of your own happiness) (19:06)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 15 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to check out my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://www.davidtianphd.com/masterclass/ now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

There's a pervasive myth in society today, especially among high achievers. And that myth is that repression is a reliable and sustainable tool for success.  Why is this myth so pervasive? Well, this strategy sort of works in the short-term, fooling high achievers into thinking that it’s a sound strategy.  But over time, as your protective parts work harder and harder to repress these nasty emotions, they end up resurfacing and causing more trouble than they ever did. This is what leads to isolation, loneliness, burnout, and a sense that you’ll never experience true joy.  So, what’s the solution?  In this episode, I lay out the 5 ironclad steps to stop repressing your emotions, to become more present with yourself (and with others), and to create deep connections with your friends and partner.  The result?  Instead of inner conflict, you’ll feel inner harmony and bliss—something many high achievers never achieve for long. And you’ll be able to experience true and lasting love, happiness, and fulfillment.  So, what are these 5 ironclad steps to undo your deep-seated repression and unlock harmony and bliss instead?  Listen now to find out!   Show Highlights Include: The counterintuitive way repressing your emotions leads to burnout (even though it seems like it would prevent burnout) (0:43)  The “Beach Ball” effect repressed emotions have which makes them surge into your life at the worst possible moments (1:25)  How to align your emotional and rational selves to to unlock true and lasting love, happiness, and fulfillment (2:15)  Why ignoring your exiled parts actually causes them to dominate your psyche, emotions, and behavior (6:44)  How appreciating and loving your shameful shadow parts makes them give their power to you (9:45)  Do you push people away whenever they get too close? Here’s how to finally stop doing this… (15:39)  Why working with your exiled parts on your own is a recipe for retraumatizing your protective parts and sabotaging your emotional health (21:54)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 15 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to check out my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://www.davidtianphd.com/masterclass/ now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

Your emotions are like the GPS to your psyche. They’re the signposts that help you lead a life of happiness and fulfillment.  But the problem most achievers have is that they’ve learned to repress their emotions in order to achieve success. This is an insidious Catch 22—by repressing your emotions you cannot fully celebrate your accomplishments.  This nasty habit of emotional repression also extends to your dating life and relationships. Repressed emotions deter you from creating deeper connections, plaguing you to a life of loneliness.  That’s the bad news.  The good news?  Repressing your emotions isn’t a life sentence. In fact, there’s a simple 4-step process you can follow to stop this habit before it sabotages your happiness even more than it already has.  In today’s episode, you’ll discover why repressing your emotions is so lethal, how it shows up in your career and relationships, and how to stop repressing them.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: The invisible obstacle which keeps you from deeper connections in your relationships and plagues you with loneliness (0:32)  Why the insidious “Mental Bouncer” effect in your mind keeps uncomfortable feelings away but also prevents you from aligning with your authentic self (3:20)  How repressing negative emotions also suppresses positive emotions and turns you into an emotionless robot (4:43)  The simple 4-step process to stop repressing your emotions and live a more fulfilling life (6:22)  How to unlock a greater sense of adventure and sexiness inside you by accepting your most uncomfortable thoughts and feelings (7:49)  The lethal “Achiever’s Curse” that rips away the rewards of your hard work (and the only proven way to undo this curse) (9:28)  Why repressed emotions always pop up at the worst time and sabotage your relationships in these two specific ways (19:51)  3 “Repression Killer” exercises to become okay with your worst emotions (even if you have trouble expressing them) (22:09)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 15 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to check out my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://www.davidtianphd.com/masterclass/ now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

Discover the power of presence in building meaningful connections and lasting attraction. Learn how being emotionally and mentally engaged can deepen intimacy. Explore tips and practices to cultivate genuine presence and overcome challenges. Understand the importance of authentic presence in dating and the negative impact of performance. Strengthen bonds, enhance emotional intimacy, and resolve conflicts through being fully present.

One of the most damaging societal myths we believe is that marriage or having a baby can fix underlying relationship issues. This myth isn’t only misleading, but it creates more significant issues down the road. For example, breaking up is much easier (mentally and financially) than getting a divorce. Bringing a child into this world under the wrong pretenses can burden your children with deep-seated trauma that takes decades to fix.  The truth?  Marriage and parenthood aren’t solutions to your relationship problems. In fact, they heighten these issues. And jumping into marriage or parenthood before you’re ready can come with devastating consequences.  But don’t worry. In today’s show, I’ll reveal how you can best prepare—as an individual and as a couple—for both marriage and parenthood.  Listen now! Show Highlights Include: Why getting married or having a baby won’t fix your underlying relationship issues (and how these create even more hardship) (1:06) The weird way marriages based on love and personal fulfillment end abruptly (3:31)  How parenthood triggers new relationship problems (and how to address them without divorce) (6:15)  Why addressing your own internal issues profoundly impacts the health of your relationships (13:49)  The insidious “Imago Match” theory that explains how seemingly minor relationship problems erupt into full-blown fights (and how to leverage it to build a healthier relationship) (15:35)  4 steps to properly prepare for marriage or parenthood (22:59)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 15 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to check out my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://www.davidtianphd.com/masterclass/ now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

Learn the keys to a lasting relationship that goes beyond just looks, status, or wealth. Discover the 'Four P's' that keep the fire alive and create a fulfilling sex life. Understand why many guys struggle with building these attributes in their relationships. Explore the importance of personal growth, authenticity, and genuine connections. Find out how to reignite passion and overcome sexual shame. Discover the power of presence and its impact on deeper understanding and increased intimacy.

Men have been told for generations that feeling or showing their sadness is a sign of weakness. This myth has misled entire generations of men to suppress their sadness. And nothing has led to men being more isolated, lonely, and disconnected—from themselves and others—than this toxic myth.  Why?  Because suppressing emotions like sadness deprives you of the very love and connection you yearn for. In fact, sadness is the gateway to love. And fearing emotions like sadness keeps us locked away from true, unconditional love.  But there’s another way…  In this episode, we’re directly attacking and shattering the pervasive myth that suppressing our emotions is the key to happiness down the road. Instead, I’ll show you how feeling your emotions and embracing your vulnerability requires more strength and courage. And how this shift in mindset opens up the road to a more fulfilling and love-filled life.  Searching for love and happiness and connection in your life and don’t know where to turn?  Listen now! Show Highlights Include: The pervasive myth that’s led generations of men to detach from their emotions and stifle their happiness, love, and connection (1:07)  The counterintuitive reason feeling your sadness is often the quickest route to experiencing love (3:59)  How to build your psychological resilience according to emotional psychology experts (and why most men shy away from building this resilience) (8:37)  The insidious “False Stoicism” trap many men fall into which erodes their best relationships and drowns them in sadness (8:59)  Why viewing your sadness as an ally instead of an adversary is the key to a life filled with love and joy (10:29)  How toxic masculinity blocks you from the authentic connections and experiences and keeps you lonely and miserable (13:22)  Why unburdening your exiled parts effortlessly makes you more attractive to women (21:31)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 15 years, I’ve helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I’m therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to check out my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://www.davidtianphd.com/masterclass/ now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian’s step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery