Something Positive for Positive People

This episode features 26 year old Fleur from Australia who works in marketing. Fleur is a woman who contracted HSV-2 from a partner who chose to disclose AFTER she began to show symptoms. Fleur took 2 years off from sex to find herself. She saw a sex therapist who gave her sound advice on disclosing we'll call mirroring (more details below). Fleur took this advice and fell for a man who opened her up to polyamory which means 'many loves'. A few major takeaways here that I found to be important are: - Open to poly despite herpes; we often fear spreading the virus despite who we tell being accepting to the risks. Fleur rose above that fear and took a chance. She took control of what she could which was first accepting HSV for herself, understanding what it meant for her and what it means for her potential partner. She shared her diagnosis and the stats, allowing him to take that information to his partners. They all accept FLEUR over the risk of herpes. It's important to note that Fleur accepted herself before expecting someone to accept her. You have to take responsibility for what you can control. The other person is going to either accept you with the risk, or not be willing to accept the risk. Which takes us down to . . .  - Open to herpes despite poly; Fleur's current partner, while engaging in sexual activity with multiple partners, accepts Fleur along with the risk of contracting herpes. This man is either a smooth salesman or really has some open-minded partners. While we often strugge to share the risk of contracting HSV with one person, imagine sharing that possibility with multiple partners who have to share that with multiple partners. While there's less at stake making this easier for him, we can learn from this experience to take the pressure off ourselves when disclosing. It's important to recognize . . .  - The value of open, honest communication; This authenticity in Fleur's communication was mirrored here. Her confidence, her knowledge, her honesty is what was relayed to her metamours in that disclosure. How Fleur felt, is how he perceived Fleur felt and it was so genuine, so honest, so true, that when he took that to his partners introducing the risk of contracting herpes from a newly invited person into their circle. They took it well due to . . . .  - Mirroring; So I Googled this and there's already a word for what we talked about in a different context. What we mean by mirroring is how we feel is projected onto the recipient of our message. When we're shaking, avoiding eye contact, stuttering, crying, cracking our voices, that isn't received well. That is some draining stuff right there. We want to be around people who are energizing, motivating, assure us that it's safe to be ourselves around them. We ultimately want the freedom to be ourselves and connect with like-minded people. The reward for freedom is the risk of rejection. At this point, we've broken the 5k downloads mark and I'm so thankful for everyone continuing to share the podcast with others as well as leaving us ratings and reviews for the podcast. The more reviews, the more exposure. The more exposure, the easier it is for those who think they're alone to connect with us and gain access to the resources they need to help them through their diagnosis so please keep it up you all. I can be found on Instagram @CourtneyBrame Stay Positive!

On her way to a trip where she planned to end her life, Reese fortunately had that plan interrupted by her involvement with a car accident that made her rethink her decision. Coming so close to death, Reese decided that wasn't for her since she was given a second chance. She dug into her faith and began to work on herself. One major takeaway here is to trust your intuition! When you see a red flag, it's better to explore it than ignore it. Reese talks about overlooking a 'pimple' she noticed on her partner. This episode was a reminder of why this podcast was started. When we are diagnosed, we genuinely can get to a place where we believe our lives are over. Our lives aren't over upon diagnosis because an std doesn't make that choice for us. We do. We live in a world where having an std is physically the most manageable it's ever been. The physical pain isn't going to kill you but the mental/emotional pain can deplete your desire to live. When I started this podcast it was to prove to people that herpes doesn't have as much of an effect on your life as you'd think. For anyone contemplating suicide, please reach out to someone close for support. Those thoughts are not your own, those thoughts come from the stigma, isolation, boredom, shame, embarrasment, all negative emotions that you didn't choose to experience. Take that control and allow yourself to accept yourself. Seek support, find people who energize you. Get out of that state of loneliness. Omelettes can only be made when you break the eggs. Think of herpes as that impact that cracks the egg open for you allowing all your wonderful yolkiness to veg out into a nice warm skillet. Then top yourself with some spinach, mushrooms . . . okay it's almost 10am and I think Im going to go break some eggs myself now haha.  Please leave a review thanking Reese for her story and bravery. She plans to share this podcast with a few people close to her so please encourage her and let her know she has your support. I speak on behalf of all our guests when I say you have ours as well. At this point, we've broken the 5k downloads mark and I'm so thankful for everyone continuing to share the podcast with others as well as leaving us ratings and reviews for the podcast. The more reviews, the more exposure. The more exposure, the easier it is for those who think they're alone to connect with us and gain access to the resources they need to help them through their diagnosis so please keep it up you all. I can be found on Instagram @CourtneyBrame Stay Positive!

This episode doesn't have a guest. I write every so often to sort through thoughts and emotions so I know how to deal with them as they come up again in the future. This episode, I thought about Cake. . . metaphorically. "You can't have your cake and eat it too." is my least favorite proverb hands down. Why have cake you can't eat!? Well, because limits were placed on your mind by society telling you that statement makes sense the way it's phrased. More accurately one would say,  "When one share's their cake, they become surrounded by bakers" or something along those lines.  When I told people I had herpes, they didn't care. When I kept it to myself, I manifested my mindset about herpes in the world around me. It felt like everyone wanted to know my secret and use it against me. I began analyzing my values, one of which is freedom. I can't live free with the restrictions of the stigma created by a group of people outside the group of people the stigma applies to. I had to un-learn that and construct new beliefs based on my experiences. My view began to change and I noticed the reactions I got began to change.  I had a scarce mindset. "I think I will only be 'accepted' by ______ which is a limiting belief we project onto the world based on our beliefs about who we are NOW THAT WE HAVE THE VIRUS, not who we are. This reveals itself via rejection, people attacking or being mean to us or making herpes jokes. I'm moving into the abundance mindset. I constantly have to remind myself of that. It gets a little quicker each time I do it, but I notice more of the positive. More people share with me that they have something personal going on, want to be on the podcast to share their story, want to come train with me, want to literally give me cake. Ask yourself what kind of person you'd be if everyone around you knew you had herpes and you didn't have to hide it. Act like that for a day and see how much more you like yourself and the world appears to be as giving as it's meant to be. Let me know what you think of this episode. Like I said, I want to do more of these if there's value and it helps make the podcast more useful. I'm on social media @CourtneyBrame Stay positive!

Alexandra hosts the podcast, Life With Herpes, and recently featured me as a guest on her 83rd episode: https://lifewithherpes.com/podcast/083-something-positive-for-people-who-are-positive-with-courtney-brame/ She's an amazing human being and it was an honor to not only be on her podcast, but to also have her bless Something Positive for Positive People with her energy as well. It's amazing to find so many resources out there from people open about their condition encouraging us to break the stigma behind herpes. Alexandra and I could've spoken for hours about her experience but managed to condense the convo to just over an hour.The conversation touched on us having this idea of who has herpes and then struggling to reshape that image of ourselves. We discuss how Alexandra contracted HSV-2 fourteen years after getting type 1 from a first date kiss! We talk about the lack of education and communication, neglecting the fact that hsv-1 can potentially be spread via kissing, foreplay, masturbation and according to The Medical Center of the University of Maryland, it can be spread by sharing drinks or utensils within up to 10 seconds. (Link to resource): http://umm.edu/health/medical/altmed/condition/herpes-simplex-virus You should listen to this episode if you need the courage to really embrace yourself as more than the stigma placed upon you for having herpes. There's only one way to break free of that and it's to understand who YOU are despite having herpes. Alexandra is a phenomenal example of this, having broken free, becoming an educator and an active voice in the herpes community letting everyone know that herpes isn't that big of a deal. She has a meaningful career, she has hobbies, she travels, is married, has the kind of sex life she wants. Connect with this woman, engage this woman and capitalize on her experience being out there on the Life With Herpes podcast. Alexandra is offering a complimentary 30 minute coaching session for Something Positive for Positive People listeners. Sign up and ask her about pomegranate. Just go to: https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fapp.acuityscheduling.com%2Fschedule.php%3Fowner%3D13691061%26appointmentType%3D5894645&h=ATOjIhcSTXqROqmj5ArLWVVuHHKnvmDQTY-VYTjIYaYekzKu72W-c-x2_SSV_2ldPaLjCr_tSy1XGJve8p33eg_2Uziu4y1MQpIf6y8u3d7GOdg&s=1 For more resources available to those living with herpes, Alexandra can be found on Instagram @Lifewithherpes and @alexandraharbushka, Facebook @Alexandra Harbushka, Twitter @aharbushka. Her website is www.lifewithherpes.com At this point, we've broken the 5k downloads mark and I'm so thankful for everyone continuing to share the podcast with others as well as leaving us ratings and reviews for the podcast. The more reviews, the more exposure. The more exposure, the easier it is for those who think they're alone to connect with us and gain access to the resources they need to help them through their diagnosis so please keep it up you all. I can be found on Instagram @CourtneyBrame Stay Positive!

Here's the highly anticipated part 2 to Dale's episode! Off the record I asked if Dale were open to sharing Dale's personal experience in their sex life. I'm getting better about the she/her him/her they/their pronouns. I butchered it in the beginning of this episode :/ .  This episode highlights Dale's open-mindedness. Being non-binary non-monogamous really leaves the door open to all types of explorating with various anatomies.  Negotiations really stood out to me in this convo we had. The idea of having a full conversation of what to expect (SHOULD CONSENT BE EXCHANGED BY ALL PARTIES) never occurred to me. This communication is where all assumptions can be eliminated. You can express what you're into and allow the other person/people to express what they're into, discuss sexual health, and this makes it easier to relax into the experience of freaky thangs. Note that negotiations don't mean consent. Negotiations mean these are the things that are on the table. Consent should be exchanged still. Dale manages the social media pages dedicated to sex ed and the destigmitization of herpes. On Instagram, Dale is @_I_have_herpes_ I can be found on social media @CourtneyBrame Please continue to review/comment/share/like/rate this podcast. The people finding it are being directed to resources helping them tremendously. Literally at 1pm central time today, someone on Reddit said they were diagnosed yesterday and found this show and that it helped them a lot. Thank you all!

Dale manages the social media pages dedicated to sex ed and the destigmitization of herpes. On Instagram, Dale is @_I_have_herpes_ We talk about Dale's experience being diagnosed after seeing someone who has HSV-1. They were aware and Dale was open to the risk. But are you really ever prepared to contract herpes? Do our non-H partners really understand the risks? Are we willing to put our partners at risk? Just a few things to think about when listening to this episode. Check it out. Our stigmitization comes from a belief we had about herpes before we had herpes. I've said it before and I will keep saying it. When this becomes relevant to us, we become super researchers. We begin to understand what the virus is TO US. And what that teaches us is to take care of our bodies. In doing that, we're able to better take care of those around us. This 100% translates into all areas of our lives. Let's continue to take care of ourselves and understand what having herpes means to us so that we're able to become better educaters and create a new stigma that is more experience based. I can be found on social media @CourtneyBrame Please continue to review/comment/share/like/rate this podcast. The people finding it are being directed to resources helping them tremendously. Literally at 1pm central time today, someone on Reddit said they were diagnosed yesterday and found this show and that it helped them a lot. Thank you all!

Lauren just moved to Japan, had a new life starting for her teaching English and then BAM herpes. She finds herself being diagnosed by a Japanese doctor who just goes, "WOW" after visual confirmation of genital herpes. After a negative swab test, Lauren suffered from symptoms but couldn't get anyone to give a final confirmation with a blood test and treatment of the virus. She literally had to almost beg to have her vagina looked at (by a medical professional of course).  Lauren was in a relationship with someone who was misinformed about herpes. Her ex said she had herpes once but it went away. Now, most of us who listen to this podcast are aware herpes doesn't just 'go away'. Lauren's now ex girlfriend may not have used the proper terminology at that point in time. Visibly, yes, herpes goes away but the virus doesn't leave your body. Herpes for Lauren was a huge blessing. She originally thought this would fix her relationship that had many other issues, one of which being abuse. Herpes made it easier for her so she tried to make it work, but it just delayed the inevitible. Lauren says herpes saved her life. She found herself feeling alone, engaging in self-harm, drinking to fall asleep, even cutting herself. Lauren has stepped away from those behaviors and has incorporated many positive habits into her life such as exercising and cooking. She began to find her own identity outside of that relationship she was in or allowing those relationships to define her. Lauren's advice to newly diagnosed people is to write love letters to yourself. Lose yourself inside yourself to find yourself. My biggest takeaway from this episode is Lauren's openness so soon after her diagnosis. I love how open she is and how willing she was to disclose to people close to her for this being so new. We all have different experiences in life and I think she's had some in her life that prepared her for dealing with her diagnosis way better than a lot of us could have or will. If you like this or any other episode, please don't hesitate to leave us a review. Please continue to support the show by rating/subscribing and letting people know about it. This is turning into so much more than just a lighthouse/resource connecting newly diagnosed people to resources available to them for support, this is changing people's lives ya'll. Mine especially because it gives me a new found sense of purpose. I appreciate all the guests and all the listeners for supporting the show on top of all the brave souls who put themselves out there constantly being rejected but still doing the right thing in hope of finding love. Thank you all. I'm on social media @CourtneyBrame Stay positive

Ya'll! We have a local semi-celebrity on this one!!!! You gotta listen to find out who she is  . (She doesn't think she's a celebrity. I think she is because she sings for money lol) This isn't your stigma. It belongs to the uneducated, uninformed, inexperienced individuals who don't have, don't know they have or in denail about the  potentially coming in contact with herpes. I was there until I got it along with many others. There's a transition period that begins with your diagnosis where what you KNEW about herpes is now what you believe about yourself, and then you begin to realize majority of those beliefs are untrue as you begin to have your own experience. This new found experience means understanding terminology, how your body responds to the virus, and beginning to educate and inform yourself and then realizing each person has their own experience. I believe that through educating people as the opportunities present themselves is an important key to disassembling the stigma. We all fear judgment but the only way to free ourselves of it is to help free others by sharing our experience as the most educated group of people about herpes being that we have it. There's nothing to be ashamed of except the indifference we express by not speaking up against those who make those ignorant herpes jokes. I'm guilty of it and hope I never find myself in a position to not educate in that instance again. Please continue to rate, subscribe to and review episodes of the podcast so that others are able to connect with the resources available to help them better understand the virus, their experience and connect with others for support. I'm on Instagram @CourtneyBrame.

Episode 22 - Sex Positive Families: Preparation Over Prevention 37 year old (we think) Melissa hosts the Sex Positive Families podcast which I’ve followed on Instagram for several months now @Sexpositive_families. She’s a social worker/sexual health educator doing amazing work I felt was useful to Something Positive for Positive People. I didn’t have good sex education growing up, many of the people on the podcast have expressed the same, and I can speak from experience, that lack or absence of proper education is a contributing factor to the stigma around STI’s that many of us struggle with. Melissa teaches us how to have sexual health conversations with our youth. This episode was fun, informative and definitely useful. The most interesting takeaway to me was tickling and how it relates to sex as an adult. In tickling, the tickler often feels the other person is enjoying themselves due to the amount of laugher taking place. The tickled is laughing, and at some point is saying no or stop, and their no goes ignored. In sex (as an adult), I could find myself doing this enjoyable fun thing with someone while they are showing signs of enjoyment, but if they say no, I could go on to ignore that because ohhhh they don’t mean no, they can’t mean it because they’re having too much fun. I thought that connection about consent between tickling as a child and sex as an adult was powerful. There are many other cool gems in this episode to listen for, so I hope you’re able to get them and have some awesome SEX-ual health convos with the youth you’re closest to. In relation to the focus of this podcast, AFTER reaching out to Melissa, I found out she is HSV-2 positive!!! We still do the ‘Hi I’m Courtney and we’re speaking with ______ about their experience with _______’, but the important lesson here is that as someone living with HSV, I wouldn’t have known she had HSV had I not been open about my own. The fact that I was reaching out for the sole purpose of connecting our listeners to her work goes to show you just how common the herp-glerp is. Telling your kids about your diagnosis - Should I Disclose My HIV or HSV status to my children: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLEFZ9DrQE8 Melissa of Sex Positive Families can be found at www.sexpositivefamilies.com, on Instagram @SexPositive_Families, Facebook @sexpositivefamilies, Twitter @sex_positivefam, YouTube Channel: Sex-Positive Families You can find Sex-Positive Swag at www.redbubble.com/people/sexpositivefamilies   Please continue to rate and review the podcast as it does help with the rankings and get this podcast to those who need to find it. Many people have been connected to the resources available that they may not otherwise have come in contact with so soon. I’m on Instagram @CourtneyBrame I really do wish I could speak to more STI’s but finding people with HIV/AIDS who are willing to share is quite a challenge. If you’re ready to share, please reach out. Stay Positive!

61 year old Theresa, retired nurse/Salisbury, NC resident was diagnosed with HSV-1 and 2 after discovering her husband of 32 years' infidelity with men. That, on top of her diagnosis was the catalyst that led her to leaving that marriage where according to him, she 'had gotten what she deserved'. Theresa immediately recognized the mental hold the stigma behind herpes would have on her if she didn't do something about it quickly. She decided to be open about her status and put energy into doing things she enjoyed. She began dating within and outside the community, refusing to limit her options. In doing that, she met her now husband of 7 years. He was a muggle (someone without the condition of their potential suitor borrowed from the world of J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter). Theresa's main takeaways are to not let the stigma define you, go be happy, when you get tested or get a partner tested, be sure to be assertive in your request and ask for a full panel which includes herpes testing so that you know your status. You're not a virus, you HAVE a virus! Your person is out there and you shouldn't limit out half your options by dating only individuals who share your condition. BAM there's the title. No Limits! Theresa's story is one that confirms our experiences in the moment equip us for what is to come to us so that we're prepared for it. Whether good or bad, how we perceive the experience really affects how we live life. We shouldn't put limitations on our happiness. We cut off entire worlds of possibilities in doing that. Be vulnerable. It's ok. There's strength there. I can be found on Instagram @CourtneyBrame. I'm also Courtney Brame on Facebook.