The Concepts of Anger of Hope and Anger of Despair in Attachment Theory

Attachment theory includes the concepts of anger of hope and anger of despair. Anger of hope is expressed when one has unmet needs and seeks reconciliation and fulfillment. It is not meant to attack or destroy, but to express a desire for connection. On the other hand, anger of despair is characterized by a lack of hope in having needs met. It often leads to self-destruction and a desire to incite punishment or destruction. Many people mistakenly associate anger with combat and conflict, but anger of hope can actually deepen intimacy and strengthen relationships. Suppressing anger can harm both individuals and relationships, leading to withdrawal and a breakdown in connection. Addressing and expressing anger is an act of love and can improve intimacy. Furthermore, suppressing anger can raise other people's blood pressure and create a sense of discomfort and unsafety. It is important to recognize that bringing up what is bothering us is an act of love, as the alternative is withdrawing and breaking down the connection with others.